and here's another one of the supercorp and clexa crossover, with some focus on lexa's friendship with lena. i just want it to be more realistic where the best friend isn't always the partner - i hope y'all like it!
now, read, ponder, and enjoy!
Little darling, it's been a long, cold, lonely winter;
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here;
Here comes the sun, oh.
-Here Comes the Sun, The Beatles
"You're fired."
"You can't fire me."
"Sure, I can. I'm a Luthor."
Lexa sighed, shaking her head with an amused smile. She draped her sweaty towel over her shoulder and took the bottle of water that Lena had so readily handed over the moment she came running. The engineering student watched the law student guzzle almost a quarter of it before screwing the lid back on.
"I'm sorry. I'd go if I can. But Roan is a mess and I'm pretty sure he'll blow himself up if I'm not there to make sure it goes smoothly. I want my sister to have a fiancé," Lexa explained with a genuine grimace. One of the juniors on the field called the striker's name, but she just waved her hand in motion for them to practice what she taught them.
"You don't even believe in marriage," Lena complained.
Lexa looked ready to retort, but then she shut up as she gave it some ponder. And then she sat down next to Lena and made sure their hands were touching in the small space between them. "I believe in my sister," she said. Then she nudged Lena's shoulder mildly to get her attention. "I believe in you."
"Ask him to postpone."
"It's their anniversary. He wants to do it on their anniversary. The date's on the ring and everything."
"Anniversaries are overrated."
Anyone would have demanded her to stop being selfish right now, but because Lexa was one of the few people who knew her best, she just chuckled and sneaked a pinky on top Lena's. "Don't be difficult. Besides, Kara's going with you."
Lena groaned, head hanging. "She doesn't – it's difficult for her to understand."
"Hey." Lena turned to her best friend, head still hanging. Lexa narrowed her eyes slightly, not in an intimidating way, but in the way she got whenever she was trying her very best to become the kind of best friend she saw on television but never quite succeeded. "Remember what we always say?"
Unable to help herself, the raven haired girl laughed, shaking her head at the soccer player. Lexa laughed too.
"You know, neither Kara nor Clarke can understand that too."
"That's why we love them," Lexa quipped. She nudged Lena again. "Come on. What do we always say?"
And together, they said, "At least it's not Mother Teresa."
They burst into laughter, causing passersby and the players on the field to look at them in confusion and slight bit of fear. It wasn't as if they asked for the reputation, but Lena Luthor and Lexa Woods were always difficult to make smile, let alone laugh.
Soon, the mirth let up. And Lexa, in a rare display of affection with someone who wasn't Clarke Griffin, wrapped an arm around Lena's shoulders and pulled her in tightly, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
"I'm always one phone call away."
The only people who had ever truly understood her apprehension about coming to the monthly Luthor family weekends were Lexa and her brother. She had taken much amusement in the fact that two of the closest people in her life had dangerously similar names, save for one alphabet in either their full first names or nicknames. They weren't much too happy about it either when she pointed it out.
Kara had tried to understand, but at the end of the day, the blonde had still come from a happy family, even though her first one had to be broken for that to happen. Her entire life, she had only experienced a pair of doting parents and a dedicated sister. Even before the car accident that robbed her of her biological parents, Kara had remembered the two of them to be loving, caring, and kind.
It was why Lena had found it so difficult to explain to Kara about the struggle in simply packing an overnight bag and driving to the mansion. There was no clear way of expounding on the traditions of Luthor gatherings, of how unloving a mother could be and how oblivious a father could pretend as. Describing her emotional turmoil as the day crawled closer until it was here was unfathomably arduous.
But even if she couldn't understand, Kara still knew her girlfriend well enough to discern the lines that wrinkled the edges of her eyes and the scowl that her lips had set into as she watched the calendar ticked past each day. So, without even trying anymore, she sat Lena down from pacing too much and held her hands tightly in her own, asking tentatively if Lena would like for her to join.
And then they were here in the car, cruising up the driveway that would only led to the mansion that Lena had escaped the first chance she had.
