Lily stood in front of the mirror, staring at herself, the beautiful white gown flowing down around her. The only thing that was missing was her perfect, handsome groom. He was everything she could have wanted in a man and by tomorrow afternoon he would be hers and she would be his. The excitement and happiness she felt was overwhelming and she was sure she would float away before the actual wedding. She twirled her hips watching the beautiful dress spin out around her and she couldn't help the excited giggle from leaving her mouth.
"Mrs. Lily Potter," she said softly. It sounded beautiful to her ears and another smile graced her bright, happy features. "Mrs. Lily James Potter,"
"Sounds better than Mrs. Lily Snape," the deep, familiar voice started her so badly she nearly fell over when she twisted around. She accidently stepped on her dress and had to use the large oversized mirror behind her to catch her balance. "Doesn't it?"
Severus looked like he had when they left school only a little thicker, his hair slightly shorter and in all black robes. His face was set in an ugly frown that almost looked like a snarl. His eyes raked over her body, eyeing the white gown with pained disgust before he looked back at her face.
"What are you doing here?" her voice came out slightly hushed and she found herself pressing against the mirror. His presence was commanding and frightening. He was slightly wet and in the back of her mind Lilly thought that it must have been raining out. His damp hair fell into his face and his shoulders hunched slightly. He gave off the feel of a predator, something poised for an attack and Lily looked for her wand.
"It's here," he said and pointed a long, boney finger toward her desk. Her eyes spotted the wand and she felt like it was a million miles away. She'd never get passed Severus in order to get it and he knew it.
"What are you doing here, Severus?" she asked again and pressed herself even closer to the mirror. He had no wand in his hands but she knew the speed in which he would take it out and even if he didn't he towered over her. There was nothing she would be able to do if he decided to attack her. She watched him as he looked around the room. He looked almost lost, unsure of himself, and with the disgust gone from his face he looked sad. That alone would not have frightened her so, but the slight tremble of his shoulders and the way his eyes darted around frantically made her believe he was slightly unstable at the moment. She knew what he was capable of on a good day, this was dangerous. He suddenly looked up at her and she jumped taking in a sharp breath and hit the mirror behind her, making it shake.
"Don't be scared, Lily," he said softly. She saw the boy she was friends with breaking through the surface and she bit her bottom lip. He sounded sad, hurt even. "I would never hurt you."
"Then why are you here?" it came harsher than she intended and when he took a step toward her she thought he aimed to attack her. She braced herself but he stopped after only a step.
"You're really going to marry him?" he asked softly and she nodded.
"Yes, Severus, I am," she said gently and he nearly crumpled in defeat. He looked away from her and around the room. He was clearly trying to hold himself together and Lily thought staying quiet would be best. She waited for him to collect himself and when he seemed to he looked back at her.
"Why?" his voice sounded broken.
"Because I love him," she said and he struck out, landing his fist against her wall so violently that she yelped and jumped to the side. She stood now, her back to the bed, only a few feet away. He pulled his wand out and she expected him to turn on her but he quickly sealed the broken skin and dried away the blood. He placed the wand back into his robes and looked back at her. His chest was heaving hard and he looked at her, his face struggling to convey his burning anger or his unyielding love. He looked like his face was about to crack and a drop of perspiration dripped from his temple. He was in front of her in a flash gripping her arms. His hands held her tightly, with enough force to be uncomfortable, but not enough to be painful.
"But I love you Lily," he said and shook her gently. "I never meant to say it, you know I didn't. Why didn't you listen to me?"
"You're a Death Eater Severus," she said regaining some of her confidence with the anger that returned to her with the memory. "You kill people like me."
"I would never hurt you," he said and gazed at her face with loving desperation written across it. "I was embarrassed. I was angry. It was the first thing that popped into my head-"
"But you had to have thought it in order to say it," she said and tried to pull out of his grip but he held her tight. The soft desperation on his face did not match the stiff aggressiveness of his body and she once again realized what a dangerous unstable position she was in.
"No, no, no," he said and shook her again. "Lily I think you are amazing. You're the most amazing person I know. I'd do anything for you."
"Then leave. I want you to leave," she told him forcefully but he didn't move. His fingers shifted on her arms and he looked down at her wedding dress.
