2:11 – Welcome to Korea, Leah
"Radar, we need help! You saw what the OR was like earlier." Hawkeye exclaimed.
"I'm doing the best I can, Hawk! I've tried every single M.A.S.H unit, Tokyo, Seoul and I've asked the French, English, and Canadians about loaning us one of their people, but nobody's got any doctors!" Radar said defensively.
"There can't be this big of a shortage, Radar. This is a wartime, people are being drafted over every day! Check the unassigned kids that just finished basic training if you have to! Just get help!" The surgeon demanded, heading out of the office and running off to Post-Op.
Twenty minutes later in the mess tent, Radar caught up with Hawkeye, who was not even trying to mask his disgust at the taste of the food.
"I found someone," Radar began before the exhausted Doctor broke in.
"That's great! When do they get here, where are they from and how much experience have they got?
"Captain Watson is a general surgeon, went to the University of Toronto and got drafted two months ago. She just finished basic training and has orders to head here anyways, I just had it pushed up a week."
"That's perfect, Radar. You little miracle worker, you." Hawkeye said, kissing the Corporal's forehead. He had to go tell Hot Lips that they had backup on the way.
"Where you headed to, Doll-face?" The Jeep driver asked his newest 'customer'.
"The 4077th M.A.S.H, please." The woman said. She was wearing Class A's and had her long red hair perfectly curled.
"You sure that's where you want to go, Doll? There's an outfit here in Seoul that'd be happy to take a pretty little thing like you." The driver said with a wink. The woman glared at the man, her bright green eyes blazing.
"Do I look like a little thing to you, Sergeant?" She asked the man, looking at the man's uniform. She was right in that she wasn't a little thing. She was 5'9" tall, had long muscular legs that rubbed together when she walked, a round bum that jiggled when she moved, wide hips, large breasts and muscular arms that had beat many grown men in fights. Her waist was thinner than expected, giving her an hourglass shape, but it was her stomach wasn't flat and toned by any means.
The Sergeant thought over his answer, knowing that if he lied and said yes that the woman (a Captain) would get mad, but if he said she was large, she'd get mad for calling her fat.
"Never mind Captain, I'm sure you'll do just fine at that Nuthouse." The driver said, signing off on her papers. He had no idea what he had just said though.
"Just drive please Sergeant." She said with a sigh.
Two hours after her arrival in Seoul, she arrived at the 4077th M.A.S.H. She was surprised at how quiet everything was, considering the camp was only three miles from the Front.
"Where is everybody?" The Captain asked the driver.
"There's a flu epidemic going around, Doll. Most of the camp's got it. Only one doctor, a handful of nurses, the court clerk and the Chaplain are still up on their feet. That's why they need you here so bad." The driver explained, having heard of the problems the 4077th was having.
"Take me to the Post-Op then. If I'm going to find anybody, that's where they'll be." She said, holding onto her hat as the Jeep took off once again.
It only took a few seconds to get to Post-Op, but that was enough time for Father Mulcahy to hear the Jeep approaching. The man had heard Hawkeye and Margaret discussing the arrival of the new doctor, but he hadn't heard anything other than that she would be coming to help. He had been surprised when he heard that the new surgeon would be a woman but was happy that the woman had been able to break away from stereotypes.
"Hello dear, welcome to the 4077th." The chaplain greeted.
"Thank you, Sir." She said, putting her hand out to shake. The chaplain took it in a firm grip and introduced himself.
"I'm the camp's chaplain, Father Francis John Patrick Mulcahy."
"I'm Captain Linnea Elizabeth Watson." The woman introduced.
"A beautiful name, child." The chaplain said, releasing her hand. He went around to the Jeep and grabbed her bags. She had more than usual, as she had been able to bribe a few superiors into letting her bring more personal belongings. Apparently homemade apple pie was like money in Korea.
"Follow me please my child, I'll introduce you to some of the doctors." Father Mulcahy said, leading her into the Post-Op Ward. All around her were various patients: doctors, enlisted men officers, even wounded. What looked like most of the camp was crammed into the small recovery ward. A few different conversations were going on around the Captain. Two men were conversing, one getting dressed and one looking at the other in concern.
"What are you doing?" The black-haired surgeon asked. He looked very tired and was clearly curious about the others' actions.
"Unless I got amnesia, this is how you get dressed, right?" The other man responded. He had curly blond hair and his skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat. Captain Watson was sure that this man was one of the sick doctors.
"You think you're well enough to get back in the game?" The black-haired doctor asked.
"I think I'm getting better. There's two of you there, there used to be three." The sick Doctor said to his colleague, who had sat down at the foot of his cot.
