Disclaimer: What's the point of this anyway? If I owned it, I'd be a rich man.

This continues from the beginning of the last chapter of the 1st book, after the audience has found out everything. I'm not going to bother writing like Lemony because firstly, his use of phrases like "he would slit their throats as easily as you or I may eat a small butter cookie" are just too original. If I tried to make up random comparisons like that, it'd probably just sound really lame. Secondly, I'm just not able to write like him. But I'll still try.

Klaus's Misfortune

Mr Poe finally gasped, wiping his mouth. "I absolutely will not allow it."

"I'm afraid you have to." Count Olaf replied.

"I'm – I'm afraid Olaf is right," Justice Strauss said, through her tears. "This marriage is legally binding."

"Begging your pardon," said Violet suddenly, "but I think you may be wrong."

Everyone turned to look at the eldest Baudelaire orphan.

"What did you say, countess?" Olaf said.

"I'm not your countess," Violet said testily, a word which here means "in an extremely annoyed tone. "I think the countess here is KLAUS."

"What?" cried Klaus.

"That's right," continued Violet, eagerly, "I did not sign the document in my own hand, as the law states."

"What do you mean? We all saw you!" Count Olaf's eyebrow was beginning to rise in anger.

"Like most people," Violet said, "I am right-handed. But I signed the document with my left hand."

"What?" Count Olaf cried. He snatched the paper from Justice Strauss and looked down at it. His eyes were shining very bright. "You are a liar!" he hissed at Violet.

"No she's not," Klaus said excitedly. "I remember, because I watched her left hand tremble as she signed her name." Klaus paused. "But how does that make me the Countess?"

"Because," said Violet, "if you look at the signature, it is actually your name!"

"My name?" asked Klaus, surprised, "why did you put my name?"

"Because," Violet continued, "I thought it wouldn't matter, but I just remembered something mother told me a long time ago." Her eyes filled with tears.

The audience looked stunned.

"I don't understand." Said Klaus.

"Etmoi!" said Sunny, which meant something along the lines of, I don't get it either. She then fainted.

"When a sister signs an official marriage document for her brother, her brother is then married." Violet started weeping. "I'm sorry Klaus," she said.

Klaus, dazed, asked, "But why? Why did you when you were signing with your left hand?"

"Because," sniffed Violet, "I thought it'd be funny."

The audience shook their heads.

"I'm afraid she's right," said Justice Strauss, "You are married to Olaf, Klaus."

Violet walked up to Klaus and gave him a hug. "I'm sorry brother. Goodbye." And with that, she scooped up Sunny and they walked out the door.

Klaus stood, numbed by all that had occurred.

"Ha ha," laughed Olaf, "I have the fortune after all. Looks like your sissy sisters didn't want you!"

Justice Strauss narrowed her eyes at the scum that stood before her. "FORTUNATELY," she said to Klaus, "a married person CANNOT take money from their husband."

"But I'm Klaus's husband," began Olaf indignantly.

"And he is yours too." Finished Justice Strauss. "As you are both men, you are both husbands, therefore neither of you has power over the other."

Olaf bit his lip. "Fine." He said firmly, "I want a divorce."

"Don't we all?" said Mr Poe and his wife hit him.

Justice Strauss giggled.

"What's so funny, woman?" cried Olaf, "can't you see we are suffering?"

"No can do," said Justice Strauss, "a man cannot divorce himself from another man. You two are married for ever!"

&&

How was that? After the first 10 or so lines it kinda lost it, but I think it's because I started writing instead of just copying.

I reckon this can actually become a LONG story, if you're interested.