A/N: AhhhGodwhy. I dunno, don't sue me if it's OOC. But yeah, this story is for and inspired by my friend ^-^ Anyways hope you enjoy it for what it is ^^'''
"I don't want to do this review anymore!" The Nostalgia Chick fumed, thick venom lacing her words. She got up from her chair, knocking it over in the process, and stormed to the door.
The Nostalgia Critic chased after her, nearly tripping over the fallen obstacle. "W-w-wait! You can't expect me to review this festering pile of shit by myself, can you?"
"Well, that's not my problem now, is it?" Her face was twisted into a sour grimace, cheeks beet red and hair disheveled.
She's so pretty when she's mad. He thought to himself. The more he stared at her, the more the Critic began to fall into a trance. It's not that he wanted it to happen, but it's not like he could help it either. The way her blue eyes filled with life and emotion, piercing into him dangerously. It was a look he experienced every other day, every other pointless argument. At first, she angered him with that glare. But he had gotten so used to it, to her, that he had started to fall for the brunette beauty. The pointless arguments soon transformed into fights that he instigated, just so that he could keep her around longer, and so he could witness her passion, while giving it right back. He felt alive, when he was by her side, arguing or not. In fact, God only knows what they had been fighting about to begin with. All of the sudden, it no longer mattered to the Nostalgia Critic, and all he wanted to do was grab her and hold her, among other things.
"Hello? Are you still listening?"
His eyes soon fell to her lips, how they were pursed in annoyance. They looked soft, and were tinted this bright shade of pink that he had the urge to smear. He let his eyes wander even further downwards, tracing her every curve, memorizing her. He tried so desperately not to stare at them, her two perfectly spherical, portrait-ready breasts, the skin of each generously peeking up through the low collar of her pale purple top. The Critic gulped back a lump in his throat, and pulled his already crooked tie.
"Would you quit it already?" The Chick shouted, breaking the bearded man out of his erotic muse.
"Quit what? What am I doing?"
The Nostalgia Chick's face went a few shades darker, burning more and more feverishly as the sexual tension clung to the air. "Y-you're staring at them! At my boobs! That's the only reason you chose me for this damn show and I know it, because of my chest size, and because it's clear that you're all just a bunch of slimy, greedy men!"
The Nostalgia Critic's eyes went wide, sweat trickling down his sweltering forehead. He tossed around different things to say, but they all came up as gibberish and childish and other words that he couldn't place. After incoherent stuttering, he finally managed to continue the conversation.
"I-is that what this is all about?"
The Nostalgia Chick's lip quivered. "No."
Finally, the Critic sighed heavily, clearly not buying it, and continued to speak.
"That's not the only reason we chose tits- I-I mean, YOU. There's so much you offer to our team, so much value a-and passion..." He trailed off, rubbing the back of his head.
One of her eyebrows cocked upwards. "Go on."
"Why?"
"Because you're a selfish asshole who for once in his miserable life, is dishing forth a heartfelt speech. I wanna hear more."
"Oh come on! This is probably just some attempt at guilt tripping to discreetly fish for compliments, isn't it? You women are ALL the same." The Critic hands shot up in a sudden burst of fury, but the Chick did not back down.
"What kind of value do I provide? I'm a fill in for you, a female counterpart. You needed me to be hot so people would watch, and lo, you got your wish. I'm fed up with being reminded that you only like me for my body. It's true, admit it."
The argument was at a stand still. The Critic knew she'd never believe him if he told her, but what would happen if he didn't? He'd surely live with the regret, like he had been doing for so long. It was time for a change, he just didn't know if he had the courage.
"Hm?" The Chick's eyes became glassy, like she didn't actually want him to confirm her suspicions. Like this entire time, she meant more to him than just a token female blow up doll. She stood in silence, dreading the worst.
"I don't just like you for your body, Nostalgia Chick. I like your passion for film, your motivation to show people the good, the bad and the ugly side of cinema. I like how you are supposed to be the other part of me, and honestly, your success gives me a bit of an ego trip because I relish in the fact that I'm the one who chose you."
The Chick scoffed at that comment, but the Critic continued with gusto.
"You always have something witty or funny to say, and you inspire many people. Including... Me. As tough as that is for me to say, you do. I don't know if Channel Awesome could continue the way is has if you weren't here. It wouldn't be the same. I... would not be the same. And I really... I just want to say that I love you- it. I love it."
He couldn't say anymore. It was almost done, yet so far from being done that it choked him up and let him quit too soon. He sighed deeply, looking down into the Chick's eyes once more, begging for her to just do the damn math already and figure it out for herself. He loved her- as corny as it sounded- and it just took him a lot of sleepless nights, sexual innuendos and chloroform for him to notice it.
