Lost Scripture Of The Soul
It struck him as curious that you could create dead people but not living ones. It worried Ianto no end that he had become so used to fabricating the lives and deaths of so many people that he barely gave the task a second thought. How had his life come to this? When had he lost sight of his own morality? So it was his job, covering up, hiding, falsifying and being down right dishonest in every way possible. What would his father and mother say? Ianto tried not to think about it. He knew they would be ashamed of him. The son of a simple tailor and his devoted gospel-loving wife, their little boy, their little angel a work of the devil. Not that Ianto believed such things. God and the Devil had ceased to exist for him the day the Cybermen came. Evil had always come with a conscience before then. Ianto had lost sight of his beliefs in that moment of enlightenment when you suddenly realise that no self-respecting deity, good or bad, would create monsters without the capacity to think. Of course being able to not think was a strength in itself, a true evil. It relieved you from all of your vulnerabilities and Ianto sincerely wished on some days that he had lost the power to think from the day he joined the ranks of Torchwood One.
In those heady days of early success Ianto had been witness to some terrible acts of barbarity. He had mentally closed his eyes, pretended that he didn't care and fooled himself that all aliens were out to get you. Imprisonment, torture and death were the only solutions to such problems once you'd finished experimenting with them, that was. Fortunately he had never partaken in such things, his job did not require him to get his hands dirty.
His conscience was mud.
Too often he awoke in the night and felt sick at his own complacency. It was always easier to turn your back and put up with a few restless nights.
Time did not harden him. In fact as his career at Torchwood progressed he felt less at ease with himself. His friends and colleagues became a source of deeply hidden disgust and self-loathing. Part of him wanted to run down to the basement levels and free every alien being held there. Ianto however lacked the courage to do let alone say anything in protest.
His diary became his conscience. Each day he would curse the world and his own weakness and each night he would bury his soul in Lisa Hallet in an attempt to forget the crimes he was guilty of. Lisa Hallet, the only light. The only one of his friends who truly did not know what Torchwood was all about. Just a pretty receptionist who wanted to get married and have lots of Ianto babies and Ianto loved her for it. Lisa was perfect, unviolated by the harsh realities of protecting a planet from within a corrupt and dangerous organisation.
It worried Ianto still further that almost four years on he was still there, working for the institution that had robbed him of his good character and of his faith.
So things were a little different now. Torchwood One was gone, a pile of ashes, testament to the volatile people that ran it. He was now at Torchwood Three and finally in a position to do some good. Here he had a voice, a place that mattered and a chance to salve his conscience. Well, so the theory goes. What was he doing right now? Faking some one's death so that some poor sod would have 'road traffic accident' on his death certificate instead of 'bitten by a weevil'. Secrets, it was always about secrets. There was never an honest word spoken when one worked for Torchwood. He tried to convince himself that it was for the good of the people they served to protect, but Ianto was never sure of that.
The doubts always gnawed at him these days. It was better than the guilt, he supposed, but not by much. It left him realising that out there in the real world of people, families and relationships he had no place, no right being there. All his life from now on would be a lie. No one outside of Torchwood would ever be able to trust him and he wasn't even sure he'd be able to trust himself.
His coffee had gone cold and once again he realised that he had totally lost track of time. Spending most of his living hours in a damp underground base had that effect. No wonder he was so pale. Ianto sighed and rubbed at his face.
Was he happy? No. Was he sad? No. Regretful? Undoubtedly. He had chosen this life, this path in order to save Lisa; so when she had died why had he continued on with it? Ianto had no idea. Jack had obviously persuaded him to stay on initially at least, but now Ianto realised that it had become habit and rather disconcertingly something he was comfortable with. He wondered what kind of a sick person that made him to be comfortable in a world of deceptions. This was not the man he was raised to be.
The cold cup of coffee was still in his grasp and Ianto rose from his chair deciding to venture up into the main part of the Hub for a hot refill. His musings had left him chilled to the very core. He'd been spending far too much time alone lately, buried in the depths of the archives cataloguing and keeping out of the way.
Jack watched worriedly from the window of his office. He had watched Ianto via the CCTV through out the day. As always the young man had worked steadily through his tasks for the day without comment or complaint or a break. Jack knew something was wrong, had known for some time as he watched as Ianto quietly with drew himself from the world again. He was a master at it really because no one usually noticed. No one except Jack.
