This is a Curtis sister fic that is being co-written by Xocrazililkelox and RileysMomma. We're going out of our way to keep her from becoming a MarySue and from falling prey to cliche sister!fic plot devices. We sincerely hope you enjoy it.
DISCLAIMER: We do not own the Outsiders nor are we profiting financially from this work in any way.
Author's Note: This fic is being posted as part of "Good Fic Day," an effort to raise the quality of writing here. We hope to encourage more writers to improve the quality of their own fan fiction - spell check, grammar check, keep the gang in character, outline, plot and don't use Mary Sues. Good fan fiction requires effort, and we would like to encourage other writers to rise to the challenge of producing better fan fiction, not only for our readers, but for S.E. Hinton, who created the wonderful book we are trying to honor.
Many thanks to our wonderful beta, ShotgunOpera, who rocks hard core.
Chapter1
Saturday May 7th, 1966:
Sarah smoothed the invisible wrinkle on her skirt as she walked down the long hallway next to Darry. "Maybe Ponyboy should wait out here," she suggested, glancing up at her brother. "At least until we're sure things are okay."
"Pony should see Gram just like the rest of us should see Gram," Darry told her - despite the fact that he himself was feeling the same reservations. The last couple of times he had brought Sarah down to the nursing home to pick up and drop off the laundry, their grandmother had seemed a little ... off.
She sucked in a breath when they stopped in front of their grandmother's room at the nursing home. She nervously played with the cross around her neck as she looked back at her younger brothers. Sodapop was little on edge and Ponyboy was quiet - which wasn't normal for either one of them. "Darry, maybe you should warn them, just in case."
Darry shook his head. He knew it was likely just wishful thinking on his part but he really hoped that this would be one of her good days and that she'd have a decent grip on reality.
Sarah stood by in the doorway while her brothers walked past into her the room. Darry walked over to her first, bending down beside her chair and kissing her cheek.
"Hey, Gram," he greeted. His hopes for a normal visit were dashed when she looked up at him with a blank expression, almost as if she didn't recognize who he was.
Sarah linked her free arm with Ponyboy's and looked cautiously toward her grandmother. Margaret Daniels sat in her chair near the window, looking much like she had for Sarah's entire life. But Sarah could almost tell by the vacant look in her grandmother's eyes when she looked at her older brother that this was going to be one of those bad days, the ones she was almost desperate to keep hidden from Ponyboy - and even from Soda.
"Darrel?" she asked, glancing at him. "Where's my Sarah?"
"She's right over there, Gram," Darry said, pointing over to where his sister was standing with their younger brothers. He was beginning to think Sarah had been right and they should have had the boys wait out in the hallway; this was going to be one of those bad days. Their grandmother had always called her Sarah Margaret - never Sarah or any other nickname - from the day she was born. She'd called their mother Sarah.
Sodapop glanced over at her, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion, and she tried to give him a reassuring smile before responding to their grandmother. "How are you feeling, Gram?" Sarah asked, letting go of Ponyboy's arm and moving towards the window. An emotional lump was growing in her throat and the more she tried to swallow it down the more it seemed to grow.
"There you are dear," Margaret said, smiling as she kissed Sarah's cheek. She looked past her and then back at her, a confused look on her face. "Who are these young men and where are my grandchildren?" Sarah bit back a sob as soon as she heard Ponyboy gasp. She wanted to kick herself; she knew she should have fought harder to make Darry let the boys stay home - or at least wait for them in the hall. It was bad enough for the two of them to have to have her think they were their parents; Soda and Pony really didn't need to have to witness it.
"They're Sodapop and Ponyboy, Mom," Sarah said, feeling guilty for playing along. She didn't want to be the one to push her over the edge completely by telling her that her daughter had passed away - again. "You probably can't tell because they were little boys the last time you saw them. They've grown up into handsome young men, haven't they?"
