A/N: So… here is the sequel to "A different world isn't always better…"
If you didn't get a chance to read it…please do so before reading this
story! It is a sequel after all : )
I'm pretty sure mistakes still remain within the story… :P but please read and review! I appreciate any and all comments!
This fic contains many songs… Dido- Honestly Okay, Lenny Kravitz-Again, and Plumb-Damaged. Listen to the songs if you can!
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Iahb
1.1 Readjustments to the world
It was a week later, and Caitie was out of the hospital. The break was over, and everyone had to return to school. During the vacation, Caitie kept her distance from Val, Jamie and Tyler… staying home by herself.
It was now Monday morning, before class. Tyler and Hank were running around the track when Hank noticed someone under the bleachers.
Hank: Hey Tyler, isn't that Caitie under the bleachers?
Tyler looks as he slows down his pace.
Tyler: Yea, I think you're right… it is her…
Hank: I wonder why she's at school this early…
Tyler: Listen Hank, I'm going to get going… I'll see ya later.
Hank: All right. See ya.
Tyler jogged over to the bleachers. Caitie was sitting in the shade, hugging her knees. She had a distant spaced look on her face.
Tyler: (Whispers softly) Hi
Caitie was startled and picked up her head. When she realizes it was Tyler, she calmed down a bit. He appeared a little sad to see her in such a spaced out state… a state that is completely different from her usual self. She always had this fire in her eyes. Caitie was the type of person who didn't take any crap from anyone—someone who always would fight the big fight. The fragile girl sitting in front of him was not the same person.
Caitie: Um... Hi.
Tyler: So, what ya doing down here?
Caitie: You know… being by myself… until…
Tyler: Until I came by. Sorry. (Smiles)
Caitie: it's okay. I'm just a little bit edgy lately.
Tyler: So, how have you been? You know, we were all… worr… (Trying to recover quickly) we were… wondering how you've been after you got out of the hospital.
Caitie: I've been okay. A little tired and jumpy… but that's about it.
Tyler: I'm glad. Okay, I have to go shower before my math class. I'll see ya later okay?
Caitie smiles at Tyler as he begins to leave. She returns to staring into space and enjoys the moment. She stays in the same position for a very long time—so long that she misses her first period class.
In History Class
Jamie was sitting in his first period history class. He was wondering where Caitie was. He had been worried about her for days now… wondering what he can possibly do without having her shut him out completely. She just seemed so distant lately; he didn't know what to do. The class was soon over and Jamie went to his locker. When Jamie was unpacking his books, he saw Caitie walk through the halls. He noticed that she had lost a good ten pounds—making her appear very fragile considering she was already slender. He immediately closed his locker shut and chased after her.
Jamie: Hey, Hey… Caitie? Caitie!
Caitie looked up, looking disoriented. She saw her best friend. She smiled a weak smile.
Caitie: Hey James.
Jamie: Hi… how are you doing?
Caitie: I'm fine.
Jamie: you weren't in history class today…
Caitie: Oh… yeah, I was sitting outside. I guess I lost track of time.
Jamie: seriously, how are you doing?
Caitie: I told you already, I'm fine. I…I… I got to go now. I'll see you later.
With that final statement, Caitie walked away from Jamie, not bothering to go to her locker. As far as he can see, she just headed towards the nearest exit.
Jamie (to himself): (sigh)… Caitie…
Caitie didn't exactly know where she was going. She just couldn't stand everyone asking if she was 'okay'. Didn't she look okay? She tried as hard as she could to continue with her normal life… didn't they know that she was doing the best that she could? Caitie immediately headed towards the nearest exit. She had to get out of there. She left school grounds when she ran into Brianne.
Brianne: Caitie, ditching?
Caitie: Yea. I'm not feeling the vibe of the whole 'school' thing today.
Brianne: I don't think I ever felt that vibe man. Listen, I'm heading over to Todd's garage. He's going to practice with his band in a few. Want to come?
Caitie: Nah, I think I'll pass. I'll see you later.
Caitie and Brianne parted ways. Caitie headed towards her house, knowing that's the only place where she can have some peace. She knew her mother wouldn't be home until late that night.
The day passed and the EMTs were at the station after school.
-At the station.
Val: Jamie… can I ask you something?
Jamie: (preoccupied)… Go ahead. No one's stopping you.
Val: Have… have… you talked to Caitie lately?
Jamie looks up from his paperwork and had a sorrowful look in his eyes.
Jamie: I saw her briefly today, but I think she went home. She wasn't in her other classes today.
Val: I didn't see her in Spanish or English either.
Tyler walks into the room.
Tyler: Hey guys.
Val: Hi. Um, Tyler… did you see Caitie today?
Tyler looks uncomfortable at the simple question. He almost didn't want to tell them that he'd seen her. She looked beyond miserable. He knew that they were concerned but he also knew that Caitie wanted to have some time alone, to sort everything out.
Tyler: Yea, actually I saw her before school this morning. I was running around the track with Hank.
Tyler quickly went to work, picking up boxes, trying to look busy.
Jamie: She was there early?
Tyler: Uh…I guess.
Jamie: Oh. It's just that…she missed history first period.
Tyler: I don't know. I went into the locker room after I said 'hi'.
Val: Did she… look okay to you?
Tyler hesitated…wondering how to answer such a question. Luckily Alex walked into the room giving the squad ample assignments to keep them busy for the rest of the afternoon.
Caitie was at home, under her covers. She was shedding tear after tear. She didn't want to live, but she realized she didn't want to die. She thought that this obstacle life has brought her will knock her down. She forcefully shut her eyes. Images soon ran through her head.
(Background music: Dido-Honestly Okay)
*I just want to feel
safe in my own skin
I just want to be
happy again
I just want to feel
deep in my own world
But I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore*
Caitie willed herself to recall the night where she had lost control. She saw broken images of Brett on top of her, kissing her. She felt sick to her stomach. Then images of her consuming pills entered her mind. Caitie vaguely recalled the events occurring directly afterward. She remembered that night in her hospital room very vividly though.
*On a different day
if I was safe in my own skin
then I wouldn't feel
lost and so frightened
But this is today
and I'm lost in my own skin
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore*
* Flashback *
-In the hospital room.
Jamie: Caitie, I will be here for you always… we can face tomorrow together….
Val: We will always be here for you…
Tyler: That goes for me too.
* End of flashback *
*I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again*
-Later that night, at Tyler's house.
Tyler's mom: Oh honey. Glad you're home. Dave called for you again.
Tyler had a glint of anger in his eyes.
Tyler: Oh.
Tyler's mom: Is there something wrong?
Tyler: No. I'm… going jogging.
Tyler's mom: Okay, be sure to be back for dinner.
Tyler: Will do.
Jamie rode his motorcycle around town after his shift ended at the station. He passed by Caitie's house so many times he lost count. He desperately wanted to take her in his arms and cradle her. He wanted to tell her that he will protect her forever and that she doesn't need to shut him out. He just wanted to be next to her. Jamie knew that Caitie would only push him away further if he tried too hard. Jamie rode his motorcycle around until he reached the neighborhood park. He saw a man smoking and bummed a cigarette off of him. Jamie took a long drag and tried to clear his head. While he was inhaling his cigarette, he noticed someone familiar jog on by. He realized that it was Tyler.
Tyler saw Jamie smoking by an old oak tree. He headed over to talk to his friend.
Tyler: Jamie.
Jamie: Hello.
Tyler: What are you doing here?
He held back the 'smoking is not good for you' lecture considering the situation he knew Jamie was dealing with. Tyler's self control didn't go unnoticed.
Jamie: no lecture from the king of the super squad today? (Jokingly).
Tyler: Seems like I'm fresh out of lectures today. Try again tomorrow.
Jamie let out a chuckle.
Jamie: And the kid has a sense of humor.
Tyler laughed along with Jamie for a second. Then his face grew serious.
Jamie: What's going on.
Tyler: About Caitie?
Jamie looked at him straight in the eyes. He nodded.
Tyler: I noticed how spaced out and thin she's gotten. Listen, I didn't want to go into details and upset Val before at the station. She has so many things on her mind; I know I should have told you guys everything. It's obvious you both care for Caitie a lot… it's just that… I think she needs some space now.
Jamie: I know. It's just so hard to stay away. Tyler—can you tell me what happened that night? Did she tell you why she even started to go to that club?
Tyler: Well, I heard that she started going with her friend Andrea. She met… that guy there. Nothing really happened between those two—at least that's what my cousin told me. He also told me that she didn't drink or do any drugs… she was just there for the ambiance I guess.
Jamie: What kind of ambiance was that?
Tyler: Well, when I got there… she was leading an intense conversation about philosophy or something like that. I guess it was stuff people there were into.
Jamie: Yea.
Tyler: She fit in great … she was different. She held her own, and people were accepting of her uniqueness…her thoughts.
