Far Trek Moya IV - Captain Janeway and the Clones
DISCLAIMER: As usual, Nothing here is mine, except maybe this plotless thingy. Farscape is owned by O'Bannon and the PTB, Star Trek would be owned by Paramount and their PTB. This was done with a lack of sleep and much icetea.
NOTES: Okay, I have no idea where this came from, but let's say, I was supposed to be asleep, so I wouldn't fall asleep during classes. The title was taken from Captain Scarlett and the Mysterons, a show which has the slot before Farscape on the BBC, and thus I witness it every Monday as I await Farscape. The song is irritating and sticks in my head till Friday. The idea was most likely inspired by SW II... Also, my english late at night is not good at all, mostly because I just can't remember clearly anymore. Also, this possibly had nothing to do with the events in Eat Me, 'cause I really don't remember more about that ep.
SUMMARY: Uhhhhhh.... Clones?
FEETBACK: Yes.... This is one person who likes feedback, so she can pay off muses. If I don't get any, muses will be send out. They're a nightmare, trust me. Feedback and annoying muses can be sent to EdenAdvance@yahoo.com
ARCHIVING: Maybe.... If you ask me nicely... anyway, it's archived at my place once I get time to update. Forwarding to other lists is okay, as long as you keep the header as it is.
Far Trek Moya IV - Captain Safeway and the Clones
Starring:
Aeryn Sun as Captain Aeryn Safeway
D'Argo as Commander D'Argotay
John Crichton as Lt. Tom Crichton
Gilina Renaez as Lt. Gilina Torres
Zhaan as Lt. Zhavok
Crais as Ensign Crais
Rygel as Rygel the Cook
Chiana as Chia of Nine
Scorpius as Scorpy the EMP
Larraq as himself
&
Pilot and Moya as USS Moya
USS Moya
It was a sunny day on USS Moya, as the crew of space cadets was cruising homeward.
That is, until they flew upon a mysterious space anomaly unlike one they had ever seen before.
As Captain Safeway, hailed by D'Argotay, her trusty sidekick, entered the bridge, the space anomaly was taking the form of a planet familiar to them.
"By Monj, it's Lux!" Cried D'Argotay, jumping from his seat.
"It's Earth!" cried Crichton, obsessed with his homeplanet.
"It's Delvia, by the Goddess!" said Zhavok, starting to undress to begin meditating.
"You yotzes! Can't you see it is my beloved Hyneria?" Rygel the Cook spoke through the comms.
The level of noise getting too much for Aeryn, she yelled at the top of her lungs, "Quiet!!" Satisfied with the results, she spoke in a soft voice. "It's Sebacea."
Sitting down in the command chair, she looked at Tom. "Send an away team."
"Aye Captain." Was the pilots reply as he hurried to join the away team, since Zhavok was otherwise occupied and they needed a nurse in case of danger.
"Captain, may I join the away team?" Asked D'Argotay.
"I wouldn't see why not. I'll give Ensign Crais the bridge." She spoke as she readied herself for the journey to her ready room.
D'Argotay spared a glance at the ensign, who was looking smugly.
"Err, captain, are you sure?" D'Argotay said, following the captain. "You do remember the last time we gave him the bridge, don't you?" He added.
"Of course I do, but I'm sure he's learned about commanding a Starship since then and we have no one else to command the ship. You do remember the last time we let Rygel command the ship, don't you?" Aeryn replied.
D'Argotay remembered the day as if it had happened tomorrow. Luckily, USS Moya was a magical ship and could be repaired within arns, even if the ship was blown to bits and pieces.
"Ensign Crais! You've got the ship." He yelled to the poor ensign.
SEBACEA/LUX/EARTH/ frell it, any planet you can think of:
The small away team made its way across the barren wasteland, in search of alien sentient life. It did not help that Tom and Gilina were constantly ogling eachother, since for the first time, there was no one interesting enough to ogle in sight. Tom had considered ogling the radiant Aeryn Safeway for a while, but she wasn't here and Chia of Nine was sure to turn him into Borg waste pile within a solar day.
Chia of Nine was walking in front of the pair and hadn't noticed their... distraction as of yet. She was too busy watching their barren surroundings to notice anything else. D'Argotay, who had been walking next to her, suddenly saw something move in the distance.
"Chia! Did you see that?" He said, nudging her in the side. The group stopped for a moment and stared in the distance, but there was no movement.
"You must've been hallucinating, D'Argotay. I can see no movement in the distance." Chia of Nine replied after a minute of staring.
Just as they were about to walk on, D'Argotay saw a flash in the distance. Instantly, he reached for the Qualta Phaser and dropped to the desert floor. As the dry rock exploded near them, Tom, Gilina and Chia did the same.
"Hallucinating?" D'Argotay asked Chia of Nine. "Since when do hallucinations fire at us?"
"Pssst." Tom whispered as he crawled over to them. "Gilina and I think it's best to return to Moya." He said. "This place doesn't look like the captain's homeworld, so we've completed our mission, haven't we?"
Chia nodded. "The Lieutenants appear to be correct. It would be best if we returned to the ship to report our findings." She spoke.
"What?" D'Argotay asked.
"She means that we're going back to the ship to tell the captain that this is not Sebacea and do it before our asses are shot to Hezmana. Roughly translated that is." Gilina replied.
"Okay. Let's go then."
But before they had moved five steps, their world turned black.
USS MOYA
:As Safeway was enjoying a cup of Earl Grey tea, Larraq suddenly blinked in.
"Ahhh, my dearest, radiant Aeryn Safeway. You called?" The impotent being spoke, taking a seat beside her.