Kara squeezed Lena's hand and tucked it into the seams of her thighs, like it was the only way she knew how to reassure Lena at this point. Lena only took her eyes off the road for a second to cast the blonde a furtive smile.
There were no words appropriate for this situation – Lena because she couldn't think of any way to ensure Kara that she was fine when in actuality, her heart felt ready to leap out and her hands were twitching to just turn the steering wheel and drive them somewhere obscure; Kara because she still couldn't quite grasp just how bad it could be.
With the way Kara's phone kept buzzing in the coffee cup holder and she had to literally stop herself from reaching out for it, Lena knew that the blonde had at least asked for some advice from Lexa, and it was probably Lexa or Clarke or both of them who kept texting her at the moment. At that, she started to feel guilty again, because her girlfriend shouldn't be subjected to this. This sure-to-be unpleasant family introduction, this side of her that Kara had never predicted, all of this.
Sometimes, Lena still wondered why Kara was still with her.
Most of the time, Lena was a selfish prick who didn't know how to let go.
Nobody was perfect, and Lena certainly wasn't.
Eventually, the driveway started widening and they were confronted with a sprawling silver gate, adorned with tiny magpies and spikes that were meant to be intimidating. Ahead of the gate was a clear view of the mansion, symmetrical and neat, surrounded with acres and acres of fields that were decorated with the occasional boulevards, a nursery, a greenhouse, and a golf course. She recently heard from her brother that their father planned to install a mini zoo at the back.
"Holy," Kara breathed, eyes wide.
Lena barely fought the grimace from appearing on her face as she tapped her keycard on the reader and waited for the gates to swing open. Yeah, they had keycards, as if the security team Lillian had hired hadn't been enough. Most of them were retired FBI or CIA or something or other. All those money because the woman was a type-A paranoid.
"It's worse than it looks," Lena muttered.
Kara must have heard her, because her marvel died down a bit and her grip on Lena's hand went impossibly tighter. Lena inhaled deeply and exhaled in a quick whoosh before she stepped on the pedal to drive them towards the courtyard, where the in-house valet, household manager, and housekeepers were readily waiting.
When they climbed out of the vehicle, Lena saw her girlfriend making her way to get their bags out, except the housekeepers were already quietly opening the trunk and grabbing their bags. They made sure to greet Lena first before retreating back into the mansion to take their belongings to the room that no longer kept any of the items Lena deemed too personal and memorable.
"O-okay," Kara stuttered as Lena just took her hand and led her up the steps, followed by the manager.
"I don't want to know, Helen," Lena offered before the manager could rattle off updates. "I'm just here for the weekend and then I'm out of here."
Helen nodded dutifully. "Your mother is in the lounge. Your father is in the greenhouse. Your brother has gone horse riding."
Lena stopped for a moment, and then she had to laugh slightly. "He wore her down?" she asked, turning to face the manager.
Helen smiled as well. "He wore her down." Lena nodded and then released Kara's hand to extend her arms outwards. The older woman chuckled and accepted the hug. "It's good to see you again, Lena."
"I wish in better circumstances."
Helen smacked her lightly on the shoulder before stepping away from Lena's arms. She took notice of how the girl she had watched grown out of her teenage-hood naturally sought for the blonde's hand almost instantly.
"I want to hear all about it tonight," Helen said.
"You will, as long as there are chocolate chip cookies."
"There's already a batch waiting."
The room was clean. Bedsheets were tucked in and wrinkleless. Stationeries on the desk undisturbed and assorted into different varieties. Only things in the walk-in closet were bathrobes and silky pajamas, along with the clothes that they had packed in their overnight bags, which the housekeepers had undoubtedly unpacked and arranged without so much as a glance. The bookshelves that used to be stacked with books of all genres were now barren, because the contents had all been moved when the owner hauled ass out of there. The curtains were drawn open, illuminating the space in natural sunlight.
Illuminating the impersonality that befit a Luthor bedroom.
Lena allowed Kara to take it all in while she sat on the window seat, one foot perched on the windowsill and the other dangling off the edge of the seat. She was doing all she could to not watch Kara's reaction by scrolling through her phone, answering emails and texts that she had willfully ignored on the drive over.