"Very good, you could do double hernias." The healthy Doctor responded, trying to diffuse some tension. He placed his hand on the other's forehead, closing his eyes in concentration.
"Is your fever gone yet?" The man asked.
"Mother used to kiss my forehead to find out." The curly haired man said with a slight smirk.
"We tried to reach her, but she doesn't make house calls." The doctor said in good humour. The other nodded before putting on a pair of socks.
"Got any replacements?" The sick man asked. Captain Watson made a mental note to get their names.
"We've been offered a veterinarian and a gynaecologist." The man said sadly, the earlier humour gone from his voice and body language.
"Great," the other said sarcastically.
"It'll be very helpful if we get a horse that's going through menopause. Radar tracked down a new doctor though. General surgeon that just finished Basic. Captain Watson. The kid should be here soon."
"Well," the blond said as he flexed his biceps, "help is here."
"Doctor Pierce, could you look at bed five?" A nurse cut in before the black-haired man could respond. The other continued to get dressed while Doctor Pierce joked with the nurse.
At the same time, a few beds over, a man who was clearly far worse off than the blond Doctor tried to get up, only to be pushed back down gently by a stern looking blonde nurse.
"McIntyre's getting up," The beady-eyed man complained as the nurse pushed him back down.
"You're sicker than he is, everybody knows that." She said, not realizing how mean she was being as she reached over to get a cold washcloth.
"My nose feels like it weighs five pounds," The man complained in a small voice before flowing back down onto his cot.
"Frank, I'm in command now," She said after placing the washcloth on Frank's forehead. "I can get a lot of things changed, the way we want them."
"That's terrific Louise." Frank said.
The nurse's face dropped. "Louise?" She questioned, her voice dangerous. "That's your wife." She snapped. Captain Watson smirked at that. So, this man Frank was cheating on his wife Louise with this bossy nurse.
"Where?" He questioned, his voice raising into a higher pitch and looking around frantically.
"We're in Korea," the nurse said, holding his face still.
"Oh good, she'll never find us." He said, grinning with his mouth closed, holding his blankets tightly to his chest.
"Just lie still," She said as he did a little happy dance, although it looked more like a wiggle.
"I'm alright. We're gonna have to get out of here." Frank said, continuing to fidget.
"Why?" The nurse asked softly.
"Too many people in this motel." He said, looking around nervously.
Linnea Watson's attention was called out of the conversation when she saw the curly haired man from before fall to the ground as he tried to get up. She and Father Mulcahy rushed over to his side.
"What's up?" Doctor Pierce asked.
"It isn't Trapper." Father Mulcahy said, glancing at the blond man, who Linnea know knew to be Trapper.
"I'm with you Hawk, I can make it." Trapper insisted, trying to get up.
"Right, and all we have to do is move the floor into the operating room." Pierce said with a sad smile. Father Mulcahy and Linnea helped Trapper to his feet before the man snapped that he could stand. The surgeon and chaplain let go of the man, only for him to immediately fall onto his cot.
"Sure, if we screw you to the flagpole." Linnea commented.
"Trap, if you wanna help me, don't help me. The only way you're gonna get better is if you let yourself be sick." Pierce said, taking the dark green over shirt from his friend.
"I think I can manage that." Trapper said, falling sideways into his pillow.
"Hawkeye, another chopper on the way. Loaded with casualties. Fifteen minutes at the most." A small young man said through the back door of the Post-Op ward. Hawkeye threw Trapper's shirt to the ground, and then noticed the woman in Class A's.
"Please tell me you're Captain Watson." The man said desperately.
"In the flesh, Sir." Linnea said, putting out her hand.
"None of that Sir stuff, I'm a Captain too. Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce, but everyone calls me Hawkeye." The man insisted.
"Captain Linnea Elizabeth Watson, but everyone calls me Leah." The other surgeon introduced.
"Alright Father, get your tap shoes." Hawkeye said to the chaplain before leading me to the Operating Room.
"Margaret, let's go. Come on." Hawkeye said to the blonde nurse watching over Frank.
"I have to go now Frank, but I'll be back." She said, taking the washcloth off of the man's forehead.
"Goodbye Nancy," the man mumbled. Leah giggled at that, pointing it out to Hawkeye, who watched with interest.
"Nancy?" Margaret questioned.
"The best receptionist I ever had." He said, fidgeting again. Margaret's mouth dropped open in shock at Frank's words.
"Frank!" She said, scandalized. The man in question pulled his blanket up to his chest, as though covering himself up.
