Hi everyone :) I'm back! Hope you're all doing well and staying strong, seeing as we're in a Spoby Apocalypse, sighs.
This is my speculation fic for this week's episode, 3x21 "Out of Sight, Out of Mind." I really hope you like it :) Honestly, I don't know even what this is, but... ya know. It just came to me ) Please let me know your thoughts via review! (Even if you don't like it - I'd love to hear your feedback!) The very beginning is basically Spencer's unconscious thoughts (in form of my narration), so if you're a little confused, that's what's going on ;)
Thanks so much for everything you guys - your support for my prev stories is amazing; I love you all like Spencer loves coffee :)
I do not own Pretty Little Liars, the quotation used 15 lines in, or my OTP whom I love to deathhh.
P.S. The title translates to "he loves me" in French ;) Enjoy! Xoxo.
. . . . .
Once upon a time, Spencer Hastings was a steel wedge - never breaking, never cracking. Her thoughts were made of iron and not once did she back down.
The constant pressure that came from her family was embedded into her brain and willed her to strive for the farthest stars. She would make sure that every hockey goal was scored, every test was aced, and each glowing smile her parents offered her was earned. If there was something she had yet to do, Spencer made sure she nailed it flawlessly.
That's who she was: flawless and unbreakable.
...to everybody else that is.
Inside, Spencer was cracking; her best friend was murdered, the killer still at large somewhere. A psychotic mental-path was constantly down her throat, using every secret and every mistake against her, making the life she "lived' a living hell.
She was, in no way, "unbreakable," though the façade she showed the world proved otherwise.
Spencer needed a savior.
.
"Why don't you save us the cost of a trial and DROP DEAD!" Toby Cavanaugh had been broken and alone - his life, too, a living nightmare.
The words the town, herself included, had tossed his way were monsteurous...unforgivable. The things she and "Alison's posse" had done were much, much worse, though. They'd set fire to his garage, blinding his step sister and shipping him off to reform school. If you really thought about it, the girls themselves were the reason they hated him so much. He had done nothing, they had done everything, yet it was him who everybody despised.
It just wasn't fair.
When fate had struck and Spencer saw him crack that day in the alley, something clicked within her: though it's terrifying to have such powerful emotions, feeling is a part of being human. Nobody was made of steel - not even she.
Through their journey - from the trust to the friendship to the "I love you's" and to their first time, Spencer had truly learned to feel. The amount of times she'd cried -whether tears of joy, frustration, or sadness- was uncanny.
She had trusted... and even loved, two things she never once dared do.
She smiles, she laughs, her eyes twinkle, and for a while, she lives in pure bliss, loving the boy who unintentionally taught her these things.
.
S[he] be[lie]ve[d].
.
"Will you just tell me what I saw tonight wasn't real?"
The words Toby had whispered in her ear, all the "lessons" on truth and forgiveness... they were nothing more than repeated lies.
Though at one point Spencer had desired feelings - had wanted to feel alive, human, she was nothing now but a shattered ball of brokenness, frozen in time.
Sure, Toby had fixed her when she needed it first, but did nothing but break her when she needed fixing most.
.
.
.
"Toby..." Spencer voiced weakly.
"Shh, it's okay. I have a doctor on the way." He was staring down at her with worry and affection... why? He hated her, didn't he?
"Why are you helping me? I ruined your life and we both know it. You... you..." She was lacking strength; Mona had knocked her out cold after the grand attempt she had at choking her earlier that night. While she was sure Toby hated her for what she did all so long ago, she knew the team hated her more. Did he cheat her from death? Was he the reason she was lying on top of a hoodie in the woods instead of a hostile body bag? She had too many questions.
"I know you hate me...Toby... but I have to ask. Did you save me? From Mona?"
She realized, then, that he was holding her hand. Her mind was racing faster than a racecar.
"I don't hate you, Spencer," he whispered, squeezing her hand tighter. "I did save you, though. You're right about that."
Spencer sat up at once causing her head to spin quicker than before. "How? Why?"
Toby gently tilted her head back to where it before rested on his black hoodie. He could tell she was dizzying now.
"Why did you save me? How do you not hate me? Toby, you spent our entire relationship torturing me, watching my every move, using my mistakes against me. How do you not hate me?" No longer was she letting him grasp her fingers.
"I didn't have a choice," he admitted. "I already knew so much and they had always been a little skeptical of my worthiness for the teAm. They didn't trust that I could keep their secrets so they threatened me to stay and not spill so much as a word."
"What did they threaten you with?"
Thoughts passed through his eyes like shadows. "They... they threatened me with you. They told me that if I left or tried any stunts to take them down, they'd kill you in an instant."
Narrowing her eyebrows, Spencer unwillingly filled her troubled eyes with tears. Could he be telling the truth? Could Toby Cavanaugh actually love her? She couldn't see how professing his love for her would benefit that twisted team, even if it were just another one of his infamous deceptions. Knowing that at least his "I love you's" were true, Spencer might start to get herself back. Maybe there was hope yet.
"You better be telling me the truth right now," she choked.
He nodded furiously and with such sincerity that Spencer began to cry. "I am, Spence. I swear to you I am. Never did I plan to hurt you... I'm so sorry." Toby was crying too, hating that he had such power over both their emotions. It never should've been like this. "I'm so sorry."
And they lie there for a while, staring into the depths of their souls and the beauty of their moistened eyes. Memories come flooding back and buried feelings hastily unearth, each of them feeling content for the first time in weeks.
"I love you," Spencer whispers, lifting her head so that it nuzzles into his chest.
A slight whimper escapes Toby's mouth as he's in utter disbelief he's hearing those words again. He thought he never would. "And I love you," he murmurs into her hair. "So much."
They sigh, contentedly lying in the comfort of each other's arms. "Spencer?" Toby voices after a while.
"Hmm?"
"There's something I need to tell you." His breath hitches, petrified his sudden verbal expression would cut the fragile line of hope they were so walking. "Your parents... they're planning on admitting you to Radley."
"Radley?" She slightly pulls away. "What?"
"Yeah. They're worried about you." Toby's heart sinks when he sees the look on her face. Though she's wrapped in his arms and now aware of the unconditional love he holds for her broken soul; she had been through too much. There were certainly still doubts, still ambiguity. He was the reason for this whole mess, after all.
Spencer was broken - tonight in more ways than one.
"I know you don't want to go; you're not crazy and we both know it."
Spencer sighed. "But? There's a 'but,' I can feel it."
"But... I think you should. There are... people... in there. Clues, too. If you played it off like you belong there, you could stay just long enough to get the answers you need but I can't give to you."
Nervously rubbing his fingers against hers, Spencer speaks softly. "You really think I should?"
"Yes," Toby says certainly as he smiles sadly. When will it all be over?
"Okay," says Spencer as she tries to fight the drooping of her eyes. "I... trust you," she breathes, the wind of the naked trees slightly stinging her bruised arm. The moonlit wood was surprisingly comforting while in his presence.
"Thank you." Toby grins, letting out a breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding in. "I love you with all my heart."
The universe could throw all the curve balls in the world at these two, break every barrier of trust, crush all rays of hope. Feelings will be tested and emotions will ring high; things will get wicked.
But true love conquers all, and that's just what Spencer and Toby have.
"I love you with mine," she whispers before falling into a gentle slumber.
He loves her...
and she loves him.
-fin-