You guys know how it works. I watched the show. I fell in love with klaroline. Then I wrote this. It's kind of a combination of a crack fic and pure fluff. Hopefully a successful combination, but that's up to you guys to decide.
Disclaimer: The Vampire Diaries has now been officially added to the list of things that I don't own. This list is very, very long.
Having been desiccated once or twice in the past, Klaus knew what it was like to have his heart stop, for the circulation to cease, shutting his body down. That was sort of what it felt like as he faced down his worst nightmare from across his massive living room (and no, it was not Caroline holding handcuffs that had belonged to her mother back when she was still sheriff). The beast was settled comfortably on top of one of Klaus's sketchbooks. From its incredibly inconvenient spot, it kept the hybrid's gaze with its multiple malicious eyes.
Careful to keep his distance, Klaus tried to think of a way he could retrieve his sketchbook without inciting the wrath of the spider.
At that thought, Klaus took a moment to soak in the misfortune of his arachnophobia. Very few people knew of his secret weakness, mostly because very few people lived to see another day after finding out that Klaus was afraid of spiders. Luckily, he was the only one at the house today. Caroline was out shopping somewhere so she wasn't here to see this absolute disgrace of—
"I'm home!"
Klaus grimaced and released a slow breath. He stared at the spider again, willing it to scuttle away before Caroline came into the living room to see the ridiculous sight. Unfortunately, the spider made no sign of having any inclination to go anywhere. The hybrid contemplated throwing something at it, but he knew that would attract even more attention. Maybe Caroline would get distracted by something in a completely different part of the mansion for a while. Just for an hour or two. After all, how long could the spider simply sit there?
The sound of Caroline rustling around in the kitchen was a soothing music to his ears, but it ended quickly. Klaus could hear her quiet approach and with each step, the look on his face grew more and more displeased. The spider was still there, and it had not budged an inch by the time Caroline entered the room. She bounced up to Klaus with her typical cheerful smile that he still found so precious, completely unaware of the danger, and captured his mouth in a kiss. It made him feel slightly better and he reciprocated in full, but the tension in his body remained. He couldn't forget about the spider watching them like some kind of eight-legged pervert. Caroline clearly sensed that something was wrong and looked around the room, her smile fading into a puzzled expression.
"What's wrong?" she asked eventually, not finding anything that could cause such a reaction.
One of the many things Klaus loved about Caroline was her determination to be good and to help people. If something was wrong, she wanted to fix it. Right now, Klaus wished dearly that she would just let it go. But he knew her too well to hope for such a thing. He also knew that if he didn't set her straight immediately, she would assume that it had something to do with her.
"Nothing, love," Klaus said with as much casualty as he could muster. He wasn't very convincing, he could tell just by looking into her eyes, and he made the mistake even the best liars do under too much pressure: he continued to talk. "It's been a long day. I got that ridiculous weekly call from Damon Salvatore." Said weekly phone call essentially consisted of the elder Salvatore brother talking about whatever he felt like for a decent hour or so, somehow managing to do things like turn a rant about hedgehogs into some snide comment about the hybrid's face. Klaus only put up with it because Damon swore he would tell everyone in Mystic Falls that Caroline was being mistreated if he didn't, and while it was a story that could easily be corrected, it was still a hassle better off avoided. It would be just like her little group of friends to take a flight to Italy to come check up on them at so much as a suggestion that Caroline wasn't happy.
"You usually like to draw when you're stressed," the aforementioned vampire suggested. "Why not just do that?"
I was planning on it, love, but unfortunately there's a spider on my sketchbook. Oh, you didn't know that when it comes to spiders I can do nothing but cower in the corner pathetically? Silly me, I must've forgotten to tell you all about the source of my complete and utter humiliation.
"What a lovely idea!" Klaus said grandly, gently nudging Caroline in the direction of the door with the arm that was half wrapped around her in a rare attempt of subtlety. Much to his dismay, Caroline broke out of his grasp and started to walking towards the small stack of sketchbooks. Against all logic and reason and fairness in the universe, the spider was still sitting there.
Really? Still? Don't you have a spider society gathering to attend or something?
