Ever since Han and Luke got together and the elder invited the blond to stay on the Falcon with him, Han's woken up to the smell of burnt toast every morning. And he doesn't know whether he's supposed to hate it or love it.
Groaning aloud, Han peeled the sheets off his slightly clammy from sleep body and swung his legs over the side of the bed. A shudder running through him when his bare feet made contact with the cold metal floor.
After managing to push past the uncomfortable, chilling feeling of his very sensitive feet touching the freezing cold floor of the Falcon (damn, did he need to get some slippers), he finally made it out of bed and cracked his back in a few places as he walked over to the door to his bedroom, clicking a button on the wall and watching with bleary eyes as it slid open.
He followed the smell of burnt toast until he found the room he was looking for. It was like a kitchen, but not quite as nice - or equipped - as one. But that didn't seem to matter to Luke, who was happy as long as he had a place to make and eat his food in.
Grinning to himself, he approached his partner from behind and wound his arms around his waist that was slowly but surely beginning to fill out.
Which may or may not have caused Luke to jump in surprise the slightest bit.
Han merely chuckled and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of his partner's neck right below his left ear. "I don't get why you purposefully burn your toast every morning, Kid, but one thing I know for sure is that it smells like the rear-end of a bantha." He mumbled sleepily, absentmindedly stroking Luke's baby bump through his robes using the rough, calloused pads of his thumbs.
"It tastes better this way," Luke replied easily. He then spread some sort of exotic blue jam across the almost black piece of toast and took a huge bite of it. Practically moaning because of how delicious it was. "And besides, he likes it this way."
"He?" Han's movements stilled and he squinted down at the blond's belly, the gears in his head turning. "How do you know it's a he? You're still in your first trimester."
Luke let out a soft sigh, taking another bite of his toast, chewing the bite and swallowing it before turning around in his partner's grip to face him. "It's gonna sound crazy, and you're not gonna believe me- but I can just feel it, Han. The baby's presence.. it just-" his sentence trailed off into another sigh, and this time he ran the fingers of his non-prosthetic hand through his soft, blond locks of hair. "I don't really know how else to put it, Han. All I know is that it's a boy, and there's.. there's good in him."
Han's hands began shaking on their own accord, so he began to fiddle with the loose, flowy fabric of Luke's new dark hued robes to help distract himself from all the jumbled up thoughts racing through his mind.
They're having a boy. A boy! The revelation both excited and terrified Han. Excited him because he's gonna have a son to teach everything about fixing and flying ships to, and terrified because he's afraid he's gonna end up being a terrible dad like his own father was, and possibly even a terrible husband.
But no, there's no way he would ever allow himself to become anything like his father. He could never fail his family like that. Luke and their little boy.
"You feel it?... As in.. through the Force?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer. He just needed to say something, anything, to distract Luke from his sudden and embarrassing bout of nervousness.
Han Solo does not get nervous. Not even in front of his partner whom he shares everything with. Even the uncomfortable things he really hates talking about.
Luke nodded, not quite meeting Han's eyes as he nibbled on his bottom lip. Guess Han wasn't the only one with mixed emotions.
Not knowing what to say, or if he needed to say anything at all, Han listened to his instincts and pulled Luke into a warm embrace. One hand lightly carding through soft strands of hair that smelled like.. vanilla and fuel. Strange mix, but it was so very Luke. That kid was really something special. And someone Han should really put a damn ring on already.
Like, seriously, what's taking him so long to pluck up the courage to ask? He's kept the ring in a tiny little felt bag hidden in his pants pocket for ages... Probably as long as Luke's lived with him for. No, wait- he traded for it the day after Luke agreed to officially be his partner. Boyfriend just didn't sound.. as official a word. It also sounded a bit juvenile, and their bond, their relationship, was anything but.
A moment later, when Luke pulled his face away from where it was pressed into Han's shoulder, Han realized their were tears in his eyes, and reached out with his pointer finger to lightly catch one before it could fall.
He knew what that look meant.
"You wanna talk?" Luke hesitated a moment, before slowly nodding. "Let's go sit down then, huh?" Han placed a hand on the small of his partner's back and led him over to a small seating area.
They sat beside each other, Luke's non-prosthetic hand clasped between both of Han's. He patiently waited for the blond's tears to stop and for him to find his voice, offering him that smile that made the younger man fall for him. The one that was somewhere between a smirk and a grin.
Luke couldn't hold it in any longer and broke into a soft, gentle smile. Though Han couldn't help but take notice of the tears welling up in his bright blue eyes once again. "Han, I'm.. I'm scared."