"Honestly Louise, we had to work late." Frank said, Hawkeye laughed silently at this, and Leah had a huge grin on her face. Margaret's scandalized face grew worse and she walked off in a huff. Minutes later, Leah was with Father Mulcahy, prepping for OR, while Hawkeye spoke to Radar in the clerical office.
"Double requisition everything," Hawkeye said to Radar, reading the clipboard upside down while Radar scribbled, one glove in his mouth.
"We need whole blood. Tap the kitchen staff and the Korean personnel. I want a pint from everybody." Hawkeye continued.
"I gave this morning; can I give again?" Radar asked, taking the glove out of his mouth.
"It's too soon. Anyway, your blood is nearsighted." Hawkeye said, unable to resist.
"Is that possible?" The naïve clerk asked.
"Keep checking for doctors, two isn't enough." Hawkeye said, ignoring Radar's question.
"Nobody'll listen," Radar said, half talking about Hawkeye, not that the man noticed.
"Tell them you're acting under the direct orders of General Clayton." Hawkeye said the moment Margaret walked through the door.
"Just one moment, Captain!" She demanded.
"Radar, go." Hawkeye said, gesturing for the short young man to leave.
"Stay!" Margaret disagreed instantly.
"I said go!"
"And I said stay!" Poor Radar looked confused about who to listen to.
"She outranks you. She's got more things on her uniform." The clerk said apologetically.
"She's got more things in her uniform but go." Hawkeye demanded.
"Sorry Sir." Radar said to Margaret before scurrying off do as Hawkeye ordered.
"I thought we understood that I am administration." She said, clearly pissed off at the surgeon.
Hawkeye began to open the door but turned back to the angered nurse.
"Let me tell you something, administration. You know that little shot you gave me for the flu?" Hawkeye asked, being serious for a change.
"Yes?"
"Well, it worked, I've got it." Hawkeye said, trying to make the situation lighter.
"Are you sure?" Margaret said, rushing forwards to check his pulse.
"I've got enough nausea to light up the city of Toledo, okay?" He said, letting Margaret check his vitals.
"First I'm hot, then I'm cold. And my knees are in business for themselves." The man said, walking away from the concerned nurse to go sit down.
"My tongue has gone cashmere, and I'd like to find an all-night latrine that takes servicemen." The Doctor continued as the nurse prepared a thermometer.
"Now have I got the flu or am I just in love?" He asked as she stuck the thermometer in his mouth.
"Do you think you can operate?" She asked, feeling his forehead once again.
"I've got to. This is Leah's first time doing meatball surgery, and what am I gonna tell the casualties, to stop bleeding until I get better?"
"I wanna see if you've got a fever." Margaret said as Hawkeye took the thermometer out of his mouth.
"Believe me, I've got fever to burn." He said as he got up.
"I'm worried about you, Doctor." She said. Hawkeye paused at the door and turned to speak to her.
"You really are, aren't you?" He said, looking at her face. "You know all those rotten things I've said to you, all those nasty little tricks I've played in you?"
"Yes." She said, her eye watering slightly.
"I'd like to get well and do them all over again." He said, his serious face turning into an impish, close-mouthed grin that made even Margaret smile slightly.
Ten minutes later in the OR, Hawkeye asked for a pair of pickups. There were nurses lined up with patients, and only two doctors. Margaret handed him the requested instrument.
"How do you feel?" She asked as Hawkeye dug around in the soldier's body, looking for shrapnel and repairing damage.
"I have this terrific thirst for embalming fluid."
"Are you gonna make it?" She asked in concern, looking worriedly at Hawkeye's mask-covered face.
"That's up to you, Margaret." He said, concentrating on his work.
"You're incredible," she said, watching as he worked even while sick. "As sick as you are, digging into someone's gut, and you still can proposition a nurse."
"I've endowed a dirty old man to make a pass at you two years after I'm dead. It's in my will." He joked, continuing his work without so much as an upwards glance.
"Okay, you close the skin." Hawkeye said, walking away from the patient he had finished with and taking off his surgical gloves.
"Right," Hot Lips agreed, getting to work.
"Sorry, how's it going folks?" Hawkeye asked a group of nurses that were performing the surgery themselves.
"Bleeding's under control. You look awful Doctor." One of them responded.
"I feel awful. It's a set." Hawkeye responded as another nurse helped him into a new pair of gloves. He glanced at the patient before directing the nurses.
"Saline solution for irrigation. Get a retractor first. Father, pull that back, will you?" The nurses and chaplain did the requested jobs.
"Get the saline." He turned back to Father Mulcahy. "Pull it back more. I can't see in there. Can you get it back more? Get some suction." Hawkeye directed as Radar came in with a mask, trying to get the man's attention.
"Get it back a little bit more," Hawkeye directed the priest, not noticing the clerk.
