The Twilight of Haruhi Suzumiya
Now, I actually got the idea for this from a review...A rather strange area to strike the muse to write a story, but whatever inspiration can be found anywhere I guess. This was originally going to be a oneshot, but it's a little to big to contain in just one chapter now so it will be broken up into a few parts instead. I hope you enjoy it and also, please review. If you don't Haruhi will get mad and you know what will happen then, don't you!
The sun was especially bright today. The clouds floated lazily across the sky like a fat guy at a public pool. I don't know why I was looking at the sky, maybe it was because I was having one of those 'escape the harshness of reality' moments. Moments that a certain someone vehemently wished would happen. And no I'm not talking about myself. I may not be entirely pleased with my life but I'm still more than happy to keep things as they are, as opposed to having a certain someone change the entire world at will.
Now, this certain someone I've been talking about...She isn't a special someone, well I mean she is technically quite special but not in a personal way. Just because I happened to have locked lips with this certain someone like once time before doesn't mean anything! I was forced into it! And besides-Hang on where was I going with this? Oh who cares, just remember that this special person is pretty much a nightmare to co-exist with.
And so we come to the centre of this shrubbery maze as that certain someone bursts through the door, practically knocking it off of its hinges. There is a sparkle of hyperactive excitement in her eyes like a toddler on a sugar high. I know for a fact that when this person's eyes sparkle bad things are bound to happen. I guess bad things always sparkle. A knife sparkles, I know fairly well about that too. A car about to crash usually shines and sparkles. Hmm, maybe I'm onto something here, but it will have to wait for now. That person has just opened her mouth. This will be loud...
"Hey guys! Sorry I'm late!" Yeah...It was loud.
Why apologise for being late? You should be apologising for actually showing up! I guess you can tell that this girl is a real pain in the ass can't you? God, am I that transparent? Well maybe I should fill you in.
This girl's name is Haruhi Suzumiya. She's a bouncy ball of fire that tends to burn those too close to her...And I've got third degree burns. She was originally a completely unsociable girl who wouldn't speak to anyone unless spoken to and even then she would shut them down with just a few words. Then, by some unknown miracle (Or curse) she actually began to converse with someone. Guess who? Yeah it was me...
Now usually I would be overjoyed that a pretty young girl is talking to me, but Haruhi isn't your normal girl. In fact some people think she's a God. They also think she's a time/space warp or something confusing like that as well. She has also been likened to the key to auto-evolution. You're probably scratching your head right now and I don't blame you. I was once like you. I was once an innocent bystander wondering what the Hell was going on. Then I found out...Now I'm even more confused.
You see Haruhi supposedly has the ability to alter our world in any way she sees fit just by dreaming about it. Now I shouldn't really say supposedly because I've seen it happen first-hand but admittedly I'm still rather cynical of her 'abilities'. Now Haruhi has no idea that she has this power, but other people do. And surprisingly quite a few of them attend the same high school.
That brings me to where I am currently trapped. This is the Literary Club room, but before you ask, no I'm not an avid reader. No, this is supposed to be the literary club room, but thanks to our Miss Suzumiya it is now the SOS Brigade headquarters. The SOS Brigade, or the 'Save the World by Overloading it with fun Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade' for short. The completely meaningless yet time-consuming club that I was forced to join.
Sitting in the corner was Yuki Nagato. She was reading a book thick enough and heavy enough to use as a weapon. She did not move a muscle, except for a slow graceful flick of her fingers as she turned pages every now and then. Nagato could easily go unnoticed and take it from me; I've missed her quite a few times myself. She is the sole member of the literary club but ever since Haruhi's hostile take-over she has silently and obediently tagged along in everything we have done. She does have the slight oddity of being an alien. Yes you read right, she's an alien. Created by something called the Data Overmind as a way to communicate with humans and monitor Miss Suzumiya's behaviour. Her mannerisms are more befitting of a robot, but she looks like a life-size china-doll. As usual she paid no heed as to what was actually going on and just sat there reading.