It had been very hard gaining the young man's trust firstly after Lisa had died and secondly after Jack had come back from his prolonged absence. Jack understood only too well because he was just as secretive as Ianto about his past, his feelings and about everything concerning himself really. Jack hid behind his bluster and his flirting. Ianto hid behind his amazing coffee, the suits and long hours of work. Sometimes they met somewhere in the middle and would exchange a few verbal innuendos. Occasionally they'd just fuck without any exchange of dialogue at all. Rarer still, they would talk and make love and share beautiful moments of the most powerful intimacy together. Jack savoured those precious moments wholly aware just how alive it made both of them feel. Those moments were too brief and getting fewer and further between. Jack did not understand why. He craved those times, had even told Ianto this, something he hadn't admitted to for decades. Love? Jack found himself wondering. Ianto had said nothing of the sort just that he wasn't worthy of being loved. Jack knew exactly where he was coming from and his heart broke for both their sakes.
It took him a moment to realise that Ianto was headed, tray in hand to make everyone a round of coffee. Picking up his mug Jack wandered out of his office and over to the kitchenette to talk to Ianto under the pretext of getting a caffeine charge up.
"Hey." He raised the mug and Ianto turned to smile at him. The smile was obviously forced and didn't even attempt to reach his pretty eyes. Ianto took the mug.
"I'll bring one up for you in a minute."
Jack stayed by the door, hands shoved into his pockets. "So, how's it going down in the basement?"
Ianto busied himself with loading the dishwasher. "Fine, we'll need to get in more containers for the smaller items though. I'll sort out an order tomorrow."
"Right. You have plans tonight?"
Ianto shook his head. "Nothing much, pick up the dry cleaning and go home."
"So would you like to go out, see a movie or something?"
Ianto froze momentarily then straightened himself up seeming to think about it.
"That would be nice." He finally replied offering Jack a look that bordered on relief.
"Ianto, are you OK?" Jack took a hesitant pace forwards and reached out to touch Ianto's arm.
Ianto chewed at his lip looking straight into Jacks eyes. The calm before the storm.
"No, not really."
Jacks fingers found their way around Ianto's.
"You wanna talk?"
Ianto shook his head. "When I've figured it all out, maybe."
Jack stepped a little closer. "Sometimes the talking is part of the figuring out Ianto. I know something is profoundly bothering you….."
"I'm Ok Jack, really I am." Ridiculous really because he'd just contradicted himself.
"You're a terrible liar too. What ever it is Ianto. If you can't talk to me, talk to Tosh, anyone. Just don't keep it in here." Jack's other hand was rested over Ianto's heart. "This is not a good place to keep all the bad stuff, we both know that."
Ianto held his gaze and nodded. "I don't know what to say……I've lost my way Jack and I don't know who I am any more."
"Do you trust me?"
Ianto nodded. "Without question."
Jack smiled at that. "Then believe me when I tell you that you are Ianto Jones, my friend and my lover, a friend to those three crazy people we both work with, defender of the Earth and guardian of our consciences."
"But I don't know who I am to myself anymore. I don't see the things that you see, can't look at the world with better eyes."
Ianto didn't resist as Jack pulled him into a bone-crunching embrace. "Ianto, you are a man of great conscience and compassion. I've never met anyone as strong as you. Everyday you have to deal with the shit of this place and maybe that's wrong. But please believe me, you are a good person, you care so much, don't lose sight of that, don't ever lose sight of that."
Ianto relaxed against Jack grateful for the warmth that emanated from him.
"Can I chose the movie tonight?"
Jack kissed the top of his head knowing full well it was an attempt to deflect further conversation about himself.
"Sure, but after we talk. I mean it Ianto. I need you to be OK."
Ianto nodded and tightened his hold.