Han tightened his grip on the shaky hand held between both of his own, bringing their hands to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to Luke's fingertips. "I'm scared, too, Kid. Terrified, even." Han admitted. "I mean, I don't know the first thing about being a dad, let alone a good one."
Surprisingly enough, this was the first time since they found out about Luke's pregnancy that they've really sat down and been honest with each other. Let it be known that they don't know what they're doing and that they're downright terrified. Sure, they've sat down a couple of times to make sure this was what they truly wanted, but they've never... Han shook his head, realizing that finding out the baby's gender is what made everything feel all the more real.
Real is good, but real is also.. Its scary. Makes Han want to hold Luke close and smooth his hands over his pregnant lover's belly and billowy robes. So he does. Which lightens the mood and pulls a quiet chuckle out of the blond. "What are we doing, Han?" Luke asked once a comfortable silence had fallen upon them.
"I have no clue, Luke. But we're gonna do this together. Stick together through thick and thin, and try to be the best damn parents in the galaxy."
"A few parenting books wouldn't hurt either," Luke commented, slightly distracted by the fact that Han actually called him by his name. Even though they've been together for quite some time, Han usually still called him 'Kid' or some sort of cute pet name such as blondie or honey.
"You read I listen?"
"Sure, yeah," Luke nodded, placing a hand atop Han's that still rested atop his growing bump; their unborn child. He should've known that the elder would suggest such a thing. It was actually kind of funny, how different they were from one another. It's probably one of the many reasons they got along so well, also the main reason Han stuck by his and the Rebellion's side for as long as he has.
The way Han had risked his life, entered the freezing cold, hard-packed snow to save him on Hoth... Luke would never forget that day. It was the day Han had told him how he felt, poured his heart out to him and managed to spill a little in the process. And, once he was cleaned up and no longer in danger of dying from severe hypothermia, Han had kissed him like there was no tomorrow and promised to stay by his side no matter what. Said that if Luke, for whatever reason, ever screamed and yelled at him to leave him, to never contact him again, he would stand his ground and firmly decline.
He thought that he'd never be able to repay such a debt. Until Han, his Han, got frozen in carbonite and he had to make a plan to rescue him from Jabba's Palace. Depending on how you looked at it, they were even.
When Luke plucked up the courage to finally say something, anything to fill the somber silence that had fallen upon them he'd caused by allowing his mind to wander down a dark alley, the sound of loud, heavy footsteps and an even louder voice turned his attention toward the wookie standing in the doorway with a pleasant smile on his furry face.
He immediately sobered up, a shy grin coming across his face when Chewie said he looked to have gotten bigger overnight.
"Not really sure if that's possible, or if it's a compliment, but thanks. I think,"
Han gave Chewbacca the side-eye at having interrupted a private moment, but in the end breathed out a soft sigh and let go of all feelings of annoyance he felt toward the wookie. He couldn't stay mad at his seven-foot-plus best friend when the guy asked Luke to stand and turn to the side.
It seemed as though Chewbacca had been right, and that Luke's baby bump seemed to have gotten slightly larger over the last couple of days. If that were even possible.
The wookie asked if he could touch the rounded curve of the Jedi's belly, and looked to both Luke and Han for an answer.
Han was confused for a moment, wondering why Chewie would look to him for permission, but then remembered how over-protective he could sometimes get over Luke and their baby, and understood his close friend's apprehension.
He didn't want to take away the blond's freedom, his choice to make decisions for himself, and gave a slight shake of the head, indicating that it wasn't his call to make, and for his furry friend to look to Luke for permission.
Luke seemed to hesitate a moment, before nodding and grabbing ahold of one of Chewbacca's large, furry hands and guiding it down toward his belly, which caused the other to have to crouch a great deal.
Chewbacca grunted about how he couldn't wait to see Luke get so big that he has no choice but to waddle around instead of walk, and about how he and Han will be finding out the gender of their baby soon, probably sometime in Luke's second trimester, and that it must be exciting for the both of them.
Han shared a meaningful look with his partner, silently asking Luke if he was ready to tell their furry friend the big news.
Luke gave a slight shrug, looking conflicted and just all around nervous.
He'd noticed his partner's shift in mood long before Chewie had entered the room, and had been about to comment on it, ask if he was feeling alright, when his brown furred friend had begun speaking to Luke without assessing the situation beforehand.
He offered the blond a slight grin, but it was all the latter needed to know he didn't have to tell Chewbacca anything until he was ready.
Seeing as it was their- his first pregnancy, it was probably best to keep such things to themselves until at least halfway through Luke's second trimester.