"Oh, that's right," she said, looking at her two youngest grandchildren with a confused expression on her face. "Sarah, where are Darry and Sarah Margaret? Why didn't they come with you?"
Sarah heard a strangled noise come from one of her younger brothers - she thought it might have been Soda but she couldn't be sure - and fought to keep her composure.
Fortunately, Darry realized that she wasn't going to be able to answer her and stepped in to do it for her.
"No, not this time, Margaret," he said, shooting an apologetic look back to his younger brothers. "Maybe next time."
Her grandmother glanced at her and Sarah plastered a smile on her face, determined to keep up the charade. "Are you and your sister still bickering?" their grandmother asked, pointing an accusing finger at Sodapop.
Sodapop looked to Sarah for some indication as to what he should say. He might have been the most annoying little brother ever to walk the face of the planet, but it still broke her heart to see the anguished look on his face. She took a deep breath, steeling herself to try to be convincing and held her hand out to her little brother, nodding to let him know that it was okay to answer her.
"We're getting along a lot better now." Sodapop said, running his hand through his greasy hair and then wiping it on his jeans when he'd realized what he'd done.
"Good. You know the way you two are fighting just about kills your mother. You make her feel like the middleman in a tug-of-war."
Sarah felt Ponyboy whimper beside her and took hold of his arm again, trying to offer him some small amount of comfort. She was going to have a long talk with Darry ... the boys had already been through enough, they shouldn't have to be subjected to this too.
"Yes ma'am, I know," Soda said, his voice strained as he looked over at Sarah. "We're trying a lot harder to get along now."
Sarah shot Darry a look to encourage him to change the subject, anything to try to make it easier for the two choked up boys beside her.
"Gram, did Ponyboy tell you he got moved up a grade?" Darry asked, trying to lighten the conversation.
Margaret's eyes lit up a little at that piece of information.
"Really now?" she asked, smiling at her youngest grandson. "You always were a smart little thing, Ponyboy."
Sarah felt Soda flinch beside her and tightened her grip on his hand. She knew that it had always bothered him that all three of his siblings had been good in school when he hadn't been. She felt bad for him; it wasn't his fault he'd taken after their father that way and it certainly didn't make him stupid the way he thought it did.
Ponyboy gave her a little smile." I -I'm thinking about going for track."
"And into sports like your big brother, too," she said, looking from Ponyboy to Soda. "What about you Sodapop? How are your classes going?"
Soda flinched next to his sister again. He wasn't entirely sure how to answer their grandmother's question. He got the impression that telling her he'd dropped out of high school to help Darry support the family wasn't a good idea.
Sarah sighed in relief when an orderly walked into the room and announced that visiting hours were over. She glanced at the clock on the wall to see that it indeed said six o'clock. She'd known they should've left the house earlier - but a big part of her was grateful that they hadn't. Just those few minutes they'd spent with their grandmother were probably more than Soda or Pony could really handle.
She pushed her younger brothers forward to get them to kiss their grandmother goodbye. She was fairly certain that, after this episode, it was probably going to be the last time they would be visiting - at least if she had any say so in the matter. They hesitated, but they each bent over to kiss her cheek, the smell of her perfume making both of them choke up - it was the same fragrance their mother had worn.
"I'll see you next week, Sarah?" her grandmother asked as the orderly helped her back to her bed after Sarah had kissed her goodbye and stepped out of the way.
"Of course, Mom," she told her, a fake smile on her face to mask the agony that calling someone other than her own mother "mom" caused her. "It'll be just us girls."
Darry took one look at Sarah and knew it was time to get her out of there. She'd done a good job holding it together for the boys, but even his tough little sister had a breaking point. He kissed their grandmother goodbye and ushered the three of them out, signaling for them to keep their mouths shut until they were back outside. The last thing he wanted was for their grandmother to overhear them and end up having another breakdown. She'd all but lost touch with reality after the accident and playing along with her was the least they could do. He didn't think any of them could handle being responsible for delivering the blow that sent her completely over the edge.
