James Potter walked into the Gryffindor Common Room, a man with a mission. Nothing was going to distract him, not even-

Ohh! Butterbeer!

James. Head in the game.

Right

"Sirius, I have a moral dilemma."

Never looking up from his comic book, The Adventures of Marty the Mad Muggle, he asked "Does it involve alcohol?"

James rolled his eyes "No."

Sirius, finally looking up, reiterated "Let me put that another way: does it require alcohol?"

The other boy considered this "Possibly."

"I'll listen, then. What is this quandary of biblical proportions?"

"I never called it-" James protested, but was immediately cut off by Sirius

"Oh, don't be all cavalier about your PROBLEM" his friend shouted this last word as loudly as he could, successfully catching the attention of everyone in the room (or at least everyone who wanted to hear about James Potter's thrilling 'problem') "Oh, sod off, bloody swots. So, James. Continue."

"It's Lily, Sirius."

"Yes, redhead, Head girl, lots of other head-related things. What about her?"

"She hates me."

"Of course she does." said Remus, who had just come down from the boy's seventh-year boy's dormitories with Peter trailing after him "You have succeeded in being a complete arsehat to her for the past seven years."

James sighed exasperatedly "Yes, mother. I understand that, but how to change it?"

"I don't know, James" Peter said seriously "but you better do it soon, because she will get you. She will find you and murder you."

"Wow, Pete" Sirius muttered "don't try and make it weird or anything."

"The weird thing is he's being serious." James groaned, covering his face with his hand "Sometimes I wish I was gay."

He laughed tensely while the rest of the common room was silent.

"You're kidding, right?" Remus asked, tentatively

"Oh, yeah, right, of course."

"Anyhow." Sirius said "If you wanna do something about Evans-"

The boy was cut off then by the very same Lily Evans entering the common room. James looked at her like a golden goddess; Sirius with disdain; Remus was picking at his nails, so he didn't even notice she was there until she passed right by them and said "Hey, James!"

As soon as she was up the stairs of her common room, Sirius muttered to the petrified-looking James "It's going to be a very interesting year."