Jamie: I was always accepting of her uniqueness.
Tyler: Dave told me that every guy in that place was memorized with her or something.
Jamie: I know what he means.
Tyler stopped talking for a moment to absorb all of Jamie's responses.
Tyler: Jamie…you like her right.
Jamie thought for a second. Then he quickly shook his head.
Jamie: No.
Tyler: Oh. I'm sorry… cause I just thought---
Jamie: I think I'm in love with her.
Tyler smiled and then frowned. He knew that his friend had all these powerful feelings for someone who cannot deal with them at the moment.
Jamie put out his cigarette. He got on his bike and put his helmet on.
Jamie: Listen—I better get home. I have to watch my sister tonight.
Tyler waved as Jamie rode off on his motorcycle.
-Caitie's house.
Caitie couldn't sleep. She couldn't eat. She didn't know why she felt so numb, so empty all the time. She didn't know what would snap her out of it. The phone interrupted Caitie's ceaseless thoughts. She located the cordless phone and answered it.
Caitie: Hello?
Val: Hi Caitie! (Sounded all too chipper).
Caitie: Hey Val. (Trying to imitate the chipper-ness on the other end of the line but failing.)
Val: Did you eat yet?
Caitie knew that she really didn't eat or sleep for days.
Caitie: um… no I didn't.
Val: Great! Let's go out for pizza!
Caitie: I don't know if I'm up for it.
Val: No way. You have to go out with me! You want me to suffer the consumption of my mom's turkey loaf? Anyway, Brooke's out with Amanda and Nick, and my parents went out to some dinner party. I'm all by my lonesome. Come on…. Please? Please save me from this hunger!
Caitie: (hesitates.) Okay.
Val: I'll drive. Pick you up in five.
Caitie hung up the phone and got out of bed.
Val was predictably prompt. She was over in exactly five minutes. Caitie was waiting outside and got into Val's car.
Val: Hey stranger!
Caitie: Hi.
Silence took over the conversation, continuing its reign until they arrived at the pizza parlor.
Val: (very cheery) What do you want to get? Name it! It's my treat.
Caitie: Thanks but I can manage to get my own slice.
Val: No, I want to. Please let me treat you! We haven't been hanging out lately, and since I dragged you out of here to eat with my pitiful self…it IS my treat. I insist.
Caitie slightly grinned. Val was trying her best to cheer her up. Val's effort alone made Caitie feel a little bit better.
Val: Well?
Caitie: Pepsi and a veggie slice.
Val: good choice.
Val ordered 2 Pepsi's, a veggie slice, and two pepperoni slices. She also ordered a side of garlic knots for them to share. Val wasn't kidding when she said she was hungry. She was devouring her two slices as Caitie picked off the vegetable toppings on her pizza and slowly began to nibble at them.
Val: Not hungry?
Caitie managed a small smile.
Caitie: haven't been.
Val: Listen Caitie… (She stops eating and gives Caitie a concerned look.) I need to know if you're okay. Honestly okay… not just that 'tough girl-I don't need anyone-independent' wall you put up all the time…
Caitie looked at Val and saw the genuine concern in her eyes. She decided to be truthful with her.
Caitie: I feel like, I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm not okay, but I will be…I think. I just can't stop myself from feeling this way… like my life is out of control. I guess I'm a control freak… but…I usually know what I'm doing. What…what…happened… contradicted everything I thought I knew and respected about myself.
Val: Caitie…oh Caitie… you know it's not your---
Caitie: Fault… I know. It's just… I can't forgive myself yet. I'm honestly glad that you guys were supportive and caring… I just need to find some stable ground with my own two feet.
Val: I just want to help… I just want to help you….
Caitie: you are helping Val. Just by being who you are. I need some space, but you know when I get over this… you won't be able to get rid of me!
Val: Why would I want to! I miss having my best friend around… and I know… Jamie does too.
Caitie thought about what Val just said. Jamie… she has been blowing him off lately.
Caitie: I know. (Changing the subject.) So, what's going on between you and Tyler? Any progress with 'the golden boy'?
Val: Shut up! (Laughs) We've hung out a few times over break. We went bowling.
Caitie: BOWLING? (Laughs) Did you guys take home a trophy or something? Or… I know, they retired your bowling shoes.
Val: Actually, he's not the best bowler… he tried to pick up this bowling ball, but it was really heavy. On top of that, the holes in the ball were like, huge! So Tyler takes his turn with this defective bowling ball, and when he swung his arm back the ball went flying!
Caitie was laughing as Val continued the story.
Val: and the ball rolled off in the opposite direction of the lane. It wandered and rolled all over the place. Tyler was very embarrassed.
Caitie: It's nice to know that he's not the best at everything…although he is… you know…proficient at being a good friend.
Val: you know, Tyler's been worried about you. His cousin keeps on calling him, but he refuses to talk to Dave.
Caitie looks away.
Caitie: (quietly) I don't want him to disown his own family.
Val just smiled at her best friend. The two girls finished up their dinner and headed for Val's car.
(In the car)
Caitie: Listen Val, thanks… for dragging me out tonight. I actually had a good time. I missed my best friend too.
Val and Caitie gave each other a quick hug and Val started to drive home. Before she left, she gave the horn a quick honk and waved at Caitie. Caitie smiled and waved back before she went into her house. Her mother was home.
Caitie's mom: Hi hon.
Caitie: Hey mom.
Caitie's mom: Did you eat?
Caitie: Val and I just went out for pizza.
Caitie's mom: Oh that's great dear. You've been keeping to yourself lately. Go out and act your age. Don't let your 'old soul' keep you from enjoying your teenage years. Trust me, they fly by!
Caitie: Will do mom. I'm tired; I'm off to bed.
Caitie's mom: Oh Caitie, I have this gallery opening to attend. I'll be home late. Will you be okay dear?
Caitie: I can manage. Night mom.
Caitie's mom: Night sweetheart.
-The next day.
Caitie came to school early once again. She was enjoying the silence from underneath the bleachers. Jamie had recalled that Tyler saw Caitie there the day before and he decided to go look for her. It had been uncharacteristic of him to be up so early in the day when he was off duty. He had a guitar strapped to his back. He remembered when he would play his guitar for Caitie, and she would sometimes hum, or occasionally sing along. Those were the days he longed for.
Jamie: Hey Cai---tie.
Caitie: Hi. You're up early.
Jamie: So are you! Hey, follow me.
Caitie got up from her position. She remembered what Val had said last night—that her 'other best friend' had missed her as well. She missed him too.
Caitie: What ya doing?
Jamie: You know, trying to torture you by playing my guitar.
Jamie and Caitie sat on top of the bleachers. Jamie took out his guitar and started playing a few chords. He adjusted the strings to make sure his guitar was in tune.
Caitie: We haven't done this in a while.
Jamie smiled at her. He missed her company. He was glad that she seemed…a little better today. "Time will heal all wounds" people say. Maybe that adage was right. Jamie started playing "Again" by Lenny Kravitz. He started to do something that Caitie didn't witness before—he was singing. He was actually good she thought.
Jamie:
I've been searching for you
I heard a cry within my soul
I never had a yearning quite like this before
now that you are walking right through my door
By the time the song reach the chorus Jamie stopped and Caitie took over.
Caitie:
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
Caitie and Jamie:
A sacred gift of heaven
for better worse wherever
and I would never let somebody break you down
or take your crown, never
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
Jamie:
I've searched through time, I've always known
that you where there, upon your throne
A lonely queen, without her king
I've longed for you, my love forever
Caitie:
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
Caitie and Jamie:
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
While Caitie was singing, Jamie noticed that the sparkle in her eyes was slowly returning. She had almost forgotten how nice and smooth her voice was. Little did Caitie know how much meaning was behind those lyrics.
Tyler jogged over to the bleachers once he had spotted Caitie and Jamie.
Tyler: Hey, sounds good.
Jamie: Hey man, come on, grab yourself a seat.
Tyler climbed the bleachers until he reached Jamie and Caitie.
Caitie: Hi Tyler.
Tyler: Hi.
Tyler noticed that Caitie had been looking happier today.
Tyler: (Smiling) you have an awesome voice!
Jamie: Oh wow. Caitie has a groupie.
Tyler: you're not so bad at that guitar of yours either!
Jamie: Groupie slut.
Caitie laughed at the playful bickering and teasing that was going on between Tyler and Jamie.
Jamie played song after song, and Caitie and Tyler sang along. First period was about to start when the three started to leave.
Tyler: You know…if I learned to play the drums…we could start a band.
Jamie: Oh that'll be the day.
Caitie: Can I be the leader?
Jamie: As always.
Tyler, Jamie and Caitie all headed towards the school. They had to load and unload some books in their lockers before class. Jamie had to shove a guitar in his locker. Tyler left for his class and Caitie and Jamie walked to theirs.
