Conflicts

"In the animal kingdom, the rule is, eat or be eaten; in the human kingdom, define or be defined."
― Thomas Szasz

Philip looked around; they were at the entrance of the driveway with a roaring party happening just feet away. Lukas said he wanted to come to this party with his 'dream' but Philip wasn't so sure. He was out of the closet, whether by telling people or people thinking he was a freak and had to be gay. He wanted to be with Lukas, openly, but he didn't know if Lukas was ready for that.

The last month had been a drag on from one day to the next. Lukas went to the hospital for a few days while Philip went to the city to see about his mother's things. Lukas went back to school after and Philip did not. They called each other every night and texted all day. But they had only seen each other a handful of times since the showdown between Helen and Ryan. Helen and Gabe gave Philip the choice, they would do as he wanted. He could stay with them forever or he could go back in the system until he aged out. They wanted him to stay but they also wanted the choice to be his. He wanted to stay with them but he was conflicted with that choice. He liked Helen and Gabe, they were good people and he enjoyed them. But his mother was dead. His mother was dead because he lied. How could he be happy when his mother's death was his fault? His new therapist told him those thoughts were normal but he couldn't allow those to cloud his judgement on happiness. If he enjoyed Helen and Gabe and felt like it was good place for him then he should stay. So he stayed. He finally cleaned out his mother's apartment and made the final trek back with Helen and Gabe this afternoon.

Lukas texted him that he was coming over in the afternoon and Philip was being forced to spend time with him. Lukas even went as far as having his father call Gabe to make sure Philip complied. Philip and Lukas had only spoken on the phone about it but Lukas' father, Bo, was actually coming going to being okay with Lukas and Philip. Something about a near-death experience twice in the same week to bring any parent around. Lukas was strong in his stance that he refused to come out to anyone else until Bo was a little more at ease with their relationship. Lukas had spent more time with Rose while Philip had missed school, she was okay with Lukas and Philip.

When Philip was in school over the last few weeks, he kept his head down. Came in at the beginning bell and was gone within seconds of the ending bell. He never waited for anyone including Lukas or Helen. The kids didn't understand anything that happened, so they did the only thing kids did, they picked. Most of them only grasped Philip's mother 'the junkie' died in rehab of an overdose. Rose and Lukas both tried but the kids were relentless.

"Lukas, wait." Philip pulled on his arm to get him to stop walking up the drive then dropped it like it burnt him.

"Philip?" Lukas looked at him with that confused look with a quirked eyebrow, "What's wrong?"

"Your dream?" Philip pointed around at the party entrance then back to them, making a circle motion, "You're not- not going to kiss me, are you?"

"It was just a dream." Lukas smiled at him, they both knew he was lying.

"Lukas?" Rose yelled from her spot by her friend's car; she spoke to them quietly before coming over to see them. "Philip." She smiled at both of them. "You haven't been around lately."

"The last party I went you and Lukas kicked me out, I got things thrown at me, and I passed out next to a car until Lukas took me home in secret the next morning." He took to rubbing his hands on the front pockets of his blue jeans, the words just spilling from his mouth. "I don't really go to parties much."

Rose looked at Lukas who looked back at her, both of their mouths were hanging slightly open. "Uhm… sorry." Rose frowned then bit the corner of her bottom lip; she looked back to Lukas when Philip looked at the ground and wouldn't return her gaze.

"That was my fault and I'm sorry." Lukas stepped up to Philip but he stepped back.

"I'll meet you in there." Philip side-stepped them both and went towards the party, he got a few looks but he kept going. They would stop staring in a minute or two and then he could be the wallflower that he usually was.

Rose looked back at Lukas, "Is he going to be okay?"

"Yeah," Lukas frowned, "I think."

"Well you might want to find him and kiss him in public fast, or he might jackrabbit out of here before you blink." Rose smiled at her own joke and nudged his shoulder.

"Yeah, so on the safe side, you watch the door and if you see him leave without me, call me," Lukas smirked and dragged her along with him inside.

Lukas and Rose made it to the backyard with a drink before they spotted Philip again, he was off center with a crowd around him and some local annoyance of a kid. He was an older kid who had graduated from Red Hook two years ago and only came around to relive his glory days at parties and football games. He knew who Philip was because of the rumors not because he actually knew him. His name was Eric and he was an ass to anyone not part of his circle, Lukas had been part of that circle along with Rose but now he was just annoyed. Eric was clearly being an ass. Philip had his hands crossed over his chest with a look of disdain. Lukas brought Philip here as his date, his boyfriend, and there was no one who was going to ruin his plans to out himself tonight.

"Eric?" Lukas handed his drink to Rose and came forward, "What are you doing?"

"Hey, Lukas, how's the bike?" He asked ignoring his question.

"It's fine." Lukas stood off to the side between Eric and Philip, "What are you doing here?" He pointed around the yard then to Philip.

"Nothing. Just asking who invited this freak?" Eric pointed to Philip.

Although Lukas couldn't see Philip straight on, he felt the heat rolling off of him. The rage turning in him was reaching its breaking point. He brought Philip here and he was not going to be treated in this manner in front of him.

"Freak?" Lukas questioned, "What makes him a freak and me popular?" He asked.

The party seemed to silence, music halting, and muted whispers going out in the crowd. The kids were picking up on the tensions and they all wanted a piece of the action to take home and brag about over the next few days no matter the outcome of the fight gearing up.

"What?"

"You heard me." Lukas shot back, "What makes me popular? What makes you consider him a freak? What makes you relevant?"

