Making the Movie: Metal Gear 2
Director- Hello. I'm the director of Metal Gear 2: Hitler's Revenge. When I first got the script, I laughed the hardest I've ever did in my life. When Snake actually told me it was not a comedy, I had a heart attack. A real heart attack. When I got out of the hospital, I was drugged up on morphine so I decided to direct the picture. That was a mistake I will regret the rest of my life. So, here's the behind the scenes making of Metal Gear 2!
Day 1: The Script Read
Director- Ok, so I gathered all the actors together...actually, it's just actor because Snake is playing all the characters in the movie. I really shouldn't have let him do that. Okay Snake, you can start reading the script when you're ready.
Snake- Ok...Pan up to logo Metal Gear 2: Hitler's Revenge. Logo disappears..
Director- Snake, you only read the dialogue.
Snake- Oh. Right...Here we go....Colonel, I am ready. Let us proceed with the mission.
Snake(In Colonel's voice)- Argh Snake, Argh. I don't know if this is a good mission. Argh.
Snake- Yes, it is.
Snake(In Colonel's voice)- Ok.
Director- How come Colonel goes from saying it's a bad mission, to saying it's ok?
Snake- Don't you see? It's dramatic.
Director- Umm...ok. Continue on.
Snake- Okay, I'll skip to the part in the cuban factory.
Snake(In cuban accent)- I think we should wait for Metal Gear to get here before we be evil. Right commander?
Snake(As Ocelot)-Surprise, it's me Ocelot! I'm bad!
Director- Whoa, wait a second. How come Ocelot tells his partner, who I'm sure knows who Ocelot is, he's bad. Wouldn't that guy know Ocelot's bad if he's already there?
Snake:Uhh...you see about that...Shut up.
Director- Snake, did you even write this script. It seems better than your other writing. You even spelt Metal right.
Snake- Of course I wrote this. Do you think I hired some sort of hobo I found off the street?
Director-Yes.
Snake-Well...I only used him for spellchecking.
Day 2- First Day of Filming
Director- Okay Snake, we're starting with the submaring chase first. The submarine starts driving away, and then you swim after it and blow it up with a grenade. I'm not sure how a grenade blows up underwater, somehow you thought they could when you wrote it.
Snake- I thought you'd invent a waterproof grenade for the movie.
Director- Well I didn't. Okay, let's get this thing started.
Snake- Hey, why's there all this water?
Director- Because you go underwater to catch the submarine.
Snake- No no no no no. Didn't you read the script, I chase the submarine on the land.
Director- What?
Snake- It drives from under the water and speeds away towards Tokyo.
Director- What the hell are you talking about? Submarine's can't go on land.
Snake- This submarine has four big wheels. I drew a picture of it in the script!
Director- That was the sub!? I thought it was a picture of the elephant you ride later in the movie.
Snake- No, the elephant picture is later in the script. Oh, by the way, we're going to have to have rocket launcers surgically implanted into the elepahnts tusks.
Director- My god Snake, you know how much all of this stuff is going to cost.
Snake- Well, according to my calculations, thirty eight thousand dollars.
Director- I was thinking more in the range of eighty million.
Snake- Oh right. I forgot to carry the five zeros. Yeah, eighty million sounds about right.
Director- The studio only gave me three million! We can't afford anything else!
Snake- Hmmm...this is quite a pickle. Alright, I think we can still make the movie. It's just going to require a lot of planning. Instead of a submarine, we'll use my Pinto. Instead of Metal Gear, I can glue up some pieces of metal from the dump. And I guess we can steal an elephant from the zoo.
Director- Well...this is a terrible, terrible idea...but okay, let's do it.
Day 43: More filming
Snake- Okay, as we couldn't afford real guns, I got two nerf guns.
Director- Nerf guns only shoot out yellow plastic balls, we can't use them.
Snake- Sure we could. I'll just say the balls are filled with acid.
Director- Well...it makes more sense then your Playdough mines. Alright, let's start filming.
Snake(In Ocelot Voice)- So Mr. Snake, I see we meet again. But this time, I will shoot you!
Snake quickly turns around and holds up the Nerf gun
Snake(In regular voice)- Alright Mr.Ocelot, eat acid balls!
Snake shoots a nerf ball and then turns around. He throws the nerf ball at his head.
Snake(In Ocelot voice)- Oh, you got me with this acid ball. I will die now.
