Warnings: AU, language, fslash, and hints at some slight kink.
x indicates flashback. This is set after the Cullens split in New Moon. Reviews are love.
Enjoy. Oh, and don't say I didn't say I didn't warn you.
I'll seek you out,
Flay you alive
One more word and you won't survive
And I'm not scared of your stolen power
I see right through you any hour
I won't soothe your pain
I won't ease your strain
You'll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain
I'm taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Leah Clearwater would burn you on the inside with merely a look- half a look. She never stared you fully in the face, and really, that was for your own good. She was being kind, you see, but there was no need to thank her for that. Leah had never been thanked in her entire life. She'd been thrown aside by Fate, the cruel, tormenting bitch, left behind and almost forgotten and passed by for other things. Better things, she knows.
Given a choice in the matter- well, that wasn't relevant, and it certainly didn't it matter, did it? Choice was something Leah had been robbed of for years now, and she'd gotten used to (not over, of course, but used to) living like a fucking robot and going through the pitiful motions. Harsh, callous words for everybody around her, eating, sleeping, and the worst thing in her life, transforming into a monster every night. To be on the outside looking in, as always. To hear the words of Lucifer ring through her head, for him to never look her in the eyes. Ah, so that's where she learned it, then. If she wasn't good enough for Luci- Sam -to look her in the eyes, why should you be good enough for that courtesy?
You know that Leah is a bitch, but she can't help it. It's a learned behavior from the Universe that has so royally screwed her over. And now that same cunt that had ripped the heart and the soul and will out of Leah Clearwater turned the guns on you.
So you have something in common, now, but that doesn't make this any more okay. In fact, it probably makes it worse and more disgusting and more pathetic. But you don't care. You just don't fucking care, and that's why you're here, and she's here, and that's why you can't take your eyes off her. She comes close to you, to your vulnerable and naked body, but you're pulsing and throbbing and her lips are full (of malice and poison and you know, now, why Adam ate the apple) and when she kisses you, expert hands falling over your body (but it's just an imitation of softness that won't last) your back arches and you moan, and she smiles- smirks -at you, and her eyes (that aren't looking at your own, but that are raking over you in complete and utter ownership) say oh Bella, this is going to hurt but you don't know if she means it's going to hurt her, or hurt you, but at this point does it matter? Your pain is the same, weaved through both of you and manifested in the desire and the flames that this, that all of this, instills.
A long time ago (not really that long but before that day in Biology when you met the pawn that Fate would dangle in your face and then slap you with, would push you down and try to kill you with) you would have called this making love, because Leah makes you explode and need like you didn't know was possible, and you always were the kind of girl who thought sex and love were interlinked, but it's different now, and you know better.
"You're such a whore," Leah says, dipping her index finger between your legs. Your eyes flutter shut and she moves it against your clit, and you're wet, so fucking wet, and she's right; you're a whore.
"Just for you," you manage to get out, because it's true. Nobody has ever made you want things done to you, has made you want to do things to them, the way Leah does. But you know it's physical, just sexual. You could never love somebody like her: somebody else.
oooo
x "When you wake up tomorrow, I'll just be a memory. And after time, that memory will fade." He is cold now, and you realize for the first time what he means when he refers to himself as stone.
"Why are you doing this?" You can't do more than whisper, you're shaking and in shock and the words are finally sinking in.
Edward shrugs, brushing a droplet of rain from the shoulder of his jacket. "You should have known this was coming, common sense would have told you as much. Everything about you, Isabella," and it sounds so foriegn, like he's talking to somebody else and you're not even there, not even you, "is so mundane, so utterly human. There's nothing special about a clumsy girl who was dumped into a town just as boring and cookie-cutter as she is. I'll admit, it was a change, for a while, but it's time to move on. I didn't really even see the necessity of a goodbye, but Alice insisted." He shrugs again, like he doesn't know he's just shattered everything inside of you, that he's so expertly taken each splintered piece and thrown it across the forest floor, across the world, and that you'll never be whole again, never be real again.
You don't really see him leave, he is simply there one minute, gone the next. And with words that match him (smooth and hard and impossible to stop) he has reduced you to a complete mess, shaking and cowering against the wet dirt and moss, and the shadows around you darken as time passes, but you're waiting to die. You know it's happened before, people dying of broken hearts and losing the will to get up and trying not to breathe.
"Found you." A voice says, and you feel warmth spreading through you as you're picked up into strong arms, pressed into soft breasts. "Bella." It's the first time she says your name, and you look up at dark skin and black hair and high cheekbones, dark long lashes and sensuous lips, and you should have known that you were hers that day. x
oooo
It's morning when you open your eyes, sunlight pouring in through your rain-streaked window. You don't bother rolling over because you know she is not there. Leah never stays, even though, like Edward, her inhuman hearing and reflexes would allow her to remain unseen by Charlie. You're still naked, wrapped in a quilt, stiff and sore and you sit up with difficulty.
Looking down, you see bruises on both sides of your hips, bruises like fingertips, perfectly aligned. Leah held you so tight as she fucked you, held onto you like you were her saving grace, but that's a foolish thought because Leah Clearwater does not want to be saved. There's scratch marks down your back, you know, and your breathing quickens as you remember the previous night, and the scarves she used to tie you to the bed left marks around your wrists but you don't care, you would let her do anything to you as long as she came back, as long as she doesn't forget you.
You're being used, but so is she. You don't care for her, and she doesn't care for you. You don't really soothe her pain, and she doesn't soothe yours. Your burdens, your memories, are not easier to face because Leah's body is hot against yours, because she makes you orgasm time after time, because she kisses you and you kiss her. Your time together just makes you numb to everything else. The effects are temporary, and that is why you lose sleep to fuck her, that is why you can go for hours on end, because you forget his touch and his words and his smell and everything else, Charlie and Renee and baseball and school and girls who talk too much.
Charlie has left for the day, you notice, peering out your window and seeing the driveway empty. Then she's there- black hair flowing in the wind, eyes on fire as she looks up at your window, and the burning is back, the anger and the hate seeping from you. It comes down to this, because you were both abandoned by the ones you loved like no other, you were left, torn, alone, broken. Your love has deformed and is twisted now, knotted like ancient trees, infested and diseased like rotting corpses, and so has Leah's. That is why she's here, why she's coming towards you, why you fall back onto the bed and try to devour her, let yourself be devoured, because you only know one way to deal with it, deal with everything.
Oh Bella, this is going to hurt, but you need it to hurt, because the hurting makes it real, and the reality of it makes it all go away, so pain is pleasure and that's how she feels, too, and who knew that rest layed with Leah Clearwater?
I won't soothe your pain
I won't ease your strain
You'll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain
Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
And just in time
In the right place
Song snippets are from Eyes On Fire by Blue Foundation.