Forced Responsibility Breakdown
Ryan walked over to Tom as Hal stormed away from him. She tapped the older man on the shoulder and smiled when he turned to her, "Don't take it personally. He's done that to about everyone, lately." At Tom's look of confusion, she continued, "He's been taking care of Matt and watching out for Ben. Then, he apparently has to make sure I'm okay out of some weird ex-boyfriendly guilt duty or something." The brunette rolled her eyes when she said that, "Hal basically stepped up to all your positions while you were gone. He's been dad, fighter, boyfriend, XO, and big brother all at once for months." Ryan finished as she saw realization bloom across the professor's face.
"It was fine at first. Everybody helped out, it was easy. But, then Fitchburg happened and we lost fighters, civilians, food and hope." She sighed, running her hand through her hair, remebering the bloodshed. "Now, it's been just trying to ge by and being able to move up and out in time. Then, Matt suddenly wanted to be a fighter, Ben was all gung-ho for the revenge train and Me…Well, let's just say that I'm not the easiest person to be around sometimes." She smiled, carefully and rubbed her elbow, nervously. "It was a lot to handle and this last week, he's been snapping at everybody, Weaver included." Ryan watched Hal out of the corner of her eye. He was grabbing coffee, that meant late patrol, again.
Tom followed her line of sight, "He snapped at Weaver, what in god's name for?" He asked, looking at his eldest. He took in the pale skin, the slump in his shoulders and the dark bags around his eyes. Tom almost didn't care because Weaver shouldn't have let things get this bad, Weaver should;ve watched out for his boys, like he promised he would. "What happened?"
"We scouted around a couple cities ahead once. Everything was clear, Weaver decided to send civilians ahead first." Ryan paused, she should be getting sleep, eating something. Not explaining the past months of hell to Tom, he should be just be glad he got away from it for a while, the teen sighed, "It was bad, Skitters and Mechs. They were everywhere and everybody got at least one hit, some a couple more. Their were no casualties, but Matt was on that convoy and the kid was pretty shaken after that, not to mention that nasty hit to his shoulder." Ryan noticed the look on Tom's face, "It was two or three stitches and he loves showing off that scar. But, I think that Hal thought that he was letting you down. He exploded at Weaver, told him that he was putting too many lives at risk, that he needed to think about what he was doing and was this close to accusing him of being an unfit captain." She almost laughed as how wide Tom's eyes went.
"What!, How has he not gotten in trouble, yet? Accusing Weaver of being unfit, that's insubordination." Tom ran his hand through his hair, sighing in disbelief. He noted the nervous look on Ryan's face, "God, what else happened?"
"Well…I didn't want him to get in for insubordination, like you said. He was kind of on a tyrant, so I may have, clocked him." Ryan said, quickly, "It was a small hit and he was only out for an hour." She squeaked, surprised when Tom laughed.
"God, Months. A couple months I was gone and everything went to hell." Ryan tensed and then laughed shortly. "Ok, so, Hal needs to sleep, Ben needs to talk and Matt needs to get rid of the idea of being a fighter." Tom said and Ryan nodded in assent, "I can help with Matt. But, I've given up on trying to get Hal to sleep for more than two hours and Ben is like a steel vault to everybody except Jimmy." She patted the older man on the shoulder, "I'll go talk to Matt, you should talk to Jimmy. Hal's got night shift." She stood on her feet, scanning for Matt, when Tom grabbed her arm gently, "Thanks, Ryan. I know that Hal probably wouldn't have made it without you. So, thanks." Ryan smiled, "It was nothing. I mean for some stupid reason, I care about him." She rolled her eyes and walked towards the youngest Mason with a huge smile.
Hal walked into his tent and kicked his stupid cot over and looked around for other things to kick because dammit, he was mad. And tired and upset and just really wanted to hit something or kick something. So, he kicked his bag that was in the corner and kept kicking across the room until somebody put a hand on his shoulder, "I'm pretty sure he's learned his lesson." He turned around to meet his dad's somewhat grinning face.
"That's funny. Getting kidnapped by aliens really gives you a sense of humor doesn't it?" Hal snapped, kicking the stupid bag one last time. The brunette scoffed and then went to storm his way out of the tent. But, Tom grabbed his arm and pulled him back, "Let me go, dad. I have a shift and I actually want to eat before that." Hal jerked his arm away and groaned in frustration when Tom grabbed his elbow again, "Stop that!" Hal shouted, jerking his arm away again, "I'm not a kid, anymore! You can't just pull me aside and go all Dad on me because things are getting a little rough." Hal snapped, again going to walk out of the tent. Tom grabbed his arm again and shoved him up against the wall of the tent.
"Ok, that. That's gonna stop now. That attitude towards Me and Weaver and apparently everybody else." Tom watched in disbelief as Hal scoffed. "What? You think that because you fight in a war, that because you think you're an adult, that you're actually an adult. Here's some news, kid. You're Not!. You're still a kid and I'm still your dad, Which means you have to listen to me. So, when I tell you to drop the attitude, I mean drop the attitude." Tom had never liked yelling at his kids, that had always been Rebecca's job. But, for some reason, actually yelling, actually parenting made things seem more normal. "Not now or later, I mean now."
Hal scoffed, "Really. You think I'm the kid you need to be lecturing." Hal's eyes were wide with indignation, "What about Ben who's suddenly decided that everything, including you, is a target. Now, him and Jimmy, they're hunting skitters. Matt is learning how to shoot and Ben's helping him." He smirked at Tom's look of disbelief, "Still think I need the talking-to." He pushed his dad away from him and stormed out.
