I sit on my bed in the base quarters, silent tears running down my face. I try to remember the last time I had to say those words to somebody but I can't.
I stretch out and lie on my bed, it's been a long month, I just want everything to go away.
"Sam…" I hear his voice.
"trust me Jack!" I shout at him to understand.
"Sam wake up."
My eyes snap open and I see Daniel in front of me looking worried.
Then reality hits me like speeding car. My eyes start to blur with tears again,
" I tried Daniel really I did." I say between sobs. When it happened I was hell bent on not crying in front of anybody, but Daniel saw me and I couldn't stop the tears.
" I know you did Sam… I know."
Daniel hugs my shaking body, he's been a good friend but nothing more could come of it, he's like a brother.
it's been a while since it happen, I still feel the proverbial wounds. They never heal they're just there gaping. I think I learnt to deal with it slightly better than before.
As I sit in front of general Hammond's office I can hear him talking with Janet.
"How's she doing doctor?"
"Better."
"do you think it's safe to sent her back on active duty?"
"To be honest sir I don't think she's going to get any better, so If you ever want to send her back now's the time."
At first I wasn't so keen on the idea of them talking about me, but I suppose they just want to help.
So here I am on my first mission back, and there's a war going on.
As I run across the battlefield I sense a kind of déjà vu, and as the pain rips at me and I hit the floor I relive what happened that fateful day.
I see him hit the floor face first and scream his name, I run across the massacre. I need to know if he's still alive.
"Jack…. Colonel can you hear me!" I ask him frantically.
"loud and clear major loud and clear."
"I'm gonna get you out of here, trust me Jack."
" no you're not, leave me Sam, do i have to make it an order."
My eyes start to well with tears.
"you'll be ok, it'll be ok." his hand reached up and touched my cheek.
He passed out just after that, he died 20 minutes later.
The pain still wreaking havoc on my body, my world fades.