A/N

Honestly, I should have published this a week after the Bon Bon episode was released, as that's when I finished this. But I'm lazy, so yeah.

Janna may seem OOC, because I wasn't sure how I should portray her in this situation.

Warnings: Self-harm, depression, and sort of PTSD. In the beginning, there are lines taken directly from the show. You'll know them when you see them.

This has hinted Starco in it, so beware.

"I figured it would be okay if I took it, seeing how you're probably not going to need it where you're going." Ludo took time to cackle evilly, throwing his head back with malicious glee. His dirty hands caressed the worn spell book, imagining the power he would soon have at his fingertips with not just his wand, but this pretty little book, too.

"As the humans say, destroying you will be easy as pie," Ludo declared, grinning so cruelly that Star felt the knots in her stomach grow tighter, and she wondered when this monster became such a threat to her. He had never been so strong before, back when he had hundreds of monsters working for him. And now, with just a wand, he somehow had gained not just a giant spider, a bald eagle, and dozens of rats, but the upper hand, as well.

Ludo's wand began to glow a nasty green, the type of green you imagine when you picture vats of toxic waste. That macabre feeling in her stomach grew tenfold as she glanced behind her. The black hole behind her seemed dreadful and scary. It was an unknown.

Looking back was what gave her an idea.

She looked back at Ludo, who was luckily still charging the blast he was about to throw at her, and she said as she smirked, "I think you mean piece of cake!" She then threw the cake that Janna had made to honor Bon Bon the Birthday Clown and to welcome him back at Ludo.

The cake splattered against him and sent him stumbling back. He angrily wiped the ruined cake from his face, crying out in fury, "You will pay for that!"

He no doubt would have carried out his that if the trick candles hadn't lit back up, coming back just like Bon Bon did. (She briefly felt bad about sucking him into the black hole.) Ludo instantly panicked, demanding his eagle to put out the fire.

Star reached her right hand forward, trying to regain a grasp on the ground to further keep herself in place, but the ground broke away at her attempt as soon as she dug her fingernails into the moist dirt.

She growled in frustration, ignoring everything around her, even Ludo beginning to take his leave. She tried to get a grip again, but the ground broke away once more.

The black hole suddenly increased its power, and her hand slipped.

"No!" she cried softly, her eyes watering. She grabbed hold of a tree root, her foot now just barely touching the inside of the black hole. Alarm sat on every nerve in her body, and suddenly, the tree root broke.

"No!" she said again, but this time it was a shriek. A loud, scared, and desperate shriek. Everything in her body was telling her that this couldn't be real, this must be a nightmare: bad things like this didn't happen. Boys you like are supposed to like you back. The good guys are supposed to always win. Good people didn't get sucked into a dark, scary black hole where nothing can leave, nothing can escape.

But then, all she saw was blackness.

"No, no, no," she murmured, dread crawling through her and twisting every organ in her body in ways that should not be possible. "No, no, no! This isn't happening!"

She was floating, spinning in air. There was no sense of direction and no sense of comfort accompanying it. The blackness was everywhere and it hovered, surrounding her with its overbearing presence. She could practically feel its delight at having gained another victim to torture with its lacking atmosphere.

Horror pounded itself against her body, making sure that it was recognized and obeyed. Sobs leaked from her throat and she knew, oh, she knew, that no one could hear her.

Not here.

Not in this place of nothingness.

She looked around between her tears. Only the dark was apparent. She waved her hand in front of her face, and saw nothing.

More sobs broke through.

Who knew that there could be so much of nothing?

"Marco, Marco," Ludo tsk'd in a faux unhappy manner. "You're wasting your time." His voice was coated with sweetness, gloating his victory.

"You haven't won yet," Marco announced firmly, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to keep up with the flying Ludo. His fingers were just barely touching the spell book. If he could just reach...

"Oh, I don't know about that!" Ludo laughed, looking at something behind him. Marco didn't rise to (what he perceived as) the bait to look behind him and give up on his attempt to grab the spell book.

"Not gonna work, Ludo," Marco said between breaths, each step wearing him down bit by bit.

"Oh, if only, if only," Ludo smirked, and then, to his eagle, he said, "Eagle! Higher!" Then Ludo was flying higher, out of Marco's reach. Marco slowed down, anger coursing through his veins at the fact that he'd have to tell Star he failed to save her book, save Glossaryck.