And besides, it actually sounded kind of nice to be able to keep one thing a secret between just the two of them for a little while.
"-isn't that right, Han?" Han looked up at his partner, confused as to what he was talking about, and how much of the conversation he'd missed.
"What?"
Luke gave a slight, fond, roll of the eyes. "Being able to find out the baby's gender in a couple of months is exciting, isn't it?"
"Yeah, definitely," he nodded, suddenly feeling a lump form in his throat and tears prick at the corners of his itchy eyes. "Boy or girl, I'm still gonna teach them all there is to know about ships."
"And what if they want to grow up to be just like their Dad and train to become a Jedi?" Luke raised an eyebrow, arms crossed. And Han, realizing what his partner was getting at, tipped his chin up and went along with the- not argument, but discussion to get rid of Chewie before the tears welling up in his eyes decided to betray him and fall.
"Guess we'll just have to wait and see, now won't we?"
Chewbacca, taking one look at the expression on Luke's face, then glancing at Han, who mirrored his blond companion with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow, grunted that he wasn't getting in the middle of things and quickly made his leave.
"Maybe we should start reading those parenting books sooner rather than later," Luke commented, sitting back down on the metal bench that was lightly padded. Han sighed, stretching out his legs and laying his head atop a cushy lap and long, billowy robes.
Luke carded his fingers through dark brown strands of hair, allowing his blunt fingernails to lightly scratch at Han's scalp every so often. It wasn't often that the smuggler let down his walls and allowed himself to show this much raw emotion. But it seemed the surprising news and mention of the baby's gender had effected Han as much at it had himself.
He'd awoken in a cold sweat earlier that morning, feeing a sudden and almost alarming shift in the Force. He'd pulled the giant, four and a half foot long pillow away from where it'd been tucked under his belly and between his legs and shakily got to his feet. He'd walked to the kitchen and sat down where he sits now, closing his eyes and reaching out with his mind. It had taken a long while, but he'd eventually uncovered what the shift had been.
And when he had, he couldn't stop the quiet sob that escaped his open mouth. He felt.. he felt warmth and love flood his senses. But there had also been this.. this sense that something wasn't quite right. Like there was a shroud of shadows looming over it all. It sent a slight shiver through his bundled up form.
It wasn't difficult for him to figure out that it was a male presence. One that was craving burnt toast and the most exotic of jams. The food had been a good distraction at the time, but he couldn't stop his mind from taking all these wrong turns and ending up in a dark alley on the wrong side of town.
But there was nothing to worry about, he told himself, so Han didn't need to know. Whatever it was that was.. present in the Force would either pass or he'd figure out exactly what it was eventually.
All that mattered in that moment was that he had Han, and that their child was healthy. He needn't worry about things that were unimportant.
"Why'd you stop?" Han mumbled, looking up at him and catching his attention. He snapped out of whatever trance he'd been in and resumed his ministrations a moment later. Not wanting to seem suspicious and alert the brunet of the troubling thoughts racing through his tired, achy head.
"You wanna talk about it, Han?"
"Talk about what?"
"Why I had to usher Chewie out of here,"
"I haven't had breakfast yet, so it's probably just.." Han's sentence trailed off into a soft sigh of surrender. "I just really want things to work out, Luke."
"You mean between us?.. Or do you mean us raising a child together?"
"Both, I guess." He snuggled closer to Luke's soft, cushy thighs and warm robes, and brought a hand to the loose fabric to fiddle with it. "I.. I want to make things official between us. I want our little boy to grow up with two parents, or any at all for that matter."
"Are you saying what I think you're trying to say?..." Luke whispered disbelievingly, stilling his movements and finding that all the breath in his lungs had escaped all at once. Leaving him to stare blankly at an uninteresting spot on the wall across the room.
Han slowly sat up and turned to face the blond, a nervous expression on his handsome face. He stayed silent for a moment as his shaky hands trailed down his person until his left one came across the pocket on his lower thigh. He reached into the deep pocket and pulled out a small felt bag the same color as his partner's captivating, and suddenly glassy, sapphire orbs.
"What I'm trying to say is..." Han closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath before steeling himself and blindly opening the drawstring felt bag. He opened his eyes once the small, dainty ring fell into the palm of his rough, calloused hand.
He glanced up at the shocked expression on his partner's face, took in the dropped jaw and the hand slowly rising to Luke's open mouth to try and cover his shock.
He grinned nervously and gripped the ring between his pointer and middle finger, holding it up at around shoulder level.
"Marry me?"
In the few agonizingly long seconds it took for Luke to reply, everything notable that's ever happened to Han in his thirty-something years of being alive flashed before his very eyes.
