I am terrified of all things.
Frightened of the dark.
I am.

It irks me, it really irks me.. That people like Peter Stone are out on the loose, and not chained up being beat to a pulp. That people like Peter Stone are (secretly) dating my best friend, that people like Peter Stone got me kicked off of the spirit squad, for his own personal jollies.. That people like Peter Stone are macking on my best friend about twenty feet away from me; that they both think that I wouldn't find out about it, and that all I'm doing is watching. That people like Peter Stone have made the entire school turn against me, even my best friend. That people like Peter Stone choose to be rude, and cruel to someone as innocent as me.. That someone like Peter Stone has the entire school mumbling Because I'm going to be famous when I'm around. That people like Peter Stone have the entire cafeteria whistling and that people like Peter Stone have the basketball team shouting things like Take it off in my general direction. And what irks me the most, is that he is perfectly fine with it.

Yet, all that I can do is sigh. Plaster a small smile on my face, and let out a fake chuckle. I can only pretend to believe Em when she says that she was just at the library, when I saw her sitting at the Dot with Peter. All that I can do is hope, and pray, that someday Sp.. someone will come, and help me in my time of need. I just want someone to care, someone to hold me. Someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright. Maybe even someone to love me. But I guess happiness is just too much too ask for.

You are taller than a mountain.
Deeper than the sea.
You are.

"Is this seat taken?" I hear a deep a familiar voice say to me. It couldn't be...

"Manny? Earth to Manny?" It is.. Don't show your excitement, I tell myself numerous times, yet a genuine smile creeps onto my lips, and I nod lightly and he takes a seat next to me at the table. I look around, there are plenty of open tables, yet he picked this table... my table. I hear him let out a soft chuckle as he puts his strong hand on my shoulder, he gives it a soft squeeze before asking the ever so cliché question.

"How've you been?" How have I been, Spinner? How have I been? I think, angrily. But I answer with a nice lie. "I've been great, and you?" What's one little white lie going to hurt?

"Good, I guess... I mean no friends and what not isn't to horrible, now is it?" He said sarcastically as he let out a soft sigh. I don't think that he wanted me to notice that sigh, so I turn to face him again. I try my hardest not to look him in the eye, knowing that if I do my limbs will turn numb, and I'll feel like a school girl for the first time in years. Yet I look into his dark brown eyes, and the world around me comes to a halt. I take in a deep and shaky breath as he looks at me a bit oddly. I shake my head, and smile again to reassure him that nothing's wrong. And then I see his shoes, which are in perfect unison with hers.

"Hey Manny." Ellie calls to me, cheerfully. Craig smiles at me, giving me a small nod along with the smallest wink. I look my hardest for the twinkle that I used to see.. But it was gone. The two slowly walked away, and I looked at my shoulder.

Hold me.
Hold me.
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely.

All that I saw was a flash of light, and I felt Spinner's skin brush mine again. He had turned all focus to the plate of food that sat in front of him. He tapped his fingers lightly on the wood table, and I just studied him, silently. My eyes focused on his fries. I hadn't really eaten anything in a few days. After what Bernice had said to me, it made me think. I hadn't touched the dishes that my Mom had made, and she had been making delicacies because my Uncle is in town. I knew from the start that I would end up snapping, and eating something that would add about ten pounds with one bite. Spinner looked at me, confused. "Manny, are you okay? You're looking... Thin.."

You're looking thin. Those were words that I had wanted to hear since I was told to loose the lumps and stop eating so many red beans and rice. I smiled lightly at Spinner, and put my hand on the table. I nodded, another white lie.. What'll it hurt? Our friendship that ended after we broke up? I spat at myself as I felt Spinner's warm hand on mine. I looked down at our hands, his skin was milky white, and mine was a creamy brown. He squeezed my hand lightly.

"Manny, if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to come to me." He said, emphasizing anything as if it were some new word that he had learned earlier in school. I nodded again. "I won't."

I was closer to you back then.
I was happier.
I was.

Spinner then removed his hand from mine, focusing on his lunch tray yet again. He sighed when he looked at it, and I noticed that all of the food had gotten soggy, and it had deflated somehow or the other. He turned to face me, and I felt my stomach turn and form into a tight knot. It's hunger pangs Manuella, you haven't eaten in three days! You do not like Gavin Mason. I tried to reassure myself by repeating this phrase numerous times to myself, but it didn't work when Spinner opened his mouth, the bell rang. He sighed, and shut his mouth again. He grabbed his tray. "Well, I've got class.. But, maybe we can talk later." He said, giving me a smile before walking out of the cafeteria.

The rest of the day went by quickly. I had somehow managed to put myself on auto-pilot until the last period of the day, which seemed to go to slow for words. Halfway through I let out a large yawn, and Simpson gave me the eye. We had a guest speaker, she was talking about teen problems. I felt like I had a lump in my throat throughout the rest of her speech. I rose my hand.

"Mister Simpson.. May I be excused?" I asked, before he could even call on me. The speaker rose a brow at me, examining my now strangely slender arm, Mister Simpson nodded. I got up, grabbing my bag before heading out of the classroom at a dead run.

You are fading further from me.
Why don't you come home to me?