Clarke (2:04 p.m.): My phone is not on silent.
Lena (4:52 p.m.): Miraculous.
Unlike Kara, Clarke's relationship with her mother was contentious, amicable at best, and it did not get better after Jake's untimely death. So, in a way, not a lot of questions needed to be asked for Clarke to nod in comprehension and pat Lena's hand gently.
Still, she wasn't Lexa or Lex.
Lexa: (1:56 p.m.): People need to know Teresa's true nature.
Lena (4:52 p.m.): We should start a club.
When all the emails and texts were promptly read and replied to, there was nothing else she could do. Nothing interesting on National City Confessions page. Olivia Marsdin signed yet another bill that promised better healthcare for immigrant children. Twitter was silent. And she couldn't look at Kara and see her face change.
So, she chose to cast her gaze out the window, where the sprawling backyard laid and the greenhouse was located just several miles away. Through the transparent window, her father's hulking figure and bobbing bald head could be spotted moving through the aisles, watering his precious plants and unaware of his daughter's return.
She loved her father, truly. Lionel Luthor had always been doting and kind, but everyone knew that the only reason he dropped by the orphanage and claimed her was because he felt guilty. When she was a child, he would seat her on his lap in the conference rooms and allowed her to draw all over his schematics. Sometimes, he would even print out sets of sixth grade algebra for her little fourth grade brain to solve. Whenever she triumphed in a school project, he'd be the second to congratulate her and bring her out for a late night drive – a way to reward her by helping her escape the mansion. If she had nightmares, he and Lex would compete to be the first to reach her.
Guilty he may have been, but he was a father. Except for one thing: how he never stopped his wife from being the absolute worst. He saw it, they all knew he saw it, but he had never done anything to make sure her subtle but cruel attacks on the stepdaughter she never wanted stopped. Lionel Luthor felt guilty towards Lena for abandoning her for four years; he also felt guilty towards his wife for his one act of indiscretion.
She jumped when a hand touched her knee, almost yelping. And then she saw Kara, alarmed at her reaction, a tense frown on her forehead.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Kara said lowly, gentle and careful. Her thumb started stroking Lena's knee through the material of her jeans.
Lena gulped and closed her eyes, shaking her head. She opened them and tried to offer her girlfriend a reassuring smile. "No, it's fine. I was just…" Failing to think of the words to describe it, she just lifted her hand and motioned at her head.
The same hand then clasped Kara's atop her knee, slithering up her arm to pull her down on the window seat opposite Lena. She exhaled heavily and swallowed, and then, unable to fight it anymore, she keeled forward to rest her forehead on their clasped hands on her knee, breathing shakily.
"Oh baby," Kara whispered.
She withdrew her hand and Lena thought: this was it. This was when Kara decided different. She hadn't even seen the Luthor matriarch yet and she already knew that mess of this family. This was her getting away from it as fast as humanly possible – and Lena couldn't even blame her for it. This was it.
But instead, Kara had only shifted to move all the more closer to Lena, unfurling her from the ball she had curled into and pulling her into her chest, arms wrapped around her protectively and soothingly. Lena buried her face into Kara's body, choked with relief.
"It's okay," the blonde whispered, bracketing Lena's entire body with her own. "I'm here. I'm here."
For now at least, Kara was here. And Kara never lied to her.
They spent the rest of the afternoon touring the mansion. All the while, Lena had Helen periodically texting her about her mother's whereabouts so she could avoid the nearby area. For that afternoon, Lena allowed herself to relish in the marvel that crossed Kara's face each time they were led to a new room, particularly the library.
Lex had only just returned from horse riding when Lena brought her girlfriend to check out the new stables. He gave Lena a long hug and gave Kara an appraising look before offering a formal smile reserved for people he had yet to trust. But he decided to join them on their tour, and within just fifteen minutes, he was laughing raucously at something Kara said, a sign that he was already starting to trust the girl.
Lena wasn't the least bit surprised. Her girlfriend had that something about her.