He saw images of his mom- leaving him and his father. He saw his father giving up on him after years of having to deal with him and all of his crap.
He saw himself as an orphan, walking the streets in his tattered clothes, trying to find food where he could, and having to either find jobs to work for credits or turn to stealing when times got really tough.
He saw himself growing up, getting in deep with the wrong crowd and working for bad people who did very bad things.
He saw himself walking away from that chapter of his life and turning to other things, such as smuggling, trading and stealing for whoever was willing to hire such a young, inexperienced man.
He saw himself meeting Chewbacca many, many years ago, who saved him in more ways than one. Then, time seemed to slow to a crawl and the rest of his life played like a movie in his head.
He saw himself and Chewbacca in Mos Eisley cantina, watched as he approached the old man in billowy brown and white robes, and the undeniably attractive kid in off-white robes that appeared strikingly similar to that of his older, much more frail companion.
He did everything in his power to get the blondie to say yes, and for the old man to agree to his demands. He flew them to where they needed to be with many complications, got into a lot of sticky situations, and found the movie in his head fast-forwarding to quite a while later when he was considering leaving the Rebel base on Hoth for good, up until he found out Luke wasn't answering his comlink for quite some time and nobody knew where the hell he was.
The painful memory of panic flooding his senses, of his blood turning to ice, replayed over and over again, and he found himself wandering out into the snow on a tauntaun, calling out Luke's name for a indeterminable amount of time. Screaming his name until he came across a patch of snow that didn't look as pure a shade of white as the rest. He dismounted the creature, who was as doomed as he himself was, and kneeled beside the man he never got to confess his true feelings to.
Over the few years they had spent getting to know one another, the years spent plotting against the Empire, there had been many of those.. secretive, private looks and smiles they would often send the other's way that clearly conveyed everything they wished to say aloud but couldn't get themselves to. There had been times when they would find themselves standing close to one another, staring into each other's dilated pupils and feeling the intense urge to act upon what the other so very clearly wanted and could so easily have if one of them were to just work up the courage to lean in the last few inches and claim what was rightfully theirs.
Luke felt alarmingly cold under his touch, almost like he was a block of ice. Han began to panic but somehow managed to pull himself together and check for any signs that there was still any life left in him.
He pressed his ear to the kid's parka-clad chest and didn't dare move for fear of not feeling and hearing his heart beat one last time. Lucky for the both of them, he felt the steady thrum of Luke's heart and sighed in relief. Thank God he'd gotten there in time to save him.
Luke coughed a few times and weakly called out Ben Kenobi's name, as well as a Yoda's, as he lay on his back in the snow, his exposed skin slowly beginning to turn purple.
Han didn't know what to do, but he knew he had to do something. He couldn't just stand there and watch the most important person in his life die before his very eyes.
He wracked his brain for ideas, solutions, but drew only blanks. He was just about ready to scream out in frustration and and anger at the crappy world he lived in when his tauntaun all of a sudden collapsed out of exhaustion and died. Leaving him with only one choice.
"Hold on Kid!" He told Luke, dragging his ice cold body across the hard-packed snow and toward the dead creature. He grabbed the light saber clipped to the belt of the quickly dying man, the love of his goddamn life, and switched it on.
He pushed all of his mental blocks aside and made a long incision going lengthways on the belly of the dead tauntaun, all the while mumbling unintelligible words to himself and Luke as he worked un stuffing the kid's freezing cold body into the warm belly of the beast. He adjusted the goggles on his slowly numbing face and made contact with base over comlink.
Back at base, Luke stabilized, cleaned up and no longer in imminent danger of dying, Han remembers love confessions flying out both of their mouthes just before they wrapped their arms around each other and kissed like there was no tomorrow.
It was the day Han promised to never leave his side.
That was all it took to make him stay.
Incidentally, it was also right around the time Luke set off toward a swampy, uninhabited planet, Degobah, in search of a powerful, all-knowing Jedi Master that went by the name of Yoda. He was determined to have the man train him so that he could defeat Darth Vader once and for all.
And Han, who'd just poured his heart out to a warm, alive Luke with a beating heart, knew that there was nothing he could do or say that could or would make him stay.
It was the kid's destiny, after all.
Not long after the chain of events that brought them together only to separate them once again, he found himself being frozen in carbonite. His last thought being him hoping, praying that Luke was alright. It all flew past in a blur and suddenly, he flashed forward to when Luke showed up at the big celebration all somber, but trying to keep up a happy facade for his and everybody else's sakes.
