Kain woke up surrounded by white light, with a soft chorus of music playing around him, and face to face with a hairy guy in a toga. Nodding to himself he lied back down and started to fall back asleep, maybe he would have tacos when he woke up... Wait, white light, soft music, dude in a toga... is he dead? Kain's eyes flew back open and he shot up off the floor. Immediately he regretted this action, as it sent his forehead crashing into the guy standing over him. Clutching his head he rolled on the ground groaning, what the hell was his head made of? It felt like hitting a brick wall, a brick wall with a beard, and a white toga, sure, but a brick wall all the same.
The sound of laughing brought him out of his thoughts, glancing up he saw brick head himself grinning down at him. "You know," he laughed, "I have had a a lot of different reaction to people seeing me over the years, but I think that is the first time someone has head butted me."
Still rubbing his head Kain just glared back at him, hoping that he would just spontaneously combust, or at the very least, just leave him alone. "Sorry, no can do on the leaving you alone front buddy" brick head smirked, "I gotta job for you, you see, its been awhile since someone has died in such an entertaining way."
While BH (Brick Head) had been talking Kain had been glancing around at his surroundings, trying to figure out just where the hell he was, cause he was not dead, he refused to believe that he was dead dammit! He was still a virgin! However, BH's comment brought his attention solidly back to focus on him.
"Wow, hey now, hold the phone their, ya frat boy reject, the hell do you mean my "death"? " I ainght dead," he cried out indignantly. Apparently this comment amused Brick head, (idly, kain wondered what his real name was.) Because BH started cackling to himself, shaking his head and muttering to himself.
Kain just started to edge away from him, as he contemplated the idea that he had been abducted by a drug crazed psychopath. Still giggling softly to himself BH (really gotta decide on a new name for him kain decided) straitened up and pointed at him.
Wiping a tear from his eye, he grinned at kain, "you see, this is why I like you man, not only do you die in entertaining ways, but you got moxxy kid, I like that in my creations."
Kain scowled at the crazy dude again. (Toga Brick? Nah that makes his sound like a Pokemon he decided) "Why do you keep saying I died, I, AM , NOT, DEAD!" he shouted, seething at the obvious bad joke.
BH (gotta get him a new name)just quirked a brow at him, still grinning like mad, "Okay" he grinned, gesturing around him grandly, then how do you think you got here," Kain scowled at him folding his arms and glaring at him, hoping he would develop heat vision if he stared long and hard enough.
"I don't know," he growled, "I don't even know where the hell this is." BH grinned again (god kain was really starting to hate that grin.) "Well, then, let me lay some knowledge down on you then, this" he said, gesturing grandly around him, is heaven, the place the decent people go when they die, and I" he grinned pointing at himself, "am God, the guy who made everything and the dude you have headbutted and insulted since you got here."
Scowling kain was about to rip a verbal strip off the idiot in front of him, when said idiot grinned (again!) and spread his arms wide, causing a white flash that blinded him. Screaming and clutching at his eyes, he scrubbed desperately at them, trying to get the light splotches to go away.
Hearing laughter( you know, that's almost as annoying as his incessant grinning, kain decided to himself) he looked up and saw BH, however know he now had 12 wing that appeared to be made of white electricity (six on each side) growing from his back and a large six pointed halo floating over his head.
Kains jaw dropped, and suddenly he had a bad feeling about all those insults he had flung at B...God apparently. Then the fact that he was seeing god and the fact that god had said he had died twice hit him.
Oh... oh man, he was dead, he was... was... he was never going to see his mom again, or his grandmal, or his friends or eat tacos or go on a date... OH GOD, he suddenly realized with a mounting horror, HE WAS GOING TO REMAIN A VIRGIN FOREVER!
Falling to his knees he screamed his anguish at the sky, " I DONT WANT TO ME A VIRGIN FOREVER, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Muffed laughter brought him out of his downward spiral of depression and self pity, looking up he saw God doubled over laughing at him, he started to scowl at him, before he realized who was in front of him and quickly aborted the motion into a quirked eyebrow instead.
"Whats so funny" kain asked(Not demanded, cause demanding from God probably is a bad idea, what with that whole wrath thing.) God grinned and pointed at him, still laughing softly to himself. "You are," he laughed, you wake up in heaven in front of god and realize you have insulted me, headbutted me, and died all in a short time, and your most pressing concern is that you died a virgin?" "That's freaking hilarious" he guffawed.
