This Never Happened

by MyNameIsJeffNImLost

"This never happened." "I guess that means I can't put this on twitter." An adult miniJack gets arrested by the homicide detectives of the 12th. First in series, followed by Castle/Chuck sequel "I Wish This Never Happened" & Castle/Stargate sequel "What is Happening?"

Summary: "This never happened." "I guess that means I can't put this on twitter." – Castle 3.09, Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind

Unlike my Castle story Clone Army, this one has an actual clone. It answers the question "What would happen if grown miniJack was arrested?" For fun, I set it in the Twelfth Precinct of Castle. This story is set at the present. Stargate spoilers are for all Stargate series, and this story is a few weeks after Castle 3.17, Countdown. The major continuity issue (other than sci-fi/crime drama realism issues) was the President. I made Henry Hayes President because he was in several Stargate episodes, while Captain Montgomery only has a picture of Obama on his desk. In the Stargate continuity, Hayes' second term wouldn't be up until 2012.

Disclaimer: Nobody else owns anything here, so why would I?

Disclaimer 2: No beta. Why would I sucker/obligate/subject anyone into reading this when they didn't want to?

XXXXXXXX

"Uh, Beckett?"

"What is it, Ryan?"

"I think you should see this."

Beckett walked from the murder board she was assembling over to Ryan's desk. Castle followed close behind. The suspect in the case that they'd picked up this morning had taken full advantage of his right to remain silent. So far, they only had the name from his ID, which sounded suspiciously fake since it was from a TV show. Of course some people had to be named that, but the way he grinned when they booked him was practically an admission the name was false. His cell phone was pre-paid and had no call history. They had no ID on the vic either. It was frustrating. The only saving grace was Castle hadn't pulled out his CIA theory yet. The barely twenty year old look of their suspect did not shout, 'CIA.' Ryan was running prints, so hopefully he had found something to squash that inevitability.

"What've you got?" Beckett looked over Kevin's shoulder and froze. The search had found a match, but the name had a Department of Homeland Security block. "Don't say it, Castle."

Castle grinned in response. "Ok. I will refrain. But only because you all are already thinking it and don't need my prompting."

Beckett rolled her eyes. He was right, even though she'd never admit it. "I guess it's time to talk to the Captain." Inter-departmental cases were always the worst. Any case with DHS or the CIA would be a nightmare. She hated when bureaucracy got in the way of her murder investigations. As she went to knock on the Captain's open door, his phone rang. She noted his startled expression to the caller, so she motioned and he nodded for her to close the door. Their suspect wasn't going anywhere. She could wait.

Returning to her desk, Castle offered to get her a coffee. She watched him disappear into the break room and tried to collect her thoughts. They really didn't have any hard evidence on their suspect. She just considered everyone a suspect until their alibi could be confirmed. All they had so far was cop instinct that something was off about this guy. First, he was acting suspicious by the crime scene tape: very interested in the scene, but hiding his face. The aviator sunglasses definitely made him look like he was hiding something. Next, when Esposito was canvassing the crowd, he was evasive to even the most routine questions. When Beckett approached him a few minutes later, he abruptly turned to leave. After a few hurried steps, he thought better of it and raised his hands. At the time, it seemed like an admission of guilt. She immediately cuffed him so he could be brought to the station for questioning. He hadn't said a word since. Not one. Most people in custody said something. Instead he held the smallest of smiles. Only the coldest of killers stayed completely quiet.

Beckett's mental review of the case was interrupted by a presence at her desk. Expecting Castle, she was surprised to see a tall, blonde woman in Air Force dress blues. She wore a friendly smile.

"Colonel Samantha Carter. I believe you are holding a Jonathan O'Neill."

I knew his name wasn't real. "Detective Kate Beckett." They shook hands. "No. We have no one of that name here."

"He looks something like this." The colonel held up her phone, showing a grainy black and white head shot of their suspect wearing a military uniform. The picture looked like a scan of an old photo, not a digital one.

"Yes, he's here. He's not going by O'Neill. Is he one of yours?"

"He's sort of AWOL."

"My murder trumps your AWOL."

The colonel winced, but continued, "What name did he give?"

"John Carter, like that doctor on ER."

"He told you his last name is Carter?" The colonel rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly, trying to hold in a grin.