The idea of spiders in ballgowns and tuxedos would've been amusing if not for the fact that when Klaus pictured them, they were bigger than he was. The very concept caused him to shudder. Klaus noticed then that Caroline was reaching for the sketchbook that was spider was sitting on. Clearly, she hadn't noticed the deadly menace. Out of a deep instinct to protect the younger vampire, he took a quick step forward to stop her.
"Ah—wait—don't—that's—" Klaus faltered, his hand still outstretched, as he realized that Caroline had indeed noticed the spider. She just didn't care. And suddenly, everything about the situation was so much worse. His discomfort was obvious to Caroline and she shifted her gaze between Klaus and the spider, her blue eyes widening in disbelief. Then she grinned.
"Seriously? The ultimate weakness of Niklaus Mikaelson, the one and only Original Hybrid, is a tiny spider?"
Inwardly, Klaus groaned. His day had just gone from bad to awful. On the bright side, he had stopped himself from saying, "It's not tiny!" because the spider was, in fact, quite small. Possibly an inch, maybe two. But that was still doubtful.
In retrospect, it could have been a lot worse. For example, Stefan or Damon could be in Caroline's place in the situation. They would probably find a way to use his embarrassing weakness against him at some point later on, or maybe even just have a good laugh at him, and that just wouldn't do. Or it could be Kol. God, the last time Kol saw Klaus and a spider in the same room, he hadn't let it go for almost a century (which, to be perfectly honest, was part of why Klaus had been pretty okay with the idea of daggering his obnoxious younger brother). But still, being caught by your girlfriend freaking out over a spider was humiliating for anyone. It was ten times worse for Klaus considering his reputation. By tomorrow, he suspected, that reputation would be gone, along with the last bits of his dignity.
"Caroline, sweetheart, do you think that just this once you could skip the mockery and kill the bloody monstrosity sitting on my sketchbook?" Klaus asked through gritted teeth. Oh, the shame...
"Interesting choice of words," Caroline said, smirking, "but okay." And with a boldness that Klaus couldn't help but admire, Caroline grabbed one of her many magazines that were lying all over the place, turned back towards the spider, and crushed it. She held the murder weapon daintily, eyeballing the spider guts splayed across it with a wrinkled nose. Then she took a step closer to Klaus holding the damn thing and he jumped back, cringing.
Caroline looked down at the magazine and giggled. "Look at that," she said. "I gave Taylor Swift a mole on her nose." Klaus still had trouble keeping up with Caroline's never-ending list of celebrities whom she was so fond of following, but right now he wished he was a bit better at it so he would have something to distract him from the squished spider remains—which did indeed have a strange resemblance to a mole from a distance, Klaus supposed idly.
Then Caroline shook the magazine a little closer to the hybrid who shot her a nasty look in return. She shook her head, laughing. As far as he was aware, she was the only person unshaken by his displeasure.
Feeling the need to defend himself, Klaus insisted, "No creature on this earth should have that many eyes. Besides, did you know that people eat about eight spiders in their lifetime in their sleep? I am immortal. How many spiders do you think I've eaten in the last thousand or so years? Also, the way they walk is...is..."
"Creepy?" Caroline suggested. Unable to think of anything better, Klaus nodded sagely and then smiled at her as charmingly as he possibly could under the circumstances.
"You know, love, no one gives you enough credit for your brains," he told her. "But I always knew you were more than a pretty face."
"If you think you can sweet-talk me into forgetting this, you're wrong," Caroline warned him, and Klaus crossed his arms in defiance. He proceeded to pout magnificently, causing the girl to laugh. Klaus tilted his head and his pout turned into a rather sulky scowl. Caroline kissed his cheek sweetly which lifted his mood a little bit.
Then she pressed the magazine into his hands, turned on her heel and walked away. As Klaus watched her go, he felt himself smile with a tenderness reserved for only her, fully aware that spiders were not the only thing which could bring him down to his knees like some kind of mortal man. Then he realized that Caroline had handed him the magazine and with a barely strangled yell, he threw it to the ground. It landed with a resounding smack.
For a moment there was silence, but then her laughter rang from upstairs. To him it was like a song, so beautiful, his weakness.
As an intense arachnophobe myself, I tried to make this as genuine as possible. Emphasis on the "tried" part. And before anyone tries to tell me that there's absolutely no way Klaus would ever be afraid of a spider, allow me to remind you that there has not been a single episode in which he encounters a spider. For all we know, I totally nailed it. Doubtful, but still.