Disclaimer: I swear I own the story, the whole story, and nothing but the story. This means I do not own anything but the randomness.

Harry and Ron were going to the Quidditch pitch to practice. When they were almost there, something caught Ron's eye.

"Harry, is that Hermione?" Ron asked.

"Which one?"

"The one in the Hawaiian print wearing a pirate hat."

"Yes, I think it is. Maybe we should go make sure she's ok," Harry was concerned about his friend. How could he not be, she was acting like a low brass player or something.

"Hermione, have you gone mental or something?" Ron asked once they reached her.

"Shhhhhhh.... They can hear you," Hermione whispered, "We're not safe here, meet me in the common room."

Once they were in the common room, Harry and Ron found out what had Hermione acting so strangely. It was... they were... MAN-EATING UNICORNS.

"Man-eating unicorns? Hermione, have you lost it?" Ron asked.

"No I haven't. It's horrible isn't it?"

All of a sudden, Ginny appeared out of nowhere.

"Harry," she said, "Will you be my king?"

"Why?"

"I can't be a queen without a king." So Harry and Ginny got married by Dumbo and became the king and queen of England.

Now back to the unicorns...

The four students were trying to figure out how to get rid of the man-eating unicorns.

"Maybe if we sing 'It's A Small World' really loudly," Hermione suggested. They tried that, but instead of driving the unicorns away, it attracted them.

"Maybe she can help," Ron said.

"Who?"

Ron pointed to an American girl who was running around shoving flutes up people's noses.

"Who are you?" Harry asked her.

"I am the evil lady of darkness," she said in a Spanish accent, "You killed my father. Prepare to die!!!!!"

"I didn't kill your father. It was those man eating unicorns," Harry told her.

"Bloody unicorns," the evil lady of darkness said in a now British accent. "I'll kill them."

So the evil lady of darkness turned them into bananas and ate the man-eating unicorns.

The school was so happy; they all started doing the Macarena.

WARNING: Reading this story might kill brain cells or cause permanent insanity. Do not have a conversation with any talking pumpkins.