Title: High grades and cigars
Type: One-Shot
Pairing: None
Summary: Prowl knew he shouldn't have made the turn into the living room once his shift ended, and Jazz never knew cigars could have such an effect.
Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers and I never will. Unless I actually get up and do something about it.... which will be never. T.T
Warning: Err... unless you don't like humour I guess you shouldn't read this? O.o
A/N: First fic up! (again, and after a loooong time! xD) I've been working on this thing for aaaaaaages. The bunny hit me some time in July when I was in Germany (far away from my laptop and Internet mind you), and the little pest wouldn't leave me alone. So here it is! Just be kind and don't kill me if you don't like it :o, apart from that, constructive criticism is always appreciated as long as you keep in mind that my first language isn't English :]
Enjoy ^^
Jazz was happy. No wait, not happy… he was ecstatic. In fact, he was so ecstatic that he was going to give everyone in the living room a piece of his ecstaticness. With a quiet giggle, he readied himself before the entrance. No one would see him enter; he was going to take them by surprise!
With a wheeeeee! he made a leap into the living room and struck a pose once he landed. But, what was this? The living room was empty! His pose faded with disappointment. Well… where could they all be? Surely, none of them wanted to miss this! Jazz crouched slightly in a new pose.
But at that same time, someone must have been toying with the gravitational field because he could suddenly feel his weight shifting forward. Desperately, he tried reaching out for support, but too late. His entire frame buckled forward and collided with the floor in a tight, loud, hug.
Hmmm… it wasn't that bad down here… his mouth cracked into a sheepish grin as his optics began to wander in the room. There was the chair Ironhide favoured, which also happened to be Sunny's favourite chair too. Jazz giggled suddenly, Sunny… this room was not sunny! He giggled again as his optics scanned the room further.
Nope… nothing more in this room… wait! Under the sofa! …. Something blue and white-ish… Jazz started clawing his way towards the sofa and disappeared under it, leaving only his feet sticking out from behind.
Oooh! He could see them now, the blue and white thingies. The humans called them Smurfs… and… they were really, really small. Jazz smiled sheepishly as Harmony found his tiny, tiny, guitar and started jamming. It sounded strangely like Justin Timberlake to his audio receptors…
He turned around to lie on his back, and Smurfette climbed onto his chassis. She smiled to him before starting to tap dance – following Harmony's rhythm and tempo – to Jazz' amusement and he giggled once more. This was awesome!
Suddenly, the older Smurf with a white beard and red outfit to his left opened his mouth: "Jazz, you're drunk." How did Papa Smurf know his name?
"Pssch," Jazz replied. "S'fine! Not at all!" Hmm… maybe he slurred a little, but it was fine. Papa Smurf wouldn't notice.
"Then please enlighten me and tell me what you're doing under the sofa." Papa Smurf looked at him sternly with a look that reminded him strongly of Prowl… he even had the same tone as Prowl! What an impersonator! Jazz raised his servos and applauded as he giggled.
Suddenly, something grabbed his ankles and gave a sharp pull. Jazz made a sound of joy until his optics landed on Prowl. The real Prowl.
"I'm restin'! And y'made Smurfette fall down…" Jazz turned his head slightly to have another look under the sofa. "Oh, there sh'is…" Smurfette was waving at him from under the sofa. Jazz waved back as he giggled.
"You are resting under the sofa." Prowl stated as he eyed the saboteur sternly and earned the little attention Jazz could give. "You are resting under the sofa in the middle of the night."
Oh, so that's why there was no one around to watch him pose…
"Yeeeeeah?"
"I see. Well, are you comfortable down there?"
Well, he was maybe slightly to a small degree a little bit drunk… but he was still getting the impression he was being mocked. Jazz' optics squinted as he tried making out just what expression the three Prowl heads had. He gave up… they all looked different.
