Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Without a Trace except my DVDs and my imagination, but I wish I did!
I cam up with the initial idea for this story after watching 4. 24 Crossroads, but this is not at all related. Its J/S like always! Enjoy! x
"Sam where do you keep your first aid kit?" Jack called from the bathroom.
"Under the sink." She called back.
"I can't see it" came Jack's voice again. Sighing, Samantha got up from her position on the couch and headed into the ensuite off her bedroom. "Oh, I've found it." Jack announced a moment later, reappearing from the bathroom.
Sam sat down on her bed and Jack sat down beside her, opening the first aid box and beginning to rummage through its contents.
"Is this really necessary?" She asked. "It's just a cut." Jack put some antiseptic cream on a cloth and pressed it carefully against Sam's neck.
"It is if you don't want it to get infected." He told her. "Unless you'd rather I drove you to the hospital to get it looked at?" Samantha made a face.
"Didn't think so." Jack went on, smiling smugly to himself. He applied more cream to the cut on Sam's neck – caused by flying glass earlier that day when the drug dealer they were investigating had shot out a window right behind her.
She winced at the stinging caused by Jack's increased pressure and the antiseptic cream.
"Sorry." Jack said gently.
"It's okay." She replied, sweeping her long blonde hair over her shoulder and tilting her head away from him so he could examine the wound better.
"At least it's stopped bleeding now." He commented quietly, touching her neck gently. Sam inhaled quickly as Jack's fingers slid round to the nape of her neck, and involuntarily her eyes closed.
Jack shifted closer, and Samantha moaned in spite of herself, enjoying his touch on her skin more than she should have.
Jack leaned in towards her, his other hand settling on her thigh, while his face gravitated towards hers. Sam felt his breath by her ear before Jack pressed his lips softly against her own. She returned the kiss, feeling Jack's hand caressing the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him. They broke for air, Jack's hand warm on her thigh and his face so close to hers.
Sam forced her eyes open as Jack's lips assaulted her mouth again.
"Jack..." She murmured. He pulled away briefly. "Jack, we can't... we can't do this. I can't do this anymore..." Sam's voice faded to a whisper as his hand left her thigh and began sliding up her hip and grazing her side. "Jack..." She gasped again.
His fingers slipped up the back of her shirt, tracing soft patterns on her skin. Jack pressed his lips to hers again, cutting her off. When they broke apart seconds later Sam spoke breathlessly.
"Jack I can't do this... I can't... don't... want..."
"Just tell me to stop Sam and I will." Jack whispered in her ear. "Tell me you want me to stop."
But she couldn't.
Taking her silence as affirmation, Jack captured her mouth once more, pressing her down into the bed.
Sam shut her eyes, feeling his body pinning her to the mattress, his hands caressing her skin and his tongue claiming her mouth.
He pulled off both Sam's clothes and his own, needing to be close to her; closer than they had been when he had pulled her into his arms out of the way of the shot at work, closer than when he was sitting right next to her on the bed, closer even than when he had pulled her body tight against him and kissed her. Jack needed her. Badly.
An hour later two bodies lay tangled in the sheets on Samantha's bed. It was now dark outside; a streetlamp emitting a soft orange glow through the drapes and casting gloomy shadows across the bedroom floor.
Sam lay on her side facing away from the window, the bedsheet wrapped around her naked body. Jack's arm was stretched across her stomach as he lay next to her. Her eyes remained closed although Sam wasn't asleep, and she didn't even stir when a muffled ringing sound suddenly disturbed the peace.
Beside her, Jack sat up sighing, and climbed out of bed grudgingly. He located his jacket on the bedpost and extracted the ringing phone from the pocket.
"Malone." He answered groggily, sinking back down onto the edge of the bed.
"What - now? Come on Alex are you serious?" Jack asked grumpily. He ran a hand through his messy hair, listening. "Okay. Okay, no sure, I can come in now... Yes I'm aware of that... Yep, okay, I'll be there in ten. Bye." He sighed again and began collecting his now wrinkled suit from the floor and pulling it back on.
Jack glanced at the sleeping figure of Samantha on the bed. Surprised but glad that the call hadn't woken her, he picked the comforter up from the end of the bed and draped it over her, before leaning down to kiss her on the temple.
"I'll see you later sweetheart." Jack whispered, stroking her hair and caressing her cheek. He gathered up the rest of his things and quietly exited the apartment.
As soon as she heard Jack's footsteps across her wooden living room floor Sam opened her eyes. She didn't even wait until the apartment door had shut before she started crying: deep, intense sobs that shook her body, tears pouring down her cheeks. Sam pulled the covers tighter around her but she couldn't stop shivering, so she retrieved the tracksuit pants and vest top from under her pillow and pulled them on.
Sam lay in bed crying her heart out for over an hour. Crying because she hated herself and because she hated Jack. She was so mad at him for pushing her, and for having this hold over her. But she was even angrier with herself; for letting him, and for not being able to resist. It was like he had this power over her, even now, and as a result she couldn't say no to him, because her heart ached just to have him touch her and hold her and kiss her like he used to.
She had been devastated when Jack had ended it, but Sam had understood – he needed to try again for his kids, and she respected him for that. But it didn't make it any easier for her to get over him. She had tried; with Dr Fred, with Eric Keller, and finally with Martin, but she hadn't been able to get Jack out of her head.
Sam had waited so long for them to be together again, because she had never succeeded at moving on. She had thought he had moved on, with Anne, but when Anne had left New York after losing the baby, Samantha had dared to hope that maybe she and Jack had a chance.
But nothing had happened. Jack had continued to ignore her, treat her as a work colleague and nothing more, like nothing had changed. So Sam had tried again to move forward with her life.
