I felt nothing. It wasn't like I was excited, what was I suppose to expect? I know Bonnie wouldn't lie to me, but this spell gave me no hope. I can tell the same doesn't apply for Damon.
Elena's thoughts consumed her, bunching up tightly in her already aching head. They didn't consume her with nerves and happiness, or an urgency to do the spell, they instead consumed her with bland boring feelings. She, of course, hadn't been the one to search for a witch, let alone a spell. She was fine, for once that was true. Life wasn't all that it could be, but the lingering threat of death hadn't been present for a while. That was a win for her, and so being fine was close to perfection for Elena. She had felt anger towards Damon, a short time of irritation when his name bursted into her mind, which soon turned into indifference.
Mostly because he was dead.
How could she hate someone who was dead?
Vampirism had taken a lot out of her but she held on to her forgiveness tightly, like it was a slight pull that held her close to her parents and the life they had hoped she'd had. Despite everything she never wanted to lose all the good they'd given her.
And the thing was, no one mentioned him. Like, ever.
There was an empty silence that followed the name Damon, everyone around her had an uncomfortable panic laced with any comment about him. After a while it became an unspoken rule that he was not okay to mention, or just not worth it.
Elena felt nothing to that fact, Damon was out of sight out of mind, out of her life.
Damon came back to life suddenly, without warning.
It didn't phase Elena, maybe she'd thought over its effects on Stefan but that was the extent of her worries.
Which changed when everyone pushed a forgotten truth on her, he was the love of her life. That's what everyone kept saying, they urged her to remember, to at least try.
And she did. Hesitantly, and feeling incredibly weird but she did. She tried to imagine a life where Damon was her forever, where he would give his life for her and vice versa.
A life where he did.
Nothing came from it, he was still just Stefan's brother, the asshole who actually did kill Jeremy.
Temporarily, but killed nonetheless.
For some reason she was stuck on that fact, not that it's something that's easy to forget. It just seemed to be programmed in her mind that he was two things alone; Stefan's brother and a careless asshole. She didn't need to know much more than that.
The reunion was dull, anticlimactic, she felt she should've felt something if what they said was true.
No one bothered to tell her how they found the witch or even who she was. Now they all sat eerily silent in the Salvatore Boarding House, waiting, wondering.
Damon watched Elena, he would never say it but some part of him couldn't forgive Elena for her love not being greater than the compulsion. Still, he waited and as he waited his thoughts intensified. Since his return all he did was think, about her, about them. She's the same and somehow the girl that loved him was intangible.
He knew the downside to the spell.
It would only last the blink of an eye, if it lasted at all.
But he needed that short span of time. He needed his body to remember how alive it could feel when she loved him. The way they loved each other wasn't just the love of fairytales, it was theirs alone. No one else could feel what they felt, it was their own.
He would take that second of love, that's all the courage he needed to last a lifetime without it.
If he could feel it one last time, it was worth it.
Despite his disappointment that she forgot him, he watched Elena intensely. Drinking in the silky look to her brown hair and the little sparkles that seemed to die in her dark eyes. From across the room his eyes followed her, she seemed uninterested, he thought to himself.
Damon was done being selfish with Elena, he'd take this gift of a moment and hold onto it forever. That would give him the strength he needed to let her go for good, after this she'll be free to be happy.
His rare selfless thoughts were interrupted by the curt knock on his door. The feeling of his throat swallowing harshly added to his nerves and irritation.
This was goodbye to Elena, what they had and who they were together.
He tightened his jaw and looked away from the dramatically suspenseful looks on everyone's faces. Caroline and Bonnie breathed heavily and unevenly. Elena's breathing remaining steady.
Eyes hard on the darkness of the wooden door, he opened it.
It opens swiftly, he tries to remain somewhat of an arrogant prick, it's what Elena knows best.
"Thanks for taking your time, witch."
The older woman sniggered at his accusatory tone and pushed past him, she wasn't too pleased to even be there.
"Let's get this done." Her words were simple and it worked for Damon, he didn't care to have her around too long either.
"Where's your witchy juju-" Damon paused, "stuff?"
"It's a drink. All she needs is this." 4 pairs of eyes zeroed in on the tiny bottle in the grasp of the witches lanky fingers. Damon was immediately skeptical, Elena was immediately panicked.
What's going to happen when I remember, what is there to remember?
"Should we leave them alone?" A hesitant Bonnie suggested, almost worried that Elena would hate her for it.
It was silent.
"Let's just wait upstairs or-" Everyone shifted with discomfort, "anywhere else."
Elena watched the older witch handing Damon the elixir while everyone else scattered and then it was just him. If any part of her wanted to remember, it was just to defeat the feeling of impotence.
"You don't have to.." his blue eyes searched for something comforting, a phrase, a word. "You're in control Elena." He couldn't sit, he stood straight, maintaining an alert exterior. Even though he knew on the inside his confidence and hope had died a little.
