Disclaimer: I do not own the series.

Merlin's pov

Some would have been surprised to note that the court sorcerer was in love with his king. Others would have sadly shaked their heads at this foolish love. For what could he do? They were both men. And with a king there must always be a queen.

Not to say I don't like the queen. She is kind and beautiful. Everything you want to help rule the kingdom. She is perfect for Arthur. And I know that very well. I was still the one who got him ready in the morning.

The gleam in his eyes spoke of infinite happiness. Every word he said about her carried a tone of love. And he was exceedingly more public with his affections for her then when he was prince.

So what could I do? I loved the prat and all it got me was a reluctance to find anyone else. But he was happy with his life. And we were on the way to uniting the kingdoms. I couldn't sacrifice all of that to simply utter the words I love you.

It would be better if he never knew how I truly felt about him. That all I was to him was a bumbling idiot and best friend. Because no matter how much it hurt, he would be happy. He would have his queen, Gwen, and the security of a sorcerer that he didn't have to send away because of three words.

And as much as it hurt to downplay everything I felt for him I knew I had to move on. I would be in more pain if I continued living like this. So I started looking for someone. Which was difficult since I had never tried to before.

Then Lancelot showed up. My dear friend and companion. He brought laughter that had been missing from my life for so long. Good natured jokes that I didn't share with Arthur anymore. So I took a chance. I said I wanted to go out with him. He took my hand in his and said he would always be willing.

So our relationship started. We cared for each other deeply and knew that this was a wonderful chance for the both of us to move on from our unrequited love. To give that love to someone willing to love us back in return. We stood equal with each other. It was well known among everyone about our relationship.

I guess the first sign of trouble could have come a week into telling others about us. Arthur simply wished me the best and offered to beat Lancelot into the ground if he didn't treat me right. Gwen on the other hand was silent. Her eyes had widened and then returned to normal before gave us her congratulations.

As Lancelot and I walked away I could feel eyes boring into my back and our clasped hands. But I shook it off. I was finally happy with someone and there was a slightly lower chance of them dying because Arthur stabbed them with a sword. Though it was still a possibility according to him.

Soon after though I started spending more time with Arthur again. Not that I was complaining. He would always be my best friend and I would always love him. But I did not cling onto false hopes that he may have been jealous and hence the reason for our time together. It seemed that Gwen was leaving him behind to go on rides by herself.

Well she would take Lancelot with her for protection but none thought anything of it. Everyone had long forgotten that she had once been in love with him. It ran through my mind but since Lancelot never acted any different with me, I thought everything was fine. The mere thought of them having an affair would just be a pigment of my imagination.

So when Arthur decided we should go on a ride and catch up with them we were shocked to see them in a lover's embrace in a little grove. The devastation that covered Arthur's face in seeing his wife in another's arms slowly crept into anger. That he had been made fool of by his queen and knight.

But he walked away that day, me following a few paces behind.

Later that day when they came back he called Gwen into their chambers. I called Lancelot. And choked sobs could be heard in each room. I know it was me in this room but I could only imagine who in the other.

Various scenarios played in my head.

Arthur crying and asking why. Gwen holding her head high and confessing she never stopped loving Lancelot. She leaves along with Lancelot.

Gwen crying and asking for forgiveness that Arthur doesn't give. He banishes her and Lancelot.

Arthur cries and forgives her. Because she is his soulmate no matter what her feelings may think.

She cries and he forgives her. For he loves her to no end.

But then I return to where I'm at. Questioning my 'lover' how this came to be. Why was it that this happened and he never had the decency to break things off with me. Tight lipped he stood there. Not willing to admit his mistakes but eager enough to offer up excuses.

"If you had the chance you would have given anything to be with Arthur. Damn the wife he had and the lover you had, it would be worth it. For even a fraction of your feelings to be returned." He paused to let me reflect on his words. "You would let yourself be used if it was for his pleasure. Just so you would have that connection. Can you blame me for giving into what I have wanted for so long?"

"He and I will never be. I know that much. But there are consequences." Rubbing my eyes for what seemed like the thousandth time. "Nothing will ever be the same again you bastard."

And there were no truer words. They both left. Willingly or unwillingly I can not be certain. But I only saw the mess that Arthur became. The enemies he made of concerned servants. Yelling at them for the slightest thing wrong. His refusal to speak to me.

Except for one instance when I was trying to comfort him. Pushing my own pain from the betrayal down so I could focus on what he needed. He became enraged and tried to force me out before knocking me down into a chair.

"You helped didn't you." He scoffed. "Were you and Lancelot even dating? Or were you just his cover?"

Stalking back and forth before leaning over me. "You love me don't you. Gwen with Lancelot and me all by myself. Merlin to save the day. Make me become all dependent on you. Everyone wins!"

Shaking my head over and over in shock. That he had noticed I loved him was something I never considered and I didn't think it could hurt this much. He had known and still...

"I could never..."

"Oh is that so." He sneered. "Well aren't you pathetic then. Loving someone you can never have and then dating someone who loves the same person who took your precious love away. You sure do pick them Merlin."

"I loved someone before you."

"Oh and what happened to him?"

"Her. She was killed. We almost ran away together and then..."

"What?"

"She was cursed and turned into a beast. You stabbed her." My voice became lifeless in remembrance of pushing her body out onto the water.

"The beast!? You loved a cursed girl who was killed by me and yet you still love me. Are you some sort of masochist?" I was silent.

"Get out! I don't want to ever see your deceivingly innocent face ever again! You took my wife away!" He sobbed the last sentence. Walking out while I had a chance I couldn't help but look back at his broken form.

"As much as you say you dislike me right now I will always be here for you. And since you know already, I love you."

A/N: Well ain't that depressing. I was planning on writing a lovely little piece with a similar concept but with a happier ending but it ended up like this. Anywho first merlin fanfic. Hmm if enough people want another chapter from Arthur's perspective and with a possible happy ending I would be glad to write it but I don't think it would turn out as long as this. Reviews are loved and much appreciated.