Author's Note: This is FanFiction. I do not own the characters, I borrowed them (without asking) from Janet Evanovich. If I could own and control Ranger, I would. And I would love every moment of it. I also borrowed (again, without asking) "Walk of Shame" by P!nk. That is her song, not mine. I just love it, and thought it fit Steph and Ranger. I hope you enjoy!
One step, two steps, counting tiles on the floor,
Three steps, four steps, guess this mean that I'm a whore.
As quietly and as quickly as possible, I try to make my escape. There is a lot riding on the line. I have to make my escape before he notices that I am gone. I don't know what he will do if he catches me. I don't think I could handle the look that he will give me. I don't think I could handle the look that I will give him. Ha! Those looks are what started this… This whatever it is. Oh, who am I kidding? I know what this is. Nothing. But I don't have time to think about that now.
Uh-oh, hell no, how long till I reach the door,
Fuck me, my feet are sore.
I have to get out of here. If he catches up with me, I will end up in a third world country, with just a toothpick and the clothes on my back. And that is if I am lucky. I am walking as fast and as quietly as I can. I try not to think of my actions last night, which are the reasons for my panic. I cannot believe I did that. What the hell was I thinking? Scratch that, I know what I was thinking. And I know what part of my body I was thinking with. But hell, the man is irresistible! And incredible, and edible, and… Yea. He is just all of those things. And more.
I'm wearing last night's dress and I look like a hot ass mess,
All though my hair looks good cause' I haven't slept yet.
I make it to my first destination. Then I realize that I'm not even fully dressed. I threw on what I could find while he was in the shower. But I couldn't dare take any longer to find my panties. Who the hell goes home at 5 am with no panties? And wearing the dress they wore last night. What the hell was I thinking? I just have to get to the elevator. This was has never seemed to take this long before. I mean, it's just out his door, and past the foyer.
Make the elevator, come a little faster,
I'm pushing all the buttons, but nothing's happening.
For a moment, just a small moment, I consider taking the stairs. Probably I would be caught. Did I want to be caught? Yea…No. Damn it! I have to get out of here. Why is it taking this stupid elevator this long? I know that it isn't used that much. Most of the Merry Men use the stairs. And it is five in the morning. It's too early for a lot of extra moving around, and I know it is a couple of hours before shift change. So again, why is it taking so long? Obviously the elevator hasn't realized that my incessant pushing of the button means to hurry up!
Please God, don't let anybody see me,
Please God, I'll do anything you ask of me.
As the elevator finally gets to the seventh floor. I jump on, and sigh in relief. As my head rests on the wall, I see the camera in the corner. SHIT! I forgot about the cameras. How the hell did I forget about the cameras? They are all over the place here. This entire building is more secure than the Pentagon. Please, please, please, let whoever is on monitor duty be busy with something else. I am praying for a break-in somewhere. I need their attention focused on anything but me.
I promise no more walks of shame,
So walk this way.
(We're walking, we're walking)
Walk this way.
(We're walking, we're walking)
I don't have a lot of experience with morning after freak outs, but it seems to me that the common factor in both is Ranger. If I can make it out of here without being seen (even if they see me on the monitors, as long as they don't let me know they see me, then I will stay blissfully ignorant), I will go to Sunday mass with my mother, without any fights about it. I will never let myself get into this situation again. Probably.
Last night's bubble gum,
No more bubbles, no more yum.
Where did I get this wrist band,
Tell me there's no tramp stamp.
Why did I have to drink so much? Oh yea, my life. What was supposed to be a girl's night out turned into Drink Fest. You see, I found out earlier in the day that Morelli is getting married. And no, not to me. And I am okay with that. Well, actually, I am more than okay with that. You see, Joe and I went into the off again phase about six months ago. But this time, it was permanent. There would be no getting back together. Unlike the times before, there was no yelling, no Italian hand gestures, and no Burg witnesses. It was just Morelli and I talking on his couch. We realized that we didn't want the same things out of life. He wants the typical Burg life, with a wife who stays at home, cleaning and cooking, while taking care of his 2.5 kids. And Bob, can't forget about Bob. I've been married before, for about a minute, and didn't like it. And I am not planning on going down that road again anytime soon. If ever!
One, two, three, shoot.
No, I know the shit ain't cute.
But damn the man, it sure is fun,
Party till the sun wakes up.
Okay now raise two hands if you've ever been guilty,
And clap, clap, clap, it out if you've ever walked with me.