Tyler had math with Val. He quickly took a seat next to her.
Tyler: You'll never guess what I was just doing.
Val: Give up…What were you doing?
Tyler: I was outside when I saw Jamie and Caitie hanging out at the bleachers. Jamie was playing his guitar and Caitie was singing along. I joined in. There is some 'talk' about there being a band. (He added jokingly).
Val's eyes lit up.
Val: Really? That is so great! I haven't heard Caitie sing in so long! I had almost forgotten that she had a good voice.
Tyler: Yeah, she has a pretty voice. Jamie is talented. His voice is nice too.
Val: I went out to dinner with Caitie yesterday… and we had a talk. I think, I know my limits now. She needed space, and I was afraid of giving it to her. I'm glad she's making an effort.
The teacher walked in ending the conversation.
The school day ended. Caitie was actually improving. She was slowly regaining her appetite. She actually had fun.
-After school
Jamie: So Caitie, what's on the agenda for today?
Caitie: Hmm, let's see. Mom will be home late.
Jamie: Want company?
Caitie: Sure, I'd like that.
Jamie: I got the afternoon shift today. I'll be over around 7pm.
Caitie: okay.
Jamie suddenly put his arms around Caitie and gave her a big hug.
Caitie: Whoa, Jamie.
Jamie: I'm just glad…that I have my best friend back.
Caitie: I am not going anywhere.
Jamie: (to himself) you almost did.
Jamie released Caitie from his grips and he headed down to the station. When he entered, Val was already there with Tyler. Alex was in his office and Brooke was filing some stuff. Hank was washing the ambulance in the garage.
Jamie: Hi my fellow EMT-ers.
Tyler: Hey.
Val: What's with that smile?
Jamie: I'm going over to Caitie's tonight.
Val: Yeah, her mom's going to be out of town right?
Jamie: Yup. I want to hang out with her, but I also don't want to leave her alone.
Val: She's been a lot better lately.
Tyler: Yeah, I've noticed.
The alarm rang and Brooke ran out of the office. There's a call—two injured at 142 West Valley Lane.
Tyler: On our way.
After the shift, Jamie rode his motorcycle towards Caitie's house. He parked next to Caitie's car. He knocked on the door and she answered.
Caitie: Hey, come on in.
Jamie entered her house. He put his stuff down on her couch and immediately headed toward the kitchen. Jamie opened the fridge looking for something to eat.
Jamie: Whoa Caitie. I know your mom isn't here to do the shopping…but all you have in your fridge is baking soda and mustard.
Caitie: Yea… every time mom's not here, I usually get take out.
Jamie: How about it. Want to go out for some food?
Caitie: Sure.
Caitie grabbed her coat and keys. Jamie and Caitie got on his motorcycle and headed towards the local diner.
-At the diner.
Jamie and Caitie sat down at their favorite booth. The waitress they hadn't seen before came over to take their orders.
Waitress: You two look like a nice young couple. What can I get for you two?
Jamie and Caitie both looked at her. Caitie began to suppress a chuckle.
Jamie: bacon cheeseburger with fries and a chocolate shake.
Caitie: Clam chowder and toast on the side, with a cup of tea with lemon.
Waitress: Got it. You're order will be out in a few minutes.
Jamie: That's all you're eating? Still don't have you're appetite back?
Jamie frowned. Caitie smiled at him, trying to cheer him up.
Caitie: Don't worry… I'll steal some fries.
Jamie: That's more like it.
Caitie ate her soup, stealing an occasional fry from Jamie. Jamie consumed his burger with great speed. After they finished eating and paid their bill, Jamie and Caitie headed back to Caitie's house.
Caitie: What do you want to do now?
Jamie: Well, we do have a quiz in history the day after tomorrow.
Caitie: Wait… you're actually volunteering to study? That's very unlike you.
Jamie: I'm being brainwashed by the super squad.
Caitie: I can tell. (Laughing) All right, studying it is.
Jamie and Caitie went upstairs to her room. They got settled on the bed and took out their history textbooks. Both of the teenagers were reading in silence. After an hour of studying, Caitie fell asleep with her book in her lap. Jamie took the book away and covered Caitie with a blanket. After all, she still had tomorrow to study. Jamie sat down besides her. He looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was 9:07 p.m.
Jamie: (to himself) She must be tired to be sleeping this early.
He watched Caitie as she breathed in and out. He stroked her hair. He closed his eyes and Jamie fell asleep as well.
Caitie was tossing and turning. She began to break out in a cold sweat.
Caitie: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caitie jerked up and was breathing hard. Jamie instantly sat up.
Jamie: Caitie… Caitie. It's okay. It's only me. What happened?
Caitie: How long have I been sleeping for?
Jamie looked at the clock.
Jamie: for about an hour.
Caitie looked shocked but began to calm down a bit.
Caitie: It…was a dream—a dream that I've been having all week.
Jamie: Hey, (touches her shoulder) it'll be okay. What was your dream about?
Jamie already knew the answer.
Caitie: It's… about what happened that night. What I remembered of it anyway.
Jamie hugged Caitie.
Jamie: It'll be okay. I'll protect you.
Jamie held Caitie in his arms until she fell back asleep. When it was time to leave he left her a note.
Caitie,
1:40 a.m.
Hey, I'm heading home for the night. I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.
Jamie.
Jamie quietly left Caitie's house, making sure to lock the door (from the inside) before he left.
Caitie woke up the next morning, and saw the note on her nightstand. She remembered it took her awhile to go back to sleep. For the first time for a while, she actually slept through the night.
Caitie: (to herself) Jamie's sweet.
Caitie noticed that it was still pretty early. Lately Caitie has been early for school. Usually it was because she couldn't sleep. Caitie got ready for school. She took a quick shower and pulled her hair up in a ponytail. She applied a little eye shadow and kiwi lip-gloss. Caitie opened up her closet and pulled out a pair of dark blue flairs. She pulled out a shirt—a sleeveless black tee. She put on her favorite black boots and headed out of her room. Caitie grabbed her books, a banana (for breakfast) along with her keys. She was ready to go to school.
Caitie decided to skip the morning bleacher visit that day. She decided to go to the station, to visit Val and Jamie.
-At the station
Tyler and Hank were already at the station. Caitie walked in.
Caitie: Hi. Um… I was looking for… Val or Jamie. They here?
Hank: Nope. They didn't come in yet.
Tyler: (Smiling) Why don't you wait for them. (Looks at watch) You still have a good hour before first period.
Hank: Yea, want a cup of coffee?
Caitie joined Tyler and Hank and sat down.
Caitie: Sure. Thanks!
Hank: So, (handing Caitie a mug of fresh coffee) I haven't seen you around here lately.
Caitie: Yeah, I've been busy.
Caitie looked slightly uncomfortable being at the station again. The last time she was there was that night. The night when Tyler brought her there after she almost got raped. Tyler picked up on her discomfort and quickly changed the subject.
Tyler: So I've been thinking about that band of ours… (Smiling).
Caitie: Oh Golden Boy. You lack musical talent. (Teasing)
Tyler: But you're mistaken. I think I have some potential!
Caitie: Yeah. (Laughing).
Hank: (not understanding the inside joke) Band?
Tyler: Yeah. I told Caitie and Jamie that I'll take up the drums. Jamie can play the guitar and Caitie here can sing.
Hank: Caitie, a singer. Super cool. Sing for us!
Caitie: I don't think so. Me…singing? It only happens on occasion.
Jamie: it should happen more often.
Jamie walked through the door.
Caitie: Hi. You look tired.
Jamie: Nah, I'm okay. You on the other hand look great.
Caitie blushed slightly. Tyler and Hank grinned.
Jamie: So, Brianne told me that the Java Bean (a café everyone goes to often) is holding a competition.
Caitie: what kind of competition?
Jamie: it's like an open mic night. Winner gets free coffee and pastries for a month. How about it Caitie?
Caitie: NO. No singing for me.
Jamie: Think of how much money we'd be saving (with a grin) Come on, it'll be fun!
Caitie: No. No. I don't think so. No.
Val walked into the station carrying two boxes of doughnuts.
Val: "no" what? I brought you guys doughnuts.
Hank, Tyler, and Jamie: Doughnuts!!!
Tyler: (Smiling) You're the best Val!
Hank: Thanks.
Jamie picks up two doughnuts and hands one to Caitie.
Jamie: (to Val) Thanks for the sugar rush.
Val poured herself a cup of coffee and picked up her favorite doughnut—jelly filled.
Val: So Caitie, "No" what?
Caitie: Jamie just wanted me to participate in the contest Java Bean is hosting.
Val: That's great!!!
Caitie: Think again. I don't know if I can sing in front of such a big crowd.