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Owen cursed repeatedly at the rain as he ran round the back of the warehouse with gun in hand. Ianto was close at his heels remaining as silent as always. They had no idea what they were chasing. A massive rift spike had erupted out at Barry Docks spewing out a dozen or so somethings all in one hit. The whole area had had to be sealed off by the police and Jack had been forced to call in reinforcements from UNIT. It was all going horribly wrong. The Aliens were fast, illusive and emitting high levels of lethal radiation every time any one got too close to them. Two Unit Soldiers had already suffered crippling burns and one police officer had died. The only plus, ordinary bullets could bring them down and once dead the radiation levels dropped down to within safe tolerances for humans. Jack had never seen anything like them before. Tosh who had remained Hub side had found nothing on their extensive database that would help contain the situation. It was now down to good old-fashioned chasing and shooting.
Ianto sighed as he caught up to Owen who was peering around the corner of the building.
"Any thing?"
Owen leaned back to face Ianto, rainwater dripping down his face. "Nah, can't see a bloody thing. It's too damn dark for my liking."
Ianto touched his blue tooth. "Jack we've lost visual can you give us an update?"
"We've lost the signals. The EMP from the last radiation burst has killed our scanners."
Ianto grimaced at Owen. "They lost the scanners. Looks like we'll have to do it the old fashioned way."
Owen arched his eyebrows.
"Look with our eyes Owen and try not to get fried in the process."
"Bloody great."
"Where are you Jack?"
"Gwen and I are by the sub station behind the blue warehouse."
"Ok, what about the rest of the UNIT teams?"
"They've spread out around the perimeter. We're going to mop up they'll keep the area contained. I think we could be here most of the night."
"Do we have to kill them Jack?"
"Yes, it's the only way. We can't contain the radioactive outbursts otherwise; it's one hell of a defence mechanism. Sorry Ianto, our own safety has to take precedence."
"Yes, sir."
Owen briefly grasped the younger man's shoulder. "Ready?"
"Yep."
The two of them edged forward, weapons and flashlights raised. Owen facing forward as Ianto covered his back. They moved slowly out into the open way too exposed for either of them to feel comfortable. Rain slanted down heavily visible only through the beams of their torches and an overhead security light that was mounted up on the heights of the side of the building. There was a row of articulated lorries parked off to Ianto's left all shrouded in shadows so deep they were practically impenetrable. Ianto eyed them worriedly; they served as an excellent hiding place. Carefully they moved on, eyes roaming the lorry park, a row of skips ahead and the vague outline of a smaller building, probably the sub station where Jack and Gwen were currently searching. Owen couldn't be sure. He was worried, but excited at the same time. These kind of jobs always gave him a high, even without the ability to pump his own blood. He shot a quick glance over his shoulder at Ianto whose face was as unreadable as ever, blue eyes glinting in the faint light, his pale countenance having a slightly ghoulish quality about it in the shadows cast upon it.
"See anything?"
Ianto shook his head, his gun unwavering as he shifted his line of sight. "Nothing, but I know we're being watched."
"You two be careful."
Jack's concerned tones filtered through their headsets.
Owen tut tutted to himself. "Like we'd do otherwise." He muttered. They paused back-to-back scanning. Still nothing.
"Shit, where the hell are they? There's not exactly many places to hide."
Ianto couldn't agree more and he was getting seriously creeped out.
"Which way now?"
Owen gestured with the point of his gun. "Lets check out the lorries first."
"Right."
Ianto shivered as rain found it's way down the back of his neck. His hair was plastered against his head and his over coat was almost completely soaked through. He could feel the wetness pervading his bones and as if on cue the rain seemed to come down more vigorously than before. The torch beams were almost ineffectual at piercing the shadows as the rain hammered down around them.
Owen swore again.
It happened in a wild blur. A shapeless mass exploded out of the darkness with guttural growling. Ianto swung round and got off two shots as a ball of flaming light hurtled towards Owen and himself. He grabbed Owen firing his gun again as he threw the medic aside. The fire hit him glancing off his shoulder and throwing him bodily across the car park. He landed on the concrete with a sickening thud and cracking of his skull, his left shoulder smouldering. Ianto screamed hysterically at the pain. The thing vanished off into the blackness.
"Ianto!" Owen was on his feet straight away and running toward to his stricken colleague who was rolling around on the wet tarmac in agony.
Ianto cried again, he'd never experienced pain like it; every nerve felt like it was ablaze. He hardly registered Owen at his side or the fact that moments later Jack and Gwen were there too. Unconsciousness was a welcome relief.