He shut his eyes, ready to say some encouraging shit he made up but when his eyes opened Elena was finishing the bottle.
Her hand grasped the bottle with such force he waited for the shatter, but she just held it. Her legs bucked slightly as she slowly let the liquid go into affect inside of her.
Damon was steading her in a second, his speed the blink of an eye.
"I don't-" her head pounded and she tried to speak, "I'm not remembering." The angry tears began, something she didn't understand. It's not like she cared to remember but now she felt the heated streaks of her tears and the only thing she felt was exasperation.
They sat down and it felt like an eternal silence between them, Damon had accepted the fact that it wouldn't change.
Like a short burst, the memory of their first kiss popped up in her thoughts, as quick as lightening. Elena took in the memory with confusion, she said nothing.
She waited for more, feeling a little tug at her chest.
Then the memories poured in painfully, all at once, everything flooded her mind and body. Suddenly, her hands clutched at the sides of her head, her temples throbbed like they couldn't take the jolt.
"What's happening to me?" A desperate, pleading voice begged Damon. He watched her with no idea of what to do, but all he could do was hold her, watch her.
Damon took a hold of her wrists, locking his gaze with her struggling eyes, trying to steady her. He held her like he wanted to keep her in the room with him.
Elena blinked at him.
The memories paused.
She had them all settled within her brain, even the one where her love for Damon led to the overwhelming decision to do away with his punishing remembrance and the lamentation that came with it, a mourning she was sure would never reach completion.
The feeling of desperation was restored in the young vampire, who stared at her dead boyfriend with the same aching as before.
Elena reached out gently, her delicate hands held Damon's face and she thought to herself if this wasn't real, she wouldn't survive it.
"I said goodbye to you Damon, you have to go." Her eyes were shut tight and she silently wished for him to go, it wasn't something she could take again. Damon felt the pain in the way she held him, the suffering slipped through her lips and went straight to his chest. It hit him, striking his unmoving heart. When she repeated for him to please go, he swallowed thickly and tried to store away the memory of how her love radiated through the warmth of her hands and her words.
"This is real," he mimicked her hand position and took grasp of her face, "Elena, open your eyes. I came back for you."
Tears dragged out of her shut lids, trembling of sadness, like she was convinced her heart was so distressed she lost her sanity. If she opened her eyes she was sure he would vanish, just like he did when she let him go.
"Why is this happening, I told Alaric to make me forget."
Damon struggled to find the words, it was a concept he hadn't even began to comprehend himself. So he just told her what he did understand.
"This is real," Elena's love whispered, his forehead leaned against hers, "and it won't last for long, baby."
Dark brown eyes snapped open, taking in the presence of her boyfriend. He should be gone, what is this? Elena leaned away from Damon, drinking in the reality of the situation.
He wasn't an illusion, her mind hadn't created another version of him, he had come back.
Lunging forward, her lips met his first, followed by her arms wrapping to hold his neck tightly. They kissed with the same force that they had ached for each other with, it was a deep kiss that let their wanting spill into each other. Damon's hands slid to her legs, positioning them around himself to lift her with a sudden strength. This kiss intensified, his tongue swiped along her own and his lips moved to feel all over her before he couldn't anymore.
Elena couldn't breathe, but she didn't care to, she unwrapped one arm from his neck to grab the side of his face in the embrace. He grabbed her ass and pushed her up against him, maintaining their position as he stood.
When she pulled away it felt like the worst choice she'd ever made, like now he would disappear.
"And here I thought you didn't miss me." A sly smile found it's way on Damon's lips, and she would've rolled her eyes, she would've jumped out of his arms but her legs stayed out around his waist and she couldn't react.
"I can't believe you came back to me." Elena stared at Damon with a smile as bright and genuine as the burning love that ignited in her chest, he realized that he couldn't try to remember this, it was impossible to forget. This would be more than enough to live without her love for the rest of eternity.
He did have to wonder though, how he would live happily with the absence of her love.
"Of course I did." He grinned, his response wasn't smart or witty, it was happy.
"But Damon, how are you here-" he shook his head at the question that turn her mouth into a frown.
That's when she realized it didn't matter, it mattered that she was in his arms and in that moment he held her. Elena hugged him, resting her head in the familiar nook of his shoulder. He let himself drink in her embrace, sitting down in front of the fire place. He switched her legs to rest on top of him, sitting on his lap.
Elena didn't move, she didn't let him go for a second.
"I love you, Damon." Her voice was soft, her breathing steady as she let herself find comfort in a touch she thought she'd lost eternally.
"I love you, I'll never stop," his fingers dipped into her chocolate locks and stroked the waves, "I'll always find my way back to you, Elena."
And then, it clicked.
It won't last for long.
Elena pouted deeply, her head remained resting on Damon's shoulder.
"Why can't it last forever?"
She lost consciousness as she finished the words.