Nevertheless, as they always said, good times rarely ever lasted long and they found themselves with less than an hour to prepare for dinner. Usually, Lena would have dressed up to her mother's approval – a nice dress that reached her knees, a pair of subtle earrings, makeup that hid her flaws, and hair in a neat bun. But tonight, maybe it was because Kara was there and Kara had always been the force behind her spontaneity, Lena decided to forgo the dress she had packed in her overnight bag and went for the flowing pink blouse along with a pair of pale blue jeans. Her makeup was only minimal, and thus her freckles could be seen. To top it off, she let her hair down, curling over her shoulders and just the way Kara loved it.
"You look beautiful," Kara commented, sidling up behind her and enclosing her arms around Lena's waist. Their eyes met in the mirror and Lena could see the sincerity in blue eyes. "You always look beautiful."
Lena ducked her head with a shy smile. "You just want to get laid tonight."
Kara snorted and blew a raspberry into Lena's neck, eliciting a yelp that was completely ungraceful. She wanted to jump away, but Kara's strong arms only locked her in place. Eventually, her yelp dissolved into a soft moan when her girlfriend started sucking gently on her neck. There was no enough concealer in her kit to cover it up, so she could only wish that Kara would be considerate enough to not leave any traces behind.
Done with her blatant display of affection, the soccer player rested her chin on Lena's shoulder, watching her quietly in the mirror. Sighing, Lena glanced down and played with the fingers laced on her stomach.
"I wanna go home." Because this wasn't home. This had never been a home. Home was back in National City, in her uncomfortable twin bed with Clarke on the other uncomfortable twin bed, in a lecture with people who understood her brain, at a soccer game supporting her girlfriend, with her friends having a picnic at the quad.
Kara nodded. "I know. We'll go home in the morning," she reassured.
Lena lifted her eyes to meet Kara's in the reflection. She was scared. "Please don't leave me after tonight," she pleaded quietly.
The glasses hitched with the movement of the blonde's brows to form a frown. The arms around her waist loosened and hands settled on her hips to turn her around and face her girlfriend without the mirror being a buffer. With a curled forefinger, Kara tilted her chin up with a firm look on her face.
"I will never leave you," Kara said vehemently. "Don't ever think that."
"Promise?"
Kara pulled her into a hug. "I promise."
"Honestly, Lena, this is a family dinner."
"Remember when you almost failed Accountancy in boarding school because you were distracted?"
"Can you really afford a distraction at this point in your life?"
"I want you to meet this really nice young man. He's the second son of the Justins. Very smart and dashing. Eligible for our standards too."
"You should have graduated by now."
"You know, when your father brought you home, I was expecting you to already be helping him and your brother at the company at this age."
It just never stopped coming. She never stopped attacking. From the moment Lena introduced Kara to the room to right now, when they were almost finished with the main course, Lillian's barbs became increasingly thorny, the veil of subtlety lifting little by little with each one.
To all of them, Lena only forced a polite smile or pretended she didn't hear them. She responded to her father's queries and her brother's teases, but she didn't offer any verbal comment to Lillian's remarks because she knew that if she were to give the woman a retort, they would only get worse. And honestly, Lena just wanted to get the dinner over with, spend some time with Lionel and Lex in the study, and then get the hell out early in the morning after breakfast.
The thing was that she had gotten used to them, and her coping mechanism was to not say anything at all.
But Kara wasn't used to it. She had never in her life witnessed a maternal viciousness such as the one that Lillian was putting on display. Midvale was familial, friendly, and warm. Her parents adopted her wholeheartedly and treated her just like any normal parents would. All her life, Kara Danvers had been the recipient of gentle love and tender kindness – her picture of familial perfection had been destroyed in simply a few hours.
Lena watched as her girlfriend's grip on the cutleries tightened over time, so much so that her knuckles had turned white. The dishes were delicious, but Lena could see Kara's appetite dissipating as Lillian went on as if the blonde was invisible.
"You are wasting your time at NCU, Lena. Might as well just quit while you are ahead."
