Dear Bella:
I came to your wedding. I doubt that you saw me - you were so caught up in his eyes that you barely even noticed your own father. I saw you kiss him, your large, expressive brown eyes so happy at the sight of him, of the wedding band on your hand. But that's okay - I didn't want you to see me. I didn't have any doubt that you would have tried to apologize for everything.
I want to be able to say that I'm happy for you, but there is no way that I can pretend, even for a second, that I approve of you and Edward, even now that I know where I stand - as a matter of fact, I despise it. I despise him. I despise myself for wanting to rip him apart for kissing you. I despise everything, everyone, for pushing you to him, instead of me.
But I despise you more for accepting it, like it couldn't have been changed from the beginning.
You said that you loved me, Bella - I remember you saying that to me before you told me that you couldn't "live" without Edward. Don't you see how much more I love you than he does? Do you even care that I've adored you from the moment that I met you?
Do you even care that I can make you happier than he could ever make you?
How can you stand to spend eternity with him? I know that before you came to the chapel, he turned you into one of his kind - it's so obvious by the pallor that your skin has taken., by the lack of warmth in your body.
By the shimmer that your skin seemed to take in the sunlight as you walked into his Volvo.
I wanted so much more for you, Bella. I wanted so much more for us. But it's too late now, isn't it? You may have not known it, but you made your choice the day that you chose to look at him. Or, more accurately, he made your choice for you.
Do you think that he actually meant everything that he said to you as he slipped that small, gold ring onto your finger? Do you actually think that he could doom you to this fate if he actually loved you? Yes, he saved you on numerous occasions, but do you think that he was doing that out of love?
What do you think would have happened to him, to his "family," if you had died, Bella? It isn't like he wouldn't be the first suspect if your body turned up on the end of some abandoned dirt road. He never really loved you, Bella - he doesn't even have the capacity to love.
And when you finally realize that, it will be too late. It's already too late, Bella. I know that you love him, and I know, from my own experience, that you always will.
But, then again, I will always love you, no matter what happens to me after this. Even if I let the wolf take over, the only thing that that would accomplish would be to dull the pain that is currently pouring out of my chest, to sew up the wound in my soul.
Even if I find someone else, Bella, I will always love you. No matter what I do, no matter what happens, remember that.
I wish you happiness, Bella, but I know that you won't be happy. Eventually, when a couple of centuries, maybe even decades, pass, and he tires of the game that he's playing with your heart, when your naivete has been sharpened by years of loneliness and your stubborness finally gives way to pure and simple fact, you'll realize that everything that I said, everything that everyone around you said, was true. God, I wish that I could change this for you, Bella, but there's nothing that I can change.
I would have given you everything that Edward can give you, maybe even more, but you've chosen your path.
And I guess that, in effect, I've chosen mine.
Love Always,
Jacob.
Yeah, I know it was a little too angsty for me, but I always get this way around the holidays, and I just read Eclipse. Honestly, it made me cry for Jacob as I wrote it - I mean, honestly, he deserved sooo much more than that! And no, I'm not an Edward hater - as a matter of fact, I love his character, but I just love Jacob's character more, and he got so jilted in the end! (And no, the fact that I just broke up with my boyfriend has nothing to do with it at all...read with sarcasm)
I put a lot of emotion into this, and I hope that you liked it a little more than my mom did. If you liked it, please review!
Signed,
Mecha