* * * * *
Nothing much was said after they left the nursing home. No one was really in the mood to talk. After a simple dinner, Sarah locked herself in her bedroom for the night. Dallas was outside in the living room lying low after another fight with his on again and off again girlfriend, Sylvia, and she was too emotionally exhausted to go head to head with him. Once behind her locked door, she wrapped herself in her mother's bathrobe and lay down on her bed to let her tears fall. She hated to admit it, even if only to herself, but the visits with her grandmother sucked the life and energy right out of her. She was drained. It had taken everything she had in her not to break down like a baby when her grandmother hadn't recognized Soda and Pony. And then when she'd been forced to call her "Mom" instead of "Gram" ... it had nearly killed her.
There was a knock on her door and Sarah groaned, wondering why, for once in her life, she couldn't just be left alone. "Hey, Sarah?" That was Soda's voice. "Me and Steve are going to the Double, wanna come?"
"No thanks, Sodapop," Sarah said, wiping her eyes. "Y'all have fun."
"You sure?" He was persistent and Sarah sighed, reminding herself that he just trying to cheer her up and not intentionally being a pain in the rear end. "You can even invite Sheldon."
"Yes!" she snapped, a little harsher than she'd intended. She took a deep breath and got better control of her voice. "I'm sorry, Soda; I'm not feeling too well."
"I think Pony and Johnny are going to come, too," he said, ignoring the way Steve was rolling his eyes at his persistence and trying to pull him away from the door.
Sarah felt a small smile touch the corners of her mouth. If both of her younger brothers were going to the drive-in, she would have the house to herself. Saturday night was Darry's one free night a week that he actually tried to go out and do something fun. She knew for a fact that he had plans that particular night with a cute secretary he'd met in his boss's office.
"Have fun, and while you're at it," she said from her place on her bed, "take Dallas with you."
Soda knew something was up with his sister when she told them to take Dallas to the movie with them. Everyone took for granted that Dallas pretty much came and went as he pleased - even Sarah. If she was telling him to take Dallas with them, she really wanted to be left alone.
"Why?" She heard Dallas from the other side of the door. "She wants to be left alone with Sheldon for the night?"
Sarah scowled. She didn't have any intention of inviting Roger over while her brothers were gone. She was planning to take advantage of having the place completely to herself by locking herself in the bathroom to take a long, hot bubble bath without interruption or having a time limit placed on her. That was her personal idea of heaven.
"Come on man, let's go," Sodapop said, giving up on trying to persuade his sister to join them.
"You know, Sarah Margaret, just because I go to the movies with your brother don't mean I'll stay there," Dallas told her, giving her door a thump with his fist.
She stuck her tongue out at her bedroom door but smiled triumphantly when she heard his heavy boot steps heading down the hall.
* * * * *
A few hours later, relaxed after a long hot soak in a tub full of Mr. Bubble with a trashy romance novel, Sarah sat on the couch with a cup of hot tea, watching an old late night movie with the lights out - except for the porch light. Darry was still out on his date and Ponyboy was still out with Sodapop at the drive-in. She snuggled into her mother's bathrobe and pulled the old wool blanket over her lap before curling into the corner of the couch to enjoy a movie in peace and quiet for a change.
She rubbed her eyes when she heard footsteps coming up the porch. She looked over to see that the TV screen was back to the test pattern and realized that she must have fallen asleep during the movie. She stretched sleepily as Darry came through the door and flipped the switch to turn on the small lamp on the end table. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her and she gave him a sleepy smile, having forgotten what she was wearing - at least until she saw his reaction.
"How was the date?" she asked, choosing to ignore the look he was giving her as she sat up on the couch.
He shook his head, trying to block out the memory of the Mother's Day morning just the year before when the four of them had presented their mother with the brand new fuzzy pink terry cloth bathrobe to replace the old one she'd worn for years.
"Darry ..."
"The date was fine," he said, trying to pretend that he wasn't bothered by what he saw. "Donna seems like a nice girl."