Han had none of it and led him over to a more secluded area of the forest where Luke broke down and told him everything. About fighting both Darth Sidious and his father Darth Vader. How his father, Anakin Skywalker, saved his life. Luke saw the good in his absent, corrupted father and managed to bring out the good in him that'd been lost, buried, for oh-so long.
They left the party early.
He flashed forward to the day, a couple months ago, when he woke in the wee hours of the morning to rustling sheets as his partner tried to discreetly crawl back into bed. He'd scooted forward a few inches until his front was pressed up against Luke's unusually rigid back.
"Something the matter?" He'd asked, sliding a hand up Luke's flank until it rested atop his stomach. His skin was just so warm and soft.. So intoxicating.
"Han.." Luke whispered, his whole body seeming to function again as it began to shake like a leaf. "I think I'm pregnant."
"You're.." Han slowly retracted his hand from where it lay, his breath catching in his throat. "But that's-"
"Impossible? Ridiculous? I know, Han. But it's the only explanation I can possibly think of."
"But I thought you said it was food poisoning... C'mon, Luke, it's got to be that food Chewie made us last-"
"You ate the same thing, Han. I'm the only one who's got intense cramping and has been throwing up non-stop for Force knows how long." Luke let out a shuddering breath, and that was all it took for Han to take him seriously.
"Wow," he breathed out, rolling over to lay flat on his back. "You're really.. Wait- you didn't tell me it was that bad! Kid, if I'd known.."
"Don't blame yourself, Han. It's really not your fault. It's mine. I mean, if I'd known what my body was capable of.. I-I could have somehow prevented this-"
"Don't say that." Han firmly stated, his blood beginning to boil at the fact that Luke would ever think he wouldn't want him or their baby. It's a surprise for sure, but a pleasant one. "Don't you ever fucking say that."
That was all it took to break the dam.
Tears streamed from Luke's beautiful sapphire orbs as he turned to face his partner. He buried his face in Han's clothed chest, the elder not seeming to care that he was beginning to soak through his shirt.
His eyes stayed dry as he wrapped his arms around the Jedi's back and held him impossibly close. He had to be the strong one. He couldn't just.. He needed to be the glue that held the other man together.
Luke needed him now more than ever.
"There's no way you could've known, Kid. And, no matter how shocking the news may've been at first, I'm.. glad you told me."
"Y-you're not mad?" Came the muffled reply.
"Of course not," Han smoothed a hand over blond bangs that were in need of a trim, and pressed his lips against his lover's now exposed forehead. "I love you, Luke. And nothing could ever change that. Not even a little kid running around the Falcon, playing with their Daddy's tools and messing with uncle Chewie's fur."
He managed to pull a wet laugh out of his newly pregnant partner, Luke smiling against his chest. "You're crazy if you think I'm raising our child on this hunk of junk. I love you, but we're getting a house and that's final."
Offended, Han scoffed and mussed the mop of blond hair resting just beneath his chin, ignoring the protests it pulled from the younger man.
"I'll have you know she's in mint condition,"
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, honey,"
"In all seriousness, Kid, I'm.. really glad you came to me. I don't know what I would've done if you'd have gone and done something drastic, and- I'm not even gonna go down that road."
"I just found out about an hour ago. And don't worry, Han, that thought never once crossed my mind.. for more than a minute."
The knowledge that such a thought crossed his mind for even a second broke his heart. Han may never have seen himself having kids, but that doesn't.. How could Luke ever even.. What did he do to put such a thought in his head?
"Luke..."
"Not your fault, Han." Luke attempted to assure him, though he still felt immensely guilty. "I called Leia while you were sleeping, and she helped me piece together all the symptoms and figure things out. Also told me that almost every, er, pregnant person has such a thought when they first find out. Even if they'd never truly consider going through with it."
"Promise me you'll never ever think even for a second that I don't want this baby. Please."
"Promise."
"Yeah," Luke sobbed out, the hand covering his mouth falling to rest atop his lap. "Yeah, I'll marry you, Han."
Tears forming in his own eyes, threatening to fall at any given moment, Han got down on one knee and slipped the ring onto his partner's ungloved hand. He had just enough time to press a quick kiss to Luke's baby bump before being pulled to his feet. Arms wrapping around his neck as lips pressed against his.
"Man, do I fucking love you, Kid." He admitted in a soft whisper, forehead resting against Luke's.
"And I love you both," Luke said in a pained whisper, tears freely falling from his red-rimmed eyes as he stared down at his clothed belly.
When Han was about to resume kissing his undeniably pregnant fiancé, he heard loud footsteps echo through the Falcon just before Chewie popped his head in, calling out one single word.
Finally.