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He was vaguely aware of being moved. Pain and disorientation gnawed at him and Ianto had to use great force of will not to cry again as he was lifted on to the autopsy table. He could hear Jack's concerned voice and Owen yelling something. The pain suddenly got a whole lot worse and wrenched him into a fully conscious world again.
"Oh God. Ah!" He was unable to hold back and struggled madly against Jack who was trying to hold him down.
"Sssshhhh, Ianto it's ok. It's ok calm down!"
"It's not fucking OK. I'm on fire Jack. Jesus fucking hell give me some morphine!"
Owen surprised at the bad language, quickly obliged and a moment later the drug kicked in and Ianto sagged against Jack.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome mate."
Ianto was still in a lot of pain but the edge had been taken out of it. He felt terrible.
"How bad is it? Are you Ok Owen, were you hurt?"
"I'm fine Ianto. You saved my arse." Came Owen's taught reply. "Now keep still I need to examine you."
Ianto nodded and watched as Owen and Jack lowered him down and began cutting away at his jacket and shirt with a pair of scissors. The exposed skin of his right shoulder had melted into the fabric and was a charred mess.
"Owen, how bad?"
"Give me a minute Ianto."
Jack was gently rubbing the back of his neck. "Ianto let Owen work. It'll be fine. How's the pain?"
Ianto closed his eyes. "Bad, the whole arm."
Owen stood back an unhappy look on his face. "I'll need to do this whilst you're under an anaesthetic. You're going to need plastic surgery to repair this, which means going to UNIT for treatment. I can't do it here Jack we're not set up to treat this kind of injury. I'll knock you out to clean this up Ianto. Jack you might want to make that call."
Owen looked from Jack to Ianto. Ianto looked like he was about to cry.
"Don't put me under Owen." It was a plea.
Owen frowned at him. "Ianto mate, I have to. The pain will just be too much. There's no way you'll be able to tolerate it."
Ianto froze looking up into Jack's eyes in abject terror. "Jack I do not want to go under."
Jack looked from Ianto to Owen then back to Ianto. "Ianto, Owen is right. I'll be right here. I promise you'll be OK. Let him do this."
Tears streamed down Ianto's face and he steadfastly shook his head too focussed on Jack to notice the needle that was slid into his leg by Owen until it was too late. Ianto gripped Jacks coat with a desperate look on his face as consciousness left him again.
"What the hell was all that about?" Owen demanded as he began to prep his patient for surgery.
Jack took a pace back. "He has a phobia about not being able to wake up. Something happened when he was a kid and since your own recent experiences he's been more edgy than normal. Trust me it's just as hard trying to get him to sleep sometimes."
"How do I not know this?"
Jack shrugged. "Ianto doesn't like to talk much."
"Yeah, we noticed. I'll need your help with this get yourself scrubbed up but make that call to UNIT first as we'll need to get him transferred over to their infirmary as soon as possible."
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Gwen glared at the coffee machine. She knew it had been a mistake to touch it but Jack had been in such a cranky mood she had thought, how hard can it be, a simple cup of coffee. Gwen gave up, throwing her arms up in defeat and decided that Starbuck's was the best option until Ianto came back into work. They were all missing the quiet Welshman, far more than they were willing to admit. It was the simple things like having to order their own food and tidy up after themselves and Gwen guiltily realised just how much Ianto actually looked after them all with out them noticing or thanking him for it. Jack had been down the entire time Ianto had been in UNIT's care. Of course she knew why, the two of them did share a relationship in the strangest sense of the word and Jack was missing him most keenly. Ianto was the only person that Jack really talked to these days. Gwen had once misled herself into thinking that it was she that Jack turned to and initially it had been, especially after the whole Lisa thing. Jack and Ianto danced around an uneasy intimacy ever since Jack had got back from his jaunt with the Doctor, which Jack never talked about. Gwen was certain that Ianto knew what had happened to Jack during that time, but Ianto remained as tight lipped and secretive as Jack. One thing you could always rely on Ianto to do was keep secrets.