Philip's eyes shot to Lukas; he was shocking the hell out of a few people in the crowd since their jaws began to drop. Everyone thought Lukas was the pretty, dumb one because he didn't talk a lot. But he wasn't dumb; he was just quiet.

"He likes to stick his penis into assholes, that's what makes him a freak."

"So?" Lukas tilted his head, "I believe it's one of your greatest tales was doing anal with Laureen in the gym."

There were some hushed whispers around the crowd and a few laughs. Many people had heard that story; it was what Eric counted as his greatest achievement in high school sex. Laureen said it never happened but the story still stuck around.

"It makes you popular but makes him a freak." Lukas took a step more to the center; Eric was looking over at Philip too much for his liking. If Eric got pissed and decided to get violent, he wanted to be the first person he got to not Philip. Philip wasn't the violent kind like him, nor should he ever be. No one was ever going to hurt his boyfriend ever again.

"Lukas, get out of here. What about this concern you?" Eric did step forward then, right up into Lukas' face.

"Here's why," Lukas whispered with a smile. The next ten seconds were going to define the rest of his life in Red Hook and he couldn't wait. He pushed Eric so hard he was forced back or to fall over then he turned and reached for Philip. He winked at him before putting a hand on the back of his head and pulled him into a kiss. It was a kiss that defined them from their very first kiss, full body and soul-searching. Lukas fit his entire body into Philip and twisted his head to get Philip to help him deepen the kiss.

Philip's world flashed and stood still. One second he was looking at Lukas' blonde hair and then next he was kissing him. He kept his eyes wide open see the crowd beyond them but finally took Lukas' hint and applied pressure into the kiss. He saw Eric step up to them. He pulled back from Lukas and pulled them slightly off center, so Eric stepped up to air.

Lukas catch on to him and twisted to look at Eric, who was not next to him. He pushed Eric on the chest again which forced him back again. "Listen to me, you shouldn't even be here. If you have a problem with Philip then you have a problem with me. If you think he's a freak then I'm a freak too." Lukas looked around at the mixed emotions playing out around the party. Happy. Sad. Confused. Disgusted. Name and emotion it was probably there. "Philip is my boyfriend and I am lucky to have someone love me the way he does and if anyone has a problem with that then I don't care. It's my life, not yours."

Lukas was over this party, he came here and did what he had initially planned to do with just a little more drama then he intended. He was ready to go. He linked his fingers with a very shocked Philip and pulled him from the yard and the party. He could hear Eric's voice going on one of his rants but the rest was blocked out and so were the murmurs of the rest of their classmates.

Philip waited until they were down by the entrance of the driveway, where this party began for them, before pulling himself away from Lukas. "What just happened?"

"I kissed my boyfriend to annoy a homophobic bully." Lukas arched an eyebrow at him.

Philip nodded, "Ah, so if that was all I had to do I should have kissed another guy in front of you ages ago?"

"Ha!" Lukas stepped up to him, "I just outed us to the entire school. I mean that was the plan for this evening anyway but that was more dramatic then what I had planned."

"Lukas!" Philip smirked, the shock wore off and the simple happiness of having a boyfriend he could kiss in public settled in. "There's no turning back now."

Lukas held out his hand, "Let's go."

Philip took his hand and sighed, "Thank you." He brought their hands up to kiss the back of Lukas' for a brief moment. He was instantly glad they dropped the broken bike off before walking to the party, he rather enjoyed walking hand in hand with his boyfriend.

"For what? Coming out?" Lukas shook his head and started a steady pace forward. "You don't have to thank me for that. I was going to do that anyway."

"No, thank you for protecting me from Eric." Philip watched their hands as they walked. Interlinked fingers, slightly swaying with their pace, and on public display. "Thank you for being here with me."

"You're welcome." Lukas squeezed his hand, "I also have to thank you. You stayed in place at my side the entire time I was too freaked out to come out." They turned down the lane in unison; matching step for step perfectly. "I would not have made it to this point without you. Forgot all the things that happened because of the murders. You were always there for me when I questioned my sexuality and you never faltered even when I did."

"That's not true. I did falter, once." Philip stopped and got Lukas to look at him. "Helen and Gabe were sending me away, I called and asked to be transferred from their care."

"What?" Lukas stared at him as much as he could in the darkening skies.

"I was so hurt with you when you lied about the watch and the drugs that before you guys even left, I was calling social services to have me removed from Tivoli. I didn't want to be here anymore if I had to look at you every day like that." Philip felt his insides burning. "I wanted it to be over, the murders, the fights, you. I just wanted it all the end. I was exhausted from all the lying and heartache. I knew I loved you before then."

"That's why you just agreed with whatever I said because you loved me? And I broke your heart?"

"Helen and Gabe asked me if I wanted to stay. Two weeks ago. They gave me an out from this place. From you." Philip squeezed Lukas' hand, "At first I thought how could they ever ask me that. I am never leaving. But then I thought, of course, they would ask, it's not the first time I asked to be moved." He sighed, "I love you, Lukas. I don't want to be anywhere else, or with anyone else. Just you."

"I love you too, Philip. Thank you for staying." Lukas tugged hard on his hand, Philip tripped in surprise but Lukas was there to caught him. He pulled him into another world crashing kiss; he threw his entire body into the embrace.

Philip went with pleasure into Lukas' arms and his awaiting lips. This was what his dreams were made of. Spending his time with someone who loved him as much as he loved them.

.The End.