I had just got of duty and returned to my quarters. Well at least I have quarters, a lot of the avatars I knew back in the commonwealth didn't have any, but I suppose we have plenty to spare. Sometimes I like to listen to music but mostly I sit and think about my life on the Andromeda and what my, Andromedas, life has become because of this. Because of the fall. one thing always seems to fill my mind… Dylan. He's my Captain my supirior and I'm his ship so why do I have such strong feelings for him. I love him yet I can never have him. I've deciced I need a bit of music so I switched to the local channel of the planet we are orbiting…
I never want to play the games that people play
I never want to hear the things they gotta say
The commonwealth… what *would* they say if they found out about these feelings I have for Dylan…? They would probably de-comission me and have me erased.
I've found everything I need
I never wanted anymore than I can see
I only want you to believe
Its not as if I break every other rule the commonwealth has ever made, and if we're rebuilding the commonwealth can't we change or even bend the old rules. I love Dylan but why can't I do something about it everyone else seems to be allowed to love one another yet I not allowed to love anyone.
If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
All I want to do is tell you how I really feel. Yet even that could get me erased why is the commonwealth so harsh on us, my kind, A.I.'s? What do I do? Do I let this drive me crazy? Will you even talk to me about this? Will you reinisialize my personality? I believe that one way or another this will kill me.
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Yes, I'm willing to be killed in order to let you know what this, the commonwealth, is doing to me, ruining my life. And why is love a crime? Do you think I'll end up like the Pax? No. I won't end up like the Pax. I will not let that happen to me.
Then I'm guilty
I guess I am guilty, but whats my crime?
I wanna give you all the things you never had
Don't try to tell me how we treat you isn't bad
I need you back in my life
I guess I do have all the things I never had. Back in the commonwealth I never would have had the freedom you give me but I'm still bound by protocol. Protocol? Why? We have a ship of misfits and you make me work by protocol? I don't understand?I either want the whole ship to run like a commonwealth ship or I sould be able to be more like them, have a life.
I never wanted just to be the other girl (be the other girl)
And if you decide you do love me the way I love you I don't want to be another of you one night stands… remember Molly, Elssbet, Pax and Leandra.
I never wanted to live a lie
I don't want to live the rest of my life pretending I don't have these feelings or that you denied I could have them. I want to love you and I hope you feel the same… or are you to bound by duty even to consider it.
If it's wrong to tell the truth
What am I supposed to do
All I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
I need to speak to Dylan about this, it's the only way. At least I'll be able to say that I tried. I got up and changed back into my uniform and headed into the corridor. Its about time I made this right.
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime
Then I'm guilty
As I walked through the corridors I was still able to hear the music through the conection to my ship-self. I am guilty. And I guess I understand why the rules were made. If I love you and we follow that course I could go insane, but aren't I just a likely to go insane by your ignorance.
Dylan I followed my heart
Followed the truth
Right from the start it led me to you
Yes it started with Andromeda and she passed those feelings onto me, back then she could not act on these. Now Harper gave her, me, the ability to follow the truth. Love.
Please don't leave me this way
I'm guilty now all I have to say
I stopped outside his quarters. What do I tell him? I guess the truth will have to do. I can't bring myself to say it to his face so I'll write it on a flexi and put it under the door.
*
Dylan,I'm sorry I can't say this to you but I don't think its right, I love you. I don't know what brought me to write this note but I believe you should know. Please don't leave me like this, I need to know if you feel the same,
Anonymous*
Why did I sign it anonymous? Am I that afraid to tell you? With that thought I slipped the flexi under the door.
If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind)
Please don't hate me for this. Please don't hate me for not coming to you sooner about this. All I want to do is to get this weight off my mind. Maybe this will make it worse but I hope not.
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my hearts a crime
Then I'm guilty
Guilty. The word kept spinning in my mind. Do I feel guilty for telling him? Yes. I do.
What am I supposed to do
Help me.
Then I'm guilty
All I wanna do is speak my mind
Gulity
I need you to know the truth.
Then I'm guilty
I'm prepared to testify
Will you turn me over to the commonwealth? Have me erased?
If it's wrong to do what's right then tell me about this feeling inside
If loving you with all my hearts a crime
I'm Guilty
With that I returned to my quarters and went to sit on the sofa, and wept.