Gwen wondered how the young man lived with himself sometimes with the job he had to do. Torchwood's clean up man; no doubt the dirtiest and most detestable job within the institution and Ianto did it so well, with great care and precision. He did it so well in fact that in the 18 months that Gwen had been with Torchwood there had never been issue with it, from falsifying records to dumping bodies and planting dodgy witnesses. It half occur to Gwen that Ianto had no conscience at all, but it seemed unlikely given how upset she had seen him get over Lisa. It took her a while to quash her own jealousy that Jack trusted him so deeply with such things. Then she had discovered it wasn't about trust at all, Jack just didn't want the rest of the team tainted by such appalling tasks. Jack had made it quite clear that he felt that Ianto was the only one in the team strong enough to cope with the stress of such tasks. Gwen was quietly glad that she didn't have to do Ianto's job and actually found herself admiring him for his ability to do it and do it so well.
It was weird really, the whole Torchwood thing, the way it infected your life. It was clear to her that Ianto had sacrificed his life for Torchwood, after all he had no one else to lose. It was massively impacting on her life with Rhys. Thankfully her loyal, loving, big Welshman actually understood what she had to do, accepted it and supported her. Ianto had called him her rare gift and told her in no uncertain terms not to let him go because she would never find love like it again. Gwen was finally starting to appreciate the advice especially when she saw just how lonely her teammates actually were.
Gwen grabbed her handbag and smiled at Toshiko.
"I'm going on a coffee run, would you like anything?"
Toshiko looked up from her work. "A latte would be nice, thanks."
Owen was there at her side having no doubt heard the question. "I'd love one too so I can sit watch you drink it." He grinned. "You'd better get one for Jack though he's going to be in a rotten mood by the time you get back."
"Why?"
"Ianto was supposed to be discharged today and they've decided to keep him for another few days, problems with the skin graft apparently. Martha tells me they'll be operating on him again this afternoon and Ianto is not a happy bunny." Owen explained. "And now I am going to break the news to Jack, wish me luck."
Gwen watched him head off in the direction of Jack's office not envying him in the least.
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Ianto gazed absently out of the window. He was stood in track pants and T-shirt in the lounge of his little terraced house feeling lost and out of place. It had been years since he had spent so much time in his own home. Everything about it felt wrong. The fact that he was still on medical leave didn't help his mood; the third degree burns to his shoulder and chest were taking a long time to heal even with the state of the art treatment afforded by UNIT. The recovery process had been too slow and far too painful for Ianto's liking. All down to the unusual nature of the radiation apparently. Ianto didn't much care, he just wanted to be fit enough to get back to work, to be busy again, any thing to dredge him up from his current melancholy. Jack had been very fussy insisting on visiting everyday, doing his shopping even his housework. It was endearing and frustrating in equal measure. Ianto hated being looked after, hated being vulnerable and dependant, but he was greatly comforted by the fact that Jack, Gwen, Tosh and even Owen actually cared enough about him to make a fuss in the first place. Jack's attempts at housework left a lot to be desired, but his cooking had proved excellent and Ianto actually found himself looking forward to the meals they shared together.
Right now though, he needed to be busy to distract him from the pain and the fact that when ever he looked at himself these days he was confronted by raw and angry scars that would likely take months to heal and still leave their mark. The only consolation was the fact that Owen had not been damaged in any way. Ianto didn't want to contemplate what an injury of this nature would do to the man who could no longer heal.
Ianto sighed and wandered into the kitchen to make himself a fresh pot of coffee. He was drinking too much of the stuff again he realised, but hey he had to have some pleasures in life. He'd never taken up smoking and rarely drank alcohol so coffee and good dark chocolate had become his two vices in life. Jack occasionally reprimanded his addiction to almost all things caffeinated but had given up when the young Welshman had served him decaf for a week. Jack learnt his lessons very quickly. Ianto smiled at the memory. Jack could be such a child at times.
He heard the key turn in the front door and the sound of Jack's footsteps followed by another set, probably Tosh judging from the sound of the heels on the wooden floor.
"Ianto?"
"In here Jack."
Jack blustered into the kitchen and gently gathered Ianto in his arms kissing him deeply on the lips. Tosh who was in his wake just stood back with a big smile on her face, it was nice to see the two of them together away from work. Ianto would never have permitted such an affectionate display in the Hub. The two men broke apart, Jack with a huge smile on his face.
"We brought dinner."
Tosh took that as her cue to step forward and hug her friend, mindful of his right arm. Ianto held her tightly in a one armed embrace while Jack sorted out plates and cutlery.