"That's also what his Colorado driver's license said, but I suspected it was fake."

"I'm going to need that license and anything else you took from him. Then I'm going to need to speak with John."

"I'm sorry, but he's currently being held as a material witness in a homicide and is being booked for failing to cooperate with-"

"Beckett," Captain Montgomery called across the bullpen. "A word."

Beckett walked to his office. On the way, she saw Castle, who had taken a strategic position out of the way near Ryan and Esposito. "Stop drooling and close your mouth, Castle, unless you plan on trading me in to shadow an Air Force colonel."

That broke him out of his stupor. "I'd never dream of it. I just think I've seen her before." He handed Beckett her coffee and followed her to the Captain's office.

Montgomery stared at Castle for a second. "I didn't ask for you, Castle. Ah hell. Who cares? I just got off the phone with DHS. We are supposed to cooperate with Colonel Carter. Give her anything she needs."

"But sir, since when does the Air Force have jurisdiction in a New York City homicide? Is she even JAG or AFOSI?"

"I don't know, Beckett. I just got off the phone with a Lieutenant General Jack O'Neill, who gave me my marching orders. He had to hang up on me to return to his meeting with his boss, the President of the United States. Whatever this is, this is big."

"O'Neill? The suspect was going by the name 'Carter.' Colonel Carter outside said our suspect's real name is O'Neill. This sounds like a cover-up, sir."

"Maybe so, but whatever it is, it's above my pay grade. This general said I would be getting official notice through channels. Considering how fast I got that call and how quickly Colonel Carter showed up, I'm expecting a call from the chief or mayor any second. Just cooperate for now, but see what you can find out. I feel like we are already five steps behind on this one."

Beckett grimaced but agreed, returning to the colonel who was patiently waiting at her desk. Her posture would have telegraphed 'military' even if her uniform and introduction had not given her away.

"The General called your captain?"

Beckett nodded in response.

"Sorry about the confusion. He was supposed to call before I arrived."

Before she arrived? She was here within two minutes of the fingerprint match. It sometimes takes two minutes for the elevator to arrive at the lobby.

The colonel continued, "Let me guess, he used the 'Presidential meeting' excuse."

Beckett and Castle both nodded.

Carter rolled her eyes. "He should know better. Excuse me a minute."

Carter pulled out her phone a pressed a speed dial number. "Hey, Gina." Castle's eyes jumped wide open, and he froze. "I've told you before to call me Sam. … Fine, be that way, Mrs. Parks." Castle relaxed. It was a different Gina. "I know he just got off the phone. Can I talk to him a minute? … No this is not a call from his wife. This is a reminder from his old 2IC. Please don't warn him. … Thanks, Gina." Carter was holding a mischievous smile as she waited to be transferred.

"Hello, Sir. … I didn't use your private line because this is an official call. … I'm calling to tell you that you're busted, Sir. … I seem to remember Daniel once told you being 'The Man' meant you could do anything you wanted, but I clarified that was within reason. … Intimidating NYPD captains with talk about Presidential meetings is not within reason. … You should be nicer, Sir. … You seem to forget most of the President's itinerary is public record, so I know your meeting with him is not until 1400. … Oh, it's been moved up? … Ok, well please hurry up on the authorization."

"Yes, he's here, but I haven't seen him, yet. … I'm sure I'll be able to keep my hands to myself, Jack. … Well, when you make comments like that, I'm not calling you Sir. … No, I'm not calling him 'Runt'. … I've got another call, Jack. It's Dotty. They probably want me there, too. … If not, I'll see you tonight. … Love you too. Bye, Sir."

Carter held up her finger indicating one more minute as she switched to the other call.

"Colonel Carter. … Hi, Dotty. … Sure, I can bring him to the meeting. … No, he won't need to be processed for security. He can just use General O'Neill's- … Right. … You can tell the President my lips are sealed. … Ok, well I have to get him out of here first. Then we have to get to D.C. … We'll be in the Sit Room in an hour. … Bye."

Carter put away her phone and apologized to the waiting detective and writer. "Sorry about that. I had to tell off my husband before giving him a status update, but I wasn't expecting the call from the White House."

The White House? This is something big. And somehow this John Carter/O'Neill is related to Colonel Carter and General O'Neill. He must be their son.

