A/N: A little slash and hinted Mpreg
Apples
Sage Took
They had just passed Bree and entered the woods that would lead out to the border, when suddenly a Ranger falls from the sky, landing with a loud and painful sounding thud in front of Dwalin's pony. Dwalin blinks down at the man who groans as he rolls onto his back and lays there, limbs sprawled.
"That" the Ranger coughed, "was completely uncalled for!"
From out of nowhere, an apple comes sailing and hitting the Ranger in the face.
"Ow" the Ranger mumbled, blinking when the apple that had not only now bruised him but had made itself home on his face was removed by a very happy pony.
The man blinks at the munching pony, then blinks again at the bewildered Dwarf saddled on top of said pony.
"Afternoon" the Ranger says.
Dwalin just stares, he and the rest of the Company then watches as the man stands and bushes away the dirt from his clothing.
"Cousin Arod?"
Thorin and the Company turn their eyes to the Hobbit who was looking at the Ranger.
Cousin!?
"Cousin Bilbo!" the Ranger smiles and goes over to the Hobbit.
The Hobbit smiles when he is lifted and pulled into a hug, he returns it.
"What are you doing here?" Arod asks when he releases his cousin; he glances at the still surprised Company then back at the Hobbit, "and with Dwarves….and Gandalf"
"Traveling" Bilbo answers with a shrug.
Bilbo had a feeling that the Dwarves, mostly Thorin, had wanted they're mission to be secret. Judging from the way the Dwarves' body had deflated he was right in his guessing. Arod stared at his cousin then looked back at the Dwarves, he raises a brow then turns his attention back to the Hobbit, the look in his eyes told him he wasn't convinced, ignoring it Bilbo decided to ask his cousin why he was falling out of the sky and why apples were attacking him.
"You're cousin, Sage" Arod sighs, "we had an….. disagreement, which was not my fault by the way"
An apple falls on top of his head.
"Sage, is Bilbo's cousin, a Hobbit and Arod's husband" Gandalf explained after Kili asked if Sage was also a Ranger.
"Sage seems to disagree with that" Bilbo comments, as Arod rubbed his sore head and scowls up at the tree lines.
"Well Sage is in a fragile condition at the moment" the Ranger mumbled.
Another apple hits him in the back of the head.
Bilbo gives a knowing grin and snickers, while Gandalf chuckles.
"So I'm assuming, attacking apples aside; that Sage's condition is going well?" the wizard asks.
"Yes, everything is normal, unfortunately, including the mood swings"
The next apple hits Arod right on the side of the face.
Whoever this Sage was, the Dwarves thought, had very good aim, and the Ranger it seems has a very hard head.
"Hobbit!" Arod snaps, finally having enough and swirling around, eyes searching for the attacker, "enough is enough! Now stop acting like a sulking child and come out!"
There is silence, and then a dozen or so apples rain down on the man.
The ponies were very happy.
Bilbo looks away from the happily eating ponies to his cousin, who stands there frozen, expect for a worrying twitch of the eye, he decides it was probably best for all of Middle Earth if he tried to smooth tempers.
"Sage" Bilbo calls out, "it's me Bilbo, please stop trying to kill your husband"
When he is met with silence the Hobbit continued speaking, figuring that silence was a good thing, that, and apples weren't raining down on him.
"I'm sure Arod is very sorry for whatever it is he did, though I doubt he did it on purpose" Bilbo continues, "after all he loves you, and only want to care for you, especially during your special time"
There is more silence, then nothing, inwardly sighing Arod turns to his cousin to thank him for trying when a voice finally speaks, startling the Company.
"I'm sorry" says the voice.
The Dwarves look around but don't see the owner of said voice.
Arod smiles.
Sage does not emerge from wherever it is he's hiding, but Arod reassures Bilbo that they will be fine, and after wishing them a safe journey (and giving his cousin an handkerchief), disappeared into the woods. Continuing on, with his Company talking behind him about what they had just seen and asking Bilbo questions, Thorin decided that Hobbits were an odd bunch.
Later on in the journey, after resting at the House of Took, the Company will come to realize that was they're warning from the Havens.
Next part: The Aftermath of the BOFA, Thorin and his nephews are alive and the in-laws are coming.
"Wait, does the mean we are married!?"
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