I quite often find myself in the mess hall late at night, especially after I've been using one of my fight programs on the holodeck. I find it difficult to sleep when I have been exerting myself. This evening though, the mess hall doesn't feel right. I am sitting in my normal chair, gazing at the stars. I have never got out of the childish habit of finding patterns in the stars. No one knows that I do it sometimes, apart from one person. And then I know why the mess hall feels odd – he isn't here.
Of all the people I have ever met, Mr. Neelix was the one who I just couldn't comprehend. I was not impressed with the way he seemed to attach himself to me just because I happened to be the first member of the crew he met. I found his attachment irritating and believed him to be so for a long time. I couldn't have a meal in the mess hall without his inherent interrupting. I would even avoid him in the corridors. I thought that he would eventually give up but Mr. Neelix proved to be a highly illogical being. He did not know when a battle was lost. I knew, in the end, that I would have to take a step. I stopped trying to avoid him and learned to bear his stories and his constant questioning. In time, I found that my opinion of Mr. Neelix began to change, somewhat begrudgingly. I found that he could control himself when necessary and I couldn't help but admire his skills in negotiation and diplomacy. He got Voyager out of many food and supply shortages, as well as dangerous situations. He certainly earned the respect the crew gave him.
I began to go to the mess hall at night, knowing that he may be there but not minding. To his credit, he would often exchange a few words and leave me to my thoughts. Because of this act of kindness, I found the times he did stay more agreeable. It was one evening like this that I told him about watching the stars. We were discussing the familiarity of the sky and I just told him. I don't know why. He said little, although I know he thought about it. I don't know why he didn't pick up on the distinctly non-Vulcan habit and use it in his ever continuing mission to make me more human. I like to think that by then he knew and respected me well enough. I think this is true. He was very perceptive, for all his faults.
And now he is gone and the mess hall is eerily empty without him. There is never anyone here, of course – it is empty in that his presence has gone. I realise, as I sit and think, that I miss him. He knew me better than most, apart from the captain of course. I have lived a long time and Mr. Neelix, without any doubt, was the most frustrating man I have ever met. He had few boundaries, little reserve and no discretion. But he was also kind, quick witted and compassionate. He was an asset to this crew. He was an asset to my life. He was my friend and it is very quiet without him.