Disclaimer: I don't own the wonderful world of Harry Potter or anything in it.
Warning: Slash/ adult themes.
Need… need… need... It was always about needing, never wanting; wanting something was not deemed good enough to produce an action to pursue it, only need was.
So when Severus Snape realised he wanted Lucius Malfoy, it did not make him seek after him. Severus was not surprised at the feelings evoked by the beautiful man - impeccable self-control, the ever present mask, arrogance and handsomeness - who would not want him? Only when the want started growing into the need, did Severus start paying more attention. Needing Lucius would prove problematic. Severus had many things on his mind, he had to keep up with his duties working as a double agent, he could not afford to be distracted, lest he let his occlumency slip.
Yet from time to time he would find himself distracted. When Lucius was sitting across the table during Death Eater meetings, sometimes their eyes would meet, and even though emotions never leaked to the surface of his mind, he would feel the need stirring deep inside him, just for a moment. It only happened on a few occasions, and it was completely harmless, but Severus felt worried for what could happen in the future, if he was not careful.
For a while, just by an act of his will, he managed to stifle the need. On one evening, a few weeks before Yule, however, his reserve crumbled to pieces. Lucius, among a few others was sent to some remote village, hunting after some auror's parents, and came across a complication when half of the Order of the Phoenix turned up unexpected. Just as he was disapparating, Lucius got hit by a powerful course, aiming to inflame his internal organs, one by one. Severus, had not come across this particular curse before, but it was on him, as the Potions Master, that the burden fell of curing Lucius.
'Swallow this' Severus commanded Lucius, while the latter was sitting in quarters devoted to Severus inside the Manor, clearly in pain. Lucius did as he was told, and swallowed a gulp of the cooling potion that was offered. His brow relaxed and the permanent sneer on his face was back in no time. Severus was just noting the spell and the cure in his journal, when he heard Lucius gasp behind him, and turned around to witness the unexpected sight of Lucius taking his clothes off. 'Burn...hot..' he was saying, breaths coming out in shallow bursts, stripping until he was naked. Severus reacted quickly. Clearly, the cooling potion offered only temporary relief, he needed something to fix the damage, to stop the fire spell. Reacting impulsively, trusting his knowledge, he grabbed a handful of dried common garden mint from the shelf of ingredients, cast a quick 'Incendio' on it and dropped it in the cooling potion. He run up to the gasping shaking Lucius, who was already on the floor, no sound coming out of his throat, and made him drink the potion. As soon as he did, the shaking stopped, and his body temperature dropped as suddenly as it went up. Severus sagged with relief. Only then did he have chance to notice that Lucius was lying completely naked, on his floor, panting slightly. Lucius seemed to realise the same thing and stood up, staggered, accio'ed his clothes and hastily put them on, while Severus politely averted his eyes. Then, after thanking Severus, his voice still hoarse, he departed.
And Severus found himself alone, exhausted and aroused.
Over the next few days, he could not stop thinking about Lucius. He felt strangely aware of his location, when they were in the same room, his movements and body language.
What he feared happened. The want had grown into a full-on need. A need that could only be quenched by obtaining what he so needed.
After two days of suffering so, Severus was standing in front of the desk in his quarters. He was in the process of brewing some healing potions for the Dark Lord, and was just waiting for one of them to cool down. Yet again, he was taking his free time to think of Lucius. His mind kept coming back to the image of him naked, lying on Severus' floor. His lean, muscular body, smooth milky-white skin... Severus needed Lucius, he needed to touch him, to be inside of him. He needed to feel Lucius' arms around him, his body pressed up against his own… his imagination carried him away, his dream felt so real, that he could actually feel Lucius' body against his back and his arms on his waist, his hands exploring him further and further down...
A stifled moan escaped Severus' lips, and a voice in his ear said 'I know what you want.' Severus started. There was Lucius, just as he imagined him, pressed up against him. Severus quickly moved out of his reach. 'What are you doing here?' he said, his voice coming out a little higher than intended. 'I know what you want,' Lucius repeated, sneer fixed upon his face, his emotions hidden, though there may have been a trace of glee there.
