This took me a long time to write and originally it was supposed to be a crossover, but my crossover's are usually read by only 2 people… maybe more, so I've changed the characters of this story to just Inuyasha characters, just for the interest of my readers… however few of you there are. Well, enjoy!
Disclaimers: I do not own Inuyasha
I do not own the song Hate Me Today
Hate Me Today
Inuyasha walked in and pressed 'Play' on his answering machine "Zero messages."
Inuyasha sighed. How long had it been since he last talked with Kikyo? In Inuyasha's opinion, it'd been way too long. Thoughts of Kikyo still lingered in his mind and it was almost impossible to keep them away.
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach, leaving babies in my bed
Nothing could keep him from thinking about her and the time they'd spent together. Memories rushed through his mind, making him feel emptier than he had the morning before; slowly, ever so slowly, Inuyasha was dying and he didn't even care. It meant nothing without Kikyo.
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
The thoughts kept coming and Inuyasha was powerless to stop them, his heart started racing and there was a burning inside his mind and all of it left him feeling so paralyzed; if only she'd just pick up the phone, how hard was it to talk to him?
All he wanted now was to hear her voice; he was desperate to hear her laughter, even when she cried she was beautiful. Inuyasha closed his eyes and tried once again to block it all out. "Ugh! I need to get out of here!"
He grabbed his jacket and turned towards the door and he froze. Standing there right at the door was Kikyo; the soft smile on her lips tugged at Inuyasha's heart, the setting sun behind her making her look even more glorious. She opened her arms and walked towards him to embrace him and then she disappeared.
Inuyasha sighed and threw on his jacket. The visions he had of her were so real sometimes and it hurt so much to see her. He remembered that day. 2 days before that Kikyo had left to go on a road trip with some of her closest friends, the plan had been for her to leave for 2 weeks, but the separation had driven them both crazy.
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want from you, will you never call again?
He pulled on his boots with remarkable speed; he had to get out of there! Inuyasha wished that while he was gone he could pick up some whiskey or some other type of strong drink, anything to drown out the memory… even for just a moment, but he wouldn't, there was no way he would ever touch the stuff again.
Within moments he was gone.
And will you never say that you love me, just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I who wanted space
Inuyasha walked with no distance in mind, in the hours that he'd been walking the rain stopped and the stars shined; twinkling with all their brilliance, oblivious to Inuyasha's inner struggles and wars. The stars didn't care, the only concern they had was to keep shining, to be distant dreams for young lovers. Fools he called them, didn't any of them know that those beautiful girls, the ones with the most beautiful eyes, and that special smile meant for only one person and a laugh filled with such goodness… those kind of girls!... they were only here to hurt you, to give you a glimpse of heaven and then disappear.
Hate me today! Hate me tomorrow!
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways! Yeah, ways hard to swallow!
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
Inuyasha practically ran to the club, threw open the door and grabbed a stool by the bar. The girl beside him looked startled and then smiled at him. "Well hello there stranger, I'm Kagome."
Kagome nudged Inuyasha with her elbow, gaining his attention. "Got a name, stranger?"
"What's it to you," Inuyasha gave her the once-over, "Kagome?"
Kagome shrugged. "Nothing, you just looked like you could use a friend right now."
Inuyasha looked past the counter at all the bottles of liquor that lined the wall. If only he could have just one then he'd never touch them again… just one.
I'm sober now for three whole months, its one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
Inuyasha sighed and then decided to have one night where his thoughts weren't consumed by Kikyo. He turned to Kagome and finally smiled. "My name is Inuyasha."
Kagome gave him her most beautiful smile. "Well there ya go, I knew you had a name Mr. Grumpy pants." Kagome laughed.
Inuyasha rolled his eyes and then finally smiled. He had to admit this Kagome girl was definitely interesting.
Hours later, Inuyasha and Kagome hadn't moved from their seats. They talked about everything in general and nothing in particular, laughing at the most stupid things and in the late hours of the night Inuyasha knew that if his heart not been broken he would've fallen head over heels for this girl, and yet the pain that Kikyo left behind was still there.
Inuyasha sat and cradled his chin in his palms, attention on Kagome, listening to her story and yet not really hearing a thing she was saying. Her beautiful blue eyes fading to brown, her luscious brown waves falling away to beautiful long strands of brown hair and before him sat Kikyo with her familiar little smirk. What are you doing Inuyasha? Trying to forget me?
Each word making the pain in his heart hurt that much more. I'm sorry Kikyo.
Inuyasha's mind was fighting a losing war against his heart.
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
Inuyasha was startled out of his thoughts by a hand being waved in front of his face. Kagome smiled "Hello Mr. Grumpy pants."
Inuyasha sighed. "Sorry Kagome, I was just thinking of some things. What were you saying?"
"It was nothing important, don't worry about it." Kagome grabbed the glass in front of her and downed the liquid in one gulp. When she looked up at him she smiled to herself a little, "You wanna go somewhere Inuyasha?"
Kikyo's voice mocked him in the back of his mind. Go ahead Inuyasha. Why don't you just sleep with her? Betray me.
