(This is mainly a Cartman/Butters fic, but there are other pairings mentioned, some of them het. You have been warned.

Allllssooooooooooo, nothing will get M rated for a while.

I hope you want an actual story and if you want porn I suggest you look elsewhere!)

Life Lesson One: Hating someone for who they used to be gets you nowhere

Butters

My lungs felt cold. My entire body felt cold. I wrapped my arms around my torso and closed my eyes, trying to immerse myself in the music I was listening to and tune out my aching bones. It slowly started to work, my mind soaking in the slow, melodic tune and everything around me started to fade away into oblivion. My head rocked to the side, my headphone-covered ear touching my shoulder as my arms were still circled around my stomach. I vaguely heard somebody else stand next to me, though I made no move to see who it was.

The song I was listening to ended, and I moved my head to see who else was here. A familiar, pimply face looked over at me and gave me a look that screamed, "What do you want?" I softly smiled at Eric and then leaned my ear back onto my shoulder as the next song began playing.

Memories suddenly came back from when we were kids and he would use me. I didn't really realize until I was 11 that he was a huge asshole and I shouldn't believe what he tells me or do what he tells me to do. I hated him for a long time after I figured that out, and I only stopped hating him with a passion when I was 15 and realized that hating someone for what they did in the past didn't get me anywhere. So, since then I've sort of had neutral feelings for him, sometimes I don't like what he does, and sometimes I really like something that he does. I'm mainly just glad that he's not a huge jerk anymore.

The bus pulled up, full of my fellow classmates, and I got inside once the driver opened the doors. Eric followed behind me and sat at one of the seats in the middle next to Kenny, who started rambling off about something I couldn't understand since he had his hood up. I walked to the back of the bus and sat down in one of the empty seats by myself. Sometimes somebody would sit next to me if there weren't any other seats left, but there wasn't somebody who just sat next to me because they wanted to. It wasn't like I was disliked by everyone, but I also wasn't the most well known or commonly liked by everyone either. I was just another person. Nothing too special about that, but I was perfectly fine with it that way. The bus closed the doors and then took off, beginning its drive to our school.

The bus made one more stop, about four blocks later and picked up Phillip, also known as Pip. He's a sweet kid, too sweet almost. He gets himself surrounded by the wrong people sometimes and doesn't like saying no. He's really friendly though and has really nice hair. We hang out sometimes at school, we're not close friends or anything, but we're friends because of convenience. His eyes scanned over the seats before getting to mine and he smiled before walking towards me.

"Hello Butters!" he said cheerily before taking off his over-the-shoulder backpack, sitting down, and setting his bag down next to his Doc Marten clad feet. He then turned to face me, his hazel eyes wide in a way that seemed unnaturally chipper for this hour in the morning. I smiled at him and wished that I looked that happy and excited at 7:40 AM. I took out my headphones and paused the song that was playing before stashing my mp3 player away in the small pocket of my backpack. I adjusted my scarf, pulling it so that it hung uselessly around my chest since the bus had a heater and it felt rather nice in here. I then turned towards Phillip and started chatting with him.

"Hey, are you having a good morning?" I asked him and he nodded his head, smiling largely before filling me in on his breakfast and how his foster parents cooked him homemade pancakes and orange juice. I filled him in on how jealous I was considering I ate a bowl of Frosted Flakes with nearly stale milk. He apologized and I told him he had no reason to. We pulled up to the bus ramp and our bus driver opened the doors, the kids lazily getting up from their seats and walking out. Phillip let the few students who were behind us pass us up before he followed behind. I was the very last person out of the bus, and on my way out I tightened up my scarf again, slinging my bag over my shoulder in a way that allowed me to grab out my mp3 player from the front pocket and plug my headphones in. I restarted the song that was playing before and started walking towards the second entrance of the school, the one that was closest to my locker. Once I got there, I moved to the wall nearest the door before leaning against it and scanning the crowd. I wasn't looking for anyone really, just moving my eyes around so I wasn't just staring at the ground.

My eyes stopped wandering as I watched Tweek and Craig talk. It was a strange way of communication; most of it seemed to be done through flashes of eye contact rather than verbal communication. I watched Tweek as he said a few words to Craig before coughing into his elbow and scrunching up his eyes in a pained way. Craig's hand moved up to Tweek's shoulder and he set it down there, casting him a look before mumbling something. Tweek nodded his head. People were so interesting to watch.

I always have liked the fact that people who just watch learn a lot more about the true identity of somebody's real self rather than somebody who has known them for years. People show their true self only when they think no one is looking. I know certain things about the kids at this school that not many people seem to pick up on. Like the fact that Clyde is in love with Bebe for non-innocent reasons, Token likes Wendy, Wendy likes Stan, Bebe likes Kyle, Kyle's gay, Kenny doesn't actually bone everyone he dates, and Eric's not a sadist. I used to feel kind of creepy when I'd figure out these things about people, like I know something about them that I shouldn't (and I probably really shouldn't know these things), but now I'm used to it. It still shocks me when I learn these things though, like when I found out that Eric's not a sadist.