Tosh finally stepped back.
"You're looking so much better."
Ianto found himself blushing. "Tell him that so I can come back to work."
Jack leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Not until Martha says so, hopefully just one more week though. Trust me I want you back at the Hub we're falling apart with out you."
Ianto shook his head. "I don't believe that for a moment. It's just the six weeks worth of filing I'm going to have to catch up on. How's Myfanwy?"
"She's very lonely with out you. You know I think she's actually been pining."
Ianto rolled his eyes.
"Really Ianto that stupid bird loves you." Tosh assured him.
"Well, it's nice to know that I am so missed."
The three of them ate their dinners whilst sitting on Ianto's couch watching 'The One Show'. Tosh gathered up the dirty dishes and loaded the dishwater then put on her coat.
"Right, good night. She leaned over the back of the sofa and kissed Ianto's cheek. Jack I'll pick you up on my way in. Sleep well." And with a cheery wave she breezed out of the house gently closing the front door behind her.
Tosh keyed the ignition on the SUV and drove back to the Hub. It hadn't been her initial intention to go back into work, but she couldn't face the thought of her empty house. In truth she would've been more than happy remaining on Ianto's couch snuggled up to the young Welshman watching mindless TV. She and Ianto often did that these days. He was someone she could always be herself with, without the complications of being 'involved' with one another.
It had warmed her heart no end to see how Jack changed the moment he entered Ianto's house. It was like he belonged there and could throw off the mantel of being 'the Captain' and be just Jack, Ianto's concerned boyfriend. It was a side of Jack she had never seen before, tender and loving and it was something that neither of them displayed whilst working together. Tosh often wondered why the two of them hid behind the innuendo but she knew full well the dangers of being with Torchwood. Jack could not show any kind of favouritism towards Ianto and Ianto, she knew, would not thank him for it if he did. At Torchwood they were boss and employee, senior and junior officers with jobs to do like the other members of the team. Occasionally Jack let that slide, when he knew it was safe, just to remind Ianto that he cared when sometimes it seemed he didn't. Tosh smiled to herself. It was very cute and good that Jack had finally found someone who meant more to him than a one night leg over. Her thoughts strayed to Gwen and Rhys. How Rhys had put up with her Tosh didn't know. She had been inclined to think of Gwen as the office slapper when she first started at Torchwood. First flirting with Jack, then shagging Owen and then seriously flirting with Jack. It wasn't hard to see that she was jealous of Ianto but Gwen had come through for Rhys and put her fantasies aside for the sake of her lovely Welshman. Tosh had to admit Rhys was lovely in the homely, secure sort of way. An ideal partner for a Torchwood employee really.
The SUV slid gently into the parking bay and Tosh got out and went straight into the Hub and back to her beloved computers. Beloved? Perhaps that was a bit warped really. In some ways the computers reminded Tosh of Ianto. They always did as they were told, they never let her down and didn't argue with her or make snarky comments unlike a certain medic she could name. At that she hit a sore point in her musings. Owen. Owen and Tosh were finally starting to talk to each other, finally beginning some form of relationship and it had only happened because he was dead, undead. What the hell was she thinking? Now that really was warped. Ianto had once told her that it didn't matter, if you loved someone enough then nothing mattered, and he should know. Tosh knew he was right. Ianto had an uncanny ability to be always right about such things. Owen. Yes, she loved him. Always had from the day they met and she'd spent every day since cursing her shyness. Ianto had been her only sympathetic ear on the matter of Owen. He understood how much it hurt when the person you loved was off shagging someone else. Tosh was very glad that Jack had stopped doing that. She was glad that Owen had stopped doing that too, but not happy at the reason why. Owen would never love her and Tosh knew that she was doomed to remain single because of it. The idea of dating anyone whilst thinking of Owen was just plain wrong. At least now when she shared Ianto's couch, he'd only have good things to tell her about Jack. That made her happy, to see her friends happy, to see Ianto in love and deservedly so. She hoped that Jack loved him back, was certain he did in his own Jack way. Tosh wasn't jealous. The green eyed monster never bothered her, she just liked to see things work out for people. There was precious little happiness in their lives as it was so any chance to see it or to have it was to be treasured, and Tosh was thankful for it.
