A/N: As much as I've enjoyed working on my one-shot series, I've missed writing erotica for quite some time, so I took a break today and did something different.
In regards to how I present these two, I know that incest in and of itself is a squick, so trying to present it in a way that doesn't make it seem like its a fetish, is exotic, or blurs the line of consent (which I've noticed that some fanfiction tends to do, disturbingly enough) is something that I'm very much invested in doing. I want to show that this engagement is by choice, is healthy, and is consensual (and even fun play between the two of them).
This was written from Kaoru's point of view, and involves the questioning of budding feelings from an otherwise casual arrangement. I hope that you enjoy (because I had a lot of fun writing it!) Leave your feedback and your favorites - let me know what you think!
I am beginning to wonder what it is with me.
Asking things like this, that is. I find that, as I stand here in the shower with my fingers raking though wet locks, I choose the queerest of times to start pondering things of a serious nature.
Surely, this is something many people do though, right? Rinse themselves off while wondering why the world has been skewed to favor the few. What their role is in this life. If they're happy, if all things are illusions, if reality has any true, objective basis.
If they're in love.
Love.
I guess I shouldn't pretend to act as if I'm being deep. My only thoughts as of late have been left to settle on this subject - the whirlwind of a budding romance towards somebody who, however 'taboo' it was labeled, had managed to capture my every waking thought.
"...ru."
Maybe I'm being ridiculous. Pretentious. Should it matter to me what people considered it? I consent to this, to the notion of craving him.
"Kao...ru..."
Concerning myself with this was obscene, especially now. I really should just finish rinsing out my hair -
"! Hey!"
My fingers curl around air. Three guesses why the showerhead was missing.
"Hikaru!"
"Hahaha!" Somewhere, he is leering at me (maybe above me), holding tight the handle. "Maybe you should pay more attention to me next time, hm, Kaoru? I've only been calling your name for the past five minutes."
"I hate to burst your bubble, brother dear, but my existence doesn't always revolve around you."
(Not always, but almost.)
"I beg to differ."
I wish I could open my eyes, if only to roll them in his direction.
"Whatever. Are you going to give me the showerhead, or not? My eyes are burning."
"Maybe."
As I wait (because God knows Hikaru will do as he pleases, so there's no use trying to rush him), the door slides shut and another pair of feet pad against the tiled floor. I know the showerhead is close, considering the whirring noise buzzing near my ears, but -
"Are you hogging the water? Now? Hikaru, I really need to rinse off!"
"And I need to shower." He robs the shampoo from my hand. Only when he nudges me with his bare shoulder do I move forward.
"Who said you could join me in the first place?" Shifting, I place myself under the stream of water, and tilt my head up. Much better.
"Well, I tried to ask, but you weren't listening, so I figured that was a yes."
"…" He had me on that one.
"You know, you shouldn't sit around and think so much, Kaoru. It's really hard to talk to you when you're off in outer space."
"Somebody around here has to do the thinking. God knows if I leave it up to you, everything would be a mess."
"How rude."
I pat my hair down and sweep it out of my eyes. He made a motion forward, then takes my place.
"I'll have you know that if it were left to you, we'd be sitting around all day with nothing accomplished. I'm the one with all of the initiative."
"No," I chuckle, only to be rewarded with a flip of my twin's hair (which had the result of getting water on my face). "You're the one with all the impulsive urges. I'm the one who makes sure to channel that in an appropriate way so things don't end badly."
"Whatever." Hikaru seems like he's about to shift the subject, but I find that, as his hand finds itself resting on the small of my back with his body standing side-by-side to mine, he wanted to get the last say in.
"What's logic and thought without emotion, anyway? You need to be able to have fun and enjoy yourself."
I'm about to come back with a counterargument, but find myself growing quiet when his daft fingers crawl along the curve of my spine.
"What's wrong, Kaoru?" He is all confidence, smirking in a gentle manner while leaning in. I'm not sure if I want to throw his smug self out of the shower, or if I want to kiss him raw.
When he lowers his voice to a resonating purr, I moved towards desiring the latter.
"Aren't you going to argue with me?"
"You're cheating, you fucker."
"Woah! Such violent language, little brother."
His palm starts to rub at the base of my neck, lips ghosting along my ear.
"So this is how we're gonna play, is it, Hikaru?"
Awful, awful boy, toying with my patience like this. I'm sure he wondered how long was I going to hold out, and what it would take to make me crumple beneath him.
"I don't know. Is it?"
Not long at all, much to my chagrin. When he hisses the last part of that sentence, I grip red locks in my fingertips and tug him closer.
"Oooh. So frisky."
"Shut up and kiss me before I show you the way out."
"Well, since you asked so nicely..."
He starts to pepper a trail of soft kisses along my jaw until our lips meet. Hands now rest on my hips, thumbs pressing down against jutting bones.
This is a mess, this affair. I was already struggling to figure out where I had ended, and where Hikaru began.
"Hmmn..." He runs his tongue along my bottom lip, teeth tugging at it as a request. I'm all-too-willing to part them, to let him in. At the same time, he ends up pulling me closer, places my body flush with his so that every inch of our identical frames are absent of space.
"Shit." I pull back so I can catch my breath. "You're already - "
"I know." One hand moves, gripping my ass firmly (to which I let out a shuddering moan). "You could say my thoughts haven't exactly been in the purest of places."
"Obvi -!"
I hate this. I hate the way he is so capable of robbing me of rationality with just the simplest of motions - one grind of his hips is just enough to force my leg to wrap tight around his waist and return the gesture.
"Fuck...don't stop doing that."
And, before I know it, I'm pinned to the glass door, body shifting and hips rolling in tandem with my brother. Both of us are panting, nails digging into skin and lips seeking out the other in a sloppy pattern.