Castle couldn't help but ask, "You call your husband, 'sir'?"

Carter shrugged. "He calls me Carter most of the time. He was my CO for eight years so it's sort of a habit. We think of them as pet names now."

"Give her a break, Castle. You still work for your ex-wife," Beckett teased.

Carter asked, "Do you have a room in which I could speak to your prisoner?"

Beckett politely took Colonel Carter to interrogation room 2 and asked for the suspect to be brought up. Carter took a pointed look at the mirror and turned to Beckett. "Feel free to watch from the other room. He spent some time as a POW in Iraq, so he'd never answer any of your questions unless he wanted. He'll open up more to me if you're not in the room."

Carter took a seat at the table. "Please keep in mind, everything you hear is confidential and some of it may be top secret due to national security. You probably won't understand most of it anyway, but I promise to review details related to your case at the end of our discussion."

Wow. This woman is confident. Beckett decided to play along, for now, and just nodded. If the colonel could get the suspect talking, Beckett would find out more.

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

A few minutes later, Beckett and Castle watched from the observation room as the tall, thin young man entered the interrogation room.

"Carter? Wow. It's been a while. I thought they would send Davis. I should get arrested more often."

"I was in the neighborhood."

"You sure look great! I love the long hair. Wanna arm wrestle?"

Carter ignored the question. "Just a second." She pulled out a small device and pressed its side. The computers in the observation room shut off, startling Beckett and Castle. Carter grinned at the window, but the smile disappeared as she looked back at the young man.

"What about-"

"I disabled their recording devices. It's ok if they listen. A couple weeks ago they foiled a domestic terrorism plot that saved the city. The details are classified, but they haven't divulged anything. They can be trusted as long as we aren't explicit."

CBCBCBCBCB

"How does she know about that?" Castle asked. "And how does she know we haven't said anything? Is Homeland Security monitoring us?"

"Shhh. I don't know. Just listen."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"The whole city, you say. How many times did we-"

"Teal'c still keeps count, but we're quite a bit ahead of you now. They also help catch a Chinese spy last year."

CBCBCBCBCB

"She knows about that, too?"

"Quiet, Castle."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"The Chinese are still spying on us? Don't they realize there are bigger fish?"

"They were using an asset to track debris in orbit. Their spy and our counter-intelligence team didn't know the mission was approved by both sides. Things got a little out of hand, and a civilian was killed. Their 304 is still being repaired, so they aren't being very trusting right now."

CBCBCBCBCB

"What bigger fish?"

"I have no idea."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"The point is our friends in the other room have shown they can keep secrets."

"So we can talk some, and mess with them a lot?"

CBCBCBCBCB

"Did he just say they were going to mess with us?"

"Shut up, Castle." Beckett focused on the two in the interrogation room and leaned in slightly. At least the suspect was talking, but now she was going to have to split fact from fiction. This wasn't going to be easy.

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"I should've known you wouldn't take this seriously."

"Come on. Let's have some fun."

"Fine. You win, Jack. You can mess with them."

"Hey! That's 'sir' to you."

"Not anymore. I guess you failed to notice I'm a colonel now, too. And you're retired."

"Ok. Ok. I was just kidding. I was kinda hoping for the three-star treatment."

Carter was not amused. "Not after making me come down here to bail you out. First, you disappear for six years. Then you show up in the middle of a murder investigation. If you want to stay off grid, fine. If not, you really should re-enlist. Then we'd be in a better position to prevent misunderstandings. The General is too important to get mixed up in stuff like this. A lot of his job is dealing with politicians, and you remember how they can be."

"At least you guys got rid of Kinsey. I couldn't believe it when he got VP."

CBCBCBCBCB

"Kinsey? As in the Vice President? They were involved in that? I thought he resigned."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"That was all Hayes, with a little help from Anubis."

"I never bought that cover story."

CBCBCBCBCB

"Castle, where have I heard Anubis?"

"Egyptian god of the dead, predating Osiris. I used Anubis as a code name for an assassin in Unholy Storm."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"Stop changing the subject. What were you thinking, Jack?"

"Well, I was just trying to protect the Program. Walking home from a pub, I saw what happened. I wanted to make sure no information leaked when the locals got involved. I wasn't expecting to get interrogated or arrested myself."