Jamie: Come on! It'll be like always… you know, (in a quieter tone) you and me against the world.
Val wanted Caitie to get involved in this contest. Rehearsing with Jamie would be tons of fun…and she also wanted Caitie to do something that would take her mind off of things.
Val: you have an amazing voice! It'll be fun!!!
Caitie sipped her coffee and bit into her glazed doughnut.
Caitie: (rolls her eyes). I guess.
Tyler: Does this mean I'm out of the band?
Jamie threw a piece of his doughnut at his head.
**************************************************************************** **
Jamie and Caitie decided to enter the contest at the Java Bean. The week was spent coming up with song suggestions. It was now Friday, and the contest was tomorrow. Jamie and Caitie couldn't agree on a song to perform.
Jamie: Hey, contest's tomorrow.
Caitie: I know. Practice tonight?
Jamie: You got it. I'll be over around seven.
Caitie: What songs do we have on our list?
Jamie: Well, there's "Again", "Don't Speak" and "Complicated".
Caitie frowned. Although she knew all the words to these songs… and Jamie knew how to play them well…but the feeling wasn't right.
Jamie: All right, I'm off. Got to go to class. See ya later!
Caitie: Bye!
After school that day, Caitie was surfing the net. She wanted to find the sheet music to a song in particular that she was listening too.
Caitie: (Out loud) Found it!
Caitie hit the "Print" button and smiled to herself. She decided to print out the lyrics for Jamie just incase he wanted to read them. Caitie took out the paper that was recently printed out of her printer. It had the words "DAMAGED" on top. She listened to this song over and over again…right after what happened to her a little while ago.
Caitie: (To herself) This is how I feel… Damaged.
Caitie decided that singing this song, (If Jamie could play it) will be therapeutic for her… a way for her to express herself. She knew that she no longer wanted to shut everyone out… and this would be the easiest way to let her friends know what's going on in her mind.
It was approaching seven and the doorbell rang.
Caitie: (to herself) Just in time.
Caitie went downstairs to let Jamie in.
Jamie entered Caitie's house with his guitar hanging on his shoulder.
Jamie: Ready to get started?
Caitie: Yea. Mom is out to dinner with Val's parents. I stayed behind so we can practice.
Jamie: All right, so we can practice in here? (Pointing to the living room).
Caitie: Sure. Listen Jamie, since we really didn't agree on a song…and we can't very well compose one overnight… I have a suggestion.
Jamie: (looks up at Caitie) Sure.
Caitie handed Jamie the sheet music to the song she had just printed out. Jamie took the paper. He read the sheet music.
Jamie: I can play this.
Caitie: Good.
Jamie: Can I see the lyrics?
Caitie: Yea.
Caitie handed Jamie the lyrics. He read them over and was silent for a few minutes.
Jamie: is there any particular reason why you chose this… song?
Jamie knew he asked that question in vain. He just didn't want to believe that she felt like she was 'damaged'. Didn't she see how wonderful she was? The notion that Caitie saw herself this way tore a hole in Jamie's heart.
Caitie: Cause… the song was practically written about me. Every word. (Tears welling up in her eyes). Jamie…I… know I've been pushing you away… not just you. Everyone. And, I guess, this will be my way…of opening up to you guys.
After Caitie's last comment, Jamie had a look of seriousness in his eyes. He fixed her into his gaze.
Jamie: I don't think…you know—Caitie, you know you're not damaged.
Caitie: …Yes I am.
Jamie: Caitie. You're not…to me you will always be perfect.
Jamie changed the subject quickly.
Jamie: Let's practice…competition is tomorrow!
-The next day at the Java Bean
Jamie and Caitie rehearsed all night for this competition. Caitie was very nervous about singing in front of everyone. She knew that all of her friends would be there. Jamie was calm as usual. He just repeated stoked his guitar strings with a pick.
Jamie looked up at Caitie. She was pacing around. She looks really nervous, he thought to himself. She also looks beautiful. Caitie was wearing a red tank top with tight black flared pants. She wore her boots as usual. She had on several silver rings. She wore dramatic eye make up, which made her eyes look even more breathtaking. She let her hair down—he loved it when she did that.
Jamie: Caitie. Calm down. We got this thing in the bag.
Caitie: But…we only started practicing yesterday. There is NO WAY we're ready for this.
Jamie: Come here.
Jamie put down his guitar and hugged Caitie tightly.
Jamie: It'll be okay.
Caitie took a deep breath. She found Jamie's embrace to be comforting.
Caitie: Okay.
Tyler, Val, Hank and Brooke arrived at the Java Bean. It was crowded but they managed to find a good table. Tyler and Val headed over to Caitie and Jamie once they put their stuff down at the table.
Tyler: Hey!
Val: Caitie! You look great!
Caitie: Thanks Val.
Jamie continued to stroke his guitar strings.
Val: What are you going to sing?
Caitie: it's a surprise.
Tyler: Good luck guys!
Jamie: Thanks.
Val and Tyler left and joined Hank and Brooke at their table. Suddenly a voice was heard all throughout the café.
Announcer: Welcome to the JAVA BEAN. Be sure to drink a lot of coffee while you listen to our special show we have in store for tonight. We have many young and talented artists ready to perform! So, let me introduce the first act. From our very own town, it's "JunKiez" featuring Todd.
The group saw Brianne, Todd and others—friends of Jamie and Caitie—approach the stage. They began playing a song that sounded like a recording of a tortured cat. Brianne was on stage shaking a tambourine around.
Jamie and Caitie were cheering from the sidelines. Brianne winked at them and continued dancing—not to the rhythm.
The next performers were a couple of junior high students Brooke seemed to know. They were putting on a short skit, a modern day Romeo and Juliet. It was actually pretty decent.
Announcer: Our next act is… (Looks at notepad) Jamie and Caitie. Give them a warm welcome folks!
Tyler, Val, Brooke, Hank, Brianne's gang all went wild and cheered for them.
Caitie approached the microphone and looked like she'd seen a ghost. Jamie had his guitar strapped on and was ready to play.
Jamie: (whispering) You ready?
Caitie looked over at the table and saw Val give her the thumbs up sign. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Caitie: I'm ready. * (To herself: Time to open up) *.
Caitie: Hi everyone. This song I'm about to sing is dedicated to Val, Tyler, and Jamie.
Jamie started playing and Caitie closed her eyes and began to sing.
Caitie: (Damaged by Plumb)
Dreaming comes so easily
Cause it's all that I've known
True love is a fairytale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?
I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
Thoughts of Brett ran through Caitie's head. She did the best she could to hold back the tears.
Caitie:
Healing comes so painfully
and it chills to the bone
won't let anyone get close to me
I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know
I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
Tyler and Val were in awe of the song lyrics. Val had tears building up in her eyes. Tyler grabbed her hand underneath the table. Tyler was misty- eyed as well. They both knew these lyrics had deep meaning behind them.
Caitie:
There's only for my soul
and undo this fear
Forgiveness for a man
who was stronger
I was just a little girl
But I can't look back
Jamie masterfully played the song. After practicing all night, listening to Caitie sing the lyrics still made his heart ache.
Caitie:
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
I can't go back...
I can't go back...
I can't go back…
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
Jamie and Caitie finished their song. Roaring applause immediately bombarded them. Jamie and Caitie took a bow and approached the table all their friends were sitting at.
Val: Caitie! You were so amazing!
Tyler: Yeah!
Caitie was blushing.
Hank: You were great girl! You too Jamie! Man, you can play a mean guitar! Coffee's on me.
Brooke: Great job guys. (Looks at Hank) I'll help.
Jamie managed to find a couple of chairs to pull up to the table. Caitie and Jamie sat down.
Tyler: (in a quiet voice) I know it was hard for you to sing that song.
Val: I know you've been going through a bad time, but I had no idea that's how you felt.
Caitie: I'm getting better. Not there now, but you know, as they say, 'One day at a time'. I accepted…it's okay not being okay…for now.
Jamie: Feel better after singing?
Caitie: I don't know how to explain…it's like…I carry have less of a burden to carry…I don't have to pretend to be okay. You know what I mean? I think I can start to forgive myself.
Jamie: I always know what you mean.
Caitie: yea. You always understand…you understand me.
Jamie put his arm around Caitie and pulled her close. Caitie gingerly kissed him on the cheek. Jamie was surprised but smiled.
Jamie: What was that for?
Caitie: Understanding me.
Jamie pulled Caitie in closer and gave her a kiss on her head. Hank and Brooke returned with iced coffees. They all sat at the table watching the other acts. Everyone knew that Caitie and Jamie couldn't be topped. The group drank their beverages and laughed, made jokes and giggled the whole night through. At the end of the night, Caitie and Jamie were awarded the prize—JAVA BEAN cards which entitled them to free beverages and pastries for a month.
The End… or is it?
