...I'm Not Fine...
Blu Scout was walking down the hallway from his room, a chipper smile on his face par usual as well as his bat on his shoulder; going to breakfast and then he'd prepare for battle. On the outside, he was happy, but on the inside, he was sad.
"Ah, good morning Herr Scout, how are you?" Medic asked as he entered the kitchen.
Scout adjust his cap with a smile. "I'm-
depressed
lonely
crying
scared
dying
lost
hurting
empty
anxious
trying
broken
lying
-fine." It hurt worse to lie to himself. "Yourself?"
Medic returned the smile. "I am well, caught up on my sleep and am now ready to fight."
"I'm glad to hear it," Scout replied, swiping a bagel.
It was fifteen minutes before the game would begin. Scout was at his post to run out, staring at his palms and wrists, he had unwrapped his bandages to reveals marks all over them, new and old, bleeding.
Scout ran into battle but there was no determination and the Red Soldier blew him up. Scout felt only happiness and serenity as he died; respawn was a living hell. Blu Scout died three times in that battle; he wished he wouldn't wake up.
"Maggot! You were horrible out there!" Blu Soldier shouted at the end.
Scout huffed. "Buzz off." 'Show me you care enough to stay'
"Dinner Scout!" Engineer announced.
"Already ate Tex'!" 'I starve myself.'
"Are you okay Herr Scout?"
"I'm just tired." 'I can't take this anymore.'
"Are you sure, you look a little green around the gillz."
"I'm okay, I promise." 'I've never been this bad.'
"You seem upset kid," Sniper said.
Scout smiled. "I'm fine, just going hit the hay early."
When I say I'm fine, it's not because I'm actually okay,
its because I want to save the trouble of explaining suicidal feelings to you.
Scout locked his door and went to bed, but not after swallowing two bottles of random pills. He cut the words 'I'm not fine' into his marred forearm, and never woke again...
Are you ever asked: How are you? Do you say You're Fine, but in truth, You're Not? Do you hide behind a wall, looking at everyone else through the glass window someone else put there? Is everyone blind and deaf while your senses are supercharged?