I claim no ownership of anything belonging to the Ben 10 franchise. Dacryphilia is a weird thing I do not understand and am slightly creeped out by, I must admit.
"Today, we're going to make global warming undeniably real," claimed the nefarious Doctor Animo while wringing his gloved hands together in a stereotypical villainous manner.
Beside him was his goofy bi-pedal flying dinosaur buddy which he had somehow created in an equally stereotypical wild mad science scheme from devolving average chicken eggs into dinosaur eggs. He was never given a proper name. We'll call him Screech.
"I could have picked any other creature, but I chose you. You delightfully wacky fellow! You should be honored," Doctor Animo said in a congratulatory manner to his cold-blooded pal. "Nothing will cause this daringly lunatic scheme of mine to backfire. Or maybe kill me due to making the planet unstable for any life other than giant pterodactyl people who everyone will for some reason refer to as dragons. We'll RULE THE WORLD together! Or until I die, whatever. I like yelling RULE THE WORLD!"
"Yo, Doc, it's totes chill in here. I am hella uncomfortable. Kindly turn up the thermostat," said Screech. His thin,green, three-digit, clawed fingers danced along various buttons of the cell phone the doctor had given him.
"Hey, that's only for use in case of emergencies. Stop gaming and texting," Doctor Animo ordered. "And stop assimilating your average bratty white suburban teenager's obnoxious slang, while you're at it."
"But all of this new fangled technology you have introduced me to is so cool," Screech said. The phone was wrenched from his grasp.
"Your reptile brain isn't big enough to handle it, so leave it alone," said Doctor Animo. He threw the phone in a confiscation drawer and locked it.
"We're like your first highly intelligent, sort of, humanoid creations, Doctor. Don't treat us like we're stupid," Screech said with as much of a frown as he could make on his beaky mouth. Which wasn't much. He looked angry by default most of the time anyway, so it didn't really matter. He scrunched his brow ridges up so he could look frustrated.
"You are stupid," said Doctor Animo.
"But I can talk and use a phone," Screech said.
"The ability to speak, or use a phone, does not make one intelligent," said Doctor Animo. "In fact, it seems to make a large portion of society dumber than ever."
Screech reflected quietly for a moment. "Oh. Well, okay. Can I use your computer to look up dinosaur pornography?"
"No!" Doctor Animo shouted, slapping his claws away from the keyboard. "Stand there and look big and intimidating. Maybe go around and break some stuff. I'm going to steal a missile and shoot it at this weather balloon and make the global warming now. Don't disturb me any further. Unless it's important, like to warn me that little dickhole Ben Tennyson and his friends coming to stop me."
Screech sighed. "Okay, then. If you say so." He spread his leathery wings and flew away.
After about seven minutes, he came back.
"Doctor," said Screech. "I'm not officially named in the story yet. Can you give me a name?"
Doctor Animo shrugged. "Sure. How about Giant Beak Face?"
Screech tilted his head to one side. "Meh, I don't like it that much."
"Hmm. What about Sauron?" Doctor Animo remembered that was copyrighted. He didn't want to get sued. "No, wait, that's taken already by a better character."
"Aw," Screech said, sounding disappointed.
"Ah, I know. How about Stupid Lazy Plot Device Developed Solely To Establish Ugly And Disappointing New Ben Alien?"
"No...that's not so good. That one makes me feel bad."
Doctor Animo shook his head. "How do you think I feel? I got treated like crap in this series." He placed a hand to his chin. "All right, hang on. Let me think." He pondered long and hard. By accident, he couldn't stop thinking about dinosaur erotica and got distracted. After a few minutes, he got his mind back on track and snapped his fingers. "I've got it! What about Screech? It's fittingly comical because it's what you do. Your voice is horrifying. You sound like that one guy from the Owlman cult in the Secret Saturdays."
"Screech? Hmm...I don't know," Screech began.
Doctor Animo folded his arms and looked annoyed. "It's either Screech or Procrastination Ridley. Pick one. I haven't got all day to fuck around here."
"Screech it is," Screech said.
"Good. Now leave me be. Your voice is like a thousand Mary Sue babies crying in unison," grunted Doctor Animo. He grabbed his car keys.
"I'm still cold," Screech said. He rubbed his scaly arms for emphasis. If he had teeth, they would have been chattering.
"Put on a sweater. Or you could wait patiently for me to finish my damn work and then you'll be fine."
"Doctor, I have a question. If you're such a brilliant scientist and geneticist...how come you didn't just create us to be warm-blooded reptiles?"
Doctor Animo stood up and slapped Screech in the face. "Because SHUT UP, that's why! Don't question me. I'm a genius!"
Screech wiped his reddened face, tearing up a little. His bottom beak trembled. "Okay, I won't! You're a great scientist! Please, don't hurt me for pointing out logic discrepancies! I won't do it anymore!"
"Make sure that you don't," growled Doctor Animo while he shook his fist in warning.
A sudden inexplicable heavy blizzard arrived, though the weather was at a tolerable 78 degrees only seconds prior.
"What the hell?" Doctor Animo gasped.
Piles and piles of snow quickly covered everything. The temperature grew bitter. Everyone's nipples became rock-hard.
Screech's beak stuck up from beneath a pile of snow. "Help...It's so cold! And I don't have a sweater!"
"An ice age? I WANTED GLOBAL WARMING! WHERE IS THE GLOBAL WARMING?" Doctor Animo fumed, waving his arms wildly. "GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL!"
"Goodbye...Doctor...I have...always...loved you," Screech spoke weakly. "Even though I was born only today, and most of my time spent with you was firmly establishing you as an uncaring shithead."
Doctor Animo fell to his knees and tried to dig out his creation. He got only as far as Screech's head before getting tired and giving up. He rubbed his aching arm. "Ow, I should work my arm muscles more. I look this buff, but it's only for show. Damn, I am weak. But I am so very handsome." He pulled out a mirror from his back pocket and began to admire his youthful visage. Screech's dry coughing caused him to divert his attention. "Oh, right. Dying."
"Doctor. One...more...thing," Screech mumbled, barely able to whisper.
Doctor Animo lowered his head to meet Screech's beak. "Yes, what is it?"
"I...I...I," he stammered.
"Yes, yes?" Doctor Animo questioned with much anticipation.
"I saw you kick that chicken," Screech wheezed with his dying breath. Then he died. So sad.
Doctor Animo's lips pulled into a tight frown. "Well, shit. This plan is a colossal failure."
Ben Tennyson and Gwen Tennyson and Kevin Levin burst into the barn, ready to brawl. "We've come to stop your ridiculous plan, Doctor Animo!" Ben announced dramatically while pointing.
They found Doctor Animo jerking off to dinosaur pornography. "Um, could you come back in about ten minutes or so? I'm a little busy here right now."
They beat him with chairs so they wouldn't have to touch him.
The police, or maybe just the single dopey sheriff, came shortly after to haul Doctor Animo to a waiting jail cell. And then cornhole him while nobody was looking. Because stereotypical rednecks. The re-evolving machine had not been built so everyone in town was still a slack-jawed dumb fuck hick. Dumb enough to let Doctor Animo buy farmland and manufacture his own brand of eggs for mass distribution, knowing what kind of a crazed psychopath he is.
And even if it had been built, who's to say repetitive anal violation isn't on the mind of your average genius at any given time? Not I.
(The end.)