CBCBCBCBCB

"Locals. That's us."

"That's me. You're the tag-along."

"Whatever. He just admitted they are trying to prevent a leak."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"Protect the Program? Who was it, Jack?"

"I don't know. I'm not up on the latest bad guys. I heard a suspicious sound. When I got to the alley, I saw an over-dressed big guy use an 'unconventional firearm' that I hadn't seen before. He bugged out before I could get him."

Carter seemed to stiffen at this statement. "What time?"

"0130"

"Dammit. That's ten hours ago. They could be anywhere in a cargo ship."

"I know."

CBCBCBCBCB

"Cargo ship?"

"Where did she get that from what he said?"

"I think they're talking in code."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"I tried to call it in, but the DHWS switchboard thought I was a crank call."

"If you hadn't disappeared, we could have given you the latest codes. You should have them for situations just like this."

"That'll help next time."

"Of course, with you, there will be a next time. We should give you a tracking implant, too, so I don't have to escort you." She pulled out a cell phone and placed a call.

CBCBCBCBCB

"Beckett, what is DHWS?"

"I think he meant DHS."

"Who is this kid? How could he be a colonel, retired, and have disappeared six years ago."

"I don't know. I think they're just messing with us. Seriously? Tracking implants?"

"Who do you think he is?"

"He was using the names Carter and O'Neill. He's got to be their son."

"I'm not so sure. Not the right age."

"Her stepson? What kind of cell phone is that? That's different than the one she used earlier."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"… Yes, Major, it looks like it might have been Lucian Alliance. ... Right, they've been trying to expand their smuggling operations. ... 0130 ... Switch to active scan. We might catch them if they return. If not, maybe we'll scare them off. ... I'm going to need two airmen to collect the body and other evidence. ... Request Lt. Frasier TAD to the ship to assist with the autopsy. She'll be able to check more quickly for dead parasites, since I'm stuck here for a few minutes. ... I'll contact the General when I get back. Carter out."

CBCBCBCBCB

"Castle, why would she request someone TAD because she's busy for a few minutes?"

"I have no idea. If they're concerned about parasites, shouldn't they call the CDC?"

Beckett just shrugged.

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

Carter put away her phone and looked back at the young man, who was grinning.

"So how's the gang?" O'Neill put his hands behind his head and leaned back.

"I guess we have a couple minutes." Carter seemed to relax slightly. "Daniel's got a new girl. You just missed meeting her by a few months. She's from 'overseas' and is a handful. She comes through when it counts, though. While she might have fewer saves than you, she has a couple individual saves that are bigger than any of yours."

"Even P3W-451?"

"And you always pretended not to remember the names. Yes, bigger than that. In fact, in that case I came up with the plan, and I designed the shape charge. You just helped with deployment."

The young man huffed in response. "Ok, maybe so."

"Jack says she's just what Daniel deserves: karma for years of frustrating him. She's actually part of the team now."

"So, dating is allowed now?"

"Neither one is military. Settling their spats is Cam's problem."

"Cam?"

"Colonel Cameron Mitchell. You met him in your now legendary 302 class." O'Neill sat a little straighter as she continued, "He's in charge of the team now."

"I always thought you would take over when the knees gave out."

"I did for a year. Then I moved on to head up R & D for a bit because of personal issues. A few months later I was recalled and decided it was best to let Mitchell stay in charge. It gave me more time in the lab, and he knew better than to order me around anyway. Let's see... Teal'c has a streak of grey hair... don't ask. He comes by frequently, but most of the time he is 'overseas' with his new wife, grandkids, and council position. I assume you heard about Janet and about Hammond. We renamed my ship after him."

Jack nodded. "Hammond told me about Janet before I took off. I read about him in the paper. I thought about sneaking in the back of the ceremony, but figured I'd have a problem with secret service. I heard about Dad too. I miss him."

CBCBCBCBCB

"Did you catch that?"

"Yes, Castle, I did. Maybe he's her brother."

"That still doesn't explain how he could be a colonel… or why she has a ship."

"Shhh."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"Cassie's doing her residency at the base."

"Good for her."

Carter hesitated and smiled. "Oh, and last I heard, Joe's doing better with his wife."

"Joe?"

