Summary: The real reason why Newt couldn't kiss his Ashley. (Based on the Spinner/Marco scene in "Pride.")
"Because"
Newt dashed out of Cory's sitting room in frustration and shock. He couldn't believe he had let it go that far, just to run off and embarrass himself. Why was he pretending anyway? After all, Cory was his best friend. Why couldn't he just tell him who he really was?
As Newt paced the entryway of the long hallway connecting Cory's sitting room to his bedroom, he considered running back into the room and yelling at the top of his lungs what he had been aching to tell anyone who would listen for months. Even though all of these truthful thoughts were now running through his mind, Newt still wasn't sure what he would do if Cory reacted in a rude manner. What if Cory didn't want to be friends with him anymore? What if he spread false rumors about him or wrote disgusting messages in the stalls of the boy's bathroom? Worse yet, what if Meena or his parents found out? Then his whole entire life would be pulled out like a carpet from underneath him.
A door slammed loudly, seeming to shake the ground beneath Newt's feet. He placed his hand on a small oakwood table with a vase full of red and white roses sitting atop it. Heavy footsteps could be heard behind him, and Newt knew it was Cory coming to ask him what the hell was up.
Sure enough, Newt soon heard Cory's heavy breathing and knew he would have to turn around and face the music. "What the hell was that, Newt?" he yelled bitterly, making sure he used profanity just so Newt knew how embarrassed he had just made him.
Without even glancing behind him, Newt stepped forward. He took a deep breath, because he was very confused as to exactly what he was going to tell Cory. How could he actually explain this to his best friend who had no idea what it was like to be going through something like this? What would be his first reaction? Would he still even want to remain his friend? Newt glanced upwards at the ceiling. The white and black pattern of circles and squares seemed to taunt him, twisting and turning every which way, threatening to expose him as a stupid fraud who couldn't just kiss one frickin' girl and get it over with. "You gonna answer me, or what?" Cory asked, taking a step forward also.
Swallowing hard, Newt debated on whether he should keep the lie going, or just spill the beans. He decided to improvise until he could think of a better time. "I mean, your Ashley is smoking hot, and she's one of the most popular girls in school. I finally helped you get a date and you couldn't just kiss her and get on with it?"
"It's not that easy for me, okay!" Newt bellowed, finally turning to look his best friend in the eye. But Cory wasn't picking up on his signals. His brow furrowed, and he scrunched up his nose.
"What do you mean it's not that easy? You just pucker your lips, lean forward, and then kiss the damn girl!" Cory yelled, his eyes threatening to bore holes into Newt's. "What the fuck is so hard about that?"
"You don't understand!" Newt shot back, balling his hands up into fists. "It's a whole different story for me...and you just...you just wouldn't fucking understand!" He turned and kicked the oakwood table, causing the vase of flowers to toddle and eventually fall to the ground. Newt watched in silence as the vase smashed into pieces, soaking the black and white tiles, and the flowers lay there limply, now having nothing to support them and keep them living, just like him.
"Man, what is your problem? Are you going crazy or something, cause I could always get you help if you need it," Cory offered, being sympathetic and caring for the first time during this whole conversation. Inhaling deeply once more, Newt turned back towards Cory.
"I'm not insane, you idiot. I just...I just need to get something out." He paused, and ran a hand through his dirty blond hair, trying not to get too emotional. "I need to get something out...to let people know the real me." As his bottom lip began to quiver, Newt bit down on it, hoping it would settle down, but his luck failed him. "I've been hiding something." Cory stepped a bit closer, trying to connect with his friend so he would just get it out and talk to him.
"It's okay man, just...just spit it out. It'll be all right." Placing a hand on Newt's shoulder, Cory felt him tense up, as if he thought he was going to punch him or something. "Ease up man, it's going to be all right. Just tell me what's bothering you and I can help."
Shrugging Cory's hand off, Newt turned to meet his gaze. "No, it's not going to be all right," he whispered hoarsely, his baby blue eyes beginning to well up with tears. When the first tear slid down Newt's cheek, Cory's face softened, and he patted Newt on the back lightly.
"Just come on, man," Cory said softly, "is it family stuff?" Newt sniffled, and moved farther away from Cory.
"No...no it's not, okay? I just..." he trailed off, trying to find the right words to explain his situation. "I just...I just can't." Cory stayed where he was, afraid Newt might start barking at him again.
"Sorry man, but I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." Trying to remember why he had come out here in the first place, Cory thought of the million dollar question. "Why did you walk out on your Ashley? Again, she's popular, cute, nice, and she kinda likes you, so..." Cory didn't finish, because he wanted Newt to respond.
"Yeah, my Ashley was all of those things," Newt said softly, "but unfortunately, she's not right for me." He used his sleeve to attempt to dry his damp cheeks. "No girl is."
"Come on, man. You'll meet a sweet girl one day who really likes you," Cory said, trying to lift his friend's spirits.
"No I won't," Newt replied, another tear slipping from his eye. "I won't...I can't." At this, Cory stepped in front of Newt, determined to find out what the problem was.
"Why man?" he asked, shaking his head. "Why won't you? Why can't you?"
"Because!" Newt yelled, staring straight at Cory. He stared right back, never taking his eyes off of Newt.
"Because why?!" Cory screamed at the top of his lungs, leaning forward to see if he could sense something in Newt's eyes.
"Because!" Newt yelled again, sniffling loudly. "Because..." his voice dropped to his regular speaking voice. "Because...I'm gay."
At that, Cory looked at the floor and began shaking his head. Then he looked back up at Newt, his face talking for him. I can't believe you, it seemed to say. Just by sneaking a peek at Cory's face, Newt sensed that Cory was homophobic. After that, Newt pursed his lips and didn't look at Cory, he couldn't bring himself to.
And it really hurt, because the only person he had come out to was Jessica, who had pretended to be his girlfriend for a few months after he revealed his deepest, darkest secret to her. Unlike Cory, she had been very supportive. She had pretended to be his girlfriend for one, and she had even encourage him to just come out to his friends, or at least somebody besides her. But Newt had refused, and look what it was costing him. His best friend, whom he had grown very close to over the past year. Maybe it would have been better off if he had just kept his fucking big mouth shut. Maybe then Cory would still want to be his friend, although his sexuality was blatantly obvious to strangers on the street. Which was why he'd been bashed on the way to the basketball game about a week ago. Maybe then Meena's older brother, whom he'd been flirting with, would just ask him out already.
But enough about the long, treacherous journey Newt had taken to discover his true self. Onto the tragic reality of it all. Since Cory wasn't going to be his friend anymore, then why would Meena want to associate with him? Would she spill his secret to the school? Would her brother find out? Newt would ultimately be left with no friends, and no love interest. It was a lose/lose situation in this case. He sighed heavily, and Cory took one last look at him before stepping backwards until he reached the small mat in front of his sitting room door.
He twisted the knob, walked in, and slammed the door shut behind him. Newt felt his shoulders start to droop, and the pressure behind his eyeballs increased. He ran his hand through his hair again and trampled the pretty roses until all their pretty petals had been scattered over the shiny black and white tiles in disarray.
A/N: I don't see Newt being gay or anything, but his situation reminded me of Marco's and I had to write this. Cory doesn't really relate to Spinner, but he is his closest male friend, so I just used him. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review and tell me your thoughts!