"You might wanna look behind you!" Ludo called out just before opening up a portal with his dimensional scissors, cackling as he disappeared with his new minions within the swirling portal.

Letting out a huff of frustration, Marco suddenly heard a shriek of, "No!"

"Star!" he cried out in shock, turning around in a complete one-eighty. He couldn't believe his eyes.

Star was being pulled into the black hole she had made earlier, the thing that had been holding her in place breaking apart. Janna and Jackie had been racing to her, but were too late. Star's hand entered the black hole, and the black hole had shut just before they got there.

"Oh, no," Jackie breathed, Janna staring at the spot where the portal was with blank eyes.

Marco ran to them with renewed adrenaline, a name on his lips.

"Star, no!" he shouted, hysteria just edging its way into his voice. "Star, where did you go? Star! This isn't funny!"

Jackie had turned her head to look at Marco when she heard him, but Janna hadn't. She continued to gaze at the empty space where an enthusiastic blonde girl should be standing, perfectly fine and safe and happy.

"Star, oh no, Star!" He continued on, reaching them. "Star, c'mon. Please! This isn't funny, Star! Star!" He was screaming now, feeling for the portal, because it had to be here because Star had to be saved.

"Marco!" Jackie shouted, grabbing his hands and pulling him into a hug. "You have to calm down, Marco!"

"Oh, Dios," Marco murmured, and then it suddenly became a wail as the loss fully hit him. "¡Dios! Por favor, ¡devuélvala a mí! ¡Dios, por favor! ¡Devuélvala a mí! Estrella, ¿dónde estás? Dios, yo haré cualquier cosa. Sólo llevarla de regreso a mí."

God! Please, return her to me! God, please! Return her! Star, where are you? God, I'll do anything. Just bring her back to me!

He broke down after that last word. He fell forward, pain hitting his chest as he murmured over and over again, "Por favor, por favor." If Jackie had not been there embracing him, he would have fallen flat to the ground.

Jackie looked to Janna for help, but she saw that the tough girl had fallen to her knees as she continued to stare blankly at the emptiness.

Jackie looked back to her boyfriend and knew she was on her own on this one. She held him tighter and whispered to him, "It's okay, it's okay, we'll get her back, Marco. We'll get her back."

The night was dark and it was unforgivingly cold. It cared not about the lost girl and the broken friends she left behind.

"...por favor, por favor..."

"She's gone?"

Jackie had eventually called her Marco's parents to come and pick them all up, thinking that it would be better. That way, she could explain what happened if Marco was still out of it and Janna was still experiencing the Thousand Yard Stare.

That led to Mr. Diaz and her calling Star's parents with Star's magic mirror while Mrs. Diaz comforted Marco, tried to bring Janna back into focus, and called Janna's parents.

"She was pulled into a black hole in a battle with Ludo earlier tonight," Jackie said with a sad affirming nod.

Both adult Butterflies stared with vacant eyes at Jackie, causing her to shuffle her feet uncomfortably, before Queen Butterfly suddenly stood up and said, "Excuse me," her tone suggesting she was about to break down.

King Butterfly watched her go with sad blue orbs, and he continued to stare after her even as he asked the question, "Did she have her wand with her?"

Jackie shook her head, "No, sir. It had been kicked away from her in the battle." She lifted it up. "And her spell book was taken by Ludo, too."

"I see," King Butterfly said, his voice tight. "Did she have dimensional scissors with her?"

Jackie painstakingly brought up the scissors she had found forgotten on Star's nightstand. "She forgot them, I guess," she answered, feeling like both objects she held were made of lead, as well as her arm.

"Oh." King Butterfly shuffled on screen, his face understandably troubled and miserable. He still was looking off in the direction his wife went off in. "I'll... Mr. Diaz, I'll contact you later tomorrow. About... about there being any way we can bring my daughter back."

Mr. Diaz nodded solemnly, "Yes, King Butterfly. I'll make sure to answer. I'm... sorry."

King Butterfly suddenly looked back at them, his eyes reflecting nothing but grief.

"I am, too," he said, and moved to end the call.

Just before it ended, they could see King Butterfly become River, father, and see his face crumple to despaired anguish and bring his hands to his abruptly watery eyes.