Instead, he got up on his knees and flung his arms around Prowl's legs. And giggled. "What?" Prowl asked suspiciously as he eyed the happy mech. "Hee, hee… y'look like Barricade from here…" Jazz raised his servo and poked Prowl's leg. He grinned sheepishly and poked his leg again. "Y'know… Barricade." Jazz then frowned and tilted his head up to have a look at the three Prowl faces. Only two legs, but three faces… Prowl is awesome!
"Y'look like Barricade. Why?"
"Okay… that is not funny. How much have you been drinking?"
Why was he changing the subject? That wasn't the Prowl he knew… this was more like- "Prowliiiiiiiiiie!" Jazz grinned and hugged his legs tighter. "How much, Jazz?" Prowlie sounded stern and Jazz' grin vanished. "'S'nothin'." He waved his servo dismissively, but sighed as Prowlie glared down at him with six optics. Fine.
"Just this," he let go of Prowlie's legs and slid down to the floor, fishing a crushed high grade cube from a secret space in his arm. "An' probably this too…" Another crushed high grade cube fell out of the space. "An' these…" five more fell out. "An' Sam brought me these…" Jazz conjured a cigar. "'Cept it was five… an' now I only have one left…"
"Jazz!"
Oh, Jazz knew this tone. It meant Ratchet was going to give him a lecture. Except Ratchet still looked quite like Prowl… "Why did Sam get you these?" Prowl demanded to know as he snapped the remaining cigar from Jazz.
Jazz grinned silly as he leaned backwards against the sofa. "No idea… t'was fun?" He giggled again as he sank back onto the floor.
"Primus, Jazz, are you… what is the human word… high?"
High…?
Jazz giggled again as he stared up at Prowl. "No?" he replied as the silly grin was glued to his lips. It was the correct answer after all; even Prowlie's unmistakable logic processor had to realize that with Jazz on the floor Prowlie was the tallest in the room.
"Why did I have to come across you of all 'bots just when my shift ended…" Prowlie sighed as he poked the giggling heap called Jazz with his foot. "Right. Let us get you to your berth."
"Whaaaaai?"
"Because you are in dire need of a recharge and you will be in trouble if Prime finds you."
"Pssch… why you'd think that? That's jus' silly… unless…" he reached for Prowlie's ankle and grabbed it. "Y'think he wants a cigar too? Well, that's jus' too bad. 'Cause I ain't sharin'." He stared defiantly up at the three Prowlies.
Prowlie bent down and wrapped Jazz' arm around his neck before hoisting the silver saboteur up in a standing position.
Ooh, he felt high now… and all the Smurfs were waving at him… it would just be rude not to return the gesture…
"Jazz?"
"Wha'?"
"Who are you waving to?"
"Silly queshtion.. Harmony and Smurfette, duh?" Hee, hee… Prowlie had one face again! Where did the other two go? Ah, it didn't matter… but that neck looks really, really-
"Ack! Jazz!"
What?
Prowlie pushed Jazz away from his sensitive neck. "Stop licking me!"
Aww… Someone is just no fun at all…
"I will not trouble myself with this anymore. I am taking you directly to Ratchet. Primus have mercy on your spark when I present you to our beloved CMO."
Ah… this sounded more like good ol' Prowl. And Ratchet… Ratchet would be a problem! Because Ratchet was a yellow heap of awesomeness!
Jazz grinned at the tactician and giggled again. Prowl rolled his optics as he began to half drag and half carry Jazz out of the living room. The corridor was lit up, and it wasn't a long walk from the living room to Ratchet's infirmary, but Jazz was heavier than he looked like and Prowl kept losing his grip on the saboteur.
With a defiant grunt, Prowl heaved Jazz on to his back after he almost lost the crackhead on the floor for the fourth time. Jazz sniggered. "Why, Prowl…." He drawled as he rested his chin on the tacticians shoulder. "I knew y'always wanted me on top, but d'you think this is the right time…?"
