AN: this was an idea myself and lexi (royais on ao3) went back and forth with for a few days on discord and it ended up this full fledged fic which i am really proud of actually
thank you for the encouragement and putting up with my yelling about parental!royai
check out her version of our idea at royais!
enjoy!
Roy placed his black coat on the hook by the door while he let his front door close quietly behind him. Letting out a muted sigh he braced himself for the onslaught that would be coming his way in approximately fifteen minutes. Without pause he headed straight for his bathroom and showered. If only it was so easy to wash away the stress of the day.
He had been justified in his reasoning. He was sure he had been.
But of course Hawkeye didn't see it that way.
He banged the edge of his fist on the button to stop the water flow. He sighed once more, watching the water trail down the drain. Droplets dripped from his hair partially obscuring his vision. He needed to get it cut. With the last hectic few weeks at the office it had completely slipped his mind.
He heard his front door bang, signalling the end of the calm. That what those fifteen minutes had been. The calm before the storm.
He was justified. He was.
As calmly as he could Roy dresses in his casual wear. In his adult life, especially since joining the military, he had opted for expensive suits whenever he was off duty. If he was going to be stuck in standard issue military uniform all day then he would sure as hell make an effort to dress up when he didn't need to.
However tonight wasn't the time for dressing up. He threw on a t-shirt and a pair of workout trousers. There was no reason to don a suit to have this talk.
He noticed Riza standing with his back to him, palms on the kitchen counter. Her shoulders were tense, slightly raised towards her ears. Her posture was stiff. One leg was bent and crossed behind the other, hooking at her ankle. Anyone looking at her in passing would simply see someone who was lost in thought.
However Riza Hawkeye didn't lose herself in her thoughts. She didn't have time for that. And Roy knew her better than anyone else. He could see the anger and tension in her body. Every so often her nail would tap against the countertop, the sound like a gunshot in the deathly still apartment. Her right leg was crossed over her left because of a gunshot wound she had sustained three months ago. It had healed now but she still favoured her left leg. It had been a habit she hadn't broken yet. Every time she had limped towards him it had felt like a stab wound in his gut. It had been barely noticeable after about a month but Roy couldn't not see it. It was another reminder of his failures.
The crime scene techs had said she was lucky. If she hadn't moved when she had the bullet would have hit in her the stomach.
Roy knew she had heard him enter the room. She didn't miss much. But he surmised she was probably too angry to even think about facing him right now.
"Riza," he greeted casually as he walked over to the fridge. He plucked a bottle of water from the fridge door. Inside his emotions were like a storm, each fighting for dominance. He tried his best to remain impassive but they both knew it was a fool's errand.
There was a quiet sigh from her as he moved over to his couch.
That sigh spoke volumes. It told Roy he better brace himself for the verbal tongue lashing that was coming his way. It told him that she was tired of this fight. It told him that despite everything she understood but was willing to fight her case regardless because that was her job.
"Sir," she greeted back. Her tone too was casual. But the edge was unmissable. Over the past few months she had never called him by his honorific address while they were at his place. It had always been Roy. It made his eye twitch in annoyance. She was playing him and she knew it. Riza Hawkeye knew exactly how to get under his skin and she did it well.
"To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit Lieutenant?" Fine. Two could play at this game. It was childish, yes. But she hadn't listened to his reasoning at the office. Perhaps she would now.
"I don't know Sir." He didn't miss the stress on the last word. "Why don't you tell me?"
His anger built once more within him, bubbling below the surface. But he wouldn't let it out. That would solve nothing and would only drive this wedge further between them.
Luckily, in this house, they could be them. There was no need to hide their true feelings like they did at the office. Like they had to.
"Don't play games Riza," he all but growled. "Don't hold back. There is no one to overhear us now."
"This is bullshit." Her statement shocked him for a moment. Stunned into silence in the only way she could. "You know it is. Sir."
Despite telling himself he wouldn't get angry, his face twists. "It is too dangerous for you to go out there in your current physical state. You know that." He repeated the sentiment back to her, oddly satisfied by the way her fingers twitch by her side.