"Why him," he asked, agony in his voice. "Why him?" She said nothing. One of his hands reached up and gently ran his fingertips over her cheek bone.
"Severus," she whispered but was cut off when his mouth clamped over hers. She was going to push him away, having half the mind to slap him across the face no matter the consequences. Instead, when she felt the urgency of the kiss she stayed still. James had never kissed her with this much desire, passion, or desperation. She felt like she was the only thing left on the planet, like she was water to a man dying in the desert. His right hand gently held her face while his left went to her waist and pulled her closer. He felt the silky wedding dress under his fingers and they twisted into a fist. She felt his body tremble and she wrapped her arms around him. She wanted to calm him, let him no everything would be ok, but she didn't know how. How could she make him happy when all he wanted was her, her love? Something she could never give him. No matter how much she wanted to.
She often wondered what would have happened if he had never called her that awful word. What would have happened if they never stopped speaking? She imagined they would still be friends. She imagined she never would have met James and she would have found a wonderful and loving person in Severus, behind his dark, cynical exterior.
Maybe it would be him she was going to marry in the morning.
But that wasn't how things were meant to be. She was marrying James and here she was kissing Severus in her bedroom, in her wedding dress, on the eve of her wedding. She knew she should be pushing him away but with each passing moment her resolve slowly slipped away. Maybe it was his desperate need that was missing with James. The passion he had for her was consuming and she felt it as he moved his lips over her. She felt his tongue prodding at her mouth and she parted her lips for him. His tongue delved into her mouth and he pulled her closer to him.
"I love you, lily," he whispered against her lips. "Don't marry him."
She said nothing but cupped his face in her hands and brought him back to her. She pressed her lips to his gently, slowly. He returned the kiss hesitantly this time but his grip on her hips remained firm. She felt him lifted her gown up but said nothing. She only held him closer and let him take control of the kiss once again. He back her back until the back of her legs, now void of the dress, were pressed against her bed. Her dress was nearly up to her mid thighs and he trailed his fingers over her thighs gently. She knew what he wanted and she panicked.
"Not that Severus, I'm saving myself for James," she told him and he nearly snarled against her mouth. His hands gripped her thighs and he kissed her hard. Her body shook when his fingers slipped under her panties and she felt her skin grow hot. She wanted to push him away but could only pull him closer. His energy, his heat, his need, it was overwhelming. She melded against him, her protests slipping to the back of her mind and growing weaker and weaker.
"I want you Lily," he said and stroked her cheek reverently. "I want you so fucking bad." He spoke through clenched teeth and she felt the need in his voice shoot through her body, settling in a pool of heat below her stomach. One of his long fingers slid over her now damp slit hidden beneath her panties and she felt a moan leave her throat. For the first time that night she was thankful her parents and sister were gone for the night. Her head was arched up toward him and his lips in his possession. James never made her feel like this, even during their most intense intimate moments. He didn't have the passion Severus had.
When the slick finger pushed inside of her she gasped against his mouth and as the finger moved in and out of her she felt the pressure in her lower abdomen grow and her skin grow hotter. "Oh, Severus," she panted against his ear when his lips left hers and moved to her neck. He kissed her, bit her and licked her. He needed to taste her, feel her skin against him. She was reduced to jelly in his arms and he ran his fingers through her hair. The beautiful red hair he had always admired. When a second finger was added she gripped his shoulders for support.
"I'm going to make this pussy mine," he said lowered her down on the bed. She moaned when his fingers left her and she looked up at him. He stood over her a few moments, staring down at her. Again she felt herself touched at the look in his eyes. James at looked at her with love before but never this kind of love, like she was the end all and be all. It sent a shiver through her. He reached down and gripped the beautiful white fabric in his hands and pulled it up to her waist. He wanted to see what lay under the undeniably beautiful white she wore but he couldn't wait. She looked like an angle, sprawled out just for him.
He knelt in front of her on the bed and tilted her hips up. He discarded the white panties she wore and took her in with his gaze. "You're so beautiful," he whispered and looked up to catch her eye. "So beautiful."