If only she wasn't interested in things like seances or summonings or ghosts or ghouls or whatever.

If only she could take on a few rats.

If only she'd asked Star what was bothering her tonight and been a better friend and listened.

She was obviously upset about Marco and Jackie being together. But she could've at least asked! Then maybe Star wouldn't have been so distracted, and Star would be here, at her home, safe and getting ready for bed.

But no, she was lost, and it was all thanks to her, to Janna, for being the freak everyone always told her she was.

Everything was on automatic. Everything she did was programmed movement done to make to a easier on the people around her. She walked to the Diaz house with Janna and Marco to not cause any more trouble. She sat silently and patiently as Mrs. Diaz comforted Marco and called her parents. She nodded absently when Mrs. Diaz asked if she was alright. And after her mom came to pick her up and was filled in on the night's happenings, she walked dutifully to her mom's car.

She shut the passenger car door once she entered, and when her mom came in on the other side, she turned to her.

"Mommy?" she asked, suddenly feeling five-years-old. "Why am I such a screw-up?"

Her mom's visage melted to heartbreak at her daughter's question, and she wrapped her arms around her.

"Baby girl, you're anything but."

Janna stayed silent and didn't say anything, but she knows that her mother knew what she was thinking.

But I'm still a freak, like everyone says. I'm a screw-up in that way.

It was amazing, what one could get used to after some time.

Star felt like she's been floating for years, stuck in this unfeeling void of nothingness. The place was barren, full of emptiness and blackness and her, and that was it. There was no light, no life, and no hope.

It was scary.

The void was so silent that her ears were constantly ringing. The ringing grew so loud that it soon hurt, and so she shut her eyes and covered her ears, mumbling nursery rhymes under her breath in a futile attempt to comfort herself. Her knees were long ago pulled up to her chest, willed by the fear of something reaching from the void with clawed hands to yank her down further into the blackness.

She shivered, cold and lonely. She couldn't believe her own spell had been turned against her.

Marco must have told her parents what happened by now.

Marco! Janna! Jackie! Were they okay? Had they been hurt? Did they find her wand?

Did Marco even care? He didn't answer any of her fifty-seven phone calls. Not a one. A person doesn't ignore fifty-seven phone calls! Not to mention, the first time she called, it didn't go straight to voice mail. But the other fifty-six did.

That means that he purposely put his phone on airplane mode or did something to ignore her calls.

I guess Jackie is more important now.

The thought caused a bitter laugh to escape her raw throat. She'd been encouraging him to go after Jackie ever since she found out he liked her, and now that he finally did, Star discovered that she liked Marco. That was typical.

Tears silently fell from her closed eyes, and she dry heaved, having already lost her stomach contents.

Maybe she'd starve to death in this barren void.

It'd be better than forever being stuck here.

She scratched at her arms, wanting to feel something that wasn't fear. Maybe scratching would cause her to awaken from whatever forsaken nightmare this was.

She can't believe she'd used this against Ludo. No one deserves being sent here, to this desolate hell. Not even Ludo.

Another laugh left her.

Oh, life is cruel.

"We know of a way to bring back Star," Queen Butterfly announced, her voice calm and collected, but her face telling otherwise.

She looked so much older than she actually was. Bags hung from her eyes, dark and purple. There were new wrinkles on her forehead, and her cheeks were sunken. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was messy and out of place.

Her husband didn't look much better. His cheeks were red from being rubbed raw to wash away the constant tears. His eyes also held purple bags. His eyes matched his cheeks, and his lips looked like they'd been bitten in stress to the point of bleeding.

"You do?" Marco asked, his hoarse voice hopeful.

The King nodded. "Yes, there's a spell we can use to bring her back. You'll need to bring Star's wand here to Mewni using Star's dimensional scissors and my wife can do the rest."

Mr. Diaz asked, "What is it you'll have to do?"

"I must perform a summoning spell of sorts," the Queen answered, not looking the least bit surprised that Star had contraband dimensional scissors. "It's something that my great-great grandmother came up with when her child kept on disappearing on her. It only works with a mother summoning her child, providing that the child is still a minor."

Mr. Diaz nodded and Mrs. Diaz looked like she wished she had the capability of magic at her disposal so she could use the spell herself.

"I'll come right away," Marco said, picking up the scissors and opening a portal to the Mewnian Palace as he said so. He stepped through the rift, the wand in his hoody pocket, and his parents following behind him.