"I am physically fit, Sir. I have been cleared for active duty by a military doctor. So tell me why I can't go into the field and do my job?" He opened his mouth but is cut off. "If you tell me it is too dangerous I will fucking punch you. Stop trying to shield me from these imaginary threats."
"I watched you almost die!" he exclaimed, letting his anger burst forth. By the time the words are out he was breathing heavily. Good. It is her turn to look shocked. "I watched you bleed out in front of me," he growled. "I watched my life go with down that drain with your blood. So excuse the fuck out of me if I do not want you to go out into the field until you are one hundred percent."
"That was two years ago, Sir," she replied, but the bite has gone from her words. She is frowning, still unhappy, but she has calmed down. Now he needs to as well.
"And it is a constant reminder of how I wasn't good enough to watch your back."
He had wanted to say those words all along. They had talked about it after the Promised Day but, as Riza had said, that had been over two years ago. A lot had changed since then, but a lot hadn't. There were still people out to get him because of his high status in the military. Being a General just meant the stakes were higher now. But he would grin and bear it because he had a job to do. At this point it had been his dream for so long that he had to see it through. Of course, Riza was by his side every step of the way. It was the only thing pushing him through.
Defeated, he sat on the couch and buried his head in his hands. He couldn't lose her again. Not like that. But this job was too lowly for the likes of him. It was something a lieutenant colonel could take care of easily with a small task force. Hawkeye would manage it no bother because that was her way. She could get any job done and Roy constantly admired her for it.
"I can't lose you again."
There was another sigh but all the anger had left her.
"You didn't lose me," she murmured, placing a hand on his head. He leaned into her touch, his head coming to rest on the side of her leg as she stood before him. Another hand made its way to his head and he closed his eyes. He always yearned for her touch. They had done their fair bit of sneaking around these past four months. He didn't know what it was but when they were in his house he couldn't keep his hands off of her. He wasn't sure if it was some need to make up for lost time or if it was simply a comfort he so sorely needed after all those years of furtive glances and brief touches.
"But I could have."
"You didn't. I am not going anywhere."
"I'm sorry," he muttered into the fabric of her skirt. "It was a moment of weakness."
The hands begin to move in his hair, stroking his head. He is not too proud to admit that he loves when she does that. It is nice to know she has been listening.
"I understand. But it is still my job. I can't abandon that because my superior officer is too afraid of "something happening". If word got out I would be discharged."
His hands fist in her skirt. He knows this, of course. He was being selfish and it had been a moment of panic earlier in the office today.
Her services had been requested to organise a task force to investigate a string of robberies in Central. The group specialised in going in to a job guns blazing, often leaving nothing behind except destruction. The brass hoped Riza would be able to shed some light on the subject since the MPs came up with nothing. Her speciality was gunfire so they hoped she would be able to see something they couldn't.
Fuery would be working the comms and Havoc would be assisting her with the case. The MPs would be pulled in for the manpower since it wasn't classed as a high profile case. There was more than enough support. Hell, Riza could have gone in by herself and cleaned it up in less than an hour.
"There was never a doubt about your abilities." He looked up at her from his seat, moving his hands to grasp hers. He smiled softly. "I guess these past few months have taken their toll." His gaze drops to her skirt once more and misses the way her eyes widen a fraction. However when he looks back up, her face was sympathetic.
"I know." He takes a deep breath, letting lose a shuddering sigh. "I won't fight it anymore. I was just…" His eyes wander across the room looking for the reason but too scared to admit it. "I was scared." He swallowed. "I still have nightmares about seeing you lying bloody on the floor. It has haunted me of the last two years."
Riza settles next to him on the couch. She brings his head to her shoulder, one hand splaying over the back of it while the other wraps around his neck.
"I know," she murmurs and honestly it is so comforting to hold her like this.
"It is even harder when you are sleeping by my side."
He feels her cheek move against his as she smiles. He is loath to miss one of her rare smiles – something that has been coming to her more often when they are alone – but he doesn't want to move. He is lost in the scent of her shampoo and the warmth she provides.
"Is this a hint?" she asked dryly.
He chuckles, the noise sounding from deep in his chest. "It can be anything you want it to be."