"Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR."-Mark Twain

Fork: "I love that quote. Sums up the whole thing in a nutshell."

Neko: "Rather disturbing, though..."

Fork: "Eh, true... We should get on with the story! People never read these things anyway..."

Neko: "...I do."

Fork: "Key word: PEOPLE."

NOTE: Sarah will be posting this story in paragraph format on her account, LiebeWolf.KuraNeko, for anyone who is interested

Character Issues Prologue Part One

The Author: "Alright guys… It's come to my attention that you have been having some issues lately… anything you think we should talk about?

J.T. Money: "Alright, dawg, straight up, you've been slackin' on the writing lately. You've gotta put me in more scripts, man!"

Emo Kid: "No, dude, forget that idea. You need to write something for me, where I explore the darkness… and the sadness… of life."

J.T. Money: (loudly) "Man, nobody wanna see that!" (stares disbelievingly) "What's wrong wit cho?!" (to The Author) "Man, put me in a new story! Ooh, betta yet, make me a rap! Make me a new rap, dawg!"

The Author: "Yeah… It's been really busy lately… I haven't had much time."

High-Stress Dad: "LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, KID: YOU'D BETTER FIND TIME, OKAY?! BECAUSE I NEED A WIFE, OR A SKETCH WITH MY JOB, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, OKAY?!"

Orlando: (femininely) "No, you know, what you need to do, is put me in a story or something. Because so far, Aurochs was really funny!" (giggles) "Or, no, do like a… Orlando gets revenge on Siggy thing! That'd be awesome." (cat-like 'purring' noise)

Sorrel: (calmly, to The Author) "Well, you know… uh… it's been over a year since you put me in anything… so, uh… hopefully you can put me in a story, and we can have a good time and go from there."

Orlando: "Oh, oh, I got it! Great idea! 'Orlando vs Chris Crocker'!"

J.T. Money: (disbelievingly) "What the hell is that?!"

Orlando: "I don't know… I just really like the sound of it."

The Author: "Eh, I might consider that idea."

J.T. Money: (to The Author) "Man, you are so selfish! It's always abou cho!"

The Author: "I'm selfish? What about you? You have songs written about you!"

Orlando: (interrupting) "J.T., I really like your raps."

J.T. Money: "Man, yea! At least someone's on my side!"

Orlando: "I like 'em a lot."

(They stare at each other. Orlando is doing his best to look sexy, and J.T. Money just looks a little repulsed and scared.)

Orlando: (after a long moment) "Maybe I could be, like, a singer… on your next hardcore rap."

J.T. Money: (stares, looking horrified for a long minute, then:) "Absolutely not!"

Hobo Jo: (suddenly, to The Author) "HELLO! We seem to be forgetting about me! I'm your protagonist! And you haven't written anything actually starring me in months! Oh, sure, everything begins with my name in the title, but we know who it's really about… Damn older brothers…"

(The Author starts to respond, but Emo Kid interrupts)

Emo Kid: "I really want you to write something with me at a My Chemical Romance concert… make me in the crowd with the mosh pits… and I'll show everybody what it's like to really be a mosher!"

Sorrel: "Hey, Fork, why is uh… poser over here always so sad?"

The Author: "…I actually don't know." (to Emo Kid) "Dude, why are you always so sad?"

Emo Kid: "I've got the artist lifestyle down… like, I wear artsy clothes, and I hang out at artsy places… I'm just having a lot of trouble with the art."

High-Stress Dad: (to The Author) "THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE ME, HUH?! (gestures to Emo Kid and J.T. Money) "YOU COULDN'T JUST GIVE ME NORMAL SONS, HUH? YOU HAD TO GIVE ME TWO SOCIAL RETARDS!"

(J.T. Money and Emo Kid immediately begin defending themselves – this causes the rest of the group to begin talking over each other as well.)

The Author: (loudly interrupting) "HEY! If I don't want to write anymore, I won't, okay?! Not for you, not for you, not for you!" (she points to each member of the group in turn) "Okay?! I write what I want to!"

High-Stress Dad: "WELL, IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO BE A PUNK ABOUT IT, THEN FORGET IT!" (He stands up and storms off)

(Mumbling, the rest of the crowd follow suit)

The Author: "Wait! Guys! I didn't mean it! WAIT! Come back! I was kidding! J.T. Money!! Dude, please, come back!!"

(Soon, only Orlando is left. They stare at each other)

Orlando: (suddenly) "I don't like you." (runs off in tears)

(The Author sighs and slumps down in her chair. Scene fades to black.)