A/N: So… what ya think? Please review!!!!!
I'm pretty sure mistakes still remain within the story… :P but please read and review! I appreciate any and all comments!
This fic contains many songs… Dido- Honestly Okay, Lenny Kravitz-Again, and Plumb-Damaged. Listen to the songs if you can!
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Iahb
1.1 Readjustments to the world
It was a week later, and Caitie was out of the hospital. The break was over, and everyone had to return to school. During the vacation, Caitie kept her distance from Val, Jamie and Tyler… staying home by herself.
It was now Monday morning, before class. Tyler and Hank were running around the track when Hank noticed someone under the bleachers.
Hank: Hey Tyler, isn't that Caitie under the bleachers?
Tyler looks as he slows down his pace.
Tyler: Yea, I think you're right… it is her…
Hank: I wonder why she's at school this early…
Tyler: Listen Hank, I'm going to get going… I'll see ya later.
Hank: All right. See ya.
Tyler jogged over to the bleachers. Caitie was sitting in the shade, hugging her knees. She had a distant spaced look on her face.
Tyler: (Whispers softly) Hi
Caitie was startled and picked up her head. When she realizes it was Tyler, she calmed down a bit. He appeared a little sad to see her in such a spaced out state… a state that is completely different from her usual self. She always had this fire in her eyes. Caitie was the type of person who didn't take any crap from anyone—someone who always would fight the big fight. The fragile girl sitting in front of him was not the same person.
Caitie: Um... Hi.
Tyler: So, what ya doing down here?
Caitie: You know… being by myself… until…
Tyler: Until I came by. Sorry. (Smiles)
Caitie: it's okay. I'm just a little bit edgy lately.
Tyler: So, how have you been? You know, we were all… worr… (Trying to recover quickly) we were… wondering how you've been after you got out of the hospital.
Caitie: I've been okay. A little tired and jumpy… but that's about it.
Tyler: I'm glad. Okay, I have to go shower before my math class. I'll see ya later okay?
Caitie smiles at Tyler as he begins to leave. She returns to staring into space and enjoys the moment. She stays in the same position for a very long time—so long that she misses her first period class.
In History Class
Jamie was sitting in his first period history class. He was wondering where Caitie was. He had been worried about her for days now… wondering what he can possibly do without having her shut him out completely. She just seemed so distant lately; he didn't know what to do. The class was soon over and Jamie went to his locker. When Jamie was unpacking his books, he saw Caitie walk through the halls. He noticed that she had lost a good ten pounds—making her appear very fragile considering she was already slender. He immediately closed his locker shut and chased after her.
Jamie: Hey, Hey… Caitie? Caitie!
Caitie looked up, looking disoriented. She saw her best friend. She smiled a weak smile.
Caitie: Hey James.
Jamie: Hi… how are you doing?
Caitie: I'm fine.
Jamie: you weren't in history class today…
Caitie: Oh… yeah, I was sitting outside. I guess I lost track of time.
Jamie: seriously, how are you doing?
Caitie: I told you already, I'm fine. I…I… I got to go now. I'll see you later.
With that final statement, Caitie walked away from Jamie, not bothering to go to her locker. As far as he can see, she just headed towards the nearest exit.
Jamie (to himself): (sigh)… Caitie…
Caitie didn't exactly know where she was going. She just couldn't stand everyone asking if she was 'okay'. Didn't she look okay? She tried as hard as she could to continue with her normal life… didn't they know that she was doing the best that she could? Caitie immediately headed towards the nearest exit. She had to get out of there. She left school grounds when she ran into Brianne.
Brianne: Caitie, ditching?
Caitie: Yea. I'm not feeling the vibe of the whole 'school' thing today.
Brianne: I don't think I ever felt that vibe man. Listen, I'm heading over to Todd's garage. He's going to practice with his band in a few. Want to come?
Caitie: Nah, I think I'll pass. I'll see you later.
Caitie and Brianne parted ways. Caitie headed towards her house, knowing that's the only place where she can have some peace. She knew her mother wouldn't be home until late that night.
The day passed and the EMTs were at the station after school.
-At the station.
Val: Jamie… can I ask you something?
Jamie: (preoccupied)… Go ahead. No one's stopping you.
Val: Have… have… you talked to Caitie lately?
Jamie looks up from his paperwork and had a sorrowful look in his eyes.
Jamie: I saw her briefly today, but I think she went home. She wasn't in her other classes today.
Val: I didn't see her in Spanish or English either.
Tyler walks into the room.
Tyler: Hey guys.
Val: Hi. Um, Tyler… did you see Caitie today?
Tyler looks uncomfortable at the simple question. He almost didn't want to tell them that he'd seen her. She looked beyond miserable. He knew that they were concerned but he also knew that Caitie wanted to have some time alone, to sort everything out.
Tyler: Yea, actually I saw her before school this morning. I was running around the track with Hank.
Tyler quickly went to work, picking up boxes, trying to look busy.
Jamie: She was there early?
Tyler: Uh…I guess.
Jamie: Oh. It's just that…she missed history first period.
Tyler: I don't know. I went into the locker room after I said 'hi'.
Val: Did she… look okay to you?
Tyler hesitated…wondering how to answer such a question. Luckily Alex walked into the room giving the squad ample assignments to keep them busy for the rest of the afternoon.
Caitie was at home, under her covers. She was shedding tear after tear. She didn't want to live, but she realized she didn't want to die. She thought that this obstacle life has brought her will knock her down. She forcefully shut her eyes. Images soon ran through her head.
(Background music: Dido-Honestly Okay)
*I just want to feel
safe in my own skin
I just want to be
happy again
I just want to feel
deep in my own world
But I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore*
Caitie willed herself to recall the night where she had lost control. She saw broken images of Brett on top of her, kissing her. She felt sick to her stomach. Then images of her consuming pills entered her mind. Caitie vaguely recalled the events occurring directly afterward. She remembered that night in her hospital room very vividly though.
*On a different day
if I was safe in my own skin
then I wouldn't feel
lost and so frightened
But this is today
and I'm lost in my own skin
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore*
* Flashback *
-In the hospital room.
Jamie: Caitie, I will be here for you always… we can face tomorrow together….
Val: We will always be here for you…
Tyler: That goes for me too.
* End of flashback *
*I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again*
-Later that night, at Tyler's house.
Tyler's mom: Oh honey. Glad you're home. Dave called for you again.
Tyler had a glint of anger in his eyes.
Tyler: Oh.
Tyler's mom: Is there something wrong?
Tyler: No. I'm… going jogging.
Tyler's mom: Okay, be sure to be back for dinner.
Tyler: Will do.
Jamie rode his motorcycle around town after his shift ended at the station. He passed by Caitie's house so many times he lost count. He desperately wanted to take her in his arms and cradle her. He wanted to tell her that he will protect her forever and that she doesn't need to shut him out. He just wanted to be next to her. Jamie knew that Caitie would only push him away further if he tried too hard. Jamie rode his motorcycle around until he reached the neighborhood park. He saw a man smoking and bummed a cigarette off of him. Jamie took a long drag and tried to clear his head. While he was inhaling his cigarette, he noticed someone familiar jog on by. He realized that it was Tyler.
Tyler saw Jamie smoking by an old oak tree. He headed over to talk to his friend.
Tyler: Jamie.
Jamie: Hello.
Tyler: What are you doing here?
He held back the 'smoking is not good for you' lecture considering the situation he knew Jamie was dealing with. Tyler's self control didn't go unnoticed.
Jamie: no lecture from the king of the super squad today? (Jokingly).
Tyler: Seems like I'm fresh out of lectures today. Try again tomorrow.
Jamie let out a chuckle.
Jamie: And the kid has a sense of humor.
Tyler laughed along with Jamie for a second. Then his face grew serious.
Jamie: What's going on.
Tyler: About Caitie?
Jamie looked at him straight in the eyes. He nodded.
Tyler: I noticed how spaced out and thin she's gotten. Listen, I didn't want to go into details and upset Val before at the station. She has so many things on her mind; I know I should have told you guys everything. It's obvious you both care for Caitie a lot… it's just that… I think she needs some space now.
Jamie: I know. It's just so hard to stay away. Tyler—can you tell me what happened that night? Did she tell you why she even started to go to that club?
Tyler: Well, I heard that she started going with her friend Andrea. She met… that guy there. Nothing really happened between those two—at least that's what my cousin told me. He also told me that she didn't drink or do any drugs… she was just there for the ambiance I guess.
Jamie: What kind of ambiance was that?
Tyler: Well, when I got there… she was leading an intense conversation about philosophy or something like that. I guess it was stuff people there were into.
Jamie: Yea.
Tyler: She fit in great … she was different. She held her own, and people were accepting of her uniqueness…her thoughts.
Jamie: I was always accepting of her uniqueness.