A year or so ago, when I hated him still, I put two and two together and thought that since he liked pushing me, and everyone else, around he must be getting off to it. Nobody can just do those things just to hurt people. But about two months after I'd come to that conclusion, I overheard Kyle asking Eric why he was such a sadist. I looked up, not really surprised but curious as to what Eric's response would be. What I wasn't expecting was a disgusted look on Eric's face as he told Kyle that he wouldn't get off to shit like that. Kyle had the same idea that I had; it didn't take much thinking to come up to that conclusion, and he started pestering Eric about it. Eric looked down for a moment, his head slowly moving back up as he said that he wasn't as big of a jackass as he used to be. Kyle snorted in disbelief but Kenny piped up, saying that he's really laid off lately. I'm pretty sure Kenny started rambling off some of the shit he'd done, and it was then that I realized most of them were done from when we were both kids. He really had lain off of the heavier stuff. It was on that day that I realized I shouldn't hate him anymore.

I heard the bell ring, I didn't realize I had been zoning out for nearly 30 minutes. I turned off my mp3 player and stored it away again before going inside of the school building to start off another long school day.

The first half of my day went by as uneventful as I was expecting. I was thrilled for the break of the endless amount of work come lunchtime, and went to my usual table happily. There were a few people I vaguely knew who sat there because there wasn't anywhere else to sit, Phillip, myself, and Kevin Stoley with a friend of his I didn't recognize. I said hello to everyone seated there and sat down myself before opening up my sack lunch and eating the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I packed this morning. I scanned the cafeteria, looking at all the faces; similar to what I do nearly every day, and saw that everyone looked the same as always. Well, almost everyone.

Eric Cartman was grinning like a fool, chatting away animatedly to Kenny about who knows what. But whatever he was talking about, he was genuinely thrilled. It was kind of strange to see him like that. Not that Eric was never happy, of course not, just that on most days he wore a bored or annoyed expression. I was sitting at an angle from him so that I saw the profile of his face. He had a big, long nose with a rounded end. It was an attractive nose, I decided. I had one of those short and squishy noses that definitely suited my face, but that doesn't mean I personally like it.

I looked away from Eric before scanning the crowd again; looking at each face I could see carefully before looking at their interactions. I watched as Token's typically calm and collected face contorted to one of brief satisfaction as his eyes trailed over the body that was seated next to him, Wendy, who was flirting with Stan. I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the love-triangle. Wendy should just date Token already, Stan got over his puppy love years ago and isn't going to fall in love with her again any time soon. She's wasting her time. I'm pretty sure Stan already has his eyes set on somebody else anyway.

I continued looking around, watching as Tweek and Craig communicated with their eyes again, their faces turning away slightly as Clyde began talking to Craig. Craig laughed heartily at something Clyde said and Tweek just smiled slightly before he picked up a bag of pretzel sticks and began eating them.

"Hey Butters, what are you looking at?" I heard Phillip say. I tore my eyes away from Craig's table quickly before looking at Phillip to answer his question.

"Nothing really. Just lookin' at people," I responded, before taking out my bag of chips and eating them one by one. He shrugged before continuing to eat his lunch.

A few minutes later I heard the bell ring. I cleaned up my stuff, dumping it into one of the oversized trash bins on my way out before starting the trek upstairs to my science hour. Tomorrow we were presenting a project that we had to do on any genre of science. Our group did nature, or more specifically, habitats. I was dreading this presentation because I was assigned by my other group members to do all of the talking. I stopped stuttering a few years ago, but sometimes it would come back like when I was put under pressure or was stressed about something, or in this case, both.

I walked inside the classroom and sat down at my table. Bebe looked up at me and grinned, her perfect white teeth gleaming despite the slightly dim classroom. It had started snowing outside about two hours ago and hadn't let up since. Sometimes I wondered how girls did it, looking pretty even in situations where it would seem impossible.

"Hey Butters!" she said, her smile fading to a small grin as I said hello back and began talking to her about the presentation tomorrow. I tried telling her that I wouldn't be the best for the job but she was already telling our other group members about the plan before I had the chance to. Once the bell rang to start the class, our science teacher, a pudgy old man with big glasses, told us to begin discussing our presentation. I looked at my group members, two boys I didn't really know too well and Bebe, as we began discussing more of the details of what we were planning on doing.

I zoned out halfway, not really caring too much of what everyone else was going to do, and looked over at what some of the other groups were doing. One table was angrily arguing over who got to do what, another group looked like nobody really cared except for one person, and another was quietly discussing. Eric was in the group that was angrily arguing, he being the one doing most of the arguing. He was standing up, his body leaning forward against the table and his palms flat against it, his face close to Craig's as he yelled at him for something I missed. Craig sat calmly in his seat, his facial expression blank as he said something that made Eric start fuming. I guess I was staring because I saw Eric's eyes flick over to me before squinting his eyes and sitting back down, grumbling about something before pulling out random sheets of paper. Craig grinned before looking over at me, and raising his eyebrows in a manner that asked 'what did you do to make him do that?' I shrugged, noticing how easy it was to read Craig's eyes, and looked back at my table. They were all talking about who did what and I leaned back in my chair, staring at the ceiling.