A loud clatter silenced everyone and paused them in their actions. Kara had dropped her cutleries unceremoniously, chest rising and falling aggressively as she gritted her jaw and stared at Lena. Lena closed her eyes, gingerly dropping her own set and lifting the heel of one palm to push against her forehead. She waited – for Kara to decide that this was it and leave once and for all.
Who wouldn't? This was the kind of environment that Lena had grown up in – she was carefully fashioned to grow with this kind of bitterness and loneliness. Tonight, Kara had seen the reason behind her cold façade and callous behavior at NCU, and it would be the breaking point.
As if she had gotten the answer to her unasked question by just glaring holes into the side of Lena's head, Kara nodded and pushed her chair back, wiping her mouth with the napkin and standing up. Lena's eyes remained closed, keeping her ear out for the words which would be followed by the door slamming closed.
But the palm braced against her forehead was quickly swiped way to be held in Kara's warm grasp, causing her to almost faceplant into the salad in front of her. Kara pulled her up to stand as well, all the while glaring at the Luthor matriarch.
"Thank you for the dinner, Mrs. Luthor. It was delicious. Lena and I will be leaving now. Nice meeting you," Kara offered curtly. Then she threw Lena a look that indicated their future conversation and pulled her away from the table towards the exit.
"Lena," Lillian pronounced calmly, still enjoying the lobster. They stopped in their tracks. "You are better than this."
Kara's grip on Lena's hand tightened and she slowly turned around to face the raven haired girl, trying to seek for her eyes, but Lena kept her eyes glued to her sandals. This had not been a good idea in the first place. She shouldn't have accepted Kara's offer to come with her, but at that point of time, she just needed someone – anyone.
Her girlfriend didn't deserve this. She was sunshine and rainbows and happiness personified. Lena shouldn't have been so selfish to destroy it like that. If she could turn back time, she would have rejected Kara's offer and drove here by herself. It would be easier to endure.
"Sit down," Lillian ordered.
And like a good footman, Lena was ready to dislodge her hand from Kara's and sit back down. But the blonde wouldn't let her, pinning her down with just a squeeze of her fingers. Kara sighed and stepped forward to place a kiss on Lena's forehead, and then she faced her family.
"You're right: she is better than this. Which is why I'm not going to allow you to tear her down until she is you. You know, I've never really understood why she was so afraid to come home herself for this weekend, and I thought I could join her to give her some support. I thought it couldn't be that bad. I was wrong," Kara scolded, volume rising with each sentence. "You are vicious, cruel, cold, and utterly heartless. You're punishing her for something she had no choice in. And there she is, taking it. She takes it because she loves you; she loves all of you, because that's Lena. You throw anything at her, but as long as she loves you, she'll take it. But I'm different. I don't love you – I don't even like you. I am not taking it. And I won't watch her take it just like that, just like your husband and your son," she hissed. "You should all be ashamed of yourselves. I am taking Lena home, where she belongs – with her friends and the people who really love her. Goodbye and enjoy the lobster. I think you'd enjoy it more if you shove it up somewhere the sun won't shine."
As Kara dragged her out of the room and up the stairs, Lena could only gape at her girlfriend. For as long as she had known the blonde, she had never seen her so positively angry, practically seething. But what surprised her the most was that Kara wasn't leaving. She was still there, and if what she had said had proven anything, it was that Kara was keeping her promise.
She would never leave. And Lena loved her all the more for that.
Lena woke up to muffled voices in the hallway. Kara wasn't in bed with her, and Clarke's bed was still unmade from how she had left it last night.
When they finally reached National City, it was an hour past midnight, and Clarke was well asleep in her bed. But Lena and Kara coming in had woken her up, and with one look at Kara's distressed expression and Lena's uncertain face, her roommate had only nodded, gave Lena a hug, and snagged the key to Kara's room before making herself scarce.
The two of them didn't talk at all during the whole drive back. Kara had taken over driving duty and almost killed two possums on the way, but Lena was too shaken to even notice. She just allowed her hand to remain in Kara's lap and feel her girlfriend's thumb smoothing over her knuckles, constantly reminding her of her presence. And then once Clarke had left, Kara had only helped them change into more comfortable clothes before they slipped into bed together to sleep it away, a silent promise of having a conversation in the morning lingering between them.
