Heatha: Hello! My name is SmileHeathaLynne, but for this fic and the sake of your precious eyes, I shall shorten my name... To just Heatha. I'm sorry if anyone seems OOC, you'll just have to deal with it XD YOU! Introduce yourself! NOW!
Cookie: Psh, NO!
Heatha: (gives stern look) DO IT WOMAN! OR YOU'RE SOOO STAYING WITH THE WOLFMAN TONIGHT!
Cookie: As in, "in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the wolfman sleeps tonight?"
Heatha: (exasperated) No, because he doesn't sleep that well, especially at night, and he most certainly does NOT live in the jungle... There would be no monkeys left T_T
Cookie: WHAT! NO MONKEYS! *sigh* fine I'll introduce myself, but only for the sake of the monkeys... I'm cookiemonster328 but I'm gonna be cookie here to save my time mostly, but it saves you time too so that's good and stuff. But yea, the Darren Shan Saga's my ADDICTION!... Oh and JUST so you know... Evra is mine. Technically he's the authors but I stole him. So Evra's mine now. I WILL harm you if you try to snatch him up. As in nuclear bombs WILL be used.
Heatha: Um, Mika is mine, but I'm not that violent... I might be with motivation. I wouldn't advise it though.
Cookie: Hmm, some of the book characters need to talk now... KURDA! GET YOUR SPARKLY MAN WOMAN BOOTY IN HERE!
Kurda: Uhm, hi. I'm... Kurda. Right? Is that okay? I didn't mean to say anything wrong! PLEASE DON'T SEND MIKA AFTER ME AGAIN! I DIDN'T MEAN TO EAT HIS SHAMPOO! *has a meltdown*
Heatha: I hate chuu
Mika: *Pops out of no where* HE DID WHAT?
Kurda: NO! *runs toward the hall of the final voyage hoping to redo darren's stunt and somehow get out of the mountain in one piece*
Cookie: Hmm, I feel lonely. EVRA! I CHOOSE YOU! *throws pokeball*
Evra: *pops out of pokeball* DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE IN THERE! IT'S DARK AND SCARY AND I HAD TO GO PEE REALLY BAD! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LOCK ME IN WITH THE WOLFMAN!
Cookie: *pouty face* I'm sorry. But I looooovvvveeee you! *Hugs*
Evra: grrr. *pats cookie's head*
Cookie: *faints from joy*
Heatha: I love you *Looks at Mika*
Mika: *Looking at camera* I didn't agree to any of this
Heatha: Oh dear, Cookie. Get off the floor. You're slobbering on Evra's feet. *sigh*
Cookie: But it's cute right! *puppy dog eyes*
Mika: Oh Lord
Heatha: Oh, um, well, uh, errrr. Yes?
Evra: Say yes or she'll cry!
Cookie: *begins to sniffle*
Heatha: OH GODS YES!
Cookie: YAY! Does Mika think it's cute too! *death glare*
Mika: No *serious face*
Cookie: EXCUSE ME! WHAT WAS THAT MISTER! *lifts Mika and trodds off to the hall of death*
Heatha: HE SAID YES HE SAID YES HE SAID YES! EVRA! DO SOMETHING!
Evra: Cookie! It's okay! Just put the big mean vampire prince down and we can go for cookies later okay? *frantic*
Cookie: Really!
Evra: *sigh* yes really.
Cookie: YAYYAYYAYYAYYAY! *drops Mika like he's on fire and runs to hug Evra but is stopped by mysterious bodyguards that came from nowhere*
Bodyguard: Nobody gets to Evra without id.
Evra: this won't turn out good.
Cookie: *pummels all the bodyguards to a pulp then runs to get EVERYONE'S social security cards and throws them everywhere* Does this work!
Heatha: Oh no...
Mika: *Still on floor*: Ow. She's STRONG
Heatha: Aw, did the scary girl hurt you?
Mika: *shameface* maybe.
Heatha: We should probably get out of here before-
Cookie: NOOOOO! DON'T LEAVE ME! WITHOUT YOU GUYS I'D HAVE TO GO BACK TO SUMMERCAMP! THEY HAVE WEIRD JACKETS THAT MAKE YOU HUG YOURSELF AND I DON'T LIKE THEM!
Heatha: We aren't leaving, Cookie! I promise, it's okay.
Darren: *Walking in, looking for something* where is it?
Heatha: What are YOU doing here?
Cookie: SHAN! What are you doing here! AND YOU LEFT EVRA YOU (obsene words not allowed in this fic)! *Hugs darren* I MISSED YOU!