They appeared before the King and Queen in their emptied out throne room. The only people inside were the Diazes and the Butterfly parents.

It was business right away.

Marco handed the wand to Queen Butterfly, who walked over to the middle of the room. Everyone followed her and watched as she placed the wand in the center of a circle of candles. She muttered something under her breath and suddenly the candles were lit in blue fire.

"Stand around the circle, everyone," Queen Butterfly commanded, and everyone did just that.

Marco stood between his two parents, his mom of his left and his dad of his left. King Butterfly was by his mom and Queen Butterfly was by his dad.

Slowly, Queen Butterfly began to murmur an incantation under her breath, and the lights on the chandeliers above them went out, but the candles in the circle stayed lit.

Marco knew the spell sounded too dark for it to be a simple summoning spell made by a worried and stressed mother, but he didn't say anything.

He'd do anything to get Star back, after all.

A rumbling was heard, and a dark portal suddenly appeared above them, swirling and massive. It looked to be nine feet wide.

Wind blew everything that wasn't in a three feet diameter of the candles disarray. Marco would have been thrown into a wall if the air around him hadn't been suspiciously still, he's sure.

A screeching sound emitted from the portal, but he didn't make a move to cover his ears. Queen Butterfly's voice grew stronger as she repeated lines from the spell, and eventually, a body fell from the portal.

All was suddenly still.

The candles on the chandeliers lit back up while the ones in the circle went out in puffs of smoke. The rumbling and screeching sound stopped and all that was left was heavy breathing and racing hearts.

It took Marco only a second to realize that Star was back.

Queen and King Butterfly wasted no time in rushing forward to grasp their only child, crying tears of relief, even the composed Queen. His parents were the next to follow, happily calling out Star's name.

Marco stood back and watched. He saw her scratched up arms, her squinting eyes, her red, blotched cheeks, and her tangled hair. He felt sick to his stomach.

If only he had answered her calls.

He stumbled forward, not really feeling his legs anymore but doing it anyway. Her name was on his lips and he was on the ground, clutching her limp hand. He rubbed his thumb over it, just to be sure she was real, and he was so overjoyed to find that she was.

Jubilant tears began to fall from his brown eyes.

His happiness was cut short.

"I thought I was going to die!" Star cried out unexpectedly, a sob in her throat. Her voice was gritty and overused, clearly worn out from screaming.

Horror coated his entire being, and he wondered how awful it was in the black hole.

As Star bawled in an emotion he couldn't place, he knew he didn't want to know.

Her parents engulfed her in an embrace that was somewhere between grievous and merrily thankful. It was a bittersweet reunion, all three family members openly upset and openly grateful for Star.

Marco's own parents pulled him back a bit, his mom whispering quietly into his ears, "Let them have this moment, Marco."

He frowned, his instincts commanding him to march to Start and fully check her over. He wanted to hold her and make sure nothing - physically, at least - would permanently ail her. He just wanted his Star back: the Star who was unashamedly more than a little crazy, who was always so enthusiastic, who was ready to blast into a fight, and who stood up for what she believed in.

The one who helped him out of his admittedly uptight "safe kid" persona, and aided him into more of a "somewhat safe kid" persona. (Because oh, yes, he worried. He was cautious still. He stressed over things that would likely not happen - but thanks to Star, it was all toned down. He hasn't ever felt so carefree in his life.)

It's funny, he thinks, but not actually thinking his following thought to be so, how someone you've known for such a short amount of time can make you worry more and worry less at the same time.

His father rubbed his back in support, and Marco wished that he could erase the sounds of a lamenting family from his mind.

Star stayed with her parents for two weeks after coming back. Marco knew that something similar would happen: if this had happened to him, his parents would go berserk and keep him on lock-down for at least a month.

But Star was a princess, and her parents were King and Queen of Mewni. People like them weren't supposed to have normal emotions that everyone (or at least most everyone) had. Royalty was distant and apathetic. That was how it was on Mewni.

Marco hated the idea, and hated what the lack of Star was doing to his friends and himself.

Jackie was quiet, but still tried to make everyone feel better. She brought Janna and him cookies, forced them to the movies, and did similar things throughout the two weeks.

It changed nothing, however.