But now suddenly Jack was throwing himself at her, forcing himself on her and she didn't know what to do, what she wanted to do. A long time ago she would have been so happy to know that he still wanted her, maybe even loved her. Now however, she wasn't sure what was the right thing to do. How did she know that he wasn't going to take her heart and then leave her? because Sam didn't think she could handle that. Not again.
Jack left the office to go home for the second time that day, after finally finishing going through a recent case report with his boss that had to be turned in to OPR before the weekend. He had planned to leave Sam to sleep and catch up with her tomorrow, but he quickly realised that he had left his keys on her coffee table.
Stepping out into the street to hail another cab, Jack glanced at his watch - 11:40pm. A bit too late to wake her, he thought, but otherwise he couldn't get in to his flat. Deciding that hopefully Sam wouldn't mind too much, he got into the taxi that had just pulled up and gave the driver her address.
Ten minutes later Jack was outside her door and knocking.
Sam's tear ducts had all but dried up when she heard a knock at the door. Wondering who it was this late at night; she got out of bed and headed into the living room, doing her best to wipe the tears from her face. She spotted Jack's keys on the coffee table just as his voice called through the door.
"Sam, it's me. I'm sorry to wake you but I left my keys..." He trailed off as the door opened.
Samantha held out her hand and Jack took the keys from her.
"Thanks." He said. Sam's head was bent and her arms were wrapped around herself.
"See you on Monday." She mumbled, stepping back from the doorway and closing the door.
"Sam?" Jack's tone was one of concern as he caught the door a couple of inches from the jamb and opened it once more. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She answered without looking up, moving to shut the door again.
"Well you don't look fine." Jack said. He moved into the apartment and closed the door behind him. "Sam..." He went on, reaching out a hand to touch her arm.
"Please Jack. Don't." Sam stepped back again, away from him. She still didn't look up, but wrapped her arms tighter around herself.
"Sam, what is it?"
"I don't... don't want to talk about it." She replied quietly. "Can you just go, please?"
"Not before you tell me what's wrong, Sam." Jack told her. Sam stood there, silent. "Sam..." He said again.
At last she lifted her gaze from the floor. Her eyes were red and her cheeks flushed and glistening with tears. Sam turned away from him and closed her eyes as she felt fresh tears forming under the lids. Jack moved over to her, resting a hand gently on her shoulder.
"Sam..." He repeated, turning her round to face him. Samantha met his eyes as more tears began to course down her cheeks. Jack made to pull her into his arms but she struggled against his embrace, trying to push him away.
"No. Don't, Jack."
"What's wrong?" He asked her again, holding her at arm's length.
"I can't do this Jack." Sam said. "I can't... didn't want..." Her voice broke off and more tears fell.
"I don't understand Sam."
"It's my fault." She stated, more to herself than to Jack, but before he could ask she went on. "I know I should be able to but I can't. I just can't, because it's... it's..."
"It's what Sam?" Jack asked, confused.
"It's you, Jack!" She told him with a hint of anger in her tone, her palms pressing against his chest. Jack didn't know what to say. Her eyes were bright with tears, her long blond hair tousled and framing her tear-stained face.
"You don't realise it though, do you?" Sam asked. "You can't see it. I hate you so much Jack d'you know that? But, the thing is, I hate myself more."
Jack tried to interrupt but she didn't let him. Feeling a weight being lifted, Sam's tone grew more confident.
"I tried so hard to make myself move on but I couldn't. I just couldn't, Jack. And I hate myself for being like this with you. All this time I've been punishing myself for not being able to forget about you, about us, but when I finally resigned myself to the fact that it was my problem and not yours, you suddenly decide that you want me." Sam paused for breath, wiping tears from her cheeks before continuing, but her voice had dropped.
"And because it's you I just... I just can't say no, and you... I didn't... I didn't want..." Unable to control it any longer Sam trailed off as a new wave of sobs overwhelmed her.
Jack just stood there, speechless, shocked by Sam's sudden emotional outburst. He quickly processed her words, understanding how she felt and what she was trying to say.
"Sam, I'm so sorry." He said, pulling her into his arms. "I had no idea... I've been so stupid. I'm so sorry Sam." Jack wrapped his arms around her body, which was shaking with sobs. Sam tried to struggle but she felt so weak, and Jack's embrace was so warm and strong and safe. So she gave in, resting her head on his chest and allowing his arms to hold her.
Jack stroked her hair, whispering: "I'm so sorry, Sam" and "I never meant to hurt you", until her tears had subsided. The last of her energy sapped from spending the last two hours crying her heart out and baring her soul, Jack lifted Samantha up into his arms and carried her back into her bedroom. He laid her down on the bed, pulling the covers over her.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart" Jack repeated again. "I was such an idiot, I didn't realise what I was doing was hurting you. I'm so sorry. I just need you so much Sam. You mean everything to me and I want you to know that I love you."
Jack knelt down beside the bed and reached out a hand to brush a strand of hair from Samantha's face. She touched his arm lightly, his hand moving to meet hers, their fingers brushing against each other. Jack held her hand in his, bringing it up to his lips. He pressed a gentle kiss to Sam's knuckles. Sam extended her arm and grazed the side of Jack's cheek with her fingers.
"I love you so much Sam."
"I love you too Jack." He bent his head slowly down towards hers. His lips hovering just above Sam's; Jack waited. Sam closed the space between them, pressing her lips against his. Her arm snaked around Jack's neck, pulling him down to her.
After a few seconds Jack broke the kiss.
"We shouldn't go too fast. I already pushed you; I'm not going to do it again, Sam." He told her, moving to lie next to her. Sam nodded in agreement, but then she leaned in closer to Jack's body, her hands touching his chest, her body against his side. Jack slipped an arm around her, securing her to him. Within minutes they were both asleep.