Tyler: Dave told me that every guy in that place was memorized with her or something.
Jamie: I know what he means.
Tyler stopped talking for a moment to absorb all of Jamie's responses.
Tyler: Jamie…you like her right.
Jamie thought for a second. Then he quickly shook his head.
Jamie: No.
Tyler: Oh. I'm sorry… cause I just thought---
Jamie: I think I'm in love with her.
Tyler smiled and then frowned. He knew that his friend had all these powerful feelings for someone who cannot deal with them at the moment.
Jamie put out his cigarette. He got on his bike and put his helmet on.
Jamie: Listen—I better get home. I have to watch my sister tonight.
Tyler waved as Jamie rode off on his motorcycle.
-Caitie's house.
Caitie couldn't sleep. She couldn't eat. She didn't know why she felt so numb, so empty all the time. She didn't know what would snap her out of it. The phone interrupted Caitie's ceaseless thoughts. She located the cordless phone and answered it.
Caitie: Hello?
Val: Hi Caitie! (Sounded all too chipper).
Caitie: Hey Val. (Trying to imitate the chipper-ness on the other end of the line but failing.)
Val: Did you eat yet?
Caitie knew that she really didn't eat or sleep for days.
Caitie: um… no I didn't.
Val: Great! Let's go out for pizza!
Caitie: I don't know if I'm up for it.
Val: No way. You have to go out with me! You want me to suffer the consumption of my mom's turkey loaf? Anyway, Brooke's out with Amanda and Nick, and my parents went out to some dinner party. I'm all by my lonesome. Come on…. Please? Please save me from this hunger!
Caitie: (hesitates.) Okay.
Val: I'll drive. Pick you up in five.
Caitie hung up the phone and got out of bed.
Val was predictably prompt. She was over in exactly five minutes. Caitie was waiting outside and got into Val's car.
Val: Hey stranger!
Caitie: Hi.
Silence took over the conversation, continuing its reign until they arrived at the pizza parlor.
Val: (very cheery) What do you want to get? Name it! It's my treat.
Caitie: Thanks but I can manage to get my own slice.
Val: No, I want to. Please let me treat you! We haven't been hanging out lately, and since I dragged you out of here to eat with my pitiful self…it IS my treat. I insist.
Caitie slightly grinned. Val was trying her best to cheer her up. Val's effort alone made Caitie feel a little bit better.
Val: Well?
Caitie: Pepsi and a veggie slice.
Val: good choice.
Val ordered 2 Pepsi's, a veggie slice, and two pepperoni slices. She also ordered a side of garlic knots for them to share. Val wasn't kidding when she said she was hungry. She was devouring her two slices as Caitie picked off the vegetable toppings on her pizza and slowly began to nibble at them.
Val: Not hungry?
Caitie managed a small smile.
Caitie: haven't been.
Val: Listen Caitie… (She stops eating and gives Caitie a concerned look.) I need to know if you're okay. Honestly okay… not just that 'tough girl-I don't need anyone-independent' wall you put up all the time…
Caitie looked at Val and saw the genuine concern in her eyes. She decided to be truthful with her.
Caitie: I feel like, I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm not okay, but I will be…I think. I just can't stop myself from feeling this way… like my life is out of control. I guess I'm a control freak… but…I usually know what I'm doing. What…what…happened… contradicted everything I thought I knew and respected about myself.
Val: Caitie…oh Caitie… you know it's not your---
Caitie: Fault… I know. It's just… I can't forgive myself yet. I'm honestly glad that you guys were supportive and caring… I just need to find some stable ground with my own two feet.
Val: I just want to help… I just want to help you….
Caitie: you are helping Val. Just by being who you are. I need some space, but you know when I get over this… you won't be able to get rid of me!
Val: Why would I want to! I miss having my best friend around… and I know… Jamie does too.
Caitie thought about what Val just said. Jamie… she has been blowing him off lately.
Caitie: I know. (Changing the subject.) So, what's going on between you and Tyler? Any progress with 'the golden boy'?
Val: Shut up! (Laughs) We've hung out a few times over break. We went bowling.
Caitie: BOWLING? (Laughs) Did you guys take home a trophy or something? Or… I know, they retired your bowling shoes.
Val: Actually, he's not the best bowler… he tried to pick up this bowling ball, but it was really heavy. On top of that, the holes in the ball were like, huge! So Tyler takes his turn with this defective bowling ball, and when he swung his arm back the ball went flying!
Caitie was laughing as Val continued the story.
Val: and the ball rolled off in the opposite direction of the lane. It wandered and rolled all over the place. Tyler was very embarrassed.
Caitie: It's nice to know that he's not the best at everything…although he is… you know…proficient at being a good friend.
Val: you know, Tyler's been worried about you. His cousin keeps on calling him, but he refuses to talk to Dave.
Caitie looks away.
Caitie: (quietly) I don't want him to disown his own family.
Val just smiled at her best friend. The two girls finished up their dinner and headed for Val's car.
(In the car)
Caitie: Listen Val, thanks… for dragging me out tonight. I actually had a good time. I missed my best friend too.
Val and Caitie gave each other a quick hug and Val started to drive home. Before she left, she gave the horn a quick honk and waved at Caitie. Caitie smiled and waved back before she went into her house. Her mother was home.
Caitie's mom: Hi hon.
Caitie: Hey mom.
Caitie's mom: Did you eat?
Caitie: Val and I just went out for pizza.
Caitie's mom: Oh that's great dear. You've been keeping to yourself lately. Go out and act your age. Don't let your 'old soul' keep you from enjoying your teenage years. Trust me, they fly by!
Caitie: Will do mom. I'm tired; I'm off to bed.
Caitie's mom: Oh Caitie, I have this gallery opening to attend. I'll be home late. Will you be okay dear?
Caitie: I can manage. Night mom.
Caitie's mom: Night sweetheart.
-The next day.
Caitie came to school early once again. She was enjoying the silence from underneath the bleachers. Jamie had recalled that Tyler saw Caitie there the day before and he decided to go look for her. It had been uncharacteristic of him to be up so early in the day when he was off duty. He had a guitar strapped to his back. He remembered when he would play his guitar for Caitie, and she would sometimes hum, or occasionally sing along. Those were the days he longed for.
Jamie: Hey Cai---tie.
Caitie: Hi. You're up early.
Jamie: So are you! Hey, follow me.
Caitie got up from her position. She remembered what Val had said last night—that her 'other best friend' had missed her as well. She missed him too.
Caitie: What ya doing?
Jamie: You know, trying to torture you by playing my guitar.
Jamie and Caitie sat on top of the bleachers. Jamie took out his guitar and started playing a few chords. He adjusted the strings to make sure his guitar was in tune.
Caitie: We haven't done this in a while.
Jamie smiled at her. He missed her company. He was glad that she seemed…a little better today. "Time will heal all wounds" people say. Maybe that adage was right. Jamie started playing "Again" by Lenny Kravitz. He started to do something that Caitie didn't witness before—he was singing. He was actually good she thought.
Jamie:
I've been searching for you
I heard a cry within my soul
I never had a yearning quite like this before
now that you are walking right through my door
By the time the song reach the chorus Jamie stopped and Caitie took over.
Caitie:
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
Caitie and Jamie:
A sacred gift of heaven
for better worse wherever
and I would never let somebody break you down
or take your crown, never
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
Jamie:
I've searched through time, I've always known
that you where there, upon your throne
A lonely queen, without her king
I've longed for you, my love forever
Caitie:
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
Caitie and Jamie:
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
While Caitie was singing, Jamie noticed that the sparkle in her eyes was slowly returning. She had almost forgotten how nice and smooth her voice was. Little did Caitie know how much meaning was behind those lyrics.
Tyler jogged over to the bleachers once he had spotted Caitie and Jamie.
Tyler: Hey, sounds good.
Jamie: Hey man, come on, grab yourself a seat.
Tyler climbed the bleachers until he reached Jamie and Caitie.
Caitie: Hi Tyler.
Tyler: Hi.
Tyler noticed that Caitie had been looking happier today.
Tyler: (Smiling) you have an awesome voice!
Jamie: Oh wow. Caitie has a groupie.
Tyler: you're not so bad at that guitar of yours either!
Jamie: Groupie slut.
Caitie laughed at the playful bickering and teasing that was going on between Tyler and Jamie.
Jamie played song after song, and Caitie and Tyler sang along. First period was about to start when the three started to leave.
Tyler: You know…if I learned to play the drums…we could start a band.
Jamie: Oh that'll be the day.
Caitie: Can I be the leader?
Jamie: As always.
Tyler, Jamie and Caitie all headed towards the school. They had to load and unload some books in their lockers before class. Jamie had to shove a guitar in his locker. Tyler left for his class and Caitie and Jamie walked to theirs.
Tyler had math with Val. He quickly took a seat next to her.
