Well hello, you beautiful calzone. Cloggy here with a Divergent fan fiction, which, admittedly, is kinda OOC and crazy (but hey, when have we ever posted anything serious on this account). I don't know what else to say, so now you can be blessed by Clogette and I's excellent fan fiction writing skills.

-Cloggy

What is up chicken cutlet? So Cloggy and I started this a while back but it got deleted because my computer is stupid. Anywazy, this is crazy short and very weird so I hop you enjoy.

-Clogette

There was a horrible tragedy in Dauntless headquarters that morning. Half of the Dauntless residents and initiates were running around, in a blind panic. Uriah had already been reduced to tears, and Marlene was patting him on the back as he sobbed in the pit. Tobias could barely function normally from the grief. What happened, you ask? the Dauntless cafeteria was out of cake.

Dun. Dun. DUUUUUN!

Uriah was sitting at a table in the pit, sobbing hysterically as Marlene patted him on the back, even though she looked on the verge of tears herself.

"What's going on?" Tris asked.

"You don't know?" Marlene sniffled.

"No, I don't." The "stiff" answered.

"It's terrible. It's tragic." Uriah wailed.

"Again, what's going on?" Tris asked.

"They-they..." Before he could continue, Uriah was hit with a fresh wave of sobs.

"They ran out of Dauntless cake," Marlene explained. Tris could've sworn that she reached up to wipe her eyes.

"Oh... That's it?"

"That's it? That's freaking it!" Uriah screamed, his voice echoing around the pit. "We're dying. This is the apocalypse. It was nice knowing you, Tris, Marlene."

"You too, buddy." Marlene sniffled again and burst into tears.

"Good luck with... You know, finding your cake or whatever." Tris said in confusion. "I'm going to go find Four." Tris walked away from her weeping friends in search of Tobias. She walked around the entire compound but came up empty. Eventually she stumbled across the chasm and finds her boyfriend leaning against the rails, with silent tears streaming down his handsome face. "Oh there you are." Tris said, relieved.

"Here I am," Tobias responded hoarsely.

"Are you seriously this upset too?" Tris choked back a laugh. Tobias whipped around to face her comical expression.

"'Upset'?" Tobias exclaimed. "I'm way more than upset, Tris."

"It's just cake," Tris raised her hands defensively. Tobias' head shook disapprovingly with a grimace. "Can't you get vanilla or something, instead?"

"Vanilla?!" Tobias spat. "What's the point of getting cake if you can't get chocolate?"

"Whoa dude, chill." Tris stepped backwards. Tobias shifted and grabbed the rail in front of him so hard that his tanned knuckles turned white.

"I can't just 'chill'." Tobias told her. His face turned into a look of recognition and disapproval. "Oh wait, you haven't been here long enough to experience the joys of Dauntless chocolate cake." Tris preps to respond but is cut off by Christinas' call.

"Tris!" Christina shouted coming up to the couple. "What is wrong with everyone?" Tobias groaned in despair. "I would've though that Four would be the most grounded of everyone.

"Apparently they ran out of cake or something." Tris waved her hand in a dismissive gesture.

"Ohhhhhh…" Christina took a minute to process the words.

"Yeah." The former Abnegation said, shifting her attention to her emotional wreck of a boyfriend. "whoa, whoa, calm down." For Tobias had just leaned over the chasm as if contemplating whether or not to jump while he wept.

"C-calm down? I c-can't calm d-down." He sniffled and didn't even bother to wipe his streaming eyes.

"Uh, Four…?" Christina asked tentatively.

"DON"T TALK TO ME UNLESS YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THERE'S ACTUALLY CAKE IN THE-" Tobias started yelling, his voice echoing through the chasm. Tris put her hand over his mouth to shut him up.

Suddenly, Christina exploded into a supernova of perfect looking slices of cake. The Dauntless residents all cheered and some loud, upbeat music started playing. tobias started dancing. Tris started dancing aggressively. Tobias danced more aggressively until he randomly dropped dead.

"Oh my-" Tobias woke up in a cold sweat, trembling violently. "Okay, okay. It was just a dream."

But the image of his girlfriend dancing so aggressively would be forever etched into his mind.

Okay so the thought of Tris and Tobias having a dance battle is the funniest thing in my opinion. To imitate their dance moves crump very enthusiastically. Boom. DIY. Anyway, hope you liked it and comment if you want more!

-Clogette

what did you guys think? We like reviews and stuff so make our day. Thanks you hairy water buffalos.

-Cloggy