A/N All right... now I've waited way too long with uploading this story which i finished after the summer this year. Though I uploaded it to a swedish HP-channel with a good response from those who read it. I hope you who read it here will enjoy it too, going to upload one chapter each day. And the story has 13 chapters, and I'm warning sensitive persons about reading this, harsh language, angsty scenes and actually some torture too.

I'll apologize here for any grammaire problems, wrong spelled words and that stuff, this was my first really serious long story which I managed to finish too.

Oh btw, the characters, world, backgroundstory and probably a lot more belongs to J K Rowling and all the quotes from songs belongs to the groups I've written the names of. Oh and another thing, the name of the story is based on this song I'm quoting here in the beginning, Angels Fall First by the very capable and great finnish symphonic metal band Nightwish whom I've listened to for three years now. There are other groups quoted in the story as well, my tip to you readers is to, if you have the songs, to listen to them when they come in the story. A/N

An angelface smiles to me
Under a headline of tragedy
That smile used to give me warmth
Farewell - no words to say
Beside the cross on your grave
And those forever burning candles

/From "Angels fall first" by Nightwish

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Rain...

"This damn rain, have been going on for a week now."

It was as if the weather could feel what mood Harry was in, or maybe was it Harry's mood which had gone down again to its darkest pits when the rain started. Reminding him of everything. Cedric's body hitting the dark ground besides him, the pain, a small body hitting the bottom of a cauldron, more pain. Sirius' body falling through the veil, himself falling through darkness, darkness and pain.

Now he was here, at the Dursleys as all other summers, but nothing was as before. Nothing would ever be as it was before.

Trelawney's misty figure in Dumbledore's office flashed through his mind again, her voice.

"Either must die at the hand of the other"

"Keep quiet!" Harry thought to himself.

It was enough to know that people close to him had died before and people still close to him and alive were always at risk of dying. But to also know that Voldemort would try to reach him for that of all reasons. And to know that death was no escape because then all his friends and many more would die anyway.

He only had two choices as he knew it. Stay alive and see all the people keeping him alive falling one by one until he had discovered how to use this secret power the very same prophecy spoke of and once and for all remove that evil from earth. Or to die and not be the reason why people got killed by Voldemort any longer, but to know that by dying no one else could defeat Voldemort.

Harry felt like he was just a big pawn in a game, who was only given impossible choices and no real control over what he was supposed to do.

Suddenly there was a strong pain in his scar again. Harry was standing in his room watching out through the window and because of this pain he leaned forward pressing his forehead against the cold glass trying to ease it.

Since Voldemort's return had become public knowledge he had still been quiet and hiding. Still weak probably, but there were more disappearences and deaths nowadays and more pain for Harry. And with the pain, feelings. Sometimes happiness, anger and sometimes he felt just content.

This time it was happiness, something had gone right, terribly right. Harry didn't dare to think about what was going to be written in the newspaper tomorrow morning.

A quick glance over to his watch told him that it was already 00.00 and with nothing to do he understood that it was time to go to bed.

While changing clothes into his pajamas he started thinking, trying to remember something funny so he wouldn't have nightmares tonight again. He knew he often woke up screaming but none of the Durlseys dared yelling at him to keep quiet. In case "the wierdoes" from the train station would get here.

He tried this for several nights during the month he's been home now, trying to remember something happy instead of everything dark. Hermione had told him in a letter that he should try this if nightmares were troubling him too much. He had first resented the idea but the occlumency training wouldn't work so he tried this instead. The first week it actually worked. This last week had been harder though thanks to the bad weather.

The memory this time was actually from that same day. When sitting in the kitchen eating lunch this rat ran through the room. Petunia screamed like a pig and jumped up on the chair standing on it. Dudley wasn't able to do anything like that so he instead sneaked out of the room while Vernon chased the rat until it just disappeared in a courner, probably into a hole somewhere.

Now Harry instead let his thoughts wander over to Dudley. He'd been behaving really strange aorund Harry this last month. Probably because of what happened last summer. Maybe he finally understood that Harry actually saved his life. Or was it maybe what he saw that makes him keep a distance from Harry? Or did he still think that it was Harry who attacked him?

While thinking back on that scene with Petunia standing on the chair and Vernon chasing the rat Harry took off his glasses and reached for his glasses case only to find that it wasn't there. Harry quickly put back his glasses and started searching the floor and under the bed around his bedside table but couldn't find it. Sitting back on the bed and putting his glasses on the table he thought that he'd probably pushed it off sometime while putting a book on the table and it slipped into his pile of clothes and books by his trunk.