"Your bowling barber buddy from Indiana."

"You figured that out? Good to know I wasn't going crazy."

"Joe showed up with a gun one day. It wasn't loaded, of course. Jack and I exchange Christmas cards with him and his wife now."

"You and Jack, huh? So you two finally..."

Carter ducked her head.

"It's about time. At least one of us got you."

CBCBCBCBCB

"He's flirting with her," Castle pointed out.

"I know. He must be the General's brother. But that would make them John and Jack."

"She called him Jack, too."

"Ok, Jack and Jack. This one must be using an alias. Or they're just messing with us."

"Maybe it's like Newhart. You know, 'This is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl.'"

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"What about the regs?"

"Jack tried to retire when I transferred back under his chain of command. Hayes wouldn't hear of it, so we brokered a deal. In hindsight, we probably should have tried that earlier."

"Nah. Hayes seems much more reasonable than the last guy. When do you get to become 'The Man'?"

"General Hank Landry, I think you know him, has to retire first. I think he's planning that in about a year. I've been told I'm on the short list."

"Sam, you are the list. Who else would they pick?"

Carter ducked her head again. "It would be nice being closer to home."

"Well, how about getting me out of here?"

"Wait here. Oh, and Colonel... I'm to tell you there is still a spot for you in the program if you get bored with your wanderings."

"Give me a year or two more, and I'm sure I'll be ready for it. Give me a team, and you can be my CO."

"He'll be glad to hear it."

"I doubt that."

"He's the one who asked me to ask you. You're kind of like a brother to him."

"At least he didn't say son."

"Technically, with no meiosis your-"

"Eh, eh. Carter."

CBCBCBCBCB

"Wait a second. I remember from helping Alexis cram for her biology test. No meiosis…"

"What is it, Castle?"

"Nah. It can't be. Never mind."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"Come on, I know the truth now. You really like it when I start the technobabble."

"You know? Oh, so you were flirting just now. I wish you did this back when. I'd have better memories."

"Are you forgetting the Land of Light? Also, I know about Groundhog Day, Jack."

"Ah, yes. That was a good day. The other hundred or so... not so much. Just let me know if you want to upgrade to a younger model."

Sam shook her head again. "You're still cute, but I prefer the distinguished, graying look."

CBCBCBCBCB

"I'm certain he's not her son or even step-son."

"I know. It would be really creepy."

"So we're sticking with much younger brother-in-law."

"Agreed."

SJSJSJSJSJSJ

"You don't like the idea of robbing from the cradle?"

"First, I'm married. Second, Orlin really put me off to the whole idea."

"Wasn't he really old? Like, Ancient?"

"Ha ha. He pulled a 'Daniel' and came back to help with that outbreak we had a few years back. His 'problem' was worse than yours. It really freaked me out."

"He's back?"

"It's not like you'd believe me if I told you. You didn't last time."

"Hey! I'm not the one who blew up your basement."

"Just be thankful I'm not passing along what you said a couple minutes ago. You might find yourself locked up with no one to bail you out. My husband is in charge now, remember."

"Somebody had to have made a mistake."

"That's what he always says."

"It only makes sense that he would say the same thing."

"I blame the IOA, his knees, and the endorsement of your little friend."

"How is the little guy? When I saw him on TV, I thought everything was going public."

"A few years ago, they gave up on their problem."

"So I didn't help them after all. Maybe I should have offered more."

"They said everything that could be done had been done. They did leave us with a bunch of stuff and basically left us in charge of the store."

"More doohickeys for you."

"My ship is one of the integration platforms. That's why I'm not overseas right now. We're installing upgrades. Leaving us in charge keeps me busy, though."

CBCBCBCBCB

"Do you get the feeling 'overseas' is a code word?"

"I hate this case."

XXXXXXXX

Sam knocked on the window. Beckett and Castle joined her outside the rooms.

"Sorry about your computers. They should reboot just fine. I have to remind you that everything you heard in there is classified."

"You mean all of that stuff about people being 'overseas'."

"I mean everything. That bit about my goddaughter doing her residency. The part about our friend's girlfriend being a handful. Everything."

When Carter was sure they understood, she continued, "Here's what you need to know. The murderer was trying to establish a smuggling operation for high-tech weapons. He is now outside your jurisdiction. We're taking over the investigation from here, so you can move on to your next case."