"She just sat there," Kara said, her voice impatient and unhappy. "I just don't understand how she can just sit there."
"Look, I don't think we can ever understand," Clarke offered. "It's the same way with Lexa, and I can't understand either. The only thing we can do is be there for them."
"She's not helping me –"
"Kara," Clarke cut her off gently, "it's not as simple as that. You have to know that. That's her family. And sometimes, we do stupid shit when it comes to family."
"You weren't there. Lillian was so cruel. She was so – I just couldn't listen to it anymore. And I hated the way Lena looked during the whole thing. I just had to take her away from it all. I couldn't let myself let the girl I love be talked to like that."
Whatever else they were going to say was cut off a set of running feet that stopped outside of the door. "You should have called me as soon as you came back," Lexa chastised.
"We were tired," Kara explained.
"You should have called me," Lexa huffed, an insistence in her voice that only Lena would understand. There was a sigh, and then Lexa asked, "Is she still sleeping?" Kara must have offered some sort of affirmation, as Lexa continued, "Okay. You…you did the right thing, getting her out. I've wanted to do that since I started going."
"Then why didn't you?" Kara accused.
"Because she is not sleeping inside. She's heard everything you said. She is feeling awful. And I won't like what I see when I go in," Lexa snarked.
There was no chance of any rebuke from either Kara or Clarke when the door opened and closed. Lena exhaled slowly, lowering the blanket tucked around her head to see Lexa standing at the door, watching her warily. She must have seen something Lena's face that she didn't like, because she grimaced and rubbed the back of her neck and looked as if she wanted to get out as soon as she had come in.
Instead, she made her way over to the bed and gestured quietly for Lena to scoot over, which she did. She made herself comfortable under the blanket and made sure that every corner was tucked in tightly, pressing their bodies together.
"Tight enough?" Lexa muttered. Lena offered a hum of affirmation, closing her eyes and burying her face into her pillow. Lexa watched her for a long moment before asking, "Was I right? Did she do the right thing last night?"
Lena grimaced. "I don't know."
"You're home."
Lena nodded.
"I'm here."
Lena nodded.
"Kara loves you."
Lena opened her eyes to meet Lexa's. "I know."
The brunette reached up to cup Lena's face, smiling at her the same smile she had when they realized they were each other's best friend way back when. Lena wanted to return the gesture, but her chest was too tight and her brain was too slow and she just wanted to stay in this very tight cocoon with her best friend.
"I know this sounds hypocritical," Lexa started, "but you deserve to cry."
It was exactly the kind of validation she needed – the permission she didn't know she was looking for until now. Because as much as she loved Kara, as much as she wanted to spend the rest of her life with the blonde, there was no one like Lexa, the girl who genuinely didn't need any words to comprehend the difficulties that made up Lena Luthor.
So she nodded and moved to bury her face into Lexa's neck. When Lexa wrapped her entire body around Lena like a shell, she finally burst into tears, letting the fears and doubts and isolation that had haunted her since the moment she drove out to the mansion out. And Lexa was just there, quiet and accepting of her weakness.
Her best friend made sure she showered and ate before texting Kara. Fifteen minutes later, her girlfriend came in with her roommate. Lexa patted Lena awkwardly on the shoulder with a reassuring look before she went out with Clarke, leaving the room to Lena and Kara.
Kara, so beautiful, so loving, so kind, only stood there, wringing with her hands, because there was a sense of unfamiliarity on her face, like she didn't know what her next steps should be. Lena didn't blame her. For as long as they had dated, Kara had only ever seen Lena at her best behavior – tough, stubborn, occasionally mean, and with a sense of dry humor that could easily be mistaken for carelessness and lack of care. She had taken it all in stride, not quite knowing why Lena was the way she was, only accepting that her girlfriend was a genius with a severe lack in appropriate social skills.
