This is a crackfic I wrote a few days after finishing Code Geass for the first time.

I am so sorry.

-BAA

Lloyd Asplund couldn't look.

Covering his trembling lips with his quivering hand, Lloyd was close to vomiting in disgust and disappointment. He turned his head and closed his eyes, counting to three before he faced the void that was the cold, unforgiving refrigerator. Maybe something would be different. Maybe he would find solace again.

Maybe there would be pudding th-NOPE.

He was close to crying at this point, and, wincing, he felt the whites of his eyes strain as he pulled every morsel one by one out of the fridge stained with perpetual hatred for him. They weren't behind the olives, or the milk, or Cecile's stupid dumbass hippy dippy juice blend of kale and figs and soil. Not in the shelf next to the ketchup or Suzaku Kurugi's Danimals smoothies Cecile packed in his lunch. No.

They weren't anywhere.

The pudding.

His pudding.

It was-

"GONE!" Lloyd wailed, slamming the fridge door so hard that all of Suzuki Kurukia's crayon drawings fell right off, fluttering helplessly to the ground the follow the scientist's descent to the oak floor. With this, he sputtered, "All gone…"

Banging his fists softly against the floor, he couldn't help but shudder at the idea at someone stealing one of his precious pudding cups, the last one no less. The thought of the tantalizing vanilla cup in someone else's mitts made him shed a single tear, a tear that reflected the transgressions of this sinful world in which it was totally okay to steal what was rightfully his.

His pudding.

"G-Gone…"

He hunched over in his ball of angst and starvation, feeling his gullet slowly wither away with every second deprived of artificial flavoring. Feeling every thread of his being slipping into this inescapable hole of hellish nothing, the scientist knew he had to do something.

And fast.

As per usual, he came to the consensus to call Cecile to do that something for him.

"Cecile!" he bellowed down the corridor of the military base he and his [basically mom] assistant resided in, alongside their Knightmare tester and guinea pig in everything, Suzumba Kombucha. Huffing at the silence, Lloyd blew a stray piece of lavender hair out of his face and ascended to his knees with, "Ceciiiiiiiile! We don't have any pudding, Cecile! We need to get some more!"

Pushing up his glasses, he groaned at the very thought of standing up from his egg of angst. Once more, "CECIIIIIIILE! I'M DYING!"

And within a matter of seconds, Cecile came with a band of morticians, a pre-made coffin, a hurse, and her lawyer, along with a will the scientist didn't fully recall writing. Lloyd was rather impressed to see the coffin had the perfect measurements, if not disturbed as all hell.

There before him, as implored for, was Cecile Croomy, who sprinted to his location at the speed of light at the very thought of his death and the apparent willingness to sacrifice all of his royal family inheritance to his loyal servant as his final written death wish.

"OH…GOD, LLOYD…" Cecile got down on her knees to annunciate every syllable as she felt Lloyd's forehead, then his pulse, then held his face firmly in her hand, gripping his pale cheeks tightly. Dramatically, she inquired, "ARE…YOU OKAY? I HEARD YOU WERE DYING AND-"-completely not forced at all sniffle-"I RAN HERE…AS SOON AS I CAN…BECAUSE I CARE…FOR…"-completely didn't look at the smudged writing on the wrist-"YOU WITH ALL…I…HAVE…AND WHEN YOU DIE…"-look again and sniffle, this time wrapping arms furiously around Lloyd as if he was a being remotely capable of embracing-"I PROMISE TO…DONATE YOUR MONEY TO CHARITY…AND BURY YOU UNDER THE…"-Cecile, at this point, realized that rehearsal is, like, really important-"NICEST, SHADIEST TR-"

"Cecile!" Lloyd tossed off his assistant's bizarrely tight grip around him. Almost suffocating. How strange. "I'm not dying!"

The team of morticians all looked at each other, raising eyebrows, and quickly left the military base, knowing they were most certainly needed elsewhere in the anime. Looking back at Lloyd, Cecile asked, this time in her normal voice, "What?"

Lloyd rolled his eyes and pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Don't sound too disappointed, now." he huffed.

"Then…" Cecile looked around, seeing there were no weapons of mass destruction or mentally astray Britainians in their fifty-foot radius. "Then why did you say you were?"

"Because, well, if you'd wish to get technical," Lloyd, with a wheeze, stood up, with Cecile following suit. He opened the fridge, gesturing at the disappointing lack of cornstarch and vanilla extract. Come to think of it, there was nothing terribly unhealthy in their fridge. They even had calorie-free water. "I'm dying emotionally due to the lack of pudding."

Cecile, much to Lloyd's unpleasant surprise, shrugged her shoulders with a deadpan, "So?"

"…What…" Lloyd sputtered, "What do you mean 'so'?"

"Well, like," Cecile peered more into the fridge with, "What's the big deal if we don't have any pudding?"

At this statement, Lloyd felt like his soul had ascended to another dimension in the hopes of escaping the feral world he so lived in at that moment where no one cared for his desperate longing for his favorite one-hundred calorie delight.

Cecile, gesturing the scientist to move aside, peered further into the fridge.

"We actually don't have too much, more than just pudding," Cecile hummed, "Looks like a trip to the store needs to be made. No seaweed chips, no tofu anything…no gluten-free bread-bites for Suzambini's lunch…"

"And no pudding!" Lloyd repeated, chipping right in. Cecile whirled her head around towards the scientist and huffed.

She rolled her eyes, inquiring, "Are you really that adamant about getting pudding?"

Lloyd nodded, wincing. Cecile took out the maybe/probably forged will and flipped it over, pulling a pen out of her front pocket and jotted down all of the missing contents from the vegan refrigerator, and hastily scribbled "pudding" at the very bottom. She handed the slip to Lloyd, huffing, "Well, in that case, why don't you do the shopping?"

He gasped.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Lloyd stuttered, "S-S-Sho-"

"Yes. Shop-ping." Cecile annunciated, handing Lloyd his wallet, "I always do the groceries. It's your turn."

"B-But why-"

"Because I don't know what type of pudding you want."

"Vanil-"

"Eh. I'm not in the mood. I go once a week, and you haven't gone once. So," Cecile retorted repeating, "It's your turn. If you want pudding so badly, go get it yourself, and get everything else on the list while you're at it to kill two birds with one stone."

Cecile walked down the corridor while finally adding, "If you have any questions on what to get or if you're confused with how to use your credit card, please hesitate to call me."

With a whoosh, she was gone, leaving the pudding-deprived scientist alone by the cold, heartless refrigerator. And with a moan, he looked down at the shopping list, only to faint at the sight of at least seventy different items crammed before him on that sheet with "pudding" in the faintest of margins.

Lloyd Asplund just couldn't look.