"I can searh for it tomorrow instead" He thought before lying down and turning of the light to go back to think about pleasent things. But all too soon he fell to sleep.

He was tied to a big tombstone, infront of him there was a cauldron and a man standing. A tall, thin, bald and pale man. Red eyes and two slits instead of a nose. The man was looking at Harry with a growing grin. The grin of a maniac. He lifted his arm pointing a wand at Harry who couldn't do anything, not even scream. He was tied too tightly and his mouth was held closed by something soft.

"Crucio" The man said and pain exploded all over Harry's body. In every bone, every muscle, every part of his skin, but worst was his head. Especially his scar, it burned like the hottest fire ever created. But in all the pain he felt a drip of blood coming out of his scar, running down his face to his cheek and suddenly he could scream.

He screamed as loud as he could but suddenly the pain disappeared and he opened his eyes just to see his room flooded with early morning sunshine.

Harry fell back to his bed suddenly realizing that he had been sitting up and breathed hard. There was sweat all over his face and his pajamas was wet by sweat. He also realized that it felt like the torture in that nightmare had lasted for hours.

He understood that this wasn't one of the normal nightmares he usually had, something was going on.

He stood up quickly to get to his desk when he discovered how he was shaking all over by just standing there and suddenly he lost his balance and fell.

Harry stayed lying on the floor. It was so nice there, the sweat was getting dried and the shaking stopped after a while.

The sun rose some more, he didn't know when he woke up or how long he'd been lying there but the Dursleys were going up to get breakfast now. Suddenly he remembered why he was lying there at all and was able to rise again to get over to the desk to write a letter to Dumbledore.

He quickly wrote about the feelings he got yesterday when he scar hurt and about his dream, he even wrote about how it felt like the dream lasted for hours. But he didn't describe how much it actually hurt.

After he'd sent Hedwig on her way Harry got dressed and tried to get in order in the bathroom. He still felt rather shaky.

When he got down into the kitchen to get some breakfast the Dursleys were already there eating. All activity stopped when he entered and they just watched him going in, making some breakfast to himself and sitting down, eating. Apparently he did scream not just in his dream but when he woke up too. After some minutes of silence things went back to normal. Vernon continued to read the newspaper. Dudley who wasn't on a diet any longer ate more than ever. He'd been training all year apparently and was still training during the summer. Looked like he enjoyed boxing.

Harry hadn't heard anything about attacks by Dudley lately, maybe it was because he'd stopped or it was that Harry didn't really care anylonger.

After breakfast he went back up to his room not saying a word and found two owls waiting for him on his bed. One was Hedwig with a letter and the other was from the Daily Prophet.

He payed the Prophet owl and took the newspaper from him first before getting Dumbledore's letter from Hedwig.

The frontpage had nothing special other than interviews of ministry officials about what they're doing about the new threat and why they stubbornly denied everything for a year, ridiculing Dumbledore and Harry himself. The Daily Prophet finally admitted that Harry was no nutter but they've not admitted yet that it was themselves ridiculing him and Dumbledore.

When he had scanned the frontpage he put up Dumbledore's letter and started reading.

Dear Harry

I am glad you wrote about this concerning matter. I cannot tell you much in this letter but I would like you to come over to Mrs Figg's home this evening at 8.00 pm. That way we can talk more freely. Moody will guard you today and tomorrow so you do not need to worry but still you have to keep your eyes open.

Sincerely Dumbledore

Harry snorted quietly for himself. "'Keep your eyes open' yeah what does he think I've been doing lately except hiding in my room?" He thought. Though another part in his brain told him that the meeting at Mrs Figg could be interesting. Dumbledore didn't seem like he wanted to keep anything secret from him anylonger. Not after what happened before this summer.

Actually for just two weeks ago Tonks took off her invisibility cloak in Harry's room to tell him rather vaguely what the Order was up to. But as usual when anyone asked him how he was he still said "I'm fine". What else could he say? How was he supposed to put his feelings into words and explain them to another person. He'd learned all his childhood to keep feelings to himself to avoid getting mocked. But now that wasn't the case, he didn't know what to do anylonger either than to let time drag him forward through the dirt.

After putting down Dumbledore's letter Harry started searching through his pile of clothes and books to find his glasses case. Not that it was something important for him, it'd be easy to conjure a new one when school started. He searched more because he wanted to get something else on his mind.