Tyler: You'll never guess what I was just doing.
Val: Give up…What were you doing?
Tyler: I was outside when I saw Jamie and Caitie hanging out at the bleachers. Jamie was playing his guitar and Caitie was singing along. I joined in. There is some 'talk' about there being a band. (He added jokingly).
Val's eyes lit up.
Val: Really? That is so great! I haven't heard Caitie sing in so long! I had almost forgotten that she had a good voice.
Tyler: Yeah, she has a pretty voice. Jamie is talented. His voice is nice too.
Val: I went out to dinner with Caitie yesterday… and we had a talk. I think, I know my limits now. She needed space, and I was afraid of giving it to her. I'm glad she's making an effort.
The teacher walked in ending the conversation.
The school day ended. Caitie was actually improving. She was slowly regaining her appetite. She actually had fun.
-After school
Jamie: So Caitie, what's on the agenda for today?
Caitie: Hmm, let's see. Mom will be home late.
Jamie: Want company?
Caitie: Sure, I'd like that.
Jamie: I got the afternoon shift today. I'll be over around 7pm.
Caitie: okay.
Jamie suddenly put his arms around Caitie and gave her a big hug.
Caitie: Whoa, Jamie.
Jamie: I'm just glad…that I have my best friend back.
Caitie: I am not going anywhere.
Jamie: (to himself) you almost did.
Jamie released Caitie from his grips and he headed down to the station. When he entered, Val was already there with Tyler. Alex was in his office and Brooke was filing some stuff. Hank was washing the ambulance in the garage.
Jamie: Hi my fellow EMT-ers.
Tyler: Hey.
Val: What's with that smile?
Jamie: I'm going over to Caitie's tonight.
Val: Yeah, her mom's going to be out of town right?
Jamie: Yup. I want to hang out with her, but I also don't want to leave her alone.
Val: She's been a lot better lately.
Tyler: Yeah, I've noticed.
The alarm rang and Brooke ran out of the office. There's a call—two injured at 142 West Valley Lane.
Tyler: On our way.
After the shift, Jamie rode his motorcycle towards Caitie's house. He parked next to Caitie's car. He knocked on the door and she answered.
Caitie: Hey, come on in.
Jamie entered her house. He put his stuff down on her couch and immediately headed toward the kitchen. Jamie opened the fridge looking for something to eat.
Jamie: Whoa Caitie. I know your mom isn't here to do the shopping…but all you have in your fridge is baking soda and mustard.
Caitie: Yea… every time mom's not here, I usually get take out.
Jamie: How about it. Want to go out for some food?
Caitie: Sure.
Caitie grabbed her coat and keys. Jamie and Caitie got on his motorcycle and headed towards the local diner.
-At the diner.
Jamie and Caitie sat down at their favorite booth. The waitress they hadn't seen before came over to take their orders.
Waitress: You two look like a nice young couple. What can I get for you two?
Jamie and Caitie both looked at her. Caitie began to suppress a chuckle.
Jamie: bacon cheeseburger with fries and a chocolate shake.
Caitie: Clam chowder and toast on the side, with a cup of tea with lemon.
Waitress: Got it. You're order will be out in a few minutes.
Jamie: That's all you're eating? Still don't have you're appetite back?
Jamie frowned. Caitie smiled at him, trying to cheer him up.
Caitie: Don't worry… I'll steal some fries.
Jamie: That's more like it.
Caitie ate her soup, stealing an occasional fry from Jamie. Jamie consumed his burger with great speed. After they finished eating and paid their bill, Jamie and Caitie headed back to Caitie's house.
Caitie: What do you want to do now?
Jamie: Well, we do have a quiz in history the day after tomorrow.
Caitie: Wait… you're actually volunteering to study? That's very unlike you.
Jamie: I'm being brainwashed by the super squad.
Caitie: I can tell. (Laughing) All right, studying it is.
Jamie and Caitie went upstairs to her room. They got settled on the bed and took out their history textbooks. Both of the teenagers were reading in silence. After an hour of studying, Caitie fell asleep with her book in her lap. Jamie took the book away and covered Caitie with a blanket. After all, she still had tomorrow to study. Jamie sat down besides her. He looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was 9:07 p.m.
Jamie: (to himself) She must be tired to be sleeping this early.
He watched Caitie as she breathed in and out. He stroked her hair. He closed his eyes and Jamie fell asleep as well.
Caitie was tossing and turning. She began to break out in a cold sweat.
Caitie: NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caitie jerked up and was breathing hard. Jamie instantly sat up.
Jamie: Caitie… Caitie. It's okay. It's only me. What happened?
Caitie: How long have I been sleeping for?
Jamie looked at the clock.
Jamie: for about an hour.
Caitie looked shocked but began to calm down a bit.
Caitie: It…was a dream—a dream that I've been having all week.
Jamie: Hey, (touches her shoulder) it'll be okay. What was your dream about?
Jamie already knew the answer.
Caitie: It's… about what happened that night. What I remembered of it anyway.
Jamie hugged Caitie.
Jamie: It'll be okay. I'll protect you.
Jamie held Caitie in his arms until she fell back asleep. When it was time to leave he left her a note.
Caitie,
1:40 a.m.
Hey, I'm heading home for the night. I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well.
Jamie.
Jamie quietly left Caitie's house, making sure to lock the door (from the inside) before he left.
Caitie woke up the next morning, and saw the note on her nightstand. She remembered it took her awhile to go back to sleep. For the first time for a while, she actually slept through the night.
Caitie: (to herself) Jamie's sweet.
Caitie noticed that it was still pretty early. Lately Caitie has been early for school. Usually it was because she couldn't sleep. Caitie got ready for school. She took a quick shower and pulled her hair up in a ponytail. She applied a little eye shadow and kiwi lip-gloss. Caitie opened up her closet and pulled out a pair of dark blue flairs. She pulled out a shirt—a sleeveless black tee. She put on her favorite black boots and headed out of her room. Caitie grabbed her books, a banana (for breakfast) along with her keys. She was ready to go to school.
Caitie decided to skip the morning bleacher visit that day. She decided to go to the station, to visit Val and Jamie.
-At the station
Tyler and Hank were already at the station. Caitie walked in.
Caitie: Hi. Um… I was looking for… Val or Jamie. They here?
Hank: Nope. They didn't come in yet.
Tyler: (Smiling) Why don't you wait for them. (Looks at watch) You still have a good hour before first period.
Hank: Yea, want a cup of coffee?
Caitie joined Tyler and Hank and sat down.
Caitie: Sure. Thanks!
Hank: So, (handing Caitie a mug of fresh coffee) I haven't seen you around here lately.
Caitie: Yeah, I've been busy.
Caitie looked slightly uncomfortable being at the station again. The last time she was there was that night. The night when Tyler brought her there after she almost got raped. Tyler picked up on her discomfort and quickly changed the subject.
Tyler: So I've been thinking about that band of ours… (Smiling).
Caitie: Oh Golden Boy. You lack musical talent. (Teasing)
Tyler: But you're mistaken. I think I have some potential!
Caitie: Yeah. (Laughing).
Hank: (not understanding the inside joke) Band?
Tyler: Yeah. I told Caitie and Jamie that I'll take up the drums. Jamie can play the guitar and Caitie here can sing.
Hank: Caitie, a singer. Super cool. Sing for us!
Caitie: I don't think so. Me…singing? It only happens on occasion.
Jamie: it should happen more often.
Jamie walked through the door.
Caitie: Hi. You look tired.
Jamie: Nah, I'm okay. You on the other hand look great.
Caitie blushed slightly. Tyler and Hank grinned.
Jamie: So, Brianne told me that the Java Bean (a café everyone goes to often) is holding a competition.
Caitie: what kind of competition?
Jamie: it's like an open mic night. Winner gets free coffee and pastries for a month. How about it Caitie?
Caitie: NO. No singing for me.
Jamie: Think of how much money we'd be saving (with a grin) Come on, it'll be fun!
Caitie: No. No. I don't think so. No.
Val walked into the station carrying two boxes of doughnuts.
Val: "no" what? I brought you guys doughnuts.
Hank, Tyler, and Jamie: Doughnuts!!!
Tyler: (Smiling) You're the best Val!
Hank: Thanks.
Jamie picks up two doughnuts and hands one to Caitie.
Jamie: (to Val) Thanks for the sugar rush.
Val poured herself a cup of coffee and picked up her favorite doughnut—jelly filled.
Val: So Caitie, "No" what?
Caitie: Jamie just wanted me to participate in the contest Java Bean is hosting.
Val: That's great!!!
Caitie: Think again. I don't know if I can sing in front of such a big crowd.
Jamie: Come on! It'll be like always… you know, (in a quieter tone) you and me against the world.