Blushing kain bowed his head towards the ground, then a thought struck him, a thought he put into words, looking up at the still cackling (apparent) creator of everything he asked a bit timidly, "so why aren't you mad at me?" "Not that I want you to be or anything" he added quickly when God looked at him.
"Cause, God grinned you're just to entertaining to stay mad at." "Watching you die, then watching your reaction to the past few minutes has made my millennium," he laughed. (he does that a lot kain noted, or at least he did when it was directed at him.)
Seeing an opening kain leaned forward and asked, " so, um, er, how. Uh how did I, you, know, uh...? God grinned at him again(still really damn annoying by the way.) "What, how die you die? How,ed you kick the bucket? Bit the the dust? Bought the farm? Started courting a coffin?"
Gulping Kain nodded, dreading the answer he was (hopefully) about to receive, but wanting to know non the less.
After yet another bought of crazed laughter and(very) annoying grins God began his tale, his tale of how he died in a manner entertaining enough to put God in such an (apparent) good mood.
"You were on you way to visit you grandpal, at his local chicken shop, after playing baseball in the park, when you saw a young women beset by thugs in a near by alley way." " In a show of bravery and wit, you convinced the thugs that raping the young girl and stealing her belongings was the wrong course of action, and that they would be better served taking themselves elsewhere." Then, flush with your victory and high on the praise that was heaped upon you by said damsel, you strode confidently out of the alley and was promptly hit by a ambulance, rushing to save a nearby old lady having a heart attack."
After telling kain of his tell of woe, he promptly broke don laughing and began to roll on the ground, crying he was laughing so hard,(was that snot coming out of his nose? Gross, God snot!)
Kain on the hand was mortified, he remembered it now, that god had told him, thought it was far less majestic then how god told, it he had simply had a metal bat and was bigger then the two boys int hat alley so they left. (quite sensibly he thought) to greener less metal bat bearing pastures.
Sighing he looked at the crying cackling snot covered figure rolling on the ground before him and wondered what he was supposed to do now? "You complete that job I mentioned that I had for you to do of course," Jerking up at the sound of the voice he saw God staring down at him (you guessed it) grinning quite happily at him.
"Um, job" kain asked, rather hesitantly. "Yup, "god said popping the p on the end, you see I oversee a lot of worlds, and I like it when they are kept running so I can keep entertained, it's why I made so many in the first place." "however, sometimes events that I don't really like happen on a large scale and affect one or some of these worlds."
Nodding kain gestured for him to continue, which he did, grinning quite happily as he did. "One of these changes that I don't like are zombies," Kain blinked at that, " the damn things hold the souls of their former selves prisoner and just fuck up all the worlds they get near."
Kain had a bad feeling about this and he voiced that opinion. "so that sounds terrible, but what am I supposed to have to do with this?" God(ugh) Grinned yet again, then answered him, "well, I want you to save one of my worlds from the zombie menace of course!"
Kain's mind went blank when he heard that, and he did the only thing he could think to do, he said "what?" God (here it comes) grinned and nodded, "yup, I want YOU, to go and fix these zombies, but don't worry, I'll help you out bro, no worries."
"How," Kain asked, are you going to smite them or something? And if so why d you need me? For targeting?" "Ha, no" god laughed, I am not going to interfere that much, where would be the fun in that?" " No, I dislike zombies, but not enough to directly smite them, but you know what I do like? "Video Games, and at the moment, I am also quite fond of you as well." "So, putting you together I will make you a RPG character and send you off to fight the zombie hoard, have fun he grinned."
Kain didn't like this, he didn't like this at all, in fact he hated it, however just as he opened his mouth to protest, cry, or something, anything really to register his displeasure, there was a flash of light and he was gone.
When he woke up again the light, music and god were gone, and he was in a dark void with a single red screen in front of him with the NEW GAME, floating in front of him.
It was at this pint that Kain realized something very important, God was a huge dick!
A/N- Okay, guys and gals I am back, and I am happy to be here, let me know what you guys think of this story idea and I will have the next chapter for this out really soon, maybe tonight or if not then tomorrow morning. There we will gt the ball rolling on the game system and get him into the world.
Also for those of you who are fans of Edge of Revolution, I am going to rewrite and re post it eventually, but will probably be focusing on this story for the moment. Envy34 out guys and gals, PEACE!