(Wow, you guys don't even know how excited I am for this story. This idea is just the dumbest thing ever, and I'm definitely going to continue it off of this first chapter! I really hope it could become a good story, cause its kind of weird, but hey, anyway. Hope you like it! Btw this is an off timeline in which time stuff happens, but there was no Sgrub, and the trolls and kids never met, okay.)
Karkat Vantas felt that today was one of the most extraordinary days of his life. First of all, he hadn't had to put up with the usual assholes that had used to bother him, (Mainly because his son of a bitch best pal had fixed his computer) and the girl of his dreams was finally returning his approach. His stupid kismesis was coming over any minute, just to get his quadrants over and done with, but honestly, he really hoped he'd be a no-show. His hate for him was only platonic, and he had only agreed to because he knew the drones would show up in less than a sweep or so.
But he had forgotten one little detail that was probably crucial if he was to continue to be this feeling called 'happy.' One thing he believed would never cease to be true. His future selves had stopped bothering him. Completely. He hadn't heard from them in months, even though trolls don't use months and so he'd never even heard of that term. But for the record, it was as if his future selves had vanished completely. So, naturally, the only thing he could assume was, he'd be dead soon. He didn't worry that much, though. He was glad he'd be dead happy and with his quadrants filled, so even the drones couldn't get him.
Though no one was around, he was blushing as he searched for the hate bucket he kept somewhere. He had received it from a mysterious stranger with short horns and a cloak that covered his face. The stranger didn't say anything, and he didn't seem to mind that Karkat's face was a completely red sweating mess. He simply handed him the pair of sensitive objects. Then the door was shut and the lightning outside calmed down. He was left there dumbfounded, but he was almost positive it wasn't dream.
He went downstairs, where Crabdad was asleep soundly. He tiptoed over to the room next to this area and stood in the doorway. It was pitch black here. He felt something watching him and felt like there was something moving inside. Uneasily, he reached around in the dark and flipped the light switch. It was only even dim and he wondered if he had ever even used this room. There was dust everywhere and the lights flickered. It sort of looked like a storage room, but he didn't know where he got most of the stuff in here, or didn't remember for that matter. He knew why there were so many broken computers, though. He'd done that to himself a number of times, opening viruses his pal had sent him when he had been specifically instructed NOT to open them, or just fucking around with his own viruses. He searched in the dark room, spider webs everywhere he ran into.
He tripped on something and stood up, brushing himself off and looking down. There it was, the red one inside of it. He scrunched up his face angrily and picked the stupid thing up, taking out the red one and carefully putting the black one on a table nearby. 'Its so dusty,' he thought to himself. And then he thought about rubbing it off and felt his face get hot again. He grabbed both of the love objects and brought them into the light. He stared at them for any sign of something hidden, but could find nothing. They were completely regular, boring looking things with dull metal and peeling paint on the fronts of them. The cobwebs inside of them made Karkat growl, for he'd have to clean this stupid instruments at some point. A spot on the red bucket made him officially lean his sleeve in a brush the bucket with it. He shivered. How vulgar would his friends think he was if they saw him cleaning this? He growled at the stupid thing and then paused. There was some sort of dust coming off of the bucket, but he could have sworn he hadn't blown at it or something.
As the cloud of dust got thicker and thicker, he realized it had a color to it. It was a light pinkish color slowly shifting into a red. He stepped back, the dust making his eyes water, dropping the thing. It shook on the ground and Karkat ran to hide behind a table. He watched in horror as the red cloud of dust and bucket rose into the air and began spinning. He saw his lusus, out of the corner of his eye, open up his eyes and then heard him scree in terror, backing up against the wall. Finally, the cloud of dust cleared, replaced by light surrounding the thing. Karkat squinted, watching it.
He was almost blown away by what he saw was happening to the thing. First a little stub out of the bottom of the bucket, which then by some miraculous coming, grew into a leg residing a hairy foot. His eye twitched. The other leg grew, and then two arms, as well. The bucket grew a set of pointed wings, tinted a red orange and fluttery, as two little eyes popped onto the beast. Finally, a swank green hat sporting a feathery red decoration appeared on top of the bucket, pointed and reminding him of Pupa Pan, of which one of his friends was obsessed. The paint which previously depicted a red heart was now a mouth of that shape and color, holding a small pink tongue at the point. The mouth wouldn't close, but it looked like it was smiling a grimly happy smile. It spun around a few times, and then flew over to Karkat, staring in shock.
"Hia!" The bucket waved. Karkat only managed to choke out a sound similar to 'Waa err yhoo?' "I'm a bucket, silly! Well, actually, my name is Harold. But I was given to you by your ancestor, because I am to be your fairy god bucket! I am to be your guidance in the topic of love! I will help you in all ways possible and officially ensue that you make love/hate sex in the right way! I will pair you with your soul mate and- Karkat?" But it was to no avail. Karkat was formally unconscious on his cold, hard floor.