Val wanted Caitie to get involved in this contest. Rehearsing with Jamie would be tons of fun…and she also wanted Caitie to do something that would take her mind off of things.
Val: you have an amazing voice! It'll be fun!!!
Caitie sipped her coffee and bit into her glazed doughnut.
Caitie: (rolls her eyes). I guess.
Tyler: Does this mean I'm out of the band?
Jamie threw a piece of his doughnut at his head.
**************************************************************************** **
Jamie and Caitie decided to enter the contest at the Java Bean. The week was spent coming up with song suggestions. It was now Friday, and the contest was tomorrow. Jamie and Caitie couldn't agree on a song to perform.
Jamie: Hey, contest's tomorrow.
Caitie: I know. Practice tonight?
Jamie: You got it. I'll be over around seven.
Caitie: What songs do we have on our list?
Jamie: Well, there's "Again", "Don't Speak" and "Complicated".
Caitie frowned. Although she knew all the words to these songs… and Jamie knew how to play them well…but the feeling wasn't right.
Jamie: All right, I'm off. Got to go to class. See ya later!
Caitie: Bye!
After school that day, Caitie was surfing the net. She wanted to find the sheet music to a song in particular that she was listening too.
Caitie: (Out loud) Found it!
Caitie hit the "Print" button and smiled to herself. She decided to print out the lyrics for Jamie just incase he wanted to read them. Caitie took out the paper that was recently printed out of her printer. It had the words "DAMAGED" on top. She listened to this song over and over again…right after what happened to her a little while ago.
Caitie: (To herself) This is how I feel… Damaged.
Caitie decided that singing this song, (If Jamie could play it) will be therapeutic for her… a way for her to express herself. She knew that she no longer wanted to shut everyone out… and this would be the easiest way to let her friends know what's going on in her mind.
It was approaching seven and the doorbell rang.
Caitie: (to herself) Just in time.
Caitie went downstairs to let Jamie in.
Jamie entered Caitie's house with his guitar hanging on his shoulder.
Jamie: Ready to get started?
Caitie: Yea. Mom is out to dinner with Val's parents. I stayed behind so we can practice.
Jamie: All right, so we can practice in here? (Pointing to the living room).
Caitie: Sure. Listen Jamie, since we really didn't agree on a song…and we can't very well compose one overnight… I have a suggestion.
Jamie: (looks up at Caitie) Sure.
Caitie handed Jamie the sheet music to the song she had just printed out. Jamie took the paper. He read the sheet music.
Jamie: I can play this.
Caitie: Good.
Jamie: Can I see the lyrics?
Caitie: Yea.
Caitie handed Jamie the lyrics. He read them over and was silent for a few minutes.
Jamie: is there any particular reason why you chose this… song?
Jamie knew he asked that question in vain. He just didn't want to believe that she felt like she was 'damaged'. Didn't she see how wonderful she was? The notion that Caitie saw herself this way tore a hole in Jamie's heart.
Caitie: Cause… the song was practically written about me. Every word. (Tears welling up in her eyes). Jamie…I… know I've been pushing you away… not just you. Everyone. And, I guess, this will be my way…of opening up to you guys.
After Caitie's last comment, Jamie had a look of seriousness in his eyes. He fixed her into his gaze.
Jamie: I don't think…you know—Caitie, you know you're not damaged.
Caitie: …Yes I am.
Jamie: Caitie. You're not…to me you will always be perfect.
Jamie changed the subject quickly.
Jamie: Let's practice…competition is tomorrow!
-The next day at the Java Bean
Jamie and Caitie rehearsed all night for this competition. Caitie was very nervous about singing in front of everyone. She knew that all of her friends would be there. Jamie was calm as usual. He just repeated stoked his guitar strings with a pick.
Jamie looked up at Caitie. She was pacing around. She looks really nervous, he thought to himself. She also looks beautiful. Caitie was wearing a red tank top with tight black flared pants. She wore her boots as usual. She had on several silver rings. She wore dramatic eye make up, which made her eyes look even more breathtaking. She let her hair down—he loved it when she did that.
Jamie: Caitie. Calm down. We got this thing in the bag.
Caitie: But…we only started practicing yesterday. There is NO WAY we're ready for this.
Jamie: Come here.
Jamie put down his guitar and hugged Caitie tightly.
Jamie: It'll be okay.
Caitie took a deep breath. She found Jamie's embrace to be comforting.
Caitie: Okay.
Tyler, Val, Hank and Brooke arrived at the Java Bean. It was crowded but they managed to find a good table. Tyler and Val headed over to Caitie and Jamie once they put their stuff down at the table.
Tyler: Hey!
Val: Caitie! You look great!
Caitie: Thanks Val.
Jamie continued to stroke his guitar strings.
Val: What are you going to sing?
Caitie: it's a surprise.
Tyler: Good luck guys!
Jamie: Thanks.
Val and Tyler left and joined Hank and Brooke at their table. Suddenly a voice was heard all throughout the café.
Announcer: Welcome to the JAVA BEAN. Be sure to drink a lot of coffee while you listen to our special show we have in store for tonight. We have many young and talented artists ready to perform! So, let me introduce the first act. From our very own town, it's "JunKiez" featuring Todd.
The group saw Brianne, Todd and others—friends of Jamie and Caitie—approach the stage. They began playing a song that sounded like a recording of a tortured cat. Brianne was on stage shaking a tambourine around.
Jamie and Caitie were cheering from the sidelines. Brianne winked at them and continued dancing—not to the rhythm.
The next performers were a couple of junior high students Brooke seemed to know. They were putting on a short skit, a modern day Romeo and Juliet. It was actually pretty decent.
Announcer: Our next act is… (Looks at notepad) Jamie and Caitie. Give them a warm welcome folks!
Tyler, Val, Brooke, Hank, Brianne's gang all went wild and cheered for them.
Caitie approached the microphone and looked like she'd seen a ghost. Jamie had his guitar strapped on and was ready to play.
Jamie: (whispering) You ready?
Caitie looked over at the table and saw Val give her the thumbs up sign. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Caitie: I'm ready. * (To herself: Time to open up) *.
Caitie: Hi everyone. This song I'm about to sing is dedicated to Val, Tyler, and Jamie.
Jamie started playing and Caitie closed her eyes and began to sing.
Caitie: (Damaged by Plumb)
Dreaming comes so easily
Cause it's all that I've known
True love is a fairytale
I'm damaged, so how would I know?
I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
Thoughts of Brett ran through Caitie's head. She did the best she could to hold back the tears.
Caitie:
Healing comes so painfully
and it chills to the bone
won't let anyone get close to me
I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know
I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm shamed and I need for you to know
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
Tyler and Val were in awe of the song lyrics. Val had tears building up in her eyes. Tyler grabbed her hand underneath the table. Tyler was misty- eyed as well. They both knew these lyrics had deep meaning behind them.
Caitie:
There's only for my soul
and undo this fear
Forgiveness for a man
who was stronger
I was just a little girl
But I can't look back
Jamie masterfully played the song. After practicing all night, listening to Caitie sing the lyrics still made his heart ache.
Caitie:
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
Can't go back...
I can't go back...
I can't go back...
I can't go back…
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
I must go on...
Jamie and Caitie finished their song. Roaring applause immediately bombarded them. Jamie and Caitie took a bow and approached the table all their friends were sitting at.
Val: Caitie! You were so amazing!
Tyler: Yeah!
Caitie was blushing.
Hank: You were great girl! You too Jamie! Man, you can play a mean guitar! Coffee's on me.
Brooke: Great job guys. (Looks at Hank) I'll help.
Jamie managed to find a couple of chairs to pull up to the table. Caitie and Jamie sat down.
Tyler: (in a quiet voice) I know it was hard for you to sing that song.
Val: I know you've been going through a bad time, but I had no idea that's how you felt.
Caitie: I'm getting better. Not there now, but you know, as they say, 'One day at a time'. I accepted…it's okay not being okay…for now.
Jamie: Feel better after singing?
Caitie: I don't know how to explain…it's like…I carry have less of a burden to carry…I don't have to pretend to be okay. You know what I mean? I think I can start to forgive myself.
Jamie: I always know what you mean.
Caitie: yea. You always understand…you understand me.
Jamie put his arm around Caitie and pulled her close. Caitie gingerly kissed him on the cheek. Jamie was surprised but smiled.
Jamie: What was that for?
Caitie: Understanding me.
Jamie pulled Caitie in closer and gave her a kiss on her head. Hank and Brooke returned with iced coffees. They all sat at the table watching the other acts. Everyone knew that Caitie and Jamie couldn't be topped. The group drank their beverages and laughed, made jokes and giggled the whole night through. At the end of the night, Caitie and Jamie were awarded the prize—JAVA BEAN cards which entitled them to free beverages and pastries for a month.
The End… or is it?
A/N: So… what ya think? Please review!!!!!