I thought about everything then. I think a lot. I don't really look like it, but I like to work things through and find out answers, especially when I don't have to do it. Swarms of color and shapes crashed into my brain at the same time, giving me an infinite amount of things to think about. My mind went over and assessed certain things, moving on to making assumptions about various scientific topics that I knew a certain amount of information on. I wish Tweek were in this class. I'd love to ask him about some of this stuff, he always seems to know information on random things. He's endlessly interesting to talk to, and when he didn't talk much in class or when no one said anything to him, if you got him talking he wouldn't shut up. Sometimes he would realize that he was rambling and apologize, not talking much after that, but not always. I like Tweek; he's a good kid with a sharp mind.

I heard my group members finish discussing and Bebe pulled out a short novel and began reading, while the two boys began absently chatting. I looked over at her and asked her what she was reading. She said that it was a romance novel and I listened as she explained the slightly cliché plot. I don't read romance novels very often because they're all about the same. Same plot basically, same outcome, same feeling, everything. They bore me. Sometimes though, I would find a rather interesting romance novel that was unique. And not written by a 40 year old woman who never found love and uses harsh stereotypes for the male in the relationship's personality and actions. Maybe it's because I've never really fallen in love before. Either way, I didn't read romance that often. She finished explaining and continued reading. I continued wading through my thoughts.

My eyes lazily shut closed, colors and shapes forming underneath them. Behind reality, in the realm of possibility and adventure waited a sea of vivid colors and intricate patterns. It wasn't a real sea though; the color of it wasn't blue but lavender, the animals and fish were neon colors and the sky was light yellow. I paddled through the ocean with a simple wooden row in small rowboat as I stared at all the creatures in the sea as they raced past, their stunning colors blurring with their speed. My eyes looked up into the sky, the pale yellow soothing compared to the headache of colors below me. The sky shifted from the relaxing shade to deep black. It seemed endless, the black so dark it engulfed me. My whole body felt cold, but a cold that seeped straight into my mind rather than just chilling the surface of my skin. My head hurt. I looked around me, the stars shining hot yellow and white as they raced by me. I was moving. I was moving so fast. My arms thrusted backwards as they propelled me forward more. I was moving on my own. My legs were floating but I could move on my own will. I continued moving forwards, my body going faster and faster still as I seemed to being headed for somewhere. Where that somewhere is, I don't know. I kept moving. My body was aching. Why is it so cold in space? A huge red and yellow object was drawing nearer. I seemed to be headed towards the sun. I kept moving and moving, never stopping. The immense heat swallowed my entire body as I finally reached my destination. It took away all the cold.

My eyes snapped open as I heard the bell rudely interrupt my daydreams. Bebe walked up to me, smiling before shifting her books to her other arm.

"What were you thinking about?" she asked me, looking curious. I felt my cheeks warm up. I must've looked really stupid just sitting there with my eyes closed.

"Uh, I was just thinking about how nice it would be if it was hot outside for once," I said, picking up my backpack and slinging it over my shoulder before waving one arm back at Bebe who was still in the classroom. I continued walking over to my next class, hoping that this one would go by fast.

The rest of my day went by full of work and a pile of homework was left to remind us that more was to come. I walked out of my last class, into the cold and clear air. It had temporarily stopped snowing. I started the trip to the bus slowly since I had a good amount of time before it left. I noticed Eric was walking in my direction and caught his eye accidently. I smiled a bit, my lips were chapped from the cold so it kind of hurt but he did something that surprised me. He smiled back. It was a brief smile, a quick upturn of his lips as if he didn't want to smile at all but did anyway. But I knew he wouldn't do anything he didn't want to do if he didn't have to. He could've just looked away. I looked at him questioningly, hoping that my eyes properly portrayed that. He shrugged his shoulders and then started walking up the stairs into the bus. I got inside after him and sat down at the seat I was sitting at on my way to school earlier. Pip sat at the front of the bus this time, chatting with someone next to him. The weirdest thing about that little grin of his though was the look he gave me when he was doing it. His calm, gold-brown eyes spoke of confusion also. As if he didn't know why he smiled either.

End Note

Ugh sorry. I actually started writing this about two weeks ago ha-ha. But don't worry! I plan on updating about every week now that I've got the ball rolling. I plan on making this multi chaptered, and if the parts that I really want to write don't play in then I might make a few one-shots posted here too. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter and if so then please leave me a comment! I deleted this story once before, and then I edited it up a few days later and reposted it, so it should flow smoother and have fewer mistakes. I'm so sorry about that I wrote most of this at a very late hour. I don't plan on making end notes really either, I feel like it ruins the moment! But I felt like I should say this. Thank you a lot I appreciate your reading of this story thus far and I hope you continue!