Director- Cut! Snake, I'd have to say that was our best scene yet. Of course, comparing it to other movies, it's still awful.
Snake- Don't worry, it'll all come together in the editing room.
Day 67: The Editing Room
Director- Dammit Snake, it's not all coming together.
Snake- Sure it is. It's making perfect sense.
Director- Snake, in one scene you're riding an elephant, and then in the next you're flying a plane to Tokyo.
Snake- That's because the elephant is a transformer. He turns into a plane, a moped, and a hovercar.
Director- How come you didn't tell me this before!?
Snake- I thought you could figure it out.
Director- Well, whatever. Not like this movie can get any worse.
Day 78- The Big Premiere
Snake- Well, hello everyone. I'm sure you all remember me, I'm Snake. A few years ago, I made Metal Gear: The Movie. A powerful family drama about me pushing Hitler and going through time. Well, after months of filming, I'm happy to present Metal Gear 2: Hitler's Revenge.
The curtain rises and we see the logo of the movie. The logo disappears and a figure appears in the shadows.
Shadowy figure- Hello, I'm a shadowy figure. I'm here to jump Snake when he leaves the Children's Hospital where he was donating money.
Snake begins walking by.
Snake- What a nice day. I hope there's no shadowy figures watching me.
The figure jumps out of the shadows. It's Snake dressed as Hitler!
Snake(In German Accent)- Snake! I've come from the past to warn you!
Snake- But you're bad!
Snake(In German Accent)- Oh no, I thought I could trick you by pretending to be good. Now you must die....die painfully!
Hitler Snake pushes Snake to the ground.
Snake- I have been pushed to the ground. I feel myself passing out.
Snake collapses to the ground while Hitler Snake grins.
Snake wakes up hours later in a dark room. He gets up and pulls out his codec. He calls Otacon.
Otacon(Hitler Snake wearing glasses)- Snake, I'm Otacon! See, you can tell it's me because I'm wearing glasses.
Snake- You seem different today. How come you have that hitler-like mustache.
Hitler Snake- You saw right through my disguise! I will kill you now!
The door opens to the dark room and Hitler Snake runs in with a plunger. Snake pushes him out of the way and then runs out of the room. The next thing they show is Snake flying across the ocean on an elephant.
Snake- What a crazy couple of days. I defeated Hitler, and caught that mysterious Submarine that was headed to Tokyo. It seems Ocelot's building an Evil Factory in the middle of Cuba, I must stop him! Good thing I got Ellie the Transformer Elephant with me.
They next show Snake standing on top of a large building. Ocelot is standing in front of him.
Snake- Prepare to die Ocelot.
Ocelot(Snake with a white mustache)-Hohohoh. I'm bad.
Snake pulls out a Nerf gun and shoots Ocelot in the head.
Ocelot- Argeth. I am dead. That stupid high quality Nerf gun, available at stores near you.
Snake runs into the building where he sees Metal Gear(Which is just various pieces of metal glued together)
Snake- Metal Gear!
Snake pushes Metal Gear over and then Hitler Snake walks into the room.
Hitler- Metal Gear! Nooooo, the sadness is causing me to die.
Hitler falls to the ground and then a disco ball lowers from the ceiling.
Snake- Hey kids! Make music,not war!
Techno music starts to play and Snake begins breakdancing. Hitler Snake gets up from the ground and pulls a guitar out from nowhere begins playing. Ellie the Transformer Elephant Robot smashes through the ceiling and then winks at the camera. The words The End appear right after.
The curtain closes and the theatre is quiet. The director walks onto the stage.
Director- Ok, let's have a little Q&A.
Reporter- I have a question. Why was there an advertisment for Nerf in the movie?
Director- That was Snake's idea. He said it would make the movie more gritty and realistic.
Producer- I have a question? Why did I help you make this movie?
Director- Because you're an idiot. Any more questions?
Snake- How come this movie was so good?
Snake walks onto stage
Snake- Let me field this one. Well, I think this movie was so good because A: I was in it and B: I also wrote the script. If I had also directed the film, this would have been the greatest movie of all time. In fact, I legally just changed the Director to be me.
Director- Woohoo! My name's off this piece of crap!
Snake- Alright everyone. Thank you for coming down, and I'll see you next time at the premiere for Metal Gear 3!
Later that day, a law was passed to prevent Snake from making any movies again under the penalty of death.