Mika: She has quite the colorful vocabulary, doesn't she?
Darren: *Turning different shades of blue*
Larten: *Also comes in on mysterious account*
Heatha: Okay, this is just getting weird.
Cookie: HEY LOOK! IT'S GINGER BUDDY! what are you doing here you grouch! You're not a vampire! It's a silly idea to be here with out massive amounts of strength or vampire abilities! Come on, lets get you back to your mommy. SEBA! WHERE ARE YOU! *Picks up Larten like a small child* Don't worry, we'll find your mommy soon.
Larten: *Dumbfounded face* What is going on here? SHAN!
Darren: WHA? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING I WAS BEING HUG STRANGLED JUST TWO SECONDS AGO!
Heatha: Uh, um, Cookie, put down the ginger child, okay? I'll go find his mommy. *Walks out of the room and then drags Seba Nile back in by the feet*
Seba: *drunk or half asleep, there's no telling which* Oh, look, my dear child. I want to go home. I want to eat those wonderful mushrooms that I had yesterday.
Cookie: OH NO! Larten, your mommy is having some troubles with her... mushroom obsession. So she's no longer a fit mommy. BUT DON'T CRY YOU POOR CHILD! I'LL BE YOUR MOMMY! EVRA! MEET YOUR NEW SON!
Evra: Oh HECK no.
Seba: So now I am now a woman? Oh, bother. Where is that new purple dress that slims me down and gives me that lovely hourglass figure.
Mika: *Sneaking away* Dear Gods, help me.
Cookie: MIKA! What are you doing! Can I sneak too! *everyone looks at Mika and Heatha starts crying and shouting "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! I LOVE YOU!"*
Mika: Oh, nononono, I was just, um. Going to get us some refreshments?
Heatha: YOU LIE TO ME!
Kurda: I brought muffins!
Darren: Oh my
Larten: I am surrounded by LOONS
Seba: I can not find my lipstick! And those muffins are an abomination! They ruin my lovely figure! *Smacks Kurda*
Cookie: SOMEONE SAVE THE MUFFINS! *muffins tumble through the air in slow motion*
Mika: Let them go...
Evra: I'LL GET IT!
Kurda: AUGH! MY MUFFINS! THEY BRING ALL THEM BOYS TO THE YARD!
Heatha: I would have a doctor see that...
Darren: Can I go now?
Larten: NOOOO!
*Muffin basket sails through the air, quite dramatically as well. They fly gracefully, landing in Mika Ver Leth's unexpecting hands, who drops them like they are on fire*
Cookie: *GASP* MY HERO! *tackles Mika in adoration, leaping over the muffins to get to him*
Heatha: Oh, no girl, this is NOT going down this way.*Get's in between Cookie and Mika*
Cookie: *accidentally tackles heatha who tumbles into the muffin basket so the muffins fall onto the floor* NOOOOOOOOO! *Crys uncontrolably* EVRA! COMFORT ME!
Heatha: Mika, did she hurt you again? Really, you should probably stand up for yourself more.
Mika: Did that just happen?
Evra: *sigh* see what you guys do! Now I have to hug her!
Cookie: HUG! *stops crying and looks up hopefully* REALLY!
Evra: Yes, really. *Marches over to cookie like a soldier going into battle and hugs her then cookie returns the hug very gently not wanting to break her precious Evra*
Everyone: SHE CAN BE GENTLE! *OMGFACE*
Heatha: It's time for a change of scenery...
Mika: Just NOT outside this time, okay?
Heatha: *Shameface* Fine... *Claps her hands and the whole group finds themselves standing in the middle of the tunnel that Murlough held Evra in*
Evra: *Meltdown* AUGH! *hugs cookie*
Cookie: *gleeOMGhappyface*
Heatha: Oh, oopsie... OH, here we go *Claps her hands again and they are all suddenly in Mr. Talls trailer*
Mr. Tall: I was expecting you... You're three seconds late...
Heatha: *Shameface*... Yeah.
Cookie: It's her fault! *death glare at heather* *and is still holding Evra*
Heatha: IT IS NOT MY FAULT! HEEEEEE *Points at Darren* WAS THINKING ABOUT IT!
Darren: WOAH! They can read minds? WHAT ARE THEY?
Larten: Spawn of Desmond Tiny, it seems.
Heatha: *Glaring at Darren and Larten* Speak for yourselves (mutters something about stupid gingers and those-we-would-be-better-off-without)
Cookie: *death glares at Darren*
Darren: Oh no.