I didn't hear any of that in the interview. Who are these people?

"I'm taking the witness and the body with me. I would appreciate some assistance in destroying all records of him ever being here. If that's a problem, I can have a Presidential order faxed here in twenty minutes."

She can get Presidential orders faster than pizza deliveries.

Beckett glanced across the bullpen to the Captain, who nodded to indicate he received confirmation through official channels. "Uh, no. No problem."

"Thank you for your help, Detective. Before I let you get back to work..." Carter tilted her head towards the observation room, leaving Castle in the bullpen by himself.

"First, please take this card. The next time you and partner find a dirty bomb about to blow up in New York City in about two minutes, call this number. Give them your badge number. We'll take care of it."

"How do you know about that? The bomb was supposed to be classified."

"Let's just say my clearance level is very, very high."

"What do you mean by 'take care of it'? I wouldn't think the Air Force would have a bomb squad in New York."

"You're not cleared to know the details, but we helped with that Seattle bomb scare a few years ago."

Scare? It destroyed a building. But no one died and none of the surrounding buildings were damaged. Even Esposito jumped on the conspiracy theory bandwagon with that one.

"Just please don't let your overeager friend pull all of the wires. That was just dumb luck. I could only assume the timer was not properly connected to the detonator, which means the bomb might not have even gone off."

Carter hesitated before continuing, "Speaking of your friend… I don't mean to overstep my bounds…"

Overstep? She just took away my entire case!

"I spent eight years doing what you are doing right now because military regulations required it of me. You don't have that problem. Don't wait."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Right. You can keep telling yourself that, or you can do something about it. I recognize how you are very careful about where you look, where you stand, and where you hold your hands around him. As someone who mastered that skill over many years, I picked up what you were doing in five seconds while I was on the phone. Let me just add… the irreverent ones are the best. They make life fun for workaholics like us. But you probably already know that."

Before Beckett could offer a false denial, the colonel left the room and walked over to sign a release form with a uniformed police officer that was standing by the two airmen she had previously called for. She then confiscated that form and handed it to an airman. She really was serious about there being no record of a John Carter/Jonathan O'Neill ever being at the Twelfth. She briefly talked to the officer who looked to Beckett for confirmation. With her confirming nod, the officer escorted the colonel to records, while the airmen turned to the elevators, presumably to retrieve the body.

"I just realized where I've seen her. I know who she is," Castle whispered to Beckett. "That's Samantha Carter!"

"Yes. She introduced herself."

"She told you she's the front woman for the men in black?"

"Give me a break, Castle. We've been over this. I know they were saying some unusual things in there, and that computer trick was strange, but there are no men in black."

"Tracking devices? Unconventional high-tech weapons? I did a search on 'IOA'. I'm fairly certain they weren't talking about the International Ombudsman Association, the Insurance Office of America, or the Illinois Optometric Association."

"That doesn't mean men in black. The witness even said they were going to mess with us."

"Why was an Air Force colonel talking about a ship? The only flying machine that is called a 'ship' is a 'spaceship.'"

"Seriously? Spaceship?"

"I have proof. Don't you remember that Colson Industries hoax a few years ago? Of course you don't. You were too busy catching bad guys. Let me bring this up on your computer..."

Castle did a search and quickly found the web site he was looking for.

"Castle, that's a conspiracy theory site. Are you saying O'Neill was on the grassy knoll?"

"No, but something about O'Neill and Kinsey rings a bell. Here it is. See, this site has an entire page devoted to Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter. I guess she's been promoted."

"It's probably just some stalker. You have sites like that too. Since Heat Wave was published, I even have sites like that."

"I especially like the Nikki/Rook site with pictures of the two of us together."

Beckett groaned in response.

"Some of the pictures are kind of cute." Castle ignored her glare and continued, "On this site, her bio says all of her research is top secret."

"I wouldn't call that surprising. She is military."

"Even her doctoral thesis? This site also has a video and a lot of detailed information about Carter sightings. See, here's the timeline. Colson Industries 'faked' an alien at a press conference. Soon after, the beautiful colonel was interviewed on national TV for Inside Access as part of the cover-up to discredit Colson. I wonder if that is the little friend they were talking about."