As I am riding the elevator down, I try to recall the events of last night that led to my current situation. All was going well in Operation: Cheer Steph Up. They wanted me to see how great life could be single. I just wanted to drink, dance, and forget my worries. Well, my main worry. I am once again the focus of the 'Burg'. Usually when we go out, I stick to a few drinks. I am such a light weight, that I tend to sip slowly so that I don't get too off kilter. It started off with a shot with the girls. Then another that was sent over courtesy of a group of guys at the bar. It would have been rude to turn them down. I was just following proper 'Burg' etiquette. Before I knew it, it was shots with the local cover band that was playing. The rest of the night is only coming through like little flashes. What the hell did I do, and how the hell did I manage to end up in Ranger's bed?
Make the elevator, come a little faster,
I'm pushing all the buttons, but nothing's happening.
Please God, don't let anybody see me,
Please God, I'll do anything you ask of me.
I promise no more walks of shame,
So walk this way.
(We're walking, we're walking)
Walk this way.
(We're walking, we're walking)
I remember dancing with one of these guys from the bar. He was very nice looking. A little too hands on, but he was a good dancer. The next flash I get is the sudden feeling on the tingle running up my neck. He's here. I can feel it in my body, and I can see it in the look of the faces of the girls. Batman is in the building. I feel a large and warm hand make its way to my hand, the one that is currently rubbing my neck, trying to calm the tingles. "Babe." That one word. That one word that has a thousand different meanings. This one means 'Babe, you know better than to drink this much'. "Hey Ranger. Glad you made it back okay." Ranger had been 'In the wind' for the last 6 weeks. "Heard about the proposal." Just then, like their asses were on fire, the girls all jumped up and decided it was time they left. As I was busy trying to locate my bag and keys, Lula hands something over to Ranger, and tells him to make sure I make it home okay. I look up and blink back at her dumbfounded. That's it. Lights out after that.
I shouldn't have let them take my keys, take my keys
They left me here, with too much beer.
My friends, they hung me out to dry,
It's not my fault, and that's why
I'm doing the walk of shame.
All I need to do is make it to the gate. Then it hits me. Ranger has my keys. How do I plan on getting home? There is no way I am going back upstairs to get them. No way, not going to happen! But again, how will I be getting home. I can't call a cab, no doubt my father would find out, then my mother would call me as she is ironing everything in the house. She would go on and on about how Connie De Luca's daughter Jane doesn't have to be picked up at indecent times from someplace that isn't her home, wearing her clothes from the previous evening. She could call Lula, but knowing her, she wouldn't answer. Plus, Lula would be pestering Steph until she got all of the details of her night with Ranger. Not something she was ready for. The person she would normally call if she was stranded in a strange and uncomfortable situation was the one person she was trying her hardest to get away from. Those options out, walking home it was. Or just somewhere far enough away and that maybe served coffee. She could wait it out there until it was late enough in the morning to get Lula to come get her.
Make the elevator, come a little faster,
I'm pushing all the buttons, but nothing's happening.
Please God, don't let anybody see me,
Please God, I'll do anything you ask of me.
I promise no more walks of shame,
So walk this way.
(We're walking, we're walking)
Walk this way.
(We're walking, we're walking)
So walk this way.
(We're walking, we're walking)
Walk this way.
(We're walking, we're walking)
Finally, I make it to the garage. Hoping with all of my might that I will somehow be able to squeeze my body through the gates. More images of last night flutter in. Naked flashes. Of both Ranger and I. Smooth mocha latte skin, feather light touches, soft whispers. Full lips dominating mine, taking all that they can. Bodies writhing, seeking the other, needing the other. The sweet moment of pure bliss when two bodies become one. How it felt to have our bodies joined again. The height of pleasure that Ranger, no not Ranger, but Carlos, took me to. My whole body flushes as the memories of the night continue. My knees start to buckle as my body relives the pleasure. The memories seem so real. It's like I can still smell him on me. A small moan escapes. Just as I think I will fall to the ground, "Babe".
Strong arms steady me. And in a moment, I am lifted up in his arms. He walks us back to the elevator. How the heck did he beat me down here? How did he know I was sneaking out? Oh yea, he's Batman, and he took the stairs. I gather the courage I need to look up at him. I am met by his dark eyes. Without a word, they speak to me. I am his. Escape is not an option. And if I am reading them right, round 4, or would it be 5, is upon us.