Prowl sighed and would have facepalm'd if his servos hadn't been occupied. "… I will save my reply for the morning. In the meantime, be kind and please divert your face. You smell really, really bad."
Hrmph. Fine. If Prowl was going to be mean, then Jazz would simply stop talking to him. "Humm, humm, humm, dididi-"
"Stop humming, it will only awake the others."
Awww! But it had been so tuneful and all! "Pssch, I'm not hummin', y'must have imagin'd it." If Prowl was mean, then so could he.
And look! There was the door to Ratchets Infirmary! Yay!
Jazz suddenly giggled and poked Prowl in the shoulder. "I love you Prooooooowl!" he said, grinned silly, and clasped his servos around Prowls neck as he hugged him tightly. "Why am I not surprised," Prowl muttered back as his processors started working on just what punishment would suit Jazz best once he returned to his usual self.
Hmm… Prowl looked and sounded as if he was sad. Prowl shouldn't be sad at a time like this! Not when Jazz was so… so… happy! But… Prowl had told him not to hum… And then it clicked. To hum…
The infirmary doors slid silently shut behind the two mechs, and Prowl was just to drop Jazz off at the nearby berth when it happened.
"I'VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH O' COCONUTS!"
The loud shriek caught even Prowl by surprise, but it didn't end there…
"THERE THEY ARE, ALL STANDING IN A RO-"
"Jazz! Be quiet!" Prowl hissed as he dropped the howling Jazz on the floor, missing the berth completely. Despite landing heavily on the floor, Jazz didn't stop his (shouting) singing.
"BIG ONES, SMALL ONES, SOME AS BIG AS YOUR HE-"
"Okay. We are not bothering with Ratchet. Let us get you to your room." Prowl quickly covered Jazz' mouth with a quick and agile movement of his servo before hoisting him on to his back once more.
"Just stay quiet!"
Hee, hee… he was back on Prowl's back! Hey, that was funny! Back on Prowl's back… Jazz sniggered as he rested his head once more on the tacticians shoulder. And now it appeared that Prowl was in a hurry because he walked much faster now than when he was heading towards the infirmary.
"Ratcheeeeeeet?"
"I am not Ratchet."
A small trifle.
"I like muffinsh." Jazz' lips widened into a silly grin. "And I'm sho glad I get t'share them with you, Barricade. I really, really love you, Ironhide."
Prowl's chassis heaved in a sigh. "This is getting ridiculous, Jazz. Try getting a grip, will you?"
A grip? A grip around what? That didn't make any sense at all. Prowl was awfully vague nowadays…
Prowl entered the master code to Jazz' room, and dropped the giggling heap of a saboteur on his berth.
Bouncy, bouncy!
To Prowl's relief, Jazz settled down without a fuss, his giggling slowly fading. Prowl then proceeded to walk out when he heard Jazz shifting behind him. "Proooooooowl, I can shee firefliiiiies…"
Prowls optics flickered several times resembling the tired look of a human. "How nice, try leaving them alone." He couldn't quite leave out the sarcasm in the tone of his voice. Ooh how he was going to enjoy finding the right punishment for Jazz before recharging…
"Shtay with meeeeeee?"
"No, Jazz. Just recharge."
Jazz' underlip quivered as he gave Prowl The Deer Look of Utter Sadness and Distress. "Pweeeeeease?"
Pwetty pwease with sugaw on top?
Prowl let out a sigh. He was never going to forgive himself or Jazz for this. Slowly, he turned around and headed back to Jazz.
Jazz smiled happily as he scooted over to make space for Prowl. The head of security lay down next to Jazz who immediately crawled to lie on top of him. He curled together like a feline, yawned, and rested his head on Prowl's chassis.
My Prowl.
Prowl just sighed and considered pushing him down, but the thought of waking him up (and the thought of keeping Jazz up for longer than necessary) just didn't seem very tempting to him. So he was stuck here. Like this. All night.
Ooh, he was never going to forgive himself for this…