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It took Ianto some moments to realise that Jack had actually fallen asleep against him. It was the damndest thing. Jack had never done that before. Ianto wasn't sure whether to be worried or pleased. Unsure of what to do he settled for staying still and letting Jack rest. Ianto carefully pulled the throw down from the back of the sofa and draped it across Jack whose head was settled against his stomach, an arm tightly wrapped over his legs, the other wedged behind Ianto's back. He knew he wouldn't be able to move without disturbing Jack and he didn't have the heart to wake him. Ianto leaned his head back and closed his eyes and in that moment he hadn't felt this peaceful or this happy in years.
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Owen glared at the wall from his couch. 2:30am. How many times in recent weeks had he spent the night just sprawled here watching the time tick by. He was bored with music, fed up with DVDs and late night TV and had given up trying to read another book. What was there for a dead man to do? No food, no booze and no sex. Just great, fucking great the three most important things in life, all teasingly out of his reach and under his very nose. It made him want to puke if could puke that is, which he couldn't because he was a walking stiff. Sometimes the irony of being a dead doctor really wasn't funny anymore. 'You get to live forever and I get to die forever' how fair was that? Not very, in Owen's view. He half supposed he should count himself lucky, but he didn't. Not that he wanted to ever have to go back to that black place on the other side. If that really was what dying entailed then he wanted no part in it, dreaded revisiting it and was quietly grateful he wasn't capable of having nightmares about it. Jack fucking Harkness so full of life himself did not really understand, he was the ultimate vitality advertisement really. Ianto certainly had his hands full there. Owen cracked a smile to himself. That poor Welsh boy hadn't stood a chance really. Jack always got what he wanted when it came to sex. Owen had nothing but admiration for him on that front. Almost everyone fell at Jack's feet when they met him. Ianto was one of the few people that hadn't. Jack had been forced to work hard to win the kid over and Owen was mildly surprised to learn that Jack and Ianto actually had an exclusive relationship these days. That had to be a first for Harkness. Owen hadn't done exclusive for years, not since Katie and now of course, well, he wouldn't be doing anything much. That was very frustrating when you worked with two gorgeous women, funny how he noticed them more now.
He pushed himself off his couch and wandered around the confines of his apartment. What to do? He grabbed his mobile and dialled Tosh's number before even realising he'd done it. He got her voicemail. Of course what was he thinking the poor girl was probably in bed asleep like the rest of the Northern Hemisphere right now. Bollocks! He paced about a bit more.
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Ianto hated physio. Actually he hated the therapist more than the therapy. The woman was patronising and spoke to him as if addressing some wet adolescent. Jack found it all very amusing and teased him relentlessly until Ianto threatened him with decaf again. At least now he was back at work on light duties (no field ops) and trying to salvage the hopelessly mismanaged filing of the past seven weeks. His right arm and shoulder still hurt like hell and he had rapidly learnt to write with his left hand because his right still wasn't working properly. Ianto worried about that but Martha had assured him that it would get better with time and plenty of physio therapy. Jack was more than happy to help with that.
The gang had gone off to Swansea to investigate a report of a UFO sighting, well 22 reports to be accurate. Ianto suspected that it was probably a goose, but relished the chance to have the Hub to himself so he could clean up the place without Gwen and Tosh fussing over him and telling him not to do too much. Thankfully Jack restricted his mothering to the confines of Ianto's house or Jack's own bunker under the office. Myfanwy was obviously pleased to have him back as she had swooped down and perched herself close by awaiting chocolate and beak rubbing from her long absent pet. Ianto seriously wondered how she viewed him. Was she even a she? How could one tell? It didn't matter if he was her pet really. He adored her, talons and all. She made him feel like he was Harry Potter or something with his own special magical creature. It was childish really and something Ianto NEVER spoke of. Jack would be yanking his chain forever over that! Some fetishes were best kept to oneself.
Ianto wandered around his Hub. His Hub? Hmmmm since when had he started thinking of it as his home? Bin liner in hand he rounded up the abandoned Starbucks cups and pizza boxes, chocolate wrappings and God only knows what that was!!?? Probably something of Jack's. Unless Owen was experimenting again. Ianto really didn't want to know. It was good to be home and he smiled stupidly to himself as he cleaned up the mess.