Director- Hello. I'm the director of Metal Gear 2: Hitler's Revenge. When I first got the script, I laughed the hardest I've ever did in my life. When Snake actually told me it was not a comedy, I had a heart attack. A real heart attack. When I got out of the hospital, I was drugged up on morphine so I decided to direct the picture. That was a mistake I will regret the rest of my life. So, here's the behind the scenes making of Metal Gear 2!
Day 1: The Script Read
Director- Ok, so I gathered all the actors together...actually, it's just actor because Snake is playing all the characters in the movie. I really shouldn't have let him do that. Okay Snake, you can start reading the script when you're ready.
Snake- Ok...Pan up to logo Metal Gear 2: Hitler's Revenge. Logo disappears..
Director- Snake, you only read the dialogue.
Snake- Oh. Right...Here we go....Colonel, I am ready. Let us proceed with the mission.
Snake(In Colonel's voice)- Argh Snake, Argh. I don't know if this is a good mission. Argh.
Snake- Yes, it is.
Snake(In Colonel's voice)- Ok.
Director- How come Colonel goes from saying it's a bad mission, to saying it's ok?
Snake- Don't you see? It's dramatic.
Director- Umm...ok. Continue on.
Snake- Okay, I'll skip to the part in the cuban factory.
Snake(In cuban accent)- I think we should wait for Metal Gear to get here before we be evil. Right commander?
Snake(As Ocelot)-Surprise, it's me Ocelot! I'm bad!
Director- Whoa, wait a second. How come Ocelot tells his partner, who I'm sure knows who Ocelot is, he's bad. Wouldn't that guy know Ocelot's bad if he's already there?
Snake:Uhh...you see about that...Shut up.
Director- Snake, did you even write this script. It seems better than your other writing. You even spelt Metal right.
Snake- Of course I wrote this. Do you think I hired some sort of hobo I found off the street?
Director-Yes.
Snake-Well...I only used him for spellchecking.
Day 2- First Day of Filming
Director- Okay Snake, we're starting with the submaring chase first. The submarine starts driving away, and then you swim after it and blow it up with a grenade. I'm not sure how a grenade blows up underwater, somehow you thought they could when you wrote it.
Snake- I thought you'd invent a waterproof grenade for the movie.
Director- Well I didn't. Okay, let's get this thing started.
Snake- Hey, why's there all this water?
Director- Because you go underwater to catch the submarine.
Snake- No no no no no. Didn't you read the script, I chase the submarine on the land.
Director- What?
Snake- It drives from under the water and speeds away towards Tokyo.
Director- What the hell are you talking about? Submarine's can't go on land.
Snake- This submarine has four big wheels. I drew a picture of it in the script!
Director- That was the sub!? I thought it was a picture of the elephant you ride later in the movie.
Snake- No, the elephant picture is later in the script. Oh, by the way, we're going to have to have rocket launcers surgically implanted into the elepahnts tusks.
Director- My god Snake, you know how much all of this stuff is going to cost.
Snake- Well, according to my calculations, thirty eight thousand dollars.
Director- I was thinking more in the range of eighty million.
Snake- Oh right. I forgot to carry the five zeros. Yeah, eighty million sounds about right.
Director- The studio only gave me three million! We can't afford anything else!
Snake- Hmmm...this is quite a pickle. Alright, I think we can still make the movie. It's just going to require a lot of planning. Instead of a submarine, we'll use my Pinto. Instead of Metal Gear, I can glue up some pieces of metal from the dump. And I guess we can steal an elephant from the zoo.
Director- Well...this is a terrible, terrible idea...but okay, let's do it.
Day 43: More filming
Snake- Okay, as we couldn't afford real guns, I got two nerf guns.
Director- Nerf guns only shoot out yellow plastic balls, we can't use them.
Snake- Sure we could. I'll just say the balls are filled with acid.
Director- Well...it makes more sense then your Playdough mines. Alright, let's start filming.
Snake(In Ocelot Voice)- So Mr. Snake, I see we meet again. But this time, I will shoot you!
Snake quickly turns around and holds up the Nerf gun
Snake(In regular voice)- Alright Mr.Ocelot, eat acid balls!
Snake shoots a nerf ball and then turns around. He throws the nerf ball at his head.
Snake(In Ocelot voice)- Oh, you got me with this acid ball. I will die now.