'This is entirely inappropriate, Lucius, if you're here for a reason, then let me know what it is, otherwise, kindly depart,' Severus said, his composure back under control. Only his accelerated heartbeat gave away that anything was out of the ordinary. Lucius however, instead of speaking or departing, locked Severus' eyes and approached him. Severus stood his ground and did not let his eyes drop. He had done nothing wrong, he was not going to show weakness. It was not easy, however, to stand this close to Lucius and keep his gaze locked with his; Severus could hear Lucius' breathing, he could feel his body heat, they were uncomfortably close. Awkwardly, Severus realised he had an erection. Inwardly, he damned the physical nature of his body, and yet still, he looked into Lucius' eyes, his gaze unwavering.
Finally, after Severus had been wondering how long he could last without kissing the beautiful man in front of him, Lucius said the same words again 'I know what you want.' His voice was a soft whispery drool, with perfectly pronounced consonants. It sent shivers down Severus' back. Despite that, despite all of it, Severus answered levelly, 'I don't know what you mean.' Then things happened very fast; suddenly Lucius' hand was on Severus' crotch, making Severus give an involuntary moan, and his lips were by Severus' ear and Lucius whispered 'You want this. You want me. But you don't get me easily. Prove yourself worthy, half-blood. You won't get me unless you take me.'
Then, as suddenly, his hand departed from Severus' body, which seemed to scream with the loss, and Lucius was gone.
Severus clutched the side of the desk for support. Lucius wanted him, but he was not going to come to him, 'You won't get me unless you take me...' the words echoed in his ears. He longed for the hand, so painfully withdrawn from his body - there was another problem to take care of. Without thinking too much about it, with Lucius still occupying his mind and his potions forgotten, he took care of it.
After a little while, lying on his bed, exhausted, Severus was thinking of repercussions. It was too late for him to talk himself out of needing Lucius, but he was still trying. He could not do this. He had his duties to keep in mind. What would Dumbledore say if he knew? And his love for Lilly, he was disgracing her name with his actions. A voice in his head disagreed 'This is not love, it's lust.' And so it was. But Lucius was a dark wizard, he was devoted to the Dark; they were not alike, Severus' true allegiance was to the light. And Lucius had a family, though from what Severus gathered of tense shoulders, cold looks and chilly attitude, things were problematic.
Still, this complicated things. If Lucius went after him and they ended up having sex, Severus would not necessarily feel many qualms about such a one-off experience driven by desire. But now, Lucius made it plain that it would have to be Severus' decision. Severus was in control. And he wanted to be in control, he wanted to fuck Lucius, he wanted it so badly, he could not think clearly. Considering earlier events...he could not let go. Repercussions be damned.
Severus knocked on Lucius' door. He and Narcissa were sleeping on the opposite sides of the Manor and so Severus was certain he would find Lucius alone. His knock was answered with a cool 'Enter'. He did, and there stood Lucius. Beautiful, arrogant and perfect. Severus felt the need stir.
'Severus. I was hoping you would come.' Lucius said and undid his cloak. Severus' need took that as a sign to act and without being aware of it, he was striding across the room and tearing Lucius' clothes off his body, pushing him onto the bed and pinning him underneath him. He spelled the rest of their clothes off and let out a stifled moan at the sensation of skin on skin.
Lucius was lying underneath him, desire evident in his eyes and cock, some even visible on his face, his permanent sneer softened.
Without breaking eye contact Severus traced his hand across Lucius' chest, unhurriedly, down his body and to his cock. Lucius gasped and his breathing intensified. And then Severus could not wait anymore, he lifted Lucius' hips above his own, cast quick lubrication and protection charms and entered him hastily, roughly and persistently and Lucius was moaning and gasping in desire or pain and then Severus was inside him and he thrust his hips forward and the feeling was indescribable with words, and he was moving and thrusting, his eyes locked with Lucius', moaning and moving and thrusting and then Lucius was saying something in between the moans, he was saying 'You...want...me...' and Severus was answering in between his own moans, 'No,...I...need...you...' and in a moment all coherent thought was lost, taken over by sensations of the body and the need that was finally being satisfied...satisfied...satisfied.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading; if you have a minute, do let me know what you think!