"Come on Castle. It says right there it was a hologram."

"He's little, and he looks friendly. Soon after Colson Industries folded, and Alec Colson mysteriously disappeared."

"I heard about that. I thought he was in hiding, living off his billions."

"No one has seen him for years. It's hard for somebody with that much money to completely hide."

"Ok, she did one TV appearance. So what?"

"At an applied physics conference a couple years later, she demonstrated a high-tech holographic security system and a laser gun! Unfortunately there is no video of that, but there were dozens of witnesses."

"Witnesses? That doesn't sound like a cover-up to me."

"That's the thing. Immediately after that conference, she stopped promoting 'high-tech' Air Force technologies. It's like she disappeared off the face of the earth."

"She was probably just promoted."

"Yeah, to Area 51."

"No, I was stationed at Nellis after the TV interview but before the conference. I do get back there occasionally to check on some projects."

Castle and Beckett both jumped at Colonel Carter's voice. She was standing right behind them, having somehow sneaked up on them despite her heals. Over her shoulder was O'Neill, trying to hold back his laugh.

"Those sites are so embarrassing. Most of the pictures are from my bad hair years."

"Hey, I liked your hair back then," O'Neill protested.

"Shut up, John-boy."

"Does he let you tell him to shut up?"

"It's one of the pillars of our relationship. He tells me to stop the technobabble in mixed company; I tell him to cut the sarcasm. You know what I mean, don't you, Detective?"

Beckett couldn't hide the confused look on her face. She might have agreed if she had a clue what was happening.

"Well, thanks again for your assistance. I just received orders to that meeting I mentioned earlier, and we have to catch transport."

"Meeting? You mean the one with the President?" Beckett asked, not expecting a straight answer.

She didn't get one. "And guess what, John. You've been temporarily recalled and get to come to the meeting, too."

"For crying out loud! What is this, the third time they haven't let me retire? Fourth if you count Groundhog Day?"

"Technically, you never did retire."

"I stopped collecting a pay check, but you're right. I'm not getting my pension. Does the President even know about me?"

"Suck it up, Colonel O'Neill. Oooo, I've always wanted to say that. He read most of our team's reports when he took office. He likes to give the General a hard time about having a readymade replacement."

"I don't even have dress blues."

"They'll take care of you on ship. I even asked Jack to send me a list of your colors so we can fix you up."

O'Neill didn't look happy.

"Is he going to be at the meeting?"

"I'm sure he is, although I don't think he knows you'll be there. The President's setting him up for kicks."

"That might be fun."

Carter turned back to her confused and slightly awed audience. "Oh, Mr. Castle, I've been meaning to tell you, my XO loves your books."

O'Neill interrupted, "Carter doesn't read them herself because she spends her free time correcting physics journal articles for inaccuracies."

Carter rolled her eyes at O'Neill and continued to Castle, "Just remember not to write about anything that you heard today. No one will believe you, anyway. According to people on web sites like that one, we'll make sure of it."

Did she just admit to being a 'man in black'?

"Carter, maybe you could put him in touch with Marty. Some of the writing has been weak in recent episodes."

Before Castle could form a coherent question, Carter turned, slapped the young man's shoulder, and grabbed his arm, pulling him to the elevator. As the elevator doors closed, she winked at Castle. A bright light seemed to come from the cracks of the doors. Beckett and Castle stared at the elevator, then at each other, then back. The doors reopened, and the elevator was empty.

Beckett continued to stare as she asked, "What was that you were saying about meiosis earlier?"

"Meiosis is the cellular division process for sexual reproduction… in other words, not cloning."

Without a word, Beckett walked to the Captain's office. A minute later she returned, still carrying a confused expression.

"Castle, get your coat. We're taking the afternoon off, and you're buying me a drink."

"Does this mean you'll take my crazy theories more seriously from now on?"

"I sure hope I don't have to."

"I'll take what I can get. I was thinking... We need to work on hickeys to match the last time we were visited by men in black."

"Check back with me after the fourth round."

XXXXXXXX

A/N: I decided to publish this so I'd stop tweaking it. If you enjoyed it, great. If not, what did you expect from a one-shot crossover?

Check out the Castle/Chuck sequel, I Wish This Never Happened. Who will be arrested next?