Murder Genes

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI, Sara Sidle or Gil Grissom.

Summary: Sara Sidle is pregnant with twins but she is upset. Why?

The gynecologist glided the sonogram wand across Sara's flat stomach, and gave her a huge encouraging smile. She shifted the wand and stilled her hand when the image of the embryos showed up on the monitor. Grissom shifted nearer to get a clearer view of the monitor but kept his hands clasped tightly around Sara's hands. He was as excited as Sara was. They were expecting their first child and this was their first ultrasound appointment. They both could not sleep the night before as they were both too wound up.

They were going to meet their child the first time. Never once in their marriage, they had discussed about having children. They both decided they were too old for healthy children. They talked about having a surgery to put their mind to rest and he decided that he should go for vasectomy but before he could schedule a surgery, God blessed them with a child.

He remembered the morning sickness Sara had every morning when he returned from Peru. He was helpless when she hugged the toilet bowl and dry heaved. All he could do then was to gather her brown curls into a makeshift ponytail and stroked her back. He felt so useless when he could not do anything to ease her situation. She fell limply into his arms and swallowed hardly. He whisked her off to the nearest clinic as the dry heaving continued for days.

When the doctor told them, Sara was pregnant; both of their jaws went slacken and their eyes widened in shock. Both of them were shell-shocked, they did not expect this to happen. Sara had irregular periods and she did not give any thoughts when she missed one or two periods. Her job was stressful and nights to her were days. It was normal to her if her cycle went completely off the hook.

Sara panicked, as she did not take care of her pregnancy. She did not have any pre-natal vitamins. She downed Greg's Blue Hawaiian as how others drink plain water. She did not have any proteins in her meal. She just ate vegetables or worst, sometimes she skipped meals to avoid vomiting.

The doctor assured them that if Sara started to take her vitamins and eat well, there was nothing to worry about. Overjoyed, they thanked the doctor and asked for a referral to a gynecologist.

"Twins, Sara, we are having twins," Grissom shouted, unable to contain his excitement any longer when he saw two bean shaped embryos swimming in Sara's womb. The gynecologist nodded her head, confirming whatever Grissom had just told Sara. She tilted the monitor to give Sara a better view.

"They are about 7 weeks old," the gynecologist mentioned as she took some images of the embryos. Sara's smile fell and her lips pressed into thin line. She did not share the enthusiasm Grissom and the gynecologist had. She stiffened and turned her head away from the monitor. She could not bear to look at her babies now.

"Sara?" Sensing Sara's discomfort, Grissom held her hands to his cheeks.

"I need to leave now," Sara begged. She did not want to stay in the room now. She did not want to see the monitor. The ultrasound scan image the gynecologist pressing into her hands burned her. She dropped the scan image on the floor and cried.

"Sara," Grissom was worried, and pulled her into an embrace. The gynecologist left the room to give them some privacy.

"Can we go now, please?" Sara's voice was barely audible. She begged Grissom to bring her home. She did not want to stay in this room. The joys of having a baby died down.

Grissom scooped her up, wrapped his arms around her shoulder protectively and made their way down to the parking lot. He could not tell what went wrong with Sara. All he knew was Sara was upset.

The journey home was in silence. Sara clearly did not want to chat or make small conversations. The atmosphere in the car was incredibly tense and suffocating. Grissom's gazes kept fleeting towards Sara who was looking at the passing scenery, then back to the main road.

"Can we talk, Sara?" Grissom broke the silence.

"No. Not now," Sara swallowed her tears.

"What happened? You were so happy before the ultrasound scan." Grissom pressed on, unwilling to give up. He pulled over at a road shoulder, turned to face Sara, giving his full attention.

"We are husband and wife. We made a promise to tell each other everything."

Sara let out a soft sigh. "Do you still remember 8 years ago, in my apartment, you held my hands and I told you about murder gene?"

He nodded encouragingly, urging her to go on. He reached out for her hands. She accepted them gratefully.

"What I did not tell you is I do have murder genes."

Grissom was perplexed. Back then, he convinced her that there were no murder genes. He was sure they had gotten past the murder genes topic, until now. She brought up the topic again. He knew the basics about her childhood, her life before Vegas. They never delved deeper. She did not want to reveal much and he did not want to intrude.

"Ever heard of fetal resorption," Sara said casually as if they were having a dinner and making light conversation.

"Vanishing twins," Grissom replied, baffled of why Sara brought this up.

"I am the stronger one," Sara could not hold back her tears. "I ate my other twin, my brother. I ate my brother. My mother told me that I am a murderer before I am born."

"Sara, it wasn't your fault."

"It was my fault. My parent made that very clear since the day I am born. They told me that I am responsible for brother's death. They very much wished that I was the one who could not survive."

Grissom held back his breath, thinking of the childhood Sara had. Beside branded by the neighborhood kids as the kid whose mother stabbed her father to death, she had so much on her shoulder. Before she could understand the concept of murderer, her mother had marked her as one.

"I am afraid, Gil," Sara squeezed his hands for comfort.

"Afraid of?" he inquired.

"One of the twins will die."

"That is an irrational thought." Grissom felt his tears stinging his eyes.

"I am just afraid."

"Don't be silly. We should celebrate we are having twins." They never expected a child and now they had two. They should be celebrating and not brooding. They could share the news with the team and Catherine would definitely return to Las Vegas when the kids were born.

She shook her head, "No. I can't."

Sara caressed her stomach lovingly, "I can't deal with this."

Without a doubt, she loved her twins, their babies, but at the same time, she was afraid that one of the twins might kill each other. She was afraid of turning into her mother, becoming bitter and angry with the surviving twin. She did not want to become her mother. She did not want to be mentally unstable, or blamed her surviving child.

Grissom watched Sara trying to keep her tears in check. He was lost of what he could do. He wanted to hug her but she had built a barrier to keep him out. He waited for the sobs to subside.

"Can we go home now?" She whispered, feeling ashamed of her breakdown.

"Yes," he started the engine, and stepped on the accelerator. "Sara, you're not a murderer. You put them in jail. You will be a great mother," Grissom smiled.

"Gil, I am afraid," She laid her head on the window and closed her eyes.

"Sara, you're a scientist. You should know that you did not eat your brother. He did not survive, maybe due to an abnormality, a chromosome deficiency or poorly implanted placenta. There're just too many reasons for vanishing twins. It was never you. You're lucky to survive."

Sara took in a deep breath, "I know. But I can never shake away the guilt. I can never forget how my mother poking my head, blaming me for my brother's death. And I am so old now. The possibility of it happening is high."

"Sara," one of his hands left the steering wheel and found its way to Sara's thigh. "We can make it through."

She managed a small smile when she saw Grissom's grin. Her thumping heart settled down.

"Our babies will survive." Sara nodded, wanting to believe in Grissom.

"Will they?"

"Yes." He gave a resounding answer.

I may add another chapter when the fluffy mood in me commands it but for now I think keeping this ambiguous for them is better.

I actually find this in my flash-drive when I am clearing up storage space. It was incomplete but I decided to finish it.

I will try to update my other stories, but currently I am watching Criminal Minds. It was surprisingly good. CSI's current season, though good, did not manage to deliver. I am still lagging behind. :X I needed to write something to renew my faith for GSR. =)

Please let me know how you feel about this. I had proofread and edited my first draft and hope you will like it.