She sighed, pulling a lose strand of hair behind her ear. "But you're not going to see her again, right?"
He gave her a tired look. They'd been over it a hundred times - he didn't really have time for a serious girlfriend - not when he had three teenagers to take care of. He didn't remind her of the last part too often and when he did he usually dropped that number down to two. She hated being lumped into the "kid" category with her younger brothers.
"Did I say that?"
"You didn't have to," Sarah told him, giving him an exasperated look.
She winced when he flipped the switch to turn on the overhead light before placing his jacket on the coat rack. She glanced at the clock it was eleven-thirty. "No plans with Roger tonight?" he asked, doing his best to change the subject.
"No, I never get the house to myself. I wanted to enjoy it. Can't I stay home without there being a crisis?"
He rolled his eyes at her and walked over to the couch, sitting down at the opposite end from her, turning so he could look at her face to face.
"You wanna tell me what's going on?" he asked, pointing to the bathrobe she was wearing. "Or are you going to make me guess?
She glanced down at the old wool blanket covering her lap. "Not really," she told him.
"This is about what happened with gram today, isn't it?" It came out more as a statement than a question but Sarah still nodded. Darry sighed and pulled her feet onto his lap. "I know it's hard for you to have to call her 'Mom' ..."
"Really, Darry," she said, looking him in the eyes. Sarah knew her brother had enough burdens as it was and he seemed to be in a good mood; she didn't want to bring him down with her. "I just wanted a night alone. Would you rather I invited Roger over?"
"Sarah Margaret, you know as well as I do that you don't pull out Mom's bathrobe just because you wanted a night alone," he told her, holding on to her foot when she tried to pull it away from him. "Talk to me, honey. I can't help make it better if I don't know what's wrong."
Sarah let out a shaky breath and glanced back down at the blanket. "You obviously know what's bothering me. So what's talking about it going to do?" she asked, feeling tears burn her eyes.
Darry gave her an exasperated look. He wasn't stupid; he knew there were lots of things that bothered Sarah that she kept to herself because she didn't want to make him worry about her too. She couldn't get it through her head that he worried about her anyway - and he worried even more when he knew she was hiding things from him.
"I don't think this feeling," Sarah said, speaking up, "this grief ever goes away. And seeing Gram like that ... and having her think I'm Momma ... and then Ponyboy and Soda saw her like that and... and ... Darry we can't do that to them again. It ain't fair."
"I know, I was just hoping she'd be having a better day," Darry said, running a hand through his hair.
Sarah sat up and scooted closer to her brother, giving him a sad look.
"Darry, I don't think there's such a thing as a better day for Gram anymore," she said, frowning as something her grandmother had said came back to her. "Hey Dar?"
"Yeah honey?"
"What Gram said earlier ... about me and Soda," Sarah started, a lump of tears rapidly forming in her throat, "do you think ... do you think that it was really that bad? For Momma, I mean. Do you think that me and Soda arguing like we do - did - upset her as much as Gram says it did?"
"You can't listen to what Gram says," Darry said, feeling uncomfortable with the subject. He knew their mother hated it when he and his siblings didn't get along but he wasn't about to tell her that. He sighed when he heard footsteps up the porch. At least they were on time for their curfew.
Sarah nodded, but his answer didn't make her feel any better. Her grandmother's loose grip on reality didn't change things and she couldn't help but think that there had to be at least some truth to what she'd said. She heard her younger brothers' voices as they came closer to the door and she shot Darry a look.
"Darry, they don't have to go back there," she told him, giving a look that she hoped told him she was serious and that it wasn't up for discussion. "It ain't fair to make them have to go through that. It's bad enough for us to do it."
He looked at her for a second and then blew out a sigh. He wasn't going to argue with her, especially since she had a point. He didn't get a chance to say anything; before he could get another word out, Soda and Pony came through the front door, carrying on like the teenaged boys they had been before the accident.