Ferguson and Alfonso walked on eggshells around him, recognizing his abruptly downtrodden attitude from when his mother had gotten news of possibly having breast cancer (which, luckily, she didn't). The two boys were cautious in their words, and constantly exchanged eye contact.

It drove Marco insane that they were acting so heedful of him - they were friends, and they shouldn't have to be afraid of distressing him. Besides, they were Star's friends, too, and it hurt him that they were so clearly hiding their own concern for Star in their eyes and their gait.

The two boys had darkened, downcast eyes, sparks of light replaced with glows of sadness. They walked with slumped shoulders and melancholic steps, not looking forward, but downwards. The two were commonly exuberant, so seeing them so doleful was, in it's own way, disconcerting.

StarFan13 was completely heartbroken. She didn't show up to school for two days when she first found out, and on the third day, when she did show, she was bawling. She constantly had a tissue in hand, and she was constantly having to wipe away tears and snot with it.

And Janna? Janna was silent. She was quiet. She didn't disobey Ms. Skullnick, she didn't break any rules from any teacher, actually, and she didn't get a single detention. She didn't respond verbally to anyone, not even to Marco. Guilt hung so clearly over her it was like an over-sized cloak. It swallowed her up and weighed down on her like stones to Giles Corey.

Her eyes were void of all feeling but the shame she felt, missing her usual smug and slightly out there personality. Bags gathered beneath those seeing orbs of her's, dark and burdening in nature.

She blamed herself for what happened to Star for whatever reason, and Marco could see that she hated herself for it.

He considered telling and reassuring her that it wasn't her fault, but his own self-condemnation kept him from doing so. He knew it was stupid to blame himself, and he knew he was a hypocrite for blaming himself while knowing that Janna shouldn't blame herself for things that were out of her control. That's why he didn't approach her. That, and he knew from his comparable feelings that she wouldn't believe him, anyway. She'd only believe them if the words came from Star, and even then, she might not.

It sickened him how so much had changed because of Ludo, and with a start, he realized that Glossaryck was probably in more trouble than any of them.

Star was back. She was quiet and anxious, mousy. She tried to make herself small, and every time someone came up to her for anything - even if it was just a simple hello - she only gave a tiny, half-hearted smile before shifting her eyes away and using her hair to curtain her eyes from view.

Janna stares at her in class, unable to look away from her. Her brown eyes were dull and cheerless, full of guilt and overbearing shame.

Star would stare back, sometimes. But unlike Janna, she gave away nothing in her blue eyes. They were empty and unfeeling. Apathetic.

Jackie tried to be a peacekeeper, tried to please everyone, but nothing worked. Every attempt ended in awkward silences or false chuckles. Eventually, she gave up, and they all sat silently when they were together.

It was a few days after Jackie gave up on trying to make everything better that Marco made his decision.

He cornered her after school at her locker, his eyes forlorn and sorrowful. Jackie's eyes mirrored his.

"I know," she whispered when he didn't say anything right away. Her right hand came up to her left arm to clutch her bag strap.

"I'm sorry," he said, not meeting her studious gaze, hugging himself. "I wanted it to work out. I wanted... I..."

"I know," she said again, and this time he looked at her.

"I have wanted to go out with you since... since kindergarten. Since forever. And that date we had was amazing"-his mind wanders to the blood moon, and he wonders if it was a warning of what was to happen-"it was great. But..."

But he didn't know what else to say, or what he was feeling anymore.

"But you love Star," Jackie breathed, her light green eyes studying his own.

He looked away again, pretending that the floor was very interesting to observe. He didn't know what kind of love he had for Star.

At first, it was a best friend love. Then, a sibling love. And now...

Jackie brought him back into the world by shutting her locker.

"Go home, Marco," she dismisses him, and she scurries away before he can go after her.

It wasn't meant to sound piqued, he knew. So he went home.

He entered Star's room after knocking.

The lights inside were off. Darkness dripped from the walls, and there was a strong chill in the room. A sense of lethargy wafted through the air, and Marco felt sick.

He slowly made his way to Star's bed, where the girl lay under thick blankets and staring at the ceiling.

He sat down at the edge of the bed, right next to her. Her blue, beaten eyes flickered to his, and then she swiftly glanced back to the ceiling.

He grasped her hand, and he ran his thumb over the back of it.

For now, it was enough.