Director- Cut! Snake, I'd have to say that was our best scene yet. Of course, comparing it to other movies, it's still awful.
Snake- Don't worry, it'll all come together in the editing room.
Day 67: The Editing Room
Director- Dammit Snake, it's not all coming together.
Snake- Sure it is. It's making perfect sense.
Director- Snake, in one scene you're riding an elephant, and then in the next you're flying a plane to Tokyo.
Snake- That's because the elephant is a transformer. He turns into a plane, a moped, and a hovercar.
Director- How come you didn't tell me this before!?
Snake- I thought you could figure it out.
Director- Well, whatever. Not like this movie can get any worse.
Day 78- The Big Premiere
Snake- Well, hello everyone. I'm sure you all remember me, I'm Snake. A few years ago, I made Metal Gear: The Movie. A powerful family drama about me pushing Hitler and going through time. Well, after months of filming, I'm happy to present Metal Gear 2: Hitler's Revenge.
The curtain rises and we see the logo of the movie. The logo disappears and a figure appears in the shadows.
Shadowy figure- Hello, I'm a shadowy figure. I'm here to jump Snake when he leaves the Children's Hospital where he was donating money.
Snake begins walking by.
Snake- What a nice day. I hope there's no shadowy figures watching me.
The figure jumps out of the shadows. It's Snake dressed as Hitler!
Snake(In German Accent)- Snake! I've come from the past to warn you!
Snake- But you're bad!
Snake(In German Accent)- Oh no, I thought I could trick you by pretending to be good. Now you must die....die painfully!
Hitler Snake pushes Snake to the ground.
Snake- I have been pushed to the ground. I feel myself passing out.
Snake collapses to the ground while Hitler Snake grins.
Snake wakes up hours later in a dark room. He gets up and pulls out his codec. He calls Otacon.
Otacon(Hitler Snake wearing glasses)- Snake, I'm Otacon! See, you can tell it's me because I'm wearing glasses.
Snake- You seem different today. How come you have that hitler-like mustache.
Hitler Snake- You saw right through my disguise! I will kill you now!
The door opens to the dark room and Hitler Snake runs in with a plunger. Snake pushes him out of the way and then runs out of the room. The next thing they show is Snake flying across the ocean on an elephant.
Snake- What a crazy couple of days. I defeated Hitler, and caught that mysterious Submarine that was headed to Tokyo. It seems Ocelot's building an Evil Factory in the middle of Cuba, I must stop him! Good thing I got Ellie the Transformer Elephant with me.
They next show Snake standing on top of a large building. Ocelot is standing in front of him.
Snake- Prepare to die Ocelot.
Ocelot(Snake with a white mustache)-Hohohoh. I'm bad.
Snake pulls out a Nerf gun and shoots Ocelot in the head.
Ocelot- Argeth. I am dead. That stupid high quality Nerf gun, available at stores near you.
Snake runs into the building where he sees Metal Gear(Which is just various pieces of metal glued together)
Snake- Metal Gear!
Snake pushes Metal Gear over and then Hitler Snake walks into the room.
Hitler- Metal Gear! Nooooo, the sadness is causing me to die.
Hitler falls to the ground and then a disco ball lowers from the ceiling.
Snake- Hey kids! Make music,not war!
Techno music starts to play and Snake begins breakdancing. Hitler Snake gets up from the ground and pulls a guitar out from nowhere begins playing. Ellie the Transformer Elephant Robot smashes through the ceiling and then winks at the camera. The words The End appear right after.
The curtain closes and the theatre is quiet. The director walks onto the stage.
Director- Ok, let's have a little Q&A.
Reporter- I have a question. Why was there an advertisment for Nerf in the movie?
Director- That was Snake's idea. He said it would make the movie more gritty and realistic.
Producer- I have a question? Why did I help you make this movie?
Director- Because you're an idiot. Any more questions?
Snake- How come this movie was so good?
Snake walks onto stage
Snake- Let me field this one. Well, I think this movie was so good because A: I was in it and B: I also wrote the script. If I had also directed the film, this would have been the greatest movie of all time. In fact, I legally just changed the Director to be me.
Director- Woohoo! My name's off this piece of crap!
Snake- Alright everyone. Thank you for coming down, and I'll see you next time at the premiere for Metal Gear 3!
Later that day, a law was passed to prevent Snake from making any movies again under the penalty of death.