"It's okay, Hawk. I got 28 pints of blood." Radar said, carefully holding the mask over his mouth.
"You're a good man, Tiny Tim." Leah said from where she was working on the other side of the room. Hawkeye smiled at the comment, not that it was very visible from under the mask.
"Scrub up." Hawkeye demanded of the clerk.
"Hmm?" Radar asked in confusion.
"We need help. Kelley, get him ready." Hawkeye said, before requesting a clamp.
"Wait a minute, I can't operate." Radar pointed out, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
"You're not gonna operate, you're gonna help." Leah said, not looking up from her patient.
"How's my fainting gonna help?" Radar asked.
"Scrub up!" Hawkeye demanded. Nurse Kelley pulled Radar away before he could argue.
"Alright, we're just about finished Father, then you can go help Leah." Hawkeye said in a softer tone.
"Is he all right?" The priest asked, gesturing to the patient.
"He's better than I am." The Doctor responded before turning to a nurse. "Can you close, or do you want me to get started?"
"I can do it." The nurse responded.
"Hawkeye, was I alright?" Father Mulcahy asked softly.
"All right? I'm putting you in for the Distinguished Cross cross. Now go help Leah, she looks like she could use a hand." He said, gesturing to the green-eyed Doctor who was busy digging shrapnel out of a soldier's leg. As he said that, Nurse Kelley walked in, guiding a newly scrubbed Radar.
"You're making a terrible mistake," Radar warned once again.
"If we did nothing else, we got you to wash your hands." Hawkeye said, moving to the patient Margaret was working on.
"Yes, Sir." Radar said defeatedly.
"I finished debriding the wound." Margaret said, looking closely at her work.
"You know, you're better at that than Frank. But then so is the patient." Hawkeye turned to Radar.
"Radar, you'll be assisting Margaret Houlihan – nurse, friend and all-around good egg."
Margaret watched nervously as Hawkeye walked off to a new patient.
"He's very sick," she murmured.
It was about half an hour later that they ran out of casualties. By then Hawkeye was barely able to stand. Leah took off her surgical clothes and helped Father Mulcahy drag the man to Post-Op, where a nurse promptly forced him into a bed and gave him antibiotics.
"So, you're out new surgeon, Linnea Watson." Margaret said to the red-headed woman.
"I am indeed, although don't tell the Army, they might try to send me someplace ridiculous, like Korea." She said sarcastically. Margaret clearly wasn't impressed.
"I'm Major Margaret Houlihan, commanding officer of this outfit." The stuck-up woman said proudly.
"Good to know that Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake changed his name and gender."
"Don't you get smart with me Captain, I am a superior officer."
"Would you rather I get dumb with you Major?" Leah asked, knowing which buttons to push. Margaret was a lot like her Aunt Esther, so the young surgeon knew exactly what buttons to push.
Margaret practically growled as she told Leah to grab her bags and follow her.
"Is this a normal activity Major? Playing follow the leader? If it is, we need more than just two people." Leah said with a smirk.
"Great, we've got another imbecile." Margaret grumbled, leading Leah to the nurses' quarters.
"Major Houlihan, I hope you realize that I didn't go through eight years of university to become a nurse."
"And I hope you realize that I didn't go through four years of university and spend my entire life in the Army so that I could be spoken down to by a Captain." Margaret snapped.
"Major, we don't have room for another nurse." One of the nurses from before complained as she saw Leah with her bags.
"Well where else am I supposed to put her, Lieutenant?" Margaret said with a sneer.
"If she's a surgeon, put her in the Swamp." Another nurse suggested.
"And leave her at the mercy of Pierce and McIntyre?" Margaret screeched.
"Major Houlihan, I have a younger brother, two older god-brothers and several cousins. I know how to deal with men."
"I don't know if Pierce and McIntyre count as men but alright, it's your death wish." Margaret said, leading the young surgeon to the Swamp. The Major opened the door to the Swamp and lead its newest resident inside.
"Here's your cot," Margaret said, pointing to one of the cots in the back corner of the tent. Leah put her stuff down on the cot and went to the still in between two other cots. She picked up the large vase of alcohol and sniffed it experimentally. It was very strong.
"A homemade gin still. Very clever." She said, pouring herself a little sample. She took a small sip, nearly wincing at the strength of the stuff.
"How can you possible drink that swill?"
"Years of practice, Major dear."
I know I probably shouldn't be writing a new story after neglecting my other one, but I've been binge watching MASH for the last couple days, and this plot bunny found my brain and refused to leave. Eventually, Leah will become a more prominent character, but I want to build her relationships with people first.
Updated 03/16/2018