He didn't find anything until it was dinner except some old quills, he felt both annoyed and happy of this fact. Annoyed because he couldn't even find a simple thing and happy that he was able to do something else than to lie in his bed thinking.

He did eat dinner really slowly before discovering that it was already 7.45 pm. Harry hurried through the house and said shortly to Petunia that he was going over to Mrs Figg's.

It was still rather sunny outside though the sun was getting low in the west. The rain stopped sometime during the night and the forecasters were saying that they could await some weeks of nice weather.

The walk didn't take more than five minutes and he was soon standing on Mrs Figg's doorsteps waiting for someone to open the door. And it wasn't long until he heard some footsteps and the door opening where he saw Mrs Figg's face looking out.

"Oh it's you dear. Come in, come in" she said.

Harry mumbled something in response as he walked through the door and followed Mrs Figg to the living room where he saw Dumbledore sitting. He was patting one of Figg's cats and watching the fire before turning his head to look Harry directly in his eyes. Dumbledore did look older than usual, much like in his office that day in the end of the last term.

"Good evening Harry" he said. "Please take a seat, we have much to talk about."

Not saying a word Harry sat down on the sofa in front of Dumbledore. Dumbedore watched him and Harry noticed how his eyes got the old look back, suddenly he didn't look as old as he used to.

"Harry" Dumbledore started, but hesitated. "We actually have no idea what Voldemort is up to, we just know that he is preparing for something. We don't even know where he and his Death Eaters are hiding."

"but.." Harry began but his voice cracked, he just remembered that he hadn't really said anything for almost a month. Except for mumbling or screaming.

"But don't the order have any spies among the Death Eaters, like Snape was last time?" he continued.

"Professor Snape, Harry. And no, if Snape would even approach any Death Eater he would not survive long. Voldemort knows of his works during the last time."

Harry hesitated at this and sat back, letting it sink in. They apparently had no real idea what Voldemort was up to, just that he's up to something.

"We know why he's being silent though" Dumbledore continued. "They are, like we did last year, organizing. Setting up a headquarter, we don't know where. And they are most likely planning an attack which will be a big blow for the Wizarding Community."

"And we suspect, with your dream proving it, that he will attempt an attack on you. He may not know the whole prophecy, but he does know that it is you who stands in his way. And you are seen as a hero again which would demorilize the whole community if he would succede. But, there is one more thing Harry"

"What's that?" he asked.

"I will not keep this from you. He may attempt to attack your friends in order to reach you. That is why you only have Moody as a guard, the Grangers got guards under invisibility cloaks assigned to them and the Weasleys just moved into the Order's Headquarters. And other members from the order are guarding other likely targets."

"Can't I be moved to the Headquarters too? I'll be much safer there than here.." Harry asked hoping to be able to live with the Weasleys again.

"You probably would be safer there, yes, but to move you would prove much too dangerous. Don't worry Harry, I will get you away form the Dursleys in three days, the day before your birthday. You will be able to celebrate that as a birthday is supposed to be celebrated this year Harry, I promise you that but for now you will be safe here. Don't go too far away from the house though."

Harry just sat there looking at him. Dumbledore was speaking the truth, this probably was the best he could get for now.

"I hope you don't mind that I have arranged a small supper here Harry with Mrs Figg, you and me"

"Uhm, not at all." Answered Harry.

Not a long time after that were they all sitting around the living room table eating when Dumbledore suddenly said.

"Well well, look at that."

He pointed to one of the windows to the west where Harry could see a magnificent sunset. The sun was right above the horisont between some trees and a building. Beams were visible over and under some remaining clouds from the week long rain. It looked so beautiful that it filled Harry's heart with a warmth he hadn't felt in a long time. He couldn't remember when he felt this last which actually was when he and Sirius talked about moving in together in the end of the third year.

Harry knew that this scene would forever be etched in his memory no matter how dark it was for him.

Harry thought about how peaceful everything seemed to be now while walking back to the Dursleys, like the calm before the storm. And wondered what other wizard families were doing at that evening while he went into his room changed into his pajamas and sat down on his bed to remove his glasses. He suddenly noticed how his glasses case was actually lying there. He hadn't noticed it while putting down his wand on the bedside table. Petunia had probably found it and put it there earlier that day.

He took off his glasses, took the glasses case in his hand and felt a familiar tug by his navel. The last thought going through his head before the room disappeared from view was "Damn, I'm such a fool".

A/N well, that's all for today, more tomorrow, please review, and what do you think will happen? Once again I warn you about an angsty storyA/N