Sitting across from me at the block of desks assembled in the centre of the room was Itsuki Koizumi, smiling arrogantly like always. You don't know how much it pisses me off. Even when I tell him how much I hate it, his smile just grows bigger as if I'm feeding the damn thing! He is always smiling and he always has this air of confidence around him as if everything is always going fine. Maybe I'm envious of him. Actually no, I just hate that god damn smile! He's an esper. I've seen him and his powers at work so I'm basically forced to believe it. We are playing checkers. It's been a custom for the SOS Brigade to do absolutely nothing at least 90% of the time and so we just sit around drinking tea and playing board games.
Speaking of tea, a cup was laid down before me by a beautiful, baby-faced, time-travelling angel in a maid outfit. Ah, Mikuru Asahina. The only real reason why I actually keep crawling back to this room every day after school. She always looks upset or nervous, but that only makes her so damn cute that I want to reach out and- Um...Forget about that. Anyway, Haruhi has a strange obsession with using Miss Asahina as something of a mannequin. There is an entire rack full of costumes that have been forced upon the sweet little second-year, but the maid outfit is one she has taken to wearing everyday out of habit (and Haruhi's threats). I'm not complaining though. That outfit and Miss Asahina's petite yet well-endowed figure are really quite fetching and seem to cure most of life's ailments. It even calms me after Haruhi's outbursts every now and then! Such is the power of her sweet smiling face.
Now I've gone a bit off track haven't I? I'm rambling like a damn fool. If you aren't already asleep remember me saying something about Miss Suzumiya bursting through the door like a fire-cracker and needlessly apologising? Well that wasn't all she said.
With a great beaming smile and a triumphant pose, Haruhi declared that, "Today we are going to watch a movie!"
Yay.
"I was at the DVD store the other day and you won't believe what I found in the bargain bin!"
"Was it our movie?" I asked sarcastically.
Haruhi winked at me and giggled. Damn it why does her laugh have to sound so cute? But remember, it's a trap! Everything involving Haruhi is a trap! Anyway Haruhi let out a cheerful little giggle like a regular schoolgirl and grinned.
"Yep!"
Oh that's nice...Hang on! What do you mean 'yep'? What is our movie doing there?
"I sold them a few copies a while back! I can't believe they are actually selling them!" Haruhi seemed overly pleased with herself. Koizumi clapped, supporting her as always like a teacher's pet. Bastard...
As usual Nagato was still deeply immersed in her book and most likely not even listening to a single word Haruhi is saying. I admire her courage. I wish I could do that, but whenever I start spacing out I either get hit, verbally abused or charged with paying for everyone's meal.
But despite Nagato's utter indifference, Miss Asahina on the other hand looked on the verge of collapse, her cheeks burning red. "W-wait! You mean it's for sale?"
"Uh-huh!" Haruhi chirped.
Asahina's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell down, her tray of tea cluttering to the floor. I rushed over to see to her while Haruhi danced around and cheered.
"Our little actress was so excited that she passed out! See Kyon, that's the dedication you need for the SOS Brigade!"
I stared at her blankly. "I don't think she was excited, I think she just died of embarrassment! It was painful enough showing that thing at the arts festival but now more people will see it."
"It was cheap too. A real bargain, they slashed 70% off!" As usual, Haruhi ignored me and only listened to what she wanted to hear before spouting off more senseless drivel.
But as embarrassing as that movie was, I must admit I feel rather disheartened that it was sent to the bargain bin. Wait, what am I saying? It deserves to be there. People won't pay good money to see a mediocre movie with no plot and character development so retarded you would swear it was written by a three year old. Not to mention the special effects were just cartoony graphics found on a simple computer program and little to no editing was actually done, rather just all the shots were crammed together in random order and labelled a movie.
"And since they were all so cheap I bought a bunch of other movies as well!" Haruhi reached inside a little plastic bag and pulled out a dozen or so DVD's like a cheesy musician pulling a rabbit out of a hat. She held them out in a fan shape as if she were playing poker. The one in front was titled 'Twilight'. It sounded rather dull, but Haruhi noticed my expression and decided to defend herself.
"This one is awesome! It's about vampires!"
"Have you seen it before?" I asked.
"Nope." Haruhi said flatly.
"Well then how do you know its good then?"
"Woman's intuition." Haruhi stated proudly.
I wish I could have laughed, but that was just too stupid to process into words. I guess my scepticism was still etched into my face because Haruhi angrily crossed her arms and glared at me. "Come on! We're going to watch a movie!"