Title: Afterglow
Author: Ozluv04
Disclaimer: Kate/Sawyer/Jack all belong to ABC and J.J. Abrahams. I'm just taking them for a test drive.
Warnings: Adult situations. Reader discretion is advised.
A/N: This is just a little introspective Sawyer/Kate piece. No spoilers. Set in a still on the island future where they give in to the inevitable. Enjoy!
Sawyer always turns his back to Kate after they make love. He lays on his side and falls asleep. He doesn't do it to hurt her. He just doesn't need to cuddle. He assumes he has shown her his feelings, and that she doesn't need anymore reassuring. She has never told him she wants him to hold her. She has never told him how cold she feels when he rips his warmth away. Sometimes Kate presses herself against his back, spooning with him. In his sleep, Sawyer's hand tightens around hers. Those are the moments she feels something awaken inside her. She hesitates before labeling it love.
It was never her intention to fall in love with Sawyer. At first she was content with their playful flirtation. But Sawyer was addicting. He had so much heat. Everything about him was passion: his stubbornness, his temper, his infuriating persistence. He could turn any moment into a seduction. She found herself melting from nothing more than a cocky smile and his lazy drawl.
The thing she loved most about Sawyer was how he managed to make her feel so alive with a sultry whisper in her ear.
Despite all the things she loved about him, Kate knew they were only temporary. She thought about this at night while she watched him sleep. They were too much alike. Too broken. Too passionate. Sometimes looking at Sawyer was like catching a glimpse of herself in a broken mirror. The image was fractured, but undeniably her own. As long as they were on this island they could pretend they were forever. They could pretend there was no letter and no toy airplane.They could pretend there was a happily ever after waiting in their future. Kate knew it was their similarities that would destroy them. Two people drowning in their pasts could never build a future.
Logic said they needed people who would balance them. People who would tame their impulses, rather than ignite them. Kate figured she needed someone like Jack. Jack would smooth her sharp edges. Jack would counter her impulsiveness. Jack would never have to be asked to cuddle. She knew she needed Jack, but she wanted Sawyer. It seems 'want' is a more powerful emotion than need.
Lying in the afterglow listening to Sawyer's soft snores, Kate knew the day would come that they would walk away from each other. She knew it with a certainty that terrified her. She let the fear roll over her, counting silently in her head, before she pushed it aside. She decided she didn't need a lifetime with Sawyer, as long as she could have at least one more day.