Of course, it's not long before I want more. More of this smothering sensation that is leaving me with murky thoughts and a trembling heartbeat.
"Hikaru...we should - "
"Should what?" He only pauses long enough to make a point of grinding into me once more.
"Sh-should...God, just, let's get ou-out of the shower..."
"Why?" Again. He keeps going, hand finding itself between us so as to grip both of our swollen heads.
"You fu - mnh, I - "
"You what, Kaoru? Say it."
This man doesn't need me to say anything and he knows it. He just wants to know what kind of power he has, wants to know that his name is the only one that will sit on my lips, and if I am his in the moment, but I wonder why he should ever have to ask.
The answer is always yes.
"I want you t - mnh - to fuck me already."
Hikaru disentangles us from each other, just long enough to turn the water off, open the door, and move me towards our bedroom. Once directed towards the edge of the bed, I sit on the edge, glancing up.
Fire. He is all fire to me, all commanding with his gaze and I want it to consume until there is nothing left.
"Hold on."
Wandering over to the dresser, he pulls open the top drawer and fishes around until his hand reemerges with a small, clear bottle. When he comes back to me, he bends down and captures me in another kiss.
"Touch me." I murmur. He complies, flicking open the top of the lid. With three digits coated in the clear liquid, he slips two inside of me.
"Oh, God..." I feel as if I have galaxies growing inside of me and I want to burst into constellations that align with his own.
Do these feelings haunt him, too? I keep asking myself this question as I take a shaking hand and grip my brother's shaft, pumping slow while he curls his fingers toward my abdomen.
"You're trembling all over, Kaoru..." Hikaru sounds as if he is biting back his own noises, as if those words were a struggle to form.
"Mmnhmmm..." My hips start to rock into his hand; the familiar pool of heat starts to spread from groin to thighs to legs and toes...
"Not yet."
A disappointed moan leaves my throat.
"Hurry."
(I want more of you.)
Again, he squeezes the gel-like substance into the palm of his hand, then moves my fingers away. I reel him in for a kiss while I wait, arms slipping around his neck so as to guide him onto the bed with me. Once we find a suitable place, I lie down and lock my legs around his waist while he slips his cock inside.
"!"
Right there. I become undone once he's fully in, already frantic to rock my body against his while my nails rake along his back. By the time we're done, I was sure to leave a bloody trail.
Not that he minds. I'm rewarded with a low groan, and the thrust of his hips.
"F-fuck..."
"Spirits...say my name."
"Nii - "
Thrust.
"My name, Kaoru. I want you to say it."
Harder.
"Hika - ! Sh-shit, Hikaru...!"
Harder still.
"Goddamn..."
We fall into a rhythm. Skin is slapping skin, the bed is starting to creak and I am nothing but a mess all over, moans leaving my throat higher and higher until the heat that coils itself tight within my groin undulates, leaving it to spread all throughout my body.
"About to…"
"Then come for me."
Knowing my desperation, Hikaru becomes erratic in pace, fingers gripping mine so tight that both of our knuckles turn a ghostly white.
"Oh fuck, Hika - !"
I couldn't even finish screaming - all sound is robbed from me as I hastily rock against him while I release, seed spilling hard onto his abdomen.
A couple more thrusts and he does the same. Of course, it's not as if I can feel him finishing inside of me, but I enjoy the way his lips curl, the way his brows knit and the soft moan that he let leave him.
We had agreed to be, as we deemed, 'brothers-with-benefits', seeing as we had pushed so many people away that the concept of getting laid wasn't going to happen any time soon. Besides, we were a couple of hormonal teenagers with curious minds - it was a way for us to vent out sexual frustration, and yet -
I find myself reaching up to press a tender kiss upon his lips, knowing full well that only lovers kissed like this.
He doesn't seem to mind it, though. He kisses me back just as softly, fingers running themselves though my damp locks.
(Don't let me go. Not now.)
"That was nice."
He laughs.
"Just nice?" A throaty hum, one that makes my spine shiver. "Sounds like I didn't work you over enough."
"Quiet, you."
I ruffle up his hair.
"Being quiet isn't exactly in my list of things to do today. Sorry, Kaoru."
"Ass."
"But you love me."
"Debatable."
"Unfair." Hikaru fakes a pout. "You know that I love you."
(But do you love me the way I do you?)
"I bet you do."
We laugh it off while he pulls out and flops over beside me. To say that I was happy when he went back to snaking his arms around my waist was an understatement.
"This is okay, right? Cuddling, I mean."
Silly boy.
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"You never know. We are kinda old..."
"Who's too old to cuddle?"
I close my eyes and rest my head in the hollow of his throat. One hand rests on his chest, right where I knew his heartbeat to be.
Our silence passes in peace, until -
"Hey, Kaoru."
"Mmn?"
"What were you thinking about earlier, anyway? I had a really hard time getting your attention."
"You mean, you don't know? I thought you could read my mind, Hikaru."
"Most of the time." He admits. "But I couldn't quite make you out..."
I smile, though I'm not sure if this pleases me, or disappoints me. A part of me wanted to keep what I felt a shrouded mystery, but another wanted him to know that he is always making me want him more, more, more, until there was nothing left of him to love.
Instead, I merely shrug as if the weight of my thoughts were of insignificance.
"Nothing, really. If you actually used your mind a little more, you'd do the same thing."
"I'm offended."
We lapse into contentment. I didn't know if Hikaru was trying to fall asleep - only that his warmth engulfs me, body swimming in my line of vision and filling it up with ache.
His name. Why does he always want me to say it when we have sex? Was he looking to see me bare it all, that it felt otherworldy to declare him as my light? Maybe…
Maybe it means something. Maybe I wasn't alone in wanting to consume and be consumed by this sensation.
(Who's to say? I couldn't always read his mind, either.)