Ryan, who had heard the whole exchange, grabbed Hal's arm as he stormed out of the tent, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Ryan asked, angry that he was able to just snap at everybody and talk about his brothers like that and just walk away like it was nothing. "I get that you're upset. You've been under a lot of pressure and it was bound to get to you, but, taking it out on everybody like this isn't fair, Hal." Her hazel-green eyes were wide and pleading with him. She could see the gears turning in his head and then he tensed.
"What's not fair about it? Tell me what's not fair about it, Ry?" Hal practically shouted, "Because from where I'm standing, everything else that's happened has been the furthest thing from fair that I've ever seen. I mean for god sakes Pope is practically running this troop! We're taking orders from a deranged criminal." Ryan could almost see the crack in the mask he had been wearing for months now and she didn't say anything for fear of it sealing up again. "We've lost more people in the past month than the whole career of the 2nd Mass. I mean, it's not only fighters, we've lost civilians, medics, children. We've lost so many children and I don't know what to do or what to say when I see their parents wandering around camp, dead inside because I couldn't save their kids." Hal shouted and then kept shouting. He slammed his gun to the ground and kicked the ground, kicked the gun away until it was far away and slid under one of the trucks.
Ryan reached forward to lay a hand on his shoulder and flinched back when he shouted again. "Or that my own brother can't look me in the eye. How about the fact that he can't stand me because he thinks I don't trust him. That I think that he doesn't have my back." Hal turned around and gripped the back of his neck with both hands and then was back around in a flash, pinning her down with those wild, hurting and oh so beautiful brown eyes. "Do you want to know the worst thing? The thing that keeps me up at night, sick to my stomach. It's that…that deep down I know, in the pit of my stomach that when Matt asked to have a gun last night, that he wasn;t doing it because he wanted to fight or because he wanted to be like me or dad or Ben. It's because…because I know he doesn't trust me to keep him safe anymore." Hal's voice quieted and his hands dropped to his sides, "I mean why would he? I couldn't look out for Ben and I let them take Karen and I was the one that let my dad get taken."
Ryan stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back and feeling the violent shakes that were wracking his frame. "Hal, why didn't you talk to me, talk to Maggie or Anne or anybody." Ryan could feel the tense muscles of his back and frowned, he was wound so tight, it was a wonder he hadn't had an outburst like this already. "You know that I'm always going to be there for you. No judgements, I wasn't going to force you into saying anything you weren't ready to say." Ryan said, voice firm because she could feel this last chance slipping through her fingers, this last chance to bring Hal back from the edge, that dangerous he had been toeing and looking over for a while now. "You know that you could've said anything, done anything and I would have been there for you. Why didn't you?, why didn't you just come to me at least once?" Ryan's grip tightened because the muscles in his shoulders and back, if it were even possible, got tighter. The fire inside her grew when Hal jerked away from her, mask firmly back on and cracks sealed up and deadbolted.
"Yeah, you were such a good shoulder to cry on. What was it you said when you broke up with me?" Hal paused and Ryan didn't know whether to be hurt or angy or both. "Oh yeah, That it was hard enough fighting next to me, That it'd be better if we just left each other alone because you didn't want to see me anymore." Ryan frowned, remembering how she thought her heart couldn't take seeing Hal and not being able to kiss him recklessly or throw her arms around him, feel his arms around her. "Yeah, Ry. So next time you want to play guardian angel think about that." Ryan froze as Hal stormed away from her, just like he had earlier with his dad.
Ryan stormed off after him, grabbing his shoulder. "I said leave me the hell alone, Ryan." Ryan scowled, ready to let him have it, just like he had been doing all week. She yanked him around, "Dammit, When are you…" Ryan's voice died out when Hal turned around and she saw his face. More specifically, his eyes, eyes that she had always been drawn to, were red-rimmed and dripping with tears that were leaving smudges on his dirt stained face. "Hal…" She reached up and used her thumb to wipe away the tears on his cheek. He jerked away from her, again, like it was becoming an instinct reaction.
"I meant it, Ryan. Leave me alone, you may be able to handle seeing me again. But, maybe, I just don't want to see you, anymore." The teen snapped at her, walking away from her, grabbing his gun and she just stood there, frozen and hating herself for it.
"Does he really think that?." Ryan looked behind her and saw Tom wearing a mixed look of concern, anger and disbelief on his face.
"Yeah, I guess." Ryan sighed, rubbing her face with her hands, "A lot went down while you were gone. Okay, I need to eat, so come with me and I'll fill you in there." She walked off with Tom following behind her, "I got to you warn you. Hal is definitely not the only Mason we have to worry about." She laughed at Tom's look of confusion, "Like I said, Ben jumped gung-ho on the revenge train. The way he talks about them, his hate for them. You can hear the venom in his voice."
"Hal told me that he's hunting them." Tom said, shaking his head. What the hell had happened to his boys. That was the one worry he had never had to entertain because he always thought that his boys would be there to look out for each other.
"If it helps, he never goes out on his own. He always bring Jimmy with him." Ryan smiled, "They're kind of like the dynamic duo, same with Hal and Maggie. They're not alone, they're just not with each other."
Tom knew that that sentence was supposed to make him feel better, but in reality, that sentence is what scared him the most.