I walked into the first stall, and closed the door quickly, hanging my messenger bag on the hook before looking at the toilet. I had called the toilet my friend the day of my audition. I had the sudden urge to make it my friend again, but what was there to throw up? Hate? Anger? Love? Nothing, there was nothing. I put my head to my hand as I began to cry, I hadn't cried like this in a long time, I was just letting it all out, everything. It was the first time that I had truly cried since my Dad yelled at me.

I put my hand to my mouth to murmur the soft cries that were seeping from my mouth. I looked at the toilet, and made my way to the top part and positioned myself so you couldn't see my feet. They rested softly on the white marble that was the toilet seat. I heard footsteps, and words.. I knew those voices anywhere, Darcy and Emma.

"Well I don't know what's wrong with her... she just stormed out of Simpson's class a few seconds ago.. Do you have any eyeliner?" That was Darcy, she... has my class right now.

"Wow, really? She's been acting weird. Yeah, here." I heard Emma look around her purse. It's on my dresser, Emma.. On my dresser. I thought right as I heard Emma hit her forehead.

"It's on Manny's dresser, we were comparing make-up last night." Emma sighed, and Darcy mumbled something before the two giggled something and walked out of the bathroom.

Hold me. Hold me.
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely.

I had silently gotten out my make-up bag, and re-applied what needed reapplying. Mascara, eyeliner.. all that good stuff. I sighed as I studied my profile in the small compact. It had gone slender, it had been a few weeks since I had eaten. My tan skin was pale, I looked deathly sick. In two months I could be skeletal, I bet you that Bernice would like that. A skeleton, that's just what all of those girls on her wall are.. Skele..

"Honestly, she needs to get away from Spinner." It was Paige, and... Alex?

"Paige, you're not supposed to like him anymore, remember?" I saw Paige's feet shuffle.

"That doesn't matter, Manuella Skankos needs to get away from my boyfriend." I heard Alex stifle out a laugh, and I heard Paige mumble something about Alex touching her hand. I shook my head, and silently closed my compact setting it lightly into my make up bag.

Before I knew it I heard their feet shuffle out. I let out a sigh of relief, and hopped off of the toilet, shoving my make-up bag into my messenger bag. I closed the bag up, and noticed that something had fallen to the floor, I bent to pick it up, and noticed that it was a piece of paper. I shrugged, and opened it up figuring that it was mine. I let the paper go, it glided slowly to the floor. I put my messenger bag onto my shoulder quickly, opening the stall door and slamming it against the small metal box that kept the door closed. I stormed down the hallway, right as the bell rang. Simpson's class came shuffling out first, they all had packets talking about 'teen diseases' and what's healthy and what's not. Then it started.

"TAKE IT OFF!" A whistle here, a whistle there.. Where the hell was I, Old Mc Donald's farm?

I am... I am...
Cold.

I couldn't take it anymore, it was too much. Between the emotions that were running through my head from talking to Spinner, and realizing all of my feelings all over again, and everyone telling me to take it off... It was just to much. I felt myself get the chills as I darted towards the front doors, but they seemed miles away. I ran into a few kids that I knew, and I felt a cold sweat run down my forehead and the back of my neck. I felt my shirt get tighter, and the room get smaller, until it finally turned black.

Moments later I was in Spinner's arms, I blinked a few times. Spinner let out a sigh of relief, I turned to my left, Emma.. And Peter, Darcy with a worried look on her face. I looked up again... Spinner. Emma, Darcy, and Peter were pushed out of the way by Mrs. Hatzilakos who told Spinner to take me to the Nurse before I even thought of going home. Spinner nodded, helping me up.

"I told you if you needed anything, to come to me.. I just want you to know that I'll always be here Manny.." Spinner nodded to me. And I felt myself smile lightly as I came to my feet. I stumbled a bit, and put my arm around Spinner's waist as he put his arm around my shoulder.

"You weren't to far from the doors, so we're not to far from the office." He nodded.

I was closer to you back then.
I was happier, I was.

I sighed as he helped me sit down on one of the Nurse's chairs. She wasn't in there, so it was just the two of us. This made me nervous, I had just blacked out in the middle of the school, and Spinner Mason of all people had helped me. It didn't make much sense, and I didn't know what I was supposed to do to thank him. So I did what I knew would mean the world to me.

"Hey, Spinner?" I said, as he turned around. I patted the chair next to me, and like a puppy he sat down.

"Yeah?" He said, turning to face me.

"Thank you." I nodded, leaning in and giving him a quick kiss on the lips. Spinner smiled at me.

"No problem." He said with a smirk, as the Nurse walked in. I stole one last glance at Spinner, and sighed when the Nurse said that he needed to leave the room. The nurse and I talked for a while, and she ended up giving me a packet on stress.. Which I supposedly have. She also told me that I needed to eat, unless I wanted to pass out in the middle of Degrassi again. I nodded, reluctantly.

You are, taller than a mountain.
You are, deeper than the sea.
You are.

I took my time walking home that day, and was glad when I was finally there. I opened the door, I knew that there was no use yelling I'm home! because Mom and Dad are probably still at work. I let out a sigh, and shut the door before I heard a familiar tune. Hold Me by Weezer, which strangely enough was my text message ring. I raised a brow, and walked into my room. One New Text Message. I smiled, it was from Spinner. Just checking to see if you're home alright. If not call me, I'll pick you up.. I smiled, and shut my phone.

It's nice to know that someone really does care... I guess happiness just comes with a price.

Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely.
Hold me... Hold me...