"Yes. We found a strange, mysterious space anomaly. The crew sees each of their own homeworld, but they won't believe it is my homeplanet Sebacea. You have to convince them that I'm right." Aeryn spoke, sipping her tea. "I've even sent out an away team, so they could tell the people of Sebacea that we're returning home after being lost for seventy days in deep space." She added.
"Sebacea? Already? I thought it would take you at least seventy years to reach home. The script said so." Larraq replied.
At that moment, Ensign Crais stumbled in, out of breath.
"Captain. You must come to the bridge at once! The away team is returning and Rygel is taking over command. He says Sebaceans are no good and they can't fly in a straight line!" Crais blurted out after taking a deep breath.
"Tell him Hynerians can't cook and they look like Kermit on acid, according to Crichton." Aeryn replied, sighing. "Please help me Larraq." She pleaded, turning to Larraq.
"What do you want me to do? Spoil his dinner?" Larraq suggested.
"Oh yes, that would be wonderful. I'll have Zhavok lock Rygel in his quarters afterwards." She said, getting up to return to the bridge, where the away team would be waiting to report their findings to her.
When she reached the bridge fifteen minutes later, she found something unexpected.
In the center of the bridge stood Chia of Nine, waving a phaser rifle in the air. As Safeway looked around, she could see various bridge officers taking cover behind various consoles, save for Zhavok, who was still in the middle of her meditation.
At that moment, a very disturbed Crichton rushed through the door, pursued by an angry looking Gilina and... Crichton? Aeryn Safeway blinked once, ducked for an incoming phaser blast and blinked again. She turned to Ensign Crais, who was hiding in fear behind her.
"Crais, did I just see two Crichtons?" Aeryn asked the ensign.
"Yes captain," the ensign replied, ducking to avoid a spare particle that flew by.
"Lieutenant Torres must be one lucky engineer." Aeryn mused, turning to the ensign. "Now, shoot Chia down, before she ruins the ship more than possible." Aeryn ordered and stalked back to her private ready room. She needed some razlak...
As she entered the room, Larraq was still there, waiting for her return.
"Is it bad?" the omnipotent being asked.
"On the contrary." Aeryn replied. "We now have two Crichtons... what more could we ask for?"
"Three Crichtons?" Larraq said, sitting down with a bottle of razlak.
Suddenly, the door to the room opened and Crais ran in, followed by Chia of Nine, who was still waving a rifle.
"Captain, captain, she just won't die!" Cried Crais as he passed Aeryn.
She watched as the pair exited through the other door.
"D'Argotay, this is Aeryn Safeway." Aeryn spoke through her combadge. "Why is Chia shooting the ship to pieces?"
"Uhhhhh...." Was the reply.
"D'Argotay! Are you there?" She asked.
"Captain? Where are you? I can't see you." D'Argotay said, sounding a little drunk.
"I'm speaking through the ships comm-systems. Now, why is Chia of Nine shooting at us and the ship?"
"Chia of Nine is right here with me, captain... but Crichton and Torres are lost." D'Argotay replied. "We're still in the shuttle, where we passed out half an arn ago."
It was silent again from D'Argotays side.
"Larraq?" She turned to the handsome being. "Do you have anything to do with it?"
Larraq shook his head. "Not this time."
Aeryn sighed and stood up, reaching for her personal phaser rifle. "I guess I'll have to find out by myself again, as usual." Confident, she strode to the door and entered the now abandoned bridge. Only a weakened Crichton remained.
She kneeled down near the lieutenant. "What happened?" Aeryn asked.
"It's Chia, she cloned me... after she cloned herself..." Tom replied.
"Are you the real one or the clone?" asked the captain.
"What do you think?" Tom cried out.
Smiling, Aeryn whacked him with her rifle. "The real Tom Crichton would've said 'what do you think, captain.', meaning, you're Tom-clone." Explained Aeryn to a now unconscious clone.
"Captain!" called a voice from behind her. It was Tom and Gilina. "You've found the clone!" They cheered.
"Hurry, we must destroy the Chia-clone, before she clones more people." Gilina spoke, urging the captain and the pilot forward. "They went in the direction of Rygels kitchen."
Quickly, they hurried to Rygels kitchen, where they could already smell the evening dinner.
"I would've thought Chia would avoid this smell as much as possible." Gilina spoke, careful not to breathe through her nose.
As the three rounded the corner, they saw Crais lying in a heap on the floor, covering what appeared to be an unconscious Chia-clone. They approached the Ensign, who was just regaining consciousness.
"Captain... I think I shot Chia!" said Crais.
They reached the ensign in time to see the clone's form begin to dissipate into a silvery powder.
"Is that thing gone?" Asked Rygel from his kitchen, floating into view.
Aeryn, Tom and Gilina sighed and began the journey back to the bridge, where Larraq awaited him, his second bottle of razlak in his hands.
"Well, what took you people so long?" Larraq asked, moving towards them. "I didn't think the clone would be that hard to find."
"It was you!" Spoke Aeryn.
"Well, yeah, but you people looked bored and I needed a little fun... and some of this!" he said, holding up the now empty bottles of razlak.
Seeing the looks he was receiving, he started to shimmer and fade. "Tata, gotta go for now... you people best cool off before I come back."
As the mystery with the clones was solved, the crew of space cadets plotted a new course home, sat back and watched home videos.
The End
.PS: I know it wasn't funny, but half way through, I got tired. Really tired. In fact, I fell asleep. So I forgot what was supposed to happen. Sorry.