She smiled at him, still nearly out of breath, and reached her arms toward him. He leaned over her and pressed his mouth to hers and his eyes fluttered closed when he felt her arms wrap around his neck. He unbuttoned his trousers and released his now throbbing erection. He placed it against her, his body shaking when he touched the warm, wet skin. He kissed her, long, deep and hard, as he slid into her. They moaned against each other as he buried himself inside of her, his black clad hips and chest pressing against her. He waited once he was inside of her all the way. They were both trembling, for similar and different reasons.
Lily felt her body stretch apart as he entered her and she held onto him tightly. There was silence in the room all that was heard was their heavy breathing. Lily felt a longing in her chest for the man above her and she held him tightly to her, squeezing his body as if he would float away and she would never see him again. She wanted him so badly in that moment and the explosion of affection in her chest brought tears to her eyes. He had been her best friend. They had shared everything together and a beautiful love had been thrown away. And because of what?
His inability to control his temper and her inability to forgive. And she had gone and fallen in love with his tormentor, the man that had in truth torn them apart. She felt an overwhelming sadness overwhelm her and she kissed the side of his face frantically. When he turned to her their lips clashed together in a needy kiss, this time, both of their needs clashing together.
Severus was trembling in disbelief. The fact that he was finally inside of Lily, joined in the most intimate way with the woman he loved. Beautiful, sweet Lily. His love for her came bubbling for the surface and when she kissed him he thought he had died and gone to heaven. He stayed still, wanting to savor the moment.
Slowly, he began to move his hips. He rocked against her, their lips never leaving each other. Everything they had felt since their last conversation was being thrown into their lovemaking and they held onto each other tightly. It was as if they both knew this would be the last time they would see each other and that if they held each other tightly enough, time would stop and they could stay like this forever.
But time didn't stop, only slowed a little. Severus and Lily reached their peak simultaneously in such a shaking and hard orgasm that for a long time they were silent. Severus rested his head on her pillow, burying his nose in her neck and hair. He breathed in deeply, trying to make the moment last forever.
But eventually it ended.
He pulled away from her and sat on the bed next to her. Before she sat up, he gently pulled her dress down to cover her thighs and knees. She helped him, but lifted her bottom up as he pulled the fabric down. He patted the soft white dress so it covered her. Both had tear-stained cheeks but lily had tears still dripping from her eyes.
"Lily?" he asked softly and their hands met at their sides and their fingers threaded together. "Are you getting married in the morning?"
Lily paused. What would life be like with Severus? Would she be happier with him than she would be with James? But how could she turn on James now? How could she leave him the day before their wedding and for a Death Eater at that? She knew Severus would never hurt her, but Severus wouldn't be welcome with the order, not after she left James for him. Not after what he had done for Voldemort. She was wanted by the Death Eaters, she would be killed on site. Her only chance of living would be staying with the Order and fighting. Her family and friends were keeping her from the option of running away with him, which she was sure he would do if she asked it of him. He would do anything if she asked it of him.
"Yes," she said, barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry, Severus." She squeezed his hand and he nodded slowly.
"I love you, Lily," he said and let go of his hand. She watched him walk towards the door and her chest felt hollow. She felt tears spilling out of her eyes and she stood tempted to run to him and stop him. If he left now then any chance of them was gone, forever.
"Severus!" she cried when he had the door open and he froze. He didn't turn to look at her and kept any ounce of hope from his body. He only waited. She wanted to tell him to stay, to crawl into bed with her and hold her. James flashed in her brain and all their friends, everything that was expected of her. "I love you, too," she whispered and he looked back at her. She saw the strain on his face and the tears at the corner of his eyes. "But I have to marry James."
He looked at her a long moment before nodded.
"I know," he said and walked out the door, shutting it gently behind him. She stared at the door for a long time, hoping beyond hope he would burst back inside and tell her to come away with him but he never came. After nearly ten minutes of waiting she sat down on the bed and looked at her dress. It was wrinkled and the side was slightly town.
Perhaps Petunia would help her mend it in the morning.
Severus waited on the other side of the door, unable to walk away. He was hoping beyond hope she would come running out after him and tell him she would go away with him but she never came. He stood there waiting, listening for footprints but heard none. The tears finally left his eyes and he walked down the stairs and out of the house. He looked down at his hand which was still slightly bruised and he was sure a bone was broken.
Perhaps Malfoy would help him men it in the morning.
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A/N: I hope you guys liked it. I hope I got the emotion across that I was aiming for.
Please review!