Inuyasha shook his head to clear his thoughts and then he looked at Kagome and smiled. "That sounds like a really good idea Kagome, let's just go somewhere and get out of here."
Kagome smiled and stood up, "Okay then, let's go!" she grabbed his hand and practically dragged him to the exit.
As soon as they stepped into the cool night air, Kagome wrapped her arms around Inuyasha's neck and pulled him down for a kiss.
Inuyasha relaxed into the kiss and ran his fingers through Kagome's hair… and then he felt the pain in his heart magnify. You're hurting me so much and you don't even care. Kikyo's voice wept in his mind.
Inuyasha's thoughts led him down a path of suicide. If he was dead then he wouldn't be in so much pain anymore and he wouldn't ever hurt Kagome… or Kikyo.
You never doubted my warped opinion on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
Inuyasha never hated himself more than he did in that moment. He pulled Kagome closer and the passion that he gave her quickly turned to anger, and it wasn't until she whimpered in his hold that he finally became aware of the pain he was inflicting on her.
Inuyasha pulled away from Kagome and her kiss. "Kagome!" he gasped, "I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?"
Kagome gave him a small smile and nodded. He pulled her towards him and laid a soft kiss on her forehead. "I'm so sorry Kagome, I didn't mean to."
She hugged him. "It's okay Inuyasha, I know that you're heartbroken right now, I just thought that… I don't know what I thought," she sighed, "I'm such a stupid girl."
He looked into her eyes. "No, you're not, Kagome, you're beautiful and smart and funny and I don't deserve to know a girl like you."
Kagome smiled and laughed. "Okay, enough with all this serious stuff, you're too much of a downer Mr. Grumpy pants."
Inuyasha smiled. "You're right Kagome; let's just get out of here."
They got in Kagome's vehicle because Inuyasha left his at home and they drove all night.
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Inuyasha and Kagome ended up at Inuyasha's house that night. He opened the car door and grabbed both of Kagome's hands and kissed her knuckles making her blush. He then pulled her up and walked her inside his house. Once inside the two started kissing and hugging, desperate to get closer to each other.
Inuyasha picked up Kagome bridal style and carried her to his bedroom. He placed her on the bed softly and kissed her. He'd never wanted Kikyo the way he wanted Kagome that moment, but he wouldn't make love with her that night because it would be so unfair to give her so much love and then to snatch it away the next moment, so instead of making love to her like he wanted to, he lay beside her and kissed her more and whispered sweet-nothings in her ear.
Hate me today! Hate me tomorrow!
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways! Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
He told her of a future that they could've had together, the things they could've done and the places he would've loved to take her. He talked and talked until Kagome had tears in her eyes.
He kissed her and watched the tears stream down her face. In his heart he knew that this was goodbye, and he was glad that he met her. One night, that was all that was needed.
Inuyasha remembered his thoughts from the night before and realized that they were hardly thoughts of anger but more of a prayer to find love once more.
He closed his eyes and held her close.
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
"Stars~
The rain stops and the stars shine
Twinkling with all their brilliance
Oblivious to the inner struggles and wars of men
But they don't care
They only wish to keep shining
To be distant dreams for young lovers
Fools were the men who fell in love with stars
Stars with beautiful eyes
Stars with smiles full of light;
And hearts full with goodness
Here to give you a glimpse of heaven
And then disappear…"
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Til I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hands
She lay by him and she smiled for him because it was the only thing she could do for him. If he ever had a last wish, it would be for her to smile one more time for him.
Inuyasha opened his eyes to the woman that he loved and he closed his eyes and fell asleep. All the while Kagome just stared at him and stroked his beautiful hair. And somewhere in his sleep he died.
And then I fell down yelling. "Make it go away!"
Just make a smile, come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How could you do this to me?"
For hours Kagome lay by him, crying and finally she decided that she hated him… she hated him for making her want so much more, she hated him for leaving her, but most of all she hated him because in those short hours she loved him so damn much.
Hate me today… Hate me tomorrow…
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways… Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
November 21, 2009, 10:13 a.m.
Wow, this was really sad, I didn't expect it to be so sad, but I did get a lot of my inspiration from the American Top 40 with Ryan Seacrest, lol, that's funny, it was a good show though, a lot of good music.
This one-shot was hard to write though cause I could see the story going in so many different directions and I would start writing and I was like 'wait a minute, that's not gonna work… new plan!' lol, and this is the final draft.
Originally I had some of the roles reversed, like Kagome and Kikyo, they were supposed to play each other's character but the way it would've ended was Inuyasha being with Kikyo, and this is supposed to be a Inuyasha/Kagome story, so it didn't work.
As for my poem, it came from the darkest hours of the night, those sleepless hours of soul searching. Lol, jk! Honestly, I have no idea where it came from. When I write I try to see the story through the characters eyes to have a better understand of what I'm writing, it kind of makes it easier but at the same time it's harder because the character only lets you do so many things.
Anyways, enough of my blabbering… this probably won't ever be reviewed but oh well, as long as its read that's all that matters, so without further adieu, I will finally leave you to find much better stories! Lol
Smileybug