Cookie: YOU! *proceeds to punch Darrens lights out*
Mr. Tall: *To Mika* So, Master Ver Leth, it's been awhile since I've seen you.
Mika: Yes, too long.
Heatha: *Growls and joins Cookie*
Mr. Tall: Are they always like this?
Mika: Yup.
Mr. Tall: And is there any way to stop them?
*Mika and Evra exchange looks*
Mika: HEATHA
Evra:COOKIE
*Both girls look up. The guys are holding their arms wide open for hugs*
Heatha + Cookie :GLEEOMGHAPPYFACES!
Cookie: I LOVE YOU! *jumps into Evras arms*
Mika: *Being strangle-hugged by Heatha* CAN'T BREATHE!
Mr. Tall: Okay, girls, I think that's quite enough.
Both: Butbutbutbut!
Mr. Tiny: I agree, that's quite enough.
Mika: It should surprise me that he just popped out of nowhere... But it doesn't.
Larten: I can not be surprised by anything any longer.
Darren: Can I borrow a new pair of pants?
Seba: MY EYELINER IS SMUDGED!
Evra: Can I leave now?
Cookie: NOOO
Kurda: AUGH!
Heatha: Hi Mr. Tiny!
Mr. Tiny: Hello.
Mika: Again, not surprised. Where did you two meet? PsychicsRUs?
Heatha: *sadface* That's mean, Mika.
Mika: I'm sorry.
Cookie: I'm not! I go there all the time! DADDY! Do you still have that creepy heart shaped watch! Can I hold it again? I felt all powerful when I did that!
Mr. Tall: *facepalm* What she MEANT to say was TINY! NOT daddy. Psh, why would she ever call him that!
Heatha: *Horrified look* Cookie! How could you!
Mr. Tall: She didn't say anything *hissed with urgency*
Tiny: *laughing* I don't see anything wrong with it. Am I not allowed to have children?
Mika: Um, no?
Cookie: I'm bored. BLEEPBLOOPBLEEP!
Seba: OH NO! WHAT IS THAT ABOMINATION! IT IS GOING TO STEAL MY BABIES!... Wait. Am I still a woman?
Cookie: NOPE! Now you're a transvestite! Have fun!
Seba: Transvestite? What does this mean!
Cookie: Uh, Heatha will explain it to you! *snaps fingers and we are all magically in a classroom with heatha at the head of the class*
Heatha: Well, ummm, you see, Seba... A transvestite is...Okay, class, pop quiz, what is a transvestite? *Mr. Tiny raises his hand* Yes Mr. Tiny?
Mr. Tiny: Transvestites are, in Seba's case, men who get things below the waist chopped off and get things added on in the chest area.
Seba: BUT I ALREADY AM A WOMAN!
Mr. Tiny: …...Okay then. You get things added below the waist and get things in the chest area removed.
Seba: I do not understand.
Cookie: IT MEANS THEY CHOP OFF YOUR BOOBS AND GIVE YOU A WEINER OKAY! JEEZ, CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE WALK AROUND WAY TO SAY THINGS!
Seba: Oh dear. Can I just be a man like I once was? All of this man to woman to man stuff is an abominated scheme to confuse me and it has worked so I am just going to go back to being a man.
Cookie: Fine. You're no fun.
Larten: FINALLY MY MENTOR IS NOT A LITTLE GIRLS PUPPET! *tears of joy*
Cookie: Haha, Larten you're silly! You're all my puppets! See, watch. *snaps fingers, making Larten have to dance* DANCE MY PUPPET, DANCE! MUAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, point proven. *snaps fingers again and Larten regains control of himself.*
Larten: *sobs* I can be controlled by a little girl! My existence means nothing! My reputation is ruined! VAMPIRES DO NOT DANCE!
Cookie: Psh, of course they do! *gets out a laptop and shows Larten a fanart of the vampires dancing*
Larten: Eyes. Burning. Soul. Melting. Brain. Dying. *collapses to the ground*
Cookie:... oh. Someone should help him. SEBA!
Seba: AHHHH!... what?
Cookie: Pull his ear hair. It is cruel. But it must be done.
Seba: *Yanks minuscule hairs from Larten's ears*
Larten: OUCH! THAT WAS RUDE! SEBA! I THOUGHT WE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT PULLING EAR HAIR JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING WRONG!
Seba: *blink* She told me too. *points at cookie*
Cookie: *blink blink* I did. I'M BORED OF THIS CLASS ROOM! OFF TO KILL DEBBIE WE GO!
Darren: But she scares me!
Cookie: Don't worry, that's why we're going to slay her!