She was rendered speechless, standing stock still, yet on legs so wobbly it was a miracle she didn't collapse. Biting her lip, she tried to mask the fluttering feeling in her chest. She responded, slowly taking it in. "I'm flattered."
"W-well enjoy it while it lasts because there's no way you will ever make me say all that mushy-gushy bullshit again."
She looked down then, studying the floorboards. They were symmetrical, joining with one another, creating a strong, beautiful link between them, an unbreakable bond. Sharply, she met his gaze again. "Fine." She started, suddenly feeling a stir of fervor in her system. "Oh, but one more thing. You never really finished what you were going to say. Now I'm curious." She crossed her arms for emphasis.
It was as if the Critic's mind had just been shattered, like a window meeting the impact of a baseball. He figured she'd accept his cruddy speech and move on- and of course she loved to ask questions- but why now of all times when she could have just dropped it? Immediately his face morphed into a look of embarrassment and anxiety. Why did he have to slip up at the end? He could have shut his yap, for his own sake, and now it was biting him in the ass.
"Well, Critic? I'm waiting."
Nervously, he laughed. "Ohhoho, its nothing, I assure you. I'm just uh, glad you're here to stay because without you, life on this channel is boring and whatnot. Like, what more do you want me to tell you?"
"Leave it to the Nostalgia Critic to completely ruin a moment." The Chick rolled her eyes. "You were going to say something, then you changed it. Tell me."
"No! You aren't entitled to that information!"
"Yes I am, if it's about me I deserve to know. Besides, I'm not stupid, and I'm pretty sure already know. So what else do you have to lose here?"
You.
"... True. But that doesn't change the fact that I've said all I need to say about this and we are done here." He turned to leave, but felt a strong force tackle him.
The Nostalgia Chick was feeling braver than ever, as she pinned the Critic to the wall in a sudden burst of movement. "Bullshit."
The Critic's heart banged inside of him at the close contact. Just how long could he drag this out for? He needed to tell her, he had to for the sake of furthering the plot and the shorter running time. It was all boiling down to this, he knew it.
Swiftly, he grabbed the Nostalgia Chick by the face, and pressed his lips against hers. He hated it when any dramatic moment came out of nowhere-especially songs and romance-, but it was the only way to finally settle things once and for all. If this plan failed and she still didn't get it, then the Critic would have no choice but to discredit all of the Chick's previously intelligent statements, and write her off as a dumb not-blonde. It would be the only way to make him feel better about the possible rejection he was about to face.
Fortunately, she seemed to understand, and even cooperate, moaning a little in surprise, but gradually easing into the kiss like it was meant to happen all along. Almost as if it was written that way. They deepened it, moving in sync with each other's bodies. She rested her hands around his broad shoulders, and he ran his fingers through her long, soft hair while their tongues gently wrestled.
Finally their lips made a smacking sound as they parted, both eyes partially closed and averting the others stare, the afterglow of the kiss settling into the atmosphere.
"Hopefully that-" The Critic stopped to wipe his mouth. "-Clears things up for you."
"I-I can't even look at you right now. It-its like I'm in preschool with my first crush." The Nostalgia Chick spat out awkwardly, her face flushing.
The Nostalgia Critic took off his hat and smoothed his hair down. "Is that necessarily a bad thing?"
"You're a cocky, self-centered, egotistical jackass-"
"As are you."
"-Erhm. And I hate to admit that I didn't want the kiss to end but... Yeah. Guess I'm just a hopeless romantic."
The faint smile on the Nostalgia Critic's face grew. Finally it was done, and she didn't smack him or yell at him, and all seemed to be falling into place.
"And I suppose, you're also sweet, and I... I really like that about you. Your um, split personality, if you will. In fact, I don't just like it, I love it- you..."
"Yeah well..." The Critic swallowed yet another planet sized lump in his throat in order to gather his words. He was finally going to say it after all the wasted years of holding back. "I love you too, Nostalgia Chick. Plain and simple."
"Thank God we've shared more than two lines of dialogue with each other before making this official."
The Critic nodded. "We've been through three full-length movies, specials and countless crossover reviews together. We even sat through Ferngully and survived, for Christ's sake. I'm pretty sure it's enough to warrant a romance"
She nodded back. "Lets agree to make it last even after the credits have rolled."
The Chick pulled him in for another kiss, linking their mouths once more, and the Critic responded by wrapping his arms around her slim waist, thus closing the gap between them. And by doing so, they created a perfect bond, reminiscent of the floorboards beneath their feet.
End.