Oh, Just Passing By
Note and Disclaimer: Have to say this every time, but I don't own the storylines, plots and characters of M*A*S*H. I just like writing about its characters, like this new series I'm starting…
It had been another ordinary day at the new unit I've been stationed at, the 4077th M*A*S*H. The daytime has been busy (especially in these last days of summer), the nighttime equally noisy, and yet…yet, there is no middle ground, I think, as I walk through the compound, watching its inhabitants once more. Most people here have found no peace amongst themselves and throw their bodies and souls to the life that I was once told to never indulge in.
Yet, I shouldn't talk.
Of course, after that weekend in Tokyo with Nurse Dish (and ignoring her the whole time as I walked through the wonderful parks and met many people), I think that I understand this bunch a little more than I thought I would. I mean, how would have thought that me, of all people, would party like the rest of the boys and console the girls when they've had some heartbreak? Who would have thought that I, called Father Mulcahy, would understand more and be shocked by less?
Well, it all can't always be that way. They know I'm different from them and that makes them clam up.
Pondering upon this senseless thing in which we call a war (and all the way here in the Republic of Korea, surely), all I can imagine are the faces of those orphan children I saw the other day at Saint Theresa's. They were hopeful, calm even, as they were first introduced to me and played with me, instantly trusting a man of the clothe. I enjoyed myself naturally, but they were but a small distraction from the real people of this war, the people who save the lives of the soldiers fighting the battles that the children see the destruction and even aftermath of.
Soon enough, though, I've done a complete circuit of the camp and feel a little bored. I've already read my Bible through, especially to the last Catholic soldier wounded and sent here, so I thought it best to run the outlines of it again. I didn't think it'd hurt and it would keep my mind off of the anger I've always felt, especially in seeing the demolition of human life. I could always hit a bag with my gloves for a while, but with the suppressed resentment hidden inside of me, I couldn't afford to buy another bag.
Oh, Lord, give me strength in these days to come! Let me see the light. Show me that I shouldn't be so angry!
I walked through the back of tents, zigzagging here and there and not paying attention to where I was going. Before I knew it, without thinking, I tripped over the back of someone's lawn chair. When I got up and saw who it was, I apologized profusely. After all, the two doctors I came across – Captains Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper McIntyre – were all but lifesavers in this camp. They were the best that the Army could afford, even if they were merry pranksters and lovely company.
"Don't worry about it, Father," Trapper said to my apologies. "Here, come have a seat. We're about to see a show in a minute."
"What kind of show is it?" I asked (refusing to sit down), sounding more naïve than I really am.
"Oh, the best kind there usually is," Hawkeye added, sounding a little mischievous. "You'll see in a minute."
"Is it ready now?" Ugly John, who they call a "gas passer" here, comes up from behind me. "Are they in yet?"
"I'm pretty sure they are," replied "Spearchucker" Jones, another surgeon here. "The second performance will soon be upon us!"
"Ok, then the show is about to start!" Hawkeye announced, which suddenly gathered a crowd of more men, Corporal Klinger (in his new pink dress) and Colonel Blake included.
"Ok, Igor!" Trapper than called out to the man at the left, who held an axe in his hands. "Cut the rope and make it look good!"
"Ready, set…" Spearchucker whispered.
"GO!" All of the men in the company (even Colonel Blake!) yelled as Igor cut the rope and…
Within seconds, screams of fright filled my ears. I turned towards the noise to see who it was, but only saw a flash of naked flesh before my eyes. And that was enough for me to know what it was, thank you!
My mouth gaped open. "I…I…I…oh, my…"
"What was that, Father?" Ugly John asked me, putting a reassuring hand on my shoulder as naked women filed past us through the huge hole in their shower tent, towels around their bare bodies. "Are you all right? Looks like you've seen a ghost!"
"I…I…I…I have to go!" It was all I could blurt out amidst the laughter, catcalls and screams, coming from all sides of the aisle. "I have someplace to be!"
I walked away quickly, intent on heading back to my tent and rereading the Bible again. Surely, it would take my mind off of what I saw that day. Not to mention, it would put more mercy in my heart for those men, who not only embarrassed those nurses once more (seeing as how they did before, but aimed it towards Major Houlihan), but also would have to face their wrath soon enough. I also would not want to be there when Major Houlihan comes storming in and demands that something be done.
"Gee, what's his problem?" Trapper asked everyone as I walked away, and I knew that he was referring to me.
"Well, he's a priest," Spearchucker suggested.
"Not only that, gentlemen," Hawkeye added. "Father Mulcahy is an inspiration to us all. He has given us some hope out there, proving that man himself cannot be aroused by the beauty of a new nurse."
"So, he was just passing by?" Ugly John then asked.
"If you want to say that," I mumbled, so that nobody can hear me. "Oh, yes, I was just passing by and saw what I didn't need to see. And I don't want to see any more naked bodies, men or women, for a long time!"