Last night must have been eye opening experience for the blonde. There was finally an explanation for Lena's build as a person. And Lena didn't blame her for not knowing what she ought to do next, to navigate this new territory, where there were now roots to lay the foreground of Lena Luthor. She could only be grateful for one thing, which was that Kara was still here.
"I can't believe you told my mother to shove it up her ass," Lena started, chuckling at the memory.
Her girlfriend, taking Lena's cue, laughed and took a few steps forward until she's by the bed. Carefully and gingerly, she sat down on the edge of the bed, hands still wringing. Lena watched those hands that had been nothing but gentle and tender whenever they're on her skin, struggling with their places in this room. As an attempt to resolve Kara's struggle, she reached out and took both hands, stopping them in their fidgety movements.
"I know it's – that you –" Lena closed her eyes and sighed at her inability to find the right words to truly express how sorry she truly was for inserting Kara into that kind situation. "You kept your promise," she decided.
"And I will until you don't want me to," Kara answered.
"I will always want you to."
"Then here, by your side, I will always be."
Lena then looked up, expecting to see a determined expression on Kara's face, only to be confronted with a doubtful and unsure one. Occasionally, Kara would cast furtive glances at the door and looked at the plate of unfinished scrambled eggs sitting on Lena's desk, the one that Lexa had brought in earlier. Fuck.
She knew this was coming. The second Lexa walked in the door instead of Kara, she knew that there would be something happening to her girlfriend's mind. Something unpleasant. Something that Lena didn't ever want Kara to feel. Something she couldn't help.
"You have to know that I love you, right?" she asked, pulling Kara's attention back to her. "I want – Lexa is…my best friend. I met her before I met you. I met you because I met her. And that's one of the reasons why she will always be my best friend. And you have to – there are things that you only tell Alex and not me, and I understand that, which is the same as me and Lexa, and you have to understand that." She waited for Kara to offer a sign of affirmation, that she heard Lena. When she gave it in the form of timid nod, Lena continued, "I don't want you to be…jealous of Lexa because of this. Because I love her – I really do – but you are the one I am in love with. I may share my troubles with her, but I want to share both my troubles and happiness with you. And…and I'm sorry if I made you feel like you're second best, because you're not. You are the best, and that's why I don't know – I didn't want to ruin the optimism that you carry around with such confidence. I want you to stay as you are. I didn't know how to explain my family and why I acted like I did last night; I still don't. And it will burden you to try to understand when I don't even know how to discern it. And Lexa does. Lexa doesn't need explaining, because she knows what it's like, one way or another." Lena huffed and shook her head. "I feel like I'm making this worse. I just don't know how to –"
"Hey, no," Kara quickly interjected, shifting closer until their thighs touched and pulling their clasped hands to her lips, placing her lips on Lena's fingers for an indefinite amount of time. "I get it. I do. Lexa to you is like Alex to me. I get it."
Lena tried to search for any sign of deception in blue eyes, but all she saw was sincerity and determination to stay. For some reason, the botched explanation that Lena had offered managed to somehow to erase the doubts and uncertainty that had previously been Kara's modus operandi. God, she loved this girl.
"I just want you to know that even if you don't know how to tell me in words, I'm here. And I just hope that you will trust me to keep my promise and not expect me to run away at the first sign of trouble," Kara said, staring at Lena knowingly. "All chips are down since the moment I saw you tickling Lexa on the quad freshman year."
Lena smiled, remembering that time when she discovered her best friend was ticklish. One of the best days of her life. She had never let Lexa lived it down, except – "We didn't even know each other then."
Her girlfriend raised her brows and grinned cheekily. "Exactly."
Lena groaned, collapsing entirely until she was facedown on Kara's lap, to which Kara reacted with a hearty laugh and proceeded to run her fingers through Lena's hair. The engineering student groaned again and slithered her body around until her face was pressed against Kara's stomach and she was comfortable where she was.
"I love you," Kara announced. "You're stuck with me."
Lena hummed and pressed a kiss to Kara's stomach. She couldn't think of anyone else she wanted